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Lyle Zapato

Archie McPhee's Finger Hands

Lyle Zapato | 2014-12-22.0100 LMT | Polydactylism | Crass Commercialism

Why wait for spontaneous polyvolution? Now, thanks to Archie McPhee's "Finger Hands", you can manifest a second-order dactyl fractal on your hand for under US$5 (right hand only). Polydactylightenment was never so easy!

Lyle Zapato

Washington Monument: Everybody Knows

Lyle Zapato | 2014-04-27.5490 LMT | NWO | Mind Control | Aluminum | Bohemian Grove Cabal | Retro
Lyle Zapato

Video: Tree Octopus Camouflage

Lyle Zapato | 2014-02-10.0240 LMT | Cephalopods

YouTube channel SaveTheTreeOctopus presents another video of rarely seen tree octopus behavior, this time camouflaging:

One of the greatest challenges of tree octopus research is that most of the time they're indistinguishable from bark.

Lyle Zapato

ZPi Glare: The Anti-Glass

Lyle Zapato | 2013-06-15.8810 LMT | Technology | Mind Control | General Paranoia

Diagram showing Glare features

Introducing ZPi Labs' newest innovation, Project Glare, the pro-privacy anti-Glass for paranoids and smarter orthonoids. Glare will protect users from NSA tracking by blocking facial-recognition software, while also jamming psychotronic mind-control with embedded MindGuard.

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Octopus Wristlet Fad Of 1915

Lyle Zapato | 2012-02-18.6599 LMT | Retro | Cephalopods | Cascadia

I've mentioned the use of taxidermied tree octopuses as hat decorations and octopus-inspired hair-styles, now here's another example of octopuses as objects of fashion. From the April 23, 1915 edition of the Tacoma Times:

Beach Belle Uses Octopus As Wristlet In Weird Sand Dance

Los Angeles, April 23. — Probably the strangest pet ever adopted by the shrinking sex is the little octopus carried by Miss Diana Rico, a belle of the beaches here. Whenever she goes bathing or strolling along the sands Miss Rico carries the tentacled mascot wrapped about her wrist.

This weird creature of the deep gave Miss Rico an inspiration for a new tango step, "The Dance of the Octopus," which created a sensation when she first stepped its sinuous figures on the beach.

When not clinging to the arm of its mistress, the baby octopus creeps about a little tank built especially for it.

Diana Rico
Miss Diana Rico and Her Weird Pet.

While we're there, let's see what else was on the front page of the Tacoma Times that day...

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Beating Sprayed-Vesicant-Protection-Bags Into Rain-Covers

Lyle Zapato | 2012-01-03.7880 LMT | Retro | Random Found Thing | Defensive Techniques

Back in 2005 I posted a version of this image from a WWII pin-up calendar/poster:

Protection against SPRAY ATTACK
Miss November, 1944

Perhaps you wondered, "What did the Army do with all those Japanese-microplane-spray-attack-protection covers after the war?" Well, it turns out they sold the surplus to civilians as "Amazing All-Over Rain-Covers". Here's a 1948 ad extolling their (apparently 106) uses:


Click to see the full ad at the Digital Comic Museum...

Biggest variety of uses of anything you ever owned! Impress your date by picnicking and canoeing in the rain! Awkwardly shuffle through the rain-drenched masses like cocooned vermin! Never again suffer the embarrassment to your male ego of having your gal use a newspaper to keep her party dress unruined! Any rain-avoidance-based thing is possible with the Amazing All-Over Rain-Cover!

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Ontogeny Recapitulates Polydactyly

Lyle Zapato | 2011-03-17.0610 LMT | Polydactylism

Dactyl Fractal Consciousness awakens in Claire Watson, maker of art gloves. It's only a second-order handlebrot, probably due to her inability to stitch smaller parts. Once Watson's inevitable physical recapitulation manifests, she will have no trouble with ultrafine stitching using her many, many tiny fingers.

But that will be nothing compared to what is to come, as Dactyl Fractal Consciousness ushers in a new evolutionary epoch -- one in which our descendants, Homo teradactylus, will be able alter materials at the atomic level using only their hands. Perhaps they will even be able to poke and fiddle with the fabric of the Universe itself.

Lyle Zapato

Coiffure Octopus

Lyle Zapato | 2011-01-26.7860 LMT | Retro | Cephalopods

Mr. Punch's Designs After Nature. Great sensation for the aquarium -- Coiffure Octopus.

From the April 19, 1873 issue of Punch.

As innocent this may seem, the fashion of wearing one's hair in the form of an octopus -- popular among the London elite of the 1870s -- would later develop into the wide-spread use of taxidermied octopuses as decoration for hats, that would in turn lead to excessive poaching of the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus, helping to bring about that species' endangerment.

Lyle Zapato

AFDBs At Walmart

Lyle Zapato | 2009-12-07.5590 LMT | Mind Control | Aluminum | Crass Commercialism

Walmart shopper wearing AFDB
A member of Freedom from Covert Harassment & Surveillance,
covertly harassed & surveilled by People of Walmart.

If you must go to Walmart, an AFDB is a necessity. Camouflaging it would probably be a good idea too, especially if you want to avoid the All-Seeing Eye of the Internet Hate Machine.

Seriously, can't a paranoid pick up some Faded Glory tees, a case of Dr. Thunder, and some Great Value aluminum foil without being harassed & surveilled?

Lyle Zapato

AFDBs On Fringe

Lyle Zapato | 2009-11-13.2880 LMT | Mind Control | Aluminum | Entertainment

The most recent episode of the TV show Fringe, "Of Human Action", was about a kid taking military-grade psychotronic drugs who gains the ability to control minds with only his bare thoughts. Near the end (35:00), Dr. Walter Bishop and his assistant, Astrid, wear AFDBs -- not to block the kid's mind-control, as one might assume, but to keep the sinister corporation Massive Dynamic from reading their thoughts:

Beanied Walter Bishop Beanied Walter Bishop Beanied Astrid

While it's good to see deflector-beanie awareness being propagated to the orthonoid masses, their AFDBs contain some potentially fatal flaws that could undermine the paranoid cause if widely adopted.

First, they're ill-fitting. You can see this especially with Astrid's, which she wears at a dangerously jaunty angle allowing free access to her right temporal lobe, center for the processing of sound and semantic meaning and the formation of long-term memory. The beanies are also not secured with tape or other fasteners and could easily be dislodged. Finally, though the Robin Hood they are sporting is a classic style, it tends to sit higher on the head, leading to suboptimal foil usage compared to the recommended form-fitting squashed configuration.

On their own, these may seem like simple amateur mistakes, but given the show's incongruous appearance on a network aligned with the Forces of Mind Control, they are certainly intentional -- designed to promote just enough paranoid behavior to provide a false sense of mental security, but not enough to withstand attacks targeting these specific weaknesses.

As you may recall, Fringe has also promoted the Handlebrot set and action on the show centers around intradimensional activities in a multidimensional setting -- topics of interest to my readers. Clearly this show has been memetically engineered for no other purpose than to counter my website with subtle misinformation.

I'm on to you, J.J.