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Lyle Zapato

Undeniable Facts

Lyle Zapato | 2006-10-07.9100 LMT
Something to ruminate on: Ever wonder why a cow has four stomachs? Well, two of those are used to make the cow's familiar "moo" noise. What's more, mooing is entirely involuntary and is simply a part of the cow's digestive process.

If daily fun facts from Factropolis aren't enough for you, let internationally recognized intellectual Dan Serena tell you some undeniable ones, including the TRUTH about ancient Egyptians, what's living in your eyes, and a traditional Japanese method to create the illusion of a cat being teleported using only a clever arrangement of mirrors!

Lyle Zapato

Physiognomics As She Is Spoke

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-25.7000 LMT | Random Found Thing | Retro
George Morland
Aquasorbitiveness large.
George Morland, a talented painter, who died as he had lived, a great drunkard.

The 1871 book A New Physiognomical Chart by Joseph Simms, M.D. presents an original physiognomic classification system based on over 100 faculties -- such as characterioscopicity, computationumericality, and physiœlpidicity -- discernable by a combination of body types and facial features.

Each faculty is given an entry that includes a descriptive physiognomic characteristic; a grading scale from 1 to 12; methods to increase or decrease ones grade, should one choose; and illustrations of individuals who exemplify the faculty, positively or negatively.

While some of the faculty names are still in usage (e.g. "ambitiousness" and "credulousness" -- which Simms conveniently considers a faculty worthy of promotion), most are all but lost to the Internet (The Phrontistery doesn't even have a list!)

So, for the sake of huntatative types who wish to expand their linguastiveness, find grist for their salitive mill, or are just trying to tell their temporinaturalitiveness from their temporimechanicality, here's a glossary of select physiognomic faculties (those with high degrees of both amicitiveness and ordinimentality, please feel free to add these words to Wiktionary to edify future generations of physiognomicists):


Lyle Zapato


Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-25.6320 LMT
Fun Fact: There really was an "Old MacDonald." Tragically, the subject of the childrens' song killed his wife and then himself in a 19th century murder/suicide.

Learn a new fun fact just like this everyday at Factropolis, the obscure trivia authority -- soon premiering as a gameshow on the CW Network!

Lyle Zapato


Lyle Zapato | 2005-09-12.2100 LMT | Letters | Art

A loyal reader writes in with a link and suggestion:

I am not sure this is up your alley, but as a long-time fan of you and your website (I even bought the book), and also of the website mentioned below, I thought I'd send you the following address: www.oedilf.com. Ostensibly, it has nothing to do with the NWO, but then again, who can ever be certain?

Again, I don't know that limerick-writing is your thing, but for a man of your talents, I would not be surprised. Anyways, you can at least write one about AFDBs or black helicopters, to raise consciousness about these matters. (If it is rejected, we'll know for sure that the site is just another devious attempt by the NWO at controlling peoples' language, and hence, their minds.)


The site he links to is The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form, which, as the name implies, has limericks for every word submitted by people with too much time on their hands. Exactly my sort of thing!

Here's one I just wrote to raise consciousness about the importance of beanie camouflage:

Aluminum makes a nice hat;
All paranoids will tell you that.
But what most don't know
Is the shine will show
Up on the CIA's landsat.

Since there's a minor limerick war over the spelling of the name of lucky atomic element 13, here's a more historical take:

Sir Davy coined "alumium",
Then said it was "aluminum".
"The end's improper!
(Rather 'twere 'copper'...)
Hell! Call it 'aluminium'!"

I'll submit them and we'll see just how far the NWO's language control goes...

Update: I've been informed by Hollander that those two limericks just won't do. Here's a correction of the first using some suggestions of his:

Aluminum makes a nice hat.
All paranoids will tell you that.
But what most do not know
Is reflections will show
On the CIA's evil landsat.

The second one was a complete disaster, so I redid it:

"Alumium" Davy first picks,
Then thinks that "aluminum" clicks.
"But the end don't agree
With my K and Mg!
I hope 'aluminium' sticks."

Lyle Zapato

Zaxon and Electrostatic Discharge Dangers

Lyle Zapato | 2005-01-10.9990 LMT | Paraterrestrials | Technology

Two sites not at all connected for your consideration:

"My Name Is Phil"
Can you keep a secret? Phil has lots of research on paraterrestrial transmissions, a map of portals, breaking news reports, a solution to the global energy crisis involving tree sap, and anecdotes and wisdom from his medieval alien friend Zaxon. He also has his own songs and music videos for download. Do check him out when you tire of monorails and Sasquatch.
The ESD Journal
Do you gas up your car wearing nothing but a fuzzy sweater and socks, all the while talking on your cellphone? Then it's vitally important you read the ESD Journal before you die in an explosion. Includes lots of links to ESD research and anti-static devices.

The ESD Journal also links to information on lipoatrophia semicircularis (LS), a medical disorder that could become the carpal tunnel syndrome of the 21st century. LS mainly afflicts computer-using office workers and consists of a semicircular zone of atrophy of the subcutaneous fatty tissue located mostly on the upper thighs. They hypothesize that it is caused by electrostatic discharge from contact with the undersides of metal desks. Fortunately LS seems to be reversible and 95% of retired employees have no more lesions after a year. While their hypothesis is compelling, I am somewhat troubled by the fact that LS is mainly reported in so-called "Belgians". Perhaps the condition is really the result of the cramped quarters inside Belgian Citizen Pods.