ZPi Logo "Serving the Paranoid
since 1997"
The Monorailist

The Folly Of The Aircraft Carrier Bridge

The Monorailist | 2015-07-25.8528 LMT | Monorail Danger | Cascadia

Once again, people around the world are transfixed by an absurd new idea from the myopic overseers of Puget Sound transportation. This time it's a plan to build a bridge out of aircraft carriers -- a bridge for carrying automobiles, of course.

You fools! You unelevated fools!

In April of this year, Two-Thousand and Fifteen of our Common Era -- fifteen years too far into what should have been our promised Future -- State Rep. Jesse Young (R-Automobilist) proposed squandering $90,000 of the transportation budget to study the feasibility of shackling together Bremerton and Port Orchard with decommissioned carriers.

The above satellite photo mock-up shows the proposed "Military Tribute" bridge anchored in the north at the interchange of State Automobile Routes 3 and 304 and lolling lackadaisically south-by-southeast across the Sinclair Inlet to Ross Point to spew motorists onto SAR 166. To fully span the roughly 3700 ft. gap would require three US Navy supercarriers (some of the desired carriers can be seen in dock at the Naval Shipyard in the upper right), although Rep. Young prefers two and his proposal allows the incorporation of as few as one. Even in their boldest steps, Automobilists travel with timidity!

Many have already criticized the folly of such a plan: its economic questionability, the unavailability of the carriers, numerous structural and environmental issues. The most fundamental flaw, however, is its pointlessness; not only does it merely perpetuate the continued Malaise of Automobility, but there is already a road between those two places!

Tellingly, the illustration being passed around the media, both social and mainstream, by automobile apologists (see: Daily Mail, et al.) is deceptively cropped to hide the end of Sinclair Inlet, giving the impression that the bridge would allow access between two otherwise unreachable points, thus serving some purpose beyond base vanity. In fact, as my uncropped illustration clearly shows, this bridge would only shave off less than 4 miles from a commute between Bremerton and Port Orchard (the bypassed route is about 4.5 miles and the bridge would be about three-quarters of a mile, including the necessary ramps to reach the deck height).

In all the talk about the impracticality of the scheme, what hasn't been much discussed is the impact this looming car-carrier would have on the area. Rep. Young claims tourism from the bridge will boost the local economy, but there's no reason tourists couldn't be allowed to simply visit the carriers while docked, much as they already can the destroyer USS Turner Joy. Is the privilege of paying a toll to drive on them for less than a minute really that much of a tourism draw?

Regardless of what meager tourist dollars the bridge may raise for the cities it imposes upon, one thing is certain: The Aircraft Carrier Bridge would bring economic ruin to Gorst!

Gorst! Listless Gorst! Haphazardly (with an emphasis on hazard) formed from the confusing confluence of automobile routes, addled motorists jockeying for lanes as they careen railless around a high-speed u-turn past Gorst's few businesses that eke an existence by pandering to the Autocracy. A bridge that would bypass Gorst -- while bringing relief from the dangerous slew of automobiles -- would take away what little economic activity came from those drivers who misjudged the trajectory and escaped orbit into some auto dealership or crash-landed into a drive-thru bikini barista.

Like an addict who uses not for pleasure but to avoid the pain of withdrawal, how could Gorst go on without its bottleneck? But could this sad state of affairs actually be an opportunity for a New Beginning? Even Automobilists think something must change at Gorst, if only someone could cut the Gorstian knot of traffic.

I have an audacious plan to do just that, one that will uplift Gorst so that not only may it stand on its own, free of the Tyranny of the Tire, but be transformed into a Beacon of Civilization in a smog-enshrouded wilderness:

We must transform Gorst into the premier Regional Monorail Hub!

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Richmond Against Mind Control

Lyle Zapato | 2015-06-07.4290 LMT | Mind Control | General Paranoia

Last month the City Council of Richmond, CA (about 50 miles southeast of Bohemian Grove) passed Resolution 51-15 in support of the Space Preservation Act and the Space Preservation Treaty (PDF of resolution).

The Space Preservation Act of 2001 (H.R.2977) was a bill originally introduced by then Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich in the US Congress. It called for a reaffirmation that "activities in space should be devoted to peaceful purposes for the benefit of all mankind" and a permanent ban on space-based weapons, including not only conventional missiles, but also:

land-based, sea-based, or space-based systems using radiation, electromagnetic, psychotronic, sonic, laser, or other energies directed at individual persons or targeted populations for the purpose of information war, mood management, or mind control of such persons or populations; [...] exotic weapons systems such as [...] chemtrails

The bill was not enacted into law (of course), but that can't stop paranoid-leaning local governments such as the Richmond City Council from passing resolutions in support of it. Unfortunately, being the first local government to take a stand against psychotronic and chemtrailular warfare has led to unintended consequences -- "Richmond police have been inundated with calls for help from people who feel under attack from space-based weaponry":

... the Police Department has been fielding calls from people throughout the world who feel targeted by anything from surveillance to mind control to insidious nanotechnology.

"We are getting numerous requests from individuals all over the country -- some even from other countries related to the Council's recent resolution," police Chief Chris Magnus said in a statement released by the mayor's office. "Richmond now seems to be known as the 'resource or helpers' for folks from many states with a myriad of mental health and other problems."

ATTN. FELLOW PARANOIDS: If your mental health is being negatively affected by space-based psychotronic weapons, or you are suffering other problems such as chemtrail-related infections, please do not contact the Richmond police. The city of Richmond does not have the resources to dismantle the influencing machines of the Global Forces of Mind Control on their own. Worse still, the over-enthusiastic response from the paranoid community is actually giving the Forces of Mind Control -- who even now are focusing their satellites on those Richmond officials in need of opinion correction -- a pretext to discredit the resolution's strong anti-mind-control stance. Until more city councils, township boards, home owners' associations, and other assorted local governing bodies join the resistance and are able to pool their resources, you should be discrete and protect yourself.

Lyle Zapato

Woodrow Wilson In The Clamp Of A Yeti

Lyle Zapato | 2015-01-01.0000 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Simulacra | Retro

Happy New Year! Here's US President Woodrow Wilson being delimbed by a Yeti with the help of a knight monster (representing the Cotton Trust and the Steel Trust, respectively), by Rudolf Herrmann, from a cover of Die Muskete (1916-03-30), an Austrian humor weekly.

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Tim Murray Exposes The Simulacra Conspiracy

Lyle Zapato | 2014-06-27.7770 LMT | Simulacra

Timothy Murray
Timothy Murray: Oklahoma primary candidate & brave Simulacra whistleblower.

Timothy Ray Murray, who on Tuesday allegedly "lost" the Oklahoma 3rd Congressional district Republican primary to supposed incumbent US Representative Frank Lucas, is now threatening to break the set of political theater by exposing the conspiracy at the heart of modern government: most politicians are actually android replacements known as Simulacra.

In a statement to the press on his campaign site, Murray contests the validity of the votes for "Rep. Lucas" since the real Lucas has been dead since his 2011 execution by hanging in Ukraine and was subsequently replaced with a look-alike robot:

News Person,

The election for U.S. House for Oklahoma’s 3rd District will be contested by the Candidate, Timothy Ray Murray. I will be stating that his votes are switched with Rep. Lucas votes, because it is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike. Rep. Lucas’ look alike was depicted as sentenced on a white stage in southern Ukraine on or about Jan. 11, 2011.

The conspiracy is larger than just Lucas' replacement; other US Congress members were also executed and replaced, or are involved in the conspiracy through their silence:

Rep. Frank Lucas (R-OK)
Rep. "Frank Lucas" (R-OK): not human.

Rep. Frank Lucas, and a few other Oklahoma and other States’ Congressional Members were depicted as being executed by The World Court on or about Jan. 11, 2011 in Southern Ukraine. On television they were depicted as being executed by the hanging about the neck until death on a white stage and in front of witnesses. Other now current Members of Congress have shared those facts on television also. We know that it is possible to use look alike artificial or manmade replacements, however Rep. Lucas was not eligible to serve as a Congressional Member after that time.

Murray makes clear that these are robotic A.I. replacements, not mere actors, and that he wants no part in this:

I will NEVER use Artificial Intelligence look alike to voice what The Representative’s Office is doing nor own a robot look alike. The World knows the truth, and We must always share the truth.

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #9

Lyle Zapato | 2013-06-06.1268 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art
Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #8

Lyle Zapato | 2010-10-21.5245 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art
Lyle Zapato

Pre-Decision 2010

Lyle Zapato | 2010-07-30.6418 LMT | Cascadia | NWO

Once again the citizens of Washington Prefecture, Republic of Cascadia, are forced by Federalist occupiers to vote in a primary election to decide who will be the contenders for US Senator in their general election. In 2006, ZPi endorsed two candidates as most representative of the paranoid ethic from their respective parties and thus most likely to break the stranglehold of orthonoia that allows the New World Order to enslave society.

This year, those same two candidates are running, so we at ZPi are again endorsing them.

Note that our old friend Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson -- who replied to my request for his position on monorails with a short story and poem -- has now changed his name to just Goodspaceguy. He's also apparently become a collective entity on Google. Chovil is still the lone candidate speaking out against the New World Order and his hat provides excellent beanie camouflage.

Here are their entries from the official Voter's Pamphlet:

Goodspaceguy

(Prefers Democratic Party)

Elected Experience:
Ten times, voters rejected Goodspaceguy's economic program!

Other Professional Experience:
Owner.

Education:
Educated in America, Sweden, and Germany, Goodspaceguy experienced international living. Goodspaceguy earned two university degrees (bachelor followed by master)with important minors in economics. Nonsmoking, nondrinking, prosperous, healthy Goodspaceguy (Minnesota born) is a life-long student of knowledge, such as economics, individual liberty, ownership, repairing, rejuvenation, space colonization.... As an amateur astronomer, Goodspaceguy sees the big picture. Goodspaceguy loves beautiful stars in the sky and in the movies. The people of Spaceship Earth are his family.

Community Service:
Eleven times a candidate, promoting improvements, Goodspaceguy advocates upward movement in technology, rejuvenation, and worker wealth-building.

Statement:
Dear fellow sheeple, you are the fl im-fl ammed, manipulated power base. Please think of your Earth as a beautiful spaceship, traveling around your Sun in your solar system. Please think of yourselves as crewmembers, helping to operate and improve Spaceship Earth (for even the homeless.)

It is your destiny to start the orbital space colonization of your solar system. You have already spent the money! Consequently you should already have more than 200 habitats orbiting your Earth, Moon, Sun, and Mars. But you don't! Why? Because your wasteful leaders have not studied orbital space colonization. Instead, yearly, they routinely waste billions and billions of your dollars.

As a student of economics, I, Goodspaceguy, also want you to raise your wealth by increasing the profi ts and incentives that create jobs for everyone willing to work. The true unemployment rate reveals the degree of sabotage of your economy by your wasteful leaders. We are working way beneath our production-possibility curve! Let's unsabotage our economy and build a higher worker living standard. Vote for the small spenders. Defend the functioning of the competitive, free market. Please, defend the profi ts and other incentives that create our free market jobs.

To help unsabotage your economy and to increase employment for people with problems, please abolish your beloved, but evil minimum wage. Get both Washingtons out of their high-cost, low-profit, job-destroying straightjackets.

Also to unsabotage the economy, please increase the incentive for wealthy people to move to Washington State, bringing their headquarters here. Make if profi table to grow jobs in Washington State, a job-wealth-growing state of a job/wealth partnership.

If you google goodspaceguy, you'll find me and talented people who claim to be me: Goodspaceguy. Increase jobs by making employers profitable. Defend wealth building and the homeless.

For More Information:
(206) 601-8172
goodspaceguy@yahoo.com
www.colonizespace.blogspot.com

William Edward Chovil

(Prefers Republican Party)

Elected Experience:
No information submitted

Other Professional Experience:
Caregiver & defender of our Republic.

Education:
I have a Bachelor of Arts degree, and a Bachelor of Education Degree.

Community Service:
The Republican National Committee, the National Center for Constitutional Studies, the National Rifle Association-life member, the Gun Owners of America-life member, the Washington Arms Collectors, The National Association of Letter Carriers, the Service Employees International Union, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - Tacoma, Stadium Ward.

Statement:
What kind of America do Americans want? The one our founders planned for us? The one America's anti-founders are giving us now?

I am pro-life, pro-liberty, pro-gun, pro-audacity, pro-Sarah Palin, and John Gault, Pro-charter schools and home schools. I am against cap and trade, against Obama Care, and against the new-world-order.

For More Information:
(253) 229-0556

Lyle Zapato

Tree Octopus Demonstration By Ohio Students

Lyle Zapato | 2009-04-01.6970 LMT | Cephalopods

Photo: Montrose Elementary

Students from Mr. Hoover's and Mr. Kaune's fifth grade classes at Montrose Elementary in Bexley, Ohio demonstrated today in front of their school to raise awareness of the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus' plight. The demonstration, while peaceful, included banners, armbands, essays, and fiery speeches on the school news show.

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

An Octopus In A Saw-Mill

Lyle Zapato | 2008-12-28.7770 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature | Cascadia | Art | Retro

Here's an interesting political cartoon by Ryan Walker from the July, 1904 issue of The Comrade:

'Will it hurt the octopus?' by Ryan Walker

Of interest isn't the political message of the cartoon -- a condemnation of the Republican-controlled US congress' refusal to prohibit government contracts with trusts -- but rather the metaphor being used: an octopus in a saw-mill. Although this trope is all but forgotten in the modern political cartoonists' lexicon, the ecological horror of its origin haunts the forests of Cascadia to this day.

As mentioned previously, the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus will instinctively hide deep inside the branches of its tree if the tree is violently disturbed -- as when being felled by loggers. This often resulted in octopuses going undetected until the trees got to a saw-mill, where the octopuses usually met an unfortunate demise in the mill works. Besides killing the innocent cephalopods, these accidents cost timber companies thousands of dollars every year during the 19th and early 20th centuries due to valuable timber and pulp becoming stained with octopus ink and mills being forced to shut down for the better part of a day for deoctopussing.

Needless to say, this did not please the timber companies, nor the workers who had to clean the mangled, inky octopuses out of the works. To the timber industry, tree octopuses were nothing but costly nuisances -- a view that led to anti-octopus eradication campaigns being promoted in logging camps. Sadly, these profit-motivated cephalopodicidal outbursts were one of the major contributing factors to the tree octopus' current endangered status.

But during the time when tree octopuses were still abundant in the forests of the Northwest, "an octopus in a saw-mill" became a common idiom for an annoyingly messy accident waiting to happen. This makes the joke of the cartoon clearer: Not only will the buzz-saw hurt the trusts octopus, it'll also gum up the blade of legislation and splatter ink on Uncle Sam's patriotic finery, tarnishing his image. Presumably the Socialist editors of The Comrade found this prospect darkly amusing.

UPDATE 2009-10-02: Google Books has a collection of full issues of The Comrade, including the one with the above cartoon. Also, if you are interested in political cartoons or propaganda featuring octopuses, do visit Vulgar Army, a blog devoted almost exclusively to just that.

Lyle Zapato

Zaidi's Sabotoss

Lyle Zapato | 2008-12-17.3248 LMT | Anarchy | Fashion | Art

J'Acshoes!

We here at ZPi approve of all shoe-based protest. Clog the machine!