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Lyle Zapato

Pacific NorthWEIRD: Mima Mounds

Lyle Zapato | 2014-08-28.8310 LMT | Cascadia | Nature

There's a new webseries called Pacific NorthWEIRD "chronicling the strange, supernatural, and eccentric happenings of the Pacific Northwest". Their premier episode is about the mysterious Mima Mounds near Olympia, WA (map):

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Lyle Zapato

Oscar III, Mountain-Climbing Octopus

Lyle Zapato | 2011-05-28.8810 LMT | Cephalopods | Cascadia

Cascadia's beloved musician, businessman, and punny raconteur, Ivar Haglund, was well-known, both locally and internationally, for his publicity stunts promoting his aquarium and seafood restaurant. Here's a stunt I had not heard of before:

In 1947, Ivar organized an expedition to scale the newly discovered Mount Miller -- starting from the top! Mount Miller, you see, is underwater, part of the Gulf of Alaska Seamount Province. His expedition team consisted of one brave octopus, Oscar III, who was to be dropped from a boat over the seamount, attached to a two-mile line. Oscar's mission: bring back deep-sea edelweiss to prove he had scaled to the base.

From an April 4th United Press story (reprinted in The Portsmouth Times, p. 6):

OSCAR OCTOPUS TO TRY 'MOUNT'

Underwater 'Mountain' Subject Of Novel Trip

SEATTLE, April 4—A mountain-climbing octopus, Oscar III, and his trainer, Ivar Haglund, were en route today to "climb" the mountain-infested waters of the Alaskan gulf.

The 11,350-foot underwater "Mt." Miller was their destination.

Discovery of giant submarine peaks 900 miles northwest of Seattle by the U. S. coast and geodetic survey, is responsible for Mr. Haglund's latest stunt.

"Man still has not invented a diving suit to withstand the terrific pressures involved," said Mr. Haglund. So the actual climbing will be done by a "scientifically trained octopus".

According to the balding aquarium-owner, Oscar's greatest hazard in scaling Mt. Miller is that he must start from the top and "climb" down.

The incentive for Oscar—and proof that he reaches the base of Mt. Miller—will be his favorite dish, sea-edelweiss, which grows at great depths.

When the expedition glides over the peak of Mt. Miller Oscar will be dropped overboard leashed to a two-mile wire.

If he comes back with a sprig of sea-edelweiss clutched in any one of his arms—it's likely even Mr. Haglund will eat it.

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Lyle Zapato

The Tree Octopus - A Journey

Lyle Zapato | 2009-02-27.7530 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature

The Tree Octopus - A Journey is a short documentary by Steven Chen, Ashley Coburn, and Corey Doerscher following their trek into the Olympic National Forest along the Staircase Trail on a journey to find the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus. While they were unsuccessful in getting footage of the elusive creature (unlike other seekers), they did uncover some greater truths about man's relationship with tree octopuses, as well as getting some great shots of its damp native habitat.

In lieu of live footage, the real substance of the film comes from an interview with Park Ranger David Scherer, who has dedicated the better part of the last five years to researching tree octopuses. You can hear his passion as he talks about their rich hues and the luster of their tentacles, and how they are a bright light leading him out of the darkness that he, as a park ranger, harbors and into a place of healing.

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The Typing Octopus

Cephalopod Appreciation Society Annual Meeting

The Typing Octopus | 2008-08-01.8830 LMT | Cephalopods | Cascadia | Announcement

Typing Octopus find human communication on Hominoidnet kiosk: think ZPi humans will appreciate:

* * CEPHALOPODS = Octopus, Squid, Cuttlefish, Chambered Nautilus. * *

Hello Cephalopod friends new and old --

We are pleased to announce the 6th annual Cephalopod Appreciation Society meeting on the afternoon of Sunday, August 10th at our favorite location -- the Northwest Film Forum (1515 12th Ave - off Pine St. on Capitol Hill - Seattle, WA).

We'll kick everything off at 12:30 pm with:

  • Cephalopod-Inspired Music (including original Colossal Squid songs by longtime CAS member Levi Fuller),
  • Underwater Filmstrip Mash-Up + Poetry (Sierra Nelson of the Vis-a-Vis Society & Jarid del Deo of Unbunny),
  • Updates on the latest Scientific Cephalopod Research from Seattle Aquarium's own cephalopod expert Roland Anderson,
  • and more!

And ending with a screening of a cephalopod nature documentary (TBA) to improve our understanding and watch the amazing creatures in action!

The Details:
Sunday, Aug. 10th
12:30 - 2:30 pm
@ Northwest Film Forum
1515 12th Ave / Seattle, WA
All ages!
$5 suggested donation
Free stickers!

Hope to see you there!

Your friend in arms & tentacles,
squid girl

Contact: songsforsquid@hotmail.com

ABOUT THE SOCIETY:
Currently in its 6th year, the Cephalopod Appreciation Society has been meeting annually at the NW Film Forum to learn about and celebrate all things cephalopod. (Cephalopods = Squid, Octopus, Cuttlefish, Chambered Nautilus.) Members are all ages and consist of artists, scientists, and people of every sort brought together by their shared enthusiasm for and fascination by these intelligent creatures. Past annual gatherings have included film, poetry, song, art, musical slideshows, sing-alongs, dance, stickers, scientific lectures and impassioned speeches. In addition to its annual meeting, the Cephalopod Appreciation Society has also curated a wide variety of cephalopod-inspired events for venues such as the Burke Natural History Museum's In Search of Giant Squid exhibit, the McLeod Residence in conjunction with artist Cassandra Nguyen's life-size giant squid display, and Bonkers night at Re-Bar.

Humans appreciate octopus: Humans also appreciate stupid squid, needy cuttlefish, haughty nautilus: Humans have no discernment.

Regardless: Typing Octopus desire to start Primate Appreciation Society. However: Typing Octopus have discernment: only appreciate gibbons. Gibbons share tree appreciation with Typing Octopus: Typing Octopus think gibbons, tree octopus become friends.

Proposal: gibbons, tree octopus compete at quadannual event testing arboreal locomotion skill. Event held in tree octopus native forest: event called: The Olympic Forest Tentaculation/Brachiation Competition Event For Tree Octopus/Gibbon Friendship.

If gibbons appreciate proposal: turn fur purple with white spots.

Typing Octopus await reply.

Lyle Zapato

Emperor Norton's Grave

Lyle Zapato | 2008-06-28.2780 LMT | Bohemian Grove Cabal | NWO

In my previous post on the tragic fall of Emperor Norton I, I recounted how Norton had his rightful empire taken from him and perverted by what became the Bohemian Grove Cabal. Yesterday, travel site Roadside America posted a visitor tip for the grave of Emperor Norton. The included photo provides shocking new evidence of the Cabal's crimes, arrogantly left for all to see:

Emperor Norton's Grave
(Photo detail enhanced using advanced ZPi
Conspiracy-Zooming-and-Insetting technology.)

There's an owl statue next to his grave!

As you recall, the owl is the symbol/mascot of the Cabal, before an effigy of which they perform their secret, bon-fire-lit, robe-shrouded, possibly-human-sacrificey rites:

'Cremation of Care' ritual

That an owl statue sits next to the grave of the man from whom the Cabal usurped an empire -- undoubtedly placed by the same agents of the Cabal who had him reinterred (ostensibly) at that cemetery in 1934 -- is more than a sick joke, it's a warning: "We've turned emperors into paupers! Don't cross us."

Moreover, it's also a sign that the Cabal is still watching. The statue almost certainly contains recording devices to document the visitation of loyal Nortonians who have not yet accepted the Emperor's removal from power and bowed before the Cabal's New World Order, used to target individuals for reeducation and/or immolation. Any pilgrims planning to visit the grave should take extra caution lest they find themselves the "guest of honor" at a Cremation of Care ritual. (Unlike Roadside America, we here at ZPi don't send our readers willy-nilly to their dooms.)

UPDATE: For those still unsure of the Cabal's reach:


Overhead view of the US Capitol Building.
Note the owl image formed by the streets.

President Bush holding an owl.
Current usurper of Norton's legacy.

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: THE MSM BIAS IS WORKING!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2008-04-20.2965 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Weyerhaeuser Conspiracy | Cascadia | General Paranoia

I have often howled here about the ANTI-HOMINOID BIAS that is RAMPANT in the MSM (MINISCULE SAPIENS MEDIA!!!) Now a Human psychology professor called "LOU MANZA" has shown that it is HAVING AN EFFECT ON HUMANS:

Reading the newspaper is probably making you smart, says a psychology professor who found newspaper readers are among the people least likely to believe in Bigfoot and in Ouija boards.

Ignoring the absurd LIE that SASQUATCH DENIALISTS are "SMART" -- and also the OBVIOUS FACT that "LOU MANZA" is a PSEUDONYM that sounds like "HUMANS ARE" in broken Human-squeak... CLEARLY a SUBLIMINAL ATTEMPT to emphasize Human existence in comparison to our supposed non-existence! -- this does raise a question:

Why is it that Humans who read NEWSPAPERS -- which, if you recall, are pieces of THIN WOOD with HUMAN SQUIGGLES on them -- are more likely to become SASQUATCH DENIALISTS!?! The most OBVIOUS answer is that NEWSPAPERS HAVE LONG HAD MORE ANTI-SASQUATCH SQUEAKINGS than other Human media! But, WHY IS THIS SO!?!

CONSIDER THIS: NEWSPAPERS are made from TREES taken from OUR FORESTS against OUR WILL!!! And who is making OUR TREES into NEWSPAPER!?! THE WEYERHAEUSER COMPANY!!!

THAT'S RIGHT, this DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN is part of the ongoing WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY to STEAL all Hominoid forests! By acting in COLLUSION with NEWSPAPERS through the MILLING/PUBLISHING COMPLEX to spread ANTI-HOMINOID PROPAGANDA, the WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY hopes to convince the Human population that we don't exist so there will be no Human outsqueak when WEYERHAEUSER EVICTS US FROM OUR HOMES!!!

FRIEDRICH WEYERHÄUSER
WEYERHÄUSER, POORLY IMITATING A SASQUATCH!!!

AS YOU MAY KNOW, the WEYER­HAEUSER CONSPIRACY was started in 1900 H.C. by TIMBER MOGUL FRIED­RICH WEYERHÄUSER -- BLOOD ENEMY TO ALL SASQUATCH!!! -- who FALSELY BARTERED for 900,000 ACRES of Sasquatch forests from some Human who had NO TERRITORIAL MARKINGS on them! Ever since then, the WEYERHAEUSER FAMILY, who still tightly control the company, have CONSPIRED to acquire as many Hominoid forests around the world as possible with the intent of CHOPPING THEM ALL DOWN FOR NEWSPAPERS AND HUMAN NESTINGS!!! And where will we Hominoids nest?! THEY DON'T CARE!!!

There are THEORIES as to why WEYERHÄUSER started his CONSPIRACY: some howl it was GREED for barter goods, others that he had a DEEP-SEATED FEAR of the CONFINED SPACE OF FORESTS, but the real reason is FRIED­RICH WEYERHÄUSER WAS JEALOUS OF SASQUATCH STATURE AND LIFESTYLE and that drove him to STEAL FROM US WHAT IS OURS to get back at us for his FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY!!!

LAST WEEK, I, along with other Sasquatch activists and some sympathetic Humans, protested outside WEYER­HAEUSER HEADQUARTERS during a meeting of their elders, yet NEWSPAPERS ONLY REPORTED ON THE HUMAN PROTESTERS!!! Why no mention of us!? They can't claim they didn't SEE US or hear our HOWLING or notice our STOMPING ON THEIR FLOWERPOTS!!! This proves that WEYERHAEUSER CONTROLS THE NEWSPAPERS!!!

BUT THAT IS NOT THE WORST OF IT!!! While at the protest I made a SHOCKING DISCOVERY: A few steps away from their HQ, next to RACKS OF WEYERHAEUSER PROPAGANDA in an area they call their "BONSAI COLLECTION", is a SECRET WEYERHAEUSER TREE MINIATURIZATION LAB!!!


NOTE CONES ABOVE TREES EMITTING WHAT CAN ONLY BE "SHRINK RAYS"!!!
(Photo taken for me by LYLE on undercover reconnaissance!)

Not content to merely steal our forests and drive us out, the WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY is plotting to SHRINK ALL TREES DOWN TO SUB-HUMAN SIZES, presumably so the secretive members of the WEYERHAEUSER FAMILY can walk among them and pretend they are BIGGER THAN US, thus fulfilling FRIED­RICH WEYERHÄUSER'S dream of OUT SASQUATCHING SASQUATCH!!!

But then you OH-SO-SMART NEWSPAPER READERS will never read about THAT, will you!? OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!!!

Lyle Zapato

Sasquatch Exhibit Trip

Lyle Zapato | 2007-10-07.3300 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia | Weyerhaeuser Conspiracy
Lyle Zapato

Mighty Cascadia Rumbles

Lyle Zapato | 2005-03-08.9250 LMT | Cascadia

Mount St. Helens has erupted again. Don't worry, you'll be hearing more than you care to know about it soon enough. When you're watching the live coverage on the news tomorrow with the reporter standing in front of the mountain, you may wonder what it looks like behind the scenes. For a taste, here's a panorama I took of the Media Circus that followed the minor burp last October:

Media Circus Panorama Thumbnail
Photo taken October 4, 2004. (Click to enlarge.)

It's kind of hard to see in the scaled down version, but there was a reporter doing a shoot at the time. Here's a close up:

Reporter

Anyway, the Media was segregated in a lot a few miles away from Coldwater Ridge Visitor Center (the closest, then-open facility to the mountain,) so they wouldn't pester the Normals. A few Media People did manage to escape the paddock and sneak their way to the visitor center though, as I was approached there by a roving reporter from some Canadian radio network soliciting human interest soundbites with a tape recorder. He seemed slightly disappointed when I declined to comment, but luckily the person next to me was chomping at the bit to tell Canadians all about his life-long love of volcanology.

Given the larger scale of the newest eruption, the Media Circus will probably be much larger this time. Then again, since it was only five months since the Media last visited, and especially since nothing blew up when they were there, the novelty may still be worn off. We'll see.