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Tha Stinkin' Pirate


Tha Stinkin' Pirate | 2006-07-01.7030 LMT | Piratical Yarrings | Simulacra | Random Found Thing

Ferget tha scurvy, Depp'd Pirates o' tha Carrribbean ride, now ye can git yer own pirobotical shipmate...

(I pirated tha video off ah site I discover'd whilst searchin' tha eBay fer booty, but I've lost me map ta tha pirobotmonger's whereabouts. I'm plannin' ta replace me whole crew wit audioanimatrrronics, so if ye be knowin' tha site's bearins', I'd be much obliged.)

Tha Stinkin' Pirate


Tha Stinkin' Pirate | 2006-03-14.5520 LMT | Piratical Yarrings | Technology

Arrr ye Jonesin' t'be Cap'n Nemo? Now fer ah scanty three million doubloons ye can have yer own Nautilus!

Exomos Nautilus

Aye, she be ah bonny submarrrine what can hold ah crew o'ten an' dive sixteen fathoms inta tha briny deep. Good fer takin' pirate tourists t'see Davy Jones' Locker wit ther own deadlights. She also be functionally piratical, as 'er mizzenteeth can slice open ah Gap freighter's hull an' release tha precious booty o' cargo pants wit'out ther crew bein' none tha wiser -- so ye can write'er off'a yer taxes as ah business expense! ARRR!!

Tha Nautilus' maker be Exomos, who be also makin' underwater warships. Aye, Exomos be sellin' arms ta both tha military an' tha militant pacifists -- scallywags after me own heart, arr!

It be no coincidence that ther port o' call be in Dubai -- better known as tha Pirate Coast! Land o' loot, rum, an' animatronic dinosarrrs! Tis ah pity tha landlubbers turn'd it inta Trucial an' put monorails all o'er tha place. Nothin' makes an ol' salt scupper 'is eyes as ta see pirates ridin' 'round ah track. Reminds me o' Disneyland -- sends shivers up me timbers, arr...

Never ye mind! I've ah submarrrine ta purchase! Where'd I bury me booty...?

Tha Stinkin' Pirate

New Threat To Pirates

Tha Stinkin' Pirate | 2004-08-20.1000 LMT | Piratical Yarrings | Technology

Avast me hearties! Thar be ah new threat ta tha piratical life devised by ah ruddy crew of Dutch blaggards, an anti-pirate system called Secure-Ship. It be comprised o' ah series o' yardarms emanatin' from tha gunwale what carry metallic lines stowin' 9,000 volts o' 'lectricity, an' makes boardin' ah ship like tryin' ta wrestle 'lectric eels. Yer Jacob's ladder'll take on ah whole 'nother meanin' should ye lay yer daddles on this infernal riggin'! Many ah seadog o' mine has been scuppered whilst tryin' ta crib cargo pants from Gap freighters thus fitted. Be ye warned!