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Lyle Zapato

The Atlantic's AFDO

Lyle Zapato | 2015-10-17.7030 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control | Fashion

The new normal: the cover of the November, 2015 issue of The Atlantic features an Aluminum Foil Deflector Onesie (AFDO):

The image is for an article, titled "If You're Not Paranoid, You're Crazy", about life in our surveillance society.

Unfortunately, the editors of the normally orthonoiac magazine overlooked one of the most important parts of deflector shielding: camouflage. While you would certainly be safe from mind control in an AFDO, the Surveillance Machine would immediately notice your paranoid tendencies should to walk around in public like the cover model, and would quickly dispatch a van to abduct and render you to a black-site reprogramming facility.

As we awaken to a new Paranoid Age, when more and more realize that all is not as we have been told and even our own thoughts may lie to us, it is important that people aren't misled by dilettantes among the nouveau paranoïde -- or worse, agents of misinformation working for the forces of mind control -- into unsound paranoid practices that will expose them to capture or even total mental liquidation.

Always cover your beanie, onesie, or any other deflective shielding to avoid detection (search "kigurumi" for AFDO camo options -- thanks to the Japanese, wearing panda pajamas in public is now considered only mildly eccentric).

Remember: discretion is the better part of paranoia.

Lyle Zapato

Richmond Against Mind Control

Lyle Zapato | 2015-06-07.4290 LMT | Mind Control | Politics

Last month the City Council of Richmond, CA (about 50 miles southeast of Bohemian Grove) passed Resolution 51-15 in support of the Space Preservation Act and the Space Preservation Treaty (PDF of resolution).

The Space Preservation Act of 2001 (H.R.2977) was a bill originally introduced by then Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich in the US Congress. It called for a reaffirmation that "activities in space should be devoted to peaceful purposes for the benefit of all mankind" and a permanent ban on space-based weapons, including not only conventional missiles, but also:

land-based, sea-based, or space-based systems using radiation, electromagnetic, psychotronic, sonic, laser, or other energies directed at individual persons or targeted populations for the purpose of information war, mood management, or mind control of such persons or populations; [...] exotic weapons systems such as [...] chemtrails

The bill was not enacted into law (of course), but that can't stop paranoid-leaning local governments such as the Richmond City Council from passing resolutions in support of it. Unfortunately, being the first local government to take a stand against psychotronic and chemtrailular warfare has led to unintended consequences -- "Richmond police have been inundated with calls for help from people who feel under attack from space-based weaponry":

... the Police Department has been fielding calls from people throughout the world who feel targeted by anything from surveillance to mind control to insidious nanotechnology.

"We are getting numerous requests from individuals all over the country -- some even from other countries related to the Council's recent resolution," police Chief Chris Magnus said in a statement released by the mayor's office. "Richmond now seems to be known as the 'resource or helpers' for folks from many states with a myriad of mental health and other problems."

ATTN. FELLOW PARANOIDS: If your mental health is being negatively affected by space-based psychotronic weapons, or you are suffering other problems such as chemtrail-related infections, please do not contact the Richmond police. The city of Richmond does not have the resources to dismantle the influencing machines of the Global Forces of Mind Control on their own. Worse still, the over-enthusiastic response from the paranoid community is actually giving the Forces of Mind Control -- who even now are focusing their satellites on those Richmond officials in need of opinion correction -- a pretext to discredit the resolution's strong anti-mind-control stance. Until more city councils, township boards, home owners' associations, and other assorted local governing bodies join the resistance and are able to pool their resources, you should be discrete and protect yourself.

Lyle Zapato

1974 New Mexico Civil Liberties Union PSA

Lyle Zapato | 2014-08-11.8314 LMT | NWO | Mind Control

As the first generation of a technological society, we have been acted upon by forces of such power that few, if any, of us can understand: extensive information gathering on every American; human experiments with drugs and psycho-surgery; electronic surveillance; the era of the computer; invasion of privacy; growing government and corporate power over our lives; a people plagued by dehumanization, loneliness, and violence.

Dramatic? Perhaps. But we are losing control of our technology and our lives. Not so long ago, people in a similar situation did not awaken to the forces around them.

Are we so unwise as to do the same?


Lyle Zapato

Mandatory Weird Al: Foil

Lyle Zapato | 2014-07-16.4665 LMT | Entertainment | Aluminum | Food | NWO | Mind Control | Black Helicopters
Lyle Zapato

ZPi Glare: The Anti-Glass

Lyle Zapato | 2013-06-15.8810 LMT | Technology | Fashion | Mind Control

Diagram showing Glare features

Introducing ZPi Labs' newest innovation, Project Glare, the pro-privacy anti-Glass for paranoids and smarter orthonoids. Glare will protect users from NSA tracking by blocking facial-recognition software, while also jamming psychotronic mind-control with embedded MindGuard.


Lyle Zapato

Future Humanity: Plant-Like Monsters?

Lyle Zapato | 2012-06-06.7150 LMT | Retro | Nature | Kelviniana

Some European scientists have recently made the startling assertion that our stock of oxygen has been materially lessened within the last fifty years. Stripping of forests from thousands of square miles of country and the outpouring into the air of enormous volumes of carbonic gases are, perhaps, the two great causes of its diminution—for both of which civilization is responsible. When our oxygen is gone in considerable quantities and its place is taken by carbonic gases, what will become of mankind?

Man is very adaptable; his present form is only the result of this adaptation to changing conditions.

One may try to reconstruct man under such circumstances. It is probable that he would first sinks on all fours to breathe the oxygen still remaining near the earth's surface. His skin subjected to constant heat—for there would be little moisture in the air—would grow thick and bark-like. The pores of the skin, acted upon more and more to help in the breathing process, would enlarge enormously into octopus-like suckers. The ears would, perhaps, form a hood-like covering to the head; the nose become more and more like a tendril or the suckers which certain vigorous plants send forth. As man became more and more a crawling thing his legs would become useless and would probably form themselves into a long root-like appendage. Finally to protect himself, he would grow spines—just as the cactus did—and these would be the last form of hair that once covered his body.

Here Artist Kerr shows what his idea of plant-man would look like in that distant time. For if such changes ever did come about, it is not likely that they could occur for another million years at least.


Lyle Zapato

Will The Spider Inherit Our Earth?

Lyle Zapato | 2012-02-29.0156 LMT | Retro | Nature | Belgian Conspiracy

Yet more Sunday fun from Salt Lake Tribune. The March 30, 1913 issue brings us a horrible vision of our future:

Spider Emperor of Earth decides the fate of two puny humans brought before him in chains.
"Will life in the dim future be like this? Giant spiders ruling the world, and the pitiful remnants of mankind begging for life from their hideous conquerors?"


Lyle Zapato

The TRUTH About The Tree Octopus

Lyle Zapato | 2011-02-10.8908 LMT | Cephalopods | Sasquatch Issues | Technology

The Mainstream Media wants you to ignore the Internet and listen only to their lies. That's why they want you to believe absurdities like that tree octopuses don't exist or that Belgium does. And who is behind all this? Bill Gates and the moneyed pharmocrats. Judy101101 -- who apparently has melded with the Internet to become one continuous YouTube monologue -- explains:

Meanwhile, METAtropolis: CASCADIA continues to prove itself a prophetic work as Erin of Snarke pleads with the august body of Science to invent a tree octopus that she can have as a pet:

Rest assured, Erin, that ZPi's Sasquatch biotechnicians are hard at work reverse engineering the tree octopus genome so we can not only provide Sasquatch and the international hominoid market with ample, uninterrupted, ethically-neutral supplies of vat-grown tree-octopus meat, but also the Human market with the cutest, most telomere-stable tree-octopus clones science can abomineer. (Unfortunately we've had a few setbacks since Sasquatch hair keeps getting in the Petri dishes, contaminating the results, and our focus-grouping showed no market interest for howling, hairy tree-megapuses.)

Lyle Zapato

Cephalopods: An Order With A Future

Lyle Zapato | 2011-01-22.6770 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature

In his essay, "The Extinction of Man", from the collection Certain Personal Matters (1897), H. G. Wells contemplates the necessary transience of Humanity in the Earth's spotlight and who will replace us when our 15-millenia are up, noting that we would be doomed should the cephalopods make a concerted effort:

Then, again, the order of the Cephalopods, to which belong the cuttle-fish and the octopus (sacred to Victor Hugo), may be, for all we can say to the contrary, an order with a future. Their kindred, the Gastropods, have, in the case of the snail and slug, learnt the trick of air-breathing. And not improbably there are even now genera of this order that have escaped the naturalist, or even well-known genera whose possibilities in growth and dietary are still unknown. Suppose some day a specimen of a new species is caught off the coast of Kent. It excites remark at a Royal Society soirée, engenders a Science Note or so, " A Huge Octopus!" and in the next year or so three or four other specimens come to hand, and the thing becomes familiar. "Probably a new and larger variety of Octopus so-and-so, hitherto supposed to be tropical," says Professor Gargoyle, and thinks he has disposed of it. Then conceive some mysterious boating accidents and deaths while bathing. A large animal of this kind coming into a region of frequent wrecks might so easily acquire a preferential taste for human nutriment, just as the Colorado beetle acquired a new taste for the common potato and gave up its old food-plants some years ago. Then perhaps a school or pack or flock of Octopus gigas would be found busy picking the sailors off a stranded ship, and then in the course of a few score years it might begin to stroll up the beaches and batten on excursionists. Soon it would be a common feature of the watering-places -- possibly at last commoner than excursionists. Suppose such a creature were to appear -- and it is, we repeat, a possibility, if perhaps a remote one -- how could it be fought against? Something might be done by torpedoes; but, so far as our past knowledge goes, man has no means of seriously diminishing the numbers of any animal of the most rudimentary intelligence that made its fastness in the sea.

This passage was probably the inspiration for the "Umbrella Beasts" of Lester & Pratt's "The Octopus Cycle", especially since their nature-finds-a-way-via-killer-whales solution to Humanity's octopus problem seemed a bit cribbed from the ending of Wells' War of the Worlds.

As V. A. Firsoff speculated, land octopuses, especially those that adapt to the challenging environment of the trees -- as opposed to merely hanging around beaches, snacking on sunbathers as Wells imagines -- may indeed have a bright future, perhaps even taking their place among the spacefaring species of the Cosmos. If Wells is right about the danger of them supplanting us, it would be wise to stay in their good graces. Erecting monuments in their honor couldn't hurt.

Lyle Zapato

Don't Say You Weren't Warned

Lyle Zapato | 2009-03-05.8940 LMT | Random Found Thing

The world's only reliable newspaper, Weekly World News -- which Google Books now has online in its entirety -- has been warning you about the current economic crisis for over a decade:

Weekly World News, 1998-01-20