Zapato Productions

Comics With Problems -- a site dedicated to comic books tackling serious problems, usually poorly -- has uncovered an official US Army training comic from 2001 titled "Dignity & Respect: A Training Guide On Homosexual Conduct Policy". It's ostensibly about the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, but the back cover is where the true propagandistic purpose of the book is revealed:

The modern, diverse US military, made of men and women of all colors and creeds... and miniature Black Helicopters?!

By off-handedly inserting them into this display of soldier unity in diversity, the Army was clearly trying to normalize acceptance of miniature Black Helicopters among the ranks. Deviously, they put this at the end of an otherwise unrelated comic that stresses respecting the dignity of fellow soldiers, causing a subconscious transference of all the social-conformity training from that story onto the subject of Black Helicopters without having to acknowledge they were doing so -- which would have only caused soldiers to ask such existential questions as: Why are there small, nanobiotechnological lifeforms flying around the barracks demanding respect?

When introducing shocking new realities to the uninitiated, it's best to just put it out there and pretend like there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. Most people will be too embarrassed to admit they see something everyone else doesn't and will keep quiet. And for those few who do ask questions, it always helps to have "Just shut up and stop asking questions!" as an official, enforceable policy. Is PFC Choppy a miniature Black Helicopter or is he really just short, hyperactive, and not very talkative? Don't ask! Mind your own business and just respect him as a fellow soldier!

Even more troubling though is the lower part of the image which shows that miniaturization of Simulacra android technology is more advanced than previously thought. If those mesosoldiers were common in the Army nine years ago, how long until the NWO starts introducing microscopic Ken Schrams into our food supply?

Or have they already?!

Inspired by the Paradigm Shift Awareness Clock pictured on the ZPi Research Labs page, Bob Blick has created a pocket-sized version for on-the-go paradigm shifting. He has graciously sent me one of his two prototypes:

Unlike more complicated and expensive paradigm allagimeters you can buy from obscure dealers in esoteritronics, this one is simple enough that any budding revolutionary can use it to monitor their paradigm shifting prowess. Granted it won't let one know in advance of imminent paradigm shifts -- much less shift direction, velocity, or sociocultural mass -- but the point here is not precise paradigmology. As with my original, the point is to motivate shift-inducing activity by making one aware of the lack of them.

No instructions were included, but none were needed. Oscillating dots on the display show it's sensing* the dominant paradigm. If there's no shift within a day, the number will be advanced by one. Any detected shift will reset the number to zero. Simple and to the point.

While indeed pocket-sized, its square shape also makes it a wonderful desk clock for lazy pencil-pushing revolutioneers in need of motivation. I would make one recommendation for improvement, though: the addition of a mount for an optional wrist band can turn it into a stylishly functional Paradigm Shift Awareness Watch:

No word yet on whether Blick plans to bring this exciting product to market. If he does, I'm ordering one for every Sasquatch in my employ. They've been slacking off lately.

* I only briefly peeked inside the device, so I can't say exactly how it works. I assume its paradigm-sensing abilities are based on paradigm-resonant crystals of some sort. That's what I would use, anyway.

"Ocean Invasion #1: Octopus arborealus" by Daniel D. Brown.
(Posters available.)

Non-aquatic cephalopods are notoriously under-represented, if not completely absent, in the fossil record since they are mostly composed of soft-tissue and, unlike their aquatic counterparts, live in environments without a constant rain of fine sediment and ubiquitous muddy ground necessary for soft-tissue fossilization.

Given this explanation for a lack of fossil evidence, it cannot be ruled out that the scenario depicted above -- predation by giant octopuses newly colonizing an above-water world unprepared for their arrival -- is what really doomed the dinosaurs to extinction. Only those dinosaurs that were able to rise above the now-deadly trees -- birds -- survived the transition to a post-tree-octopus environment.

The Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Race is an annual event where Kinetinauts race amphibious, human-powered art-vehicles to victory and glory.

This year has a very special entrant (from the Spectator's Guide):

Veke Versa Boat is from the Jemicy School of Baltimore and is dedicated to providing habitat for the endangered, elusive, and apocryphal tree octopus.

(I'm assuming they were forced to add "apocryphal" in the guide description by the shadowy, anti-Cascadian forces pulling the strings of the race -- note the special Belgian waffle breakfast held on a balcony overseeing the opening ceremonies mentioned prominently in the guide and on the official site.)

Jemicy seems to have a cephalopod theme going this year, as their four other entries are named Squid Man, Kraken, Cabrena Octopus, & Calamari. All five are competing for an ACE award, the most challenging, rule-encumbered level of competition in the race.

No photos yet. I'll add some links in an update after the race. Good luck Team Jemicy.

UPDATE 2010-05-03: Jemicy's Veke Versa Boat won the Engineering award! Here's a photo of it without its head cropped off:

By the color and demeanor of the octopus, it looks as if they modeled it after Thujoctopus pilosa, not O. paxarbolis. Nevertheless, anything that raises awareness of arboreal cephalopods is certainly worthy of note.

This Aluminum Shielded Enclosure has all the amenities a modern paranoid would need. More photos below.

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Browning Porter has started a Posters For Haiti Fundraising Campaign, where he'll design a poster for your "concert, play, reading, clambake, shindig, hoedown, etc.", and donate 100% of his fee to Partners In Health for relief in Haiti.

He just emailed me his latest poster for a bluegrass band, Walker's Run. It uses two of my fonts (Submarine vs. Whale and Greensboro) and is a humorous homage to a WPA poster dissuading motorists from wanton bloodshed:

Check out more of his posters here.