The lure of the Monorail is so enticing that some of us wish to transcend mere ridership and become one with Monorailularity. Such was the case this morning on the Blue Train track of the Seattle Monorail, as reported in the Seattle P.I.:
Seattle's monorail was temporarily shut down Monday after a man was seen walking, and at times lying, on the track near Westlake Center, police reported.
Police negotiators were called to the scene. The man first was reported walking on the tracks about 10 a.m., police spokeswoman Renee Witt. And at about 10:19 a.m., the man apparently surrendered to police and firefighters who walked onto the rails to negotiate with him.
Witnesses said the man, who is deaf, took off chasing the train as it left Westlake Center. Police were able to coax him back to Westlake Center by negotiating him through sign language.
The man was unhurt, but transported to Harborview Medical Center for evaluation.
According to local television station King 5, it was "not immediately clear why the man jumped onto the tracks." Well, perhaps it was not clear to the banal minds of the MSM -- the Monorail Sabotaging Media, who were instrumental in the downfall of the Seattle Monorail Project through their treasonous campaign of disinformation against the Seattle Popular Monorail Authority -- but to those of us with the clarity of vision and basic Humanity to understand our species' Monorail Destiny, the man's motive was heart-achingly clear: he wanted to be a monorail train.
Much like when Primitive Man first looked up at the birds and wished that he too had wings, Sophisticated Man -- that is to say, Monorail Man (Homo unilongurius) -- now looks monorailward in longing. A desire for pure monorailism, unfettered by the locomotive limitations of the primordial meat-sticks that we call our limbs, is the defining dream of those who have obtained Monorail Consciousness; a dream to not just move with the Monorail -- seated passively, however luxurious the ride may be -- but to move as the Monorail, to be fully engaged in the motive will of monorailular movement. It is, in short, a dream to become the Monorail Train itself.
Often, I too dream of being a monorail train: to glide along that singular rail in the same whooshing efficiency; to know intimately the feeling of pulling into the loving embrace of a monorail station; to experience wholly the singularity of purpose, the surety of direction, that the Monorail embodies. I know that I am not alone in these yearnings; if you are capable of honest self-evaluation, you will gladly admit to them too. This desire is so powerful, so primal, that it even manifests in some subsentient species:
Man seems almost hopelessly imperfect when measured against the sublime perfection of the Monorail. It is therefore no wonder that we should strive against all reason to attain even the smallest modicum of that perfection, however beyond our reach it may seem. This is, ultimately, the true nature of the Monorail: it beckons us to go beyond our assumed limits, and then to go even further, and after that, yet further still! The Monorail takes us along a never-ending, never-diverting track forever accelerating toward transcension; our next stop: Eternity. Could God Himself be Monorailular? I think this is a Truth without serious objection. How else does one explain the truism: to lie naked on a monorail track is to experience a touch of the Divine?
So, I say to the unnamed man who today walked where monorail trains glide and laid down there dreaming of taking his place among them: Keep the dream alive! (Just please don't interrupt the monorail service again. I depend on it for all my travel.)