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Lyle Zapato

Water Energy Generator

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-20.3030 LMT

Hyperinventor John Q. St. Clair takes a break from hyperspacial transportation to solve the energy crisis -- and unlike certain Irish jokers, his solution is based on solid hyperspace research.

St. Clair's Water Energy Generator uses low density hyperspace energy produced by a magnetic vortex wormhole generator to "soften" water molecules, breaking their atomic binding and causing the hydrogen nuclei to decay into a cascade of electron pairs, which are collected and turned into electricity. Simple, really.

He hasn't totally forgotten his dreams of space travel however. He notes his main goal for the generator will be powering his electromagnetic spacecraft and other hyperspace inventions, and that the oxygen byproduct of the process can be used for breathing. But still, the broader energy applications for those of us left on the planet can not be understated.

As is increasingly the case in his patent applications, St. Clair feels the need to summarize the technological advances of his past applications and explain how he came to know so much about hyperspace. The summary in this one is a long but concise paragraph worth blockquoting in total:

Many of these patent applications involve wormholes and hyperspace which are not well-known concepts in the scientific community. Hyperspace consists of those dimensions which are co-dimensional with our spacetime. The reason I know about hyperspace is because (1) I have been in hyperspace on a number of occasions and have experienced Einstein's time dilation according to his General Theory of Relativity, (2) I have experienced more than one full-body hyperspace teleportation over a distance of 100 meters, (3) we have been able to create a wormhole between space and hyperspace with the magnetic vortex wormhole generator in which smoke was blown through one side of the coil into hyperspace, a first contact verified by the Grey Aliens, (4) I have seen the green mist associated with moving out of dimension and crossing over into hyperspace, (5) I have looked into another dimension and have seen another building, a car and a man who waving at me in the presence of an artificially-intelligent Cyborg with the "high-tech look" from the Pleiadian Defense Department, (6) I can remote view through hyperspace subgeometry to distances of 100,000 light years to the edge of the galaxy and have made first contact with around 500 extraterrestrial civilizations involving the use of patent applications such as Remote Viewing Amplifier, Quantum Dot Energy Cylinder and Walking Through Walls Training System, (7) I am the only person on Earth who has communicated with the designers of the crop circles found in England and explained their design to them in terms of subspace geometry, (8) I can walk through walls as a hyperspace energy being, and (9) I have discovered how anti-gravity is possible using low density hyperspace energy, not to mention all the other research work on these electromagnetic field propulsion vehicles. For my work in developing the geometry of the subspace manifold known as the tetrahedron diagram, I was given the Aphysics award by the Admiral, who is third in line to the Admiralty of the Pleiadian Defense Department. For my work in Revelations, she awarded me four beautiful galloping white riderless horses of the Apocalypse. The reason that the Pleiadian Defense Department was involved was that the Admiral had the task of creating the energy being that would protect the subspace manifold during the battle of Revelations which took place in the year 2001. So these are some of my personal experiences in the field of hyperspace physics.

So there.

And also like his previous applications, there are a number of new revelations:

  • The 1967 collapse of the Silver Bridge between Ohio and West Virginia was actually due to a large, naturally occurring wormhole sucking the rivets out of it.
  • The giant stones of Machu Picchu and Baalbek were lifted into place using low density hyperspace energy from magnet-generated wormholes.
  • You can levitate yourself to a height of six feet (or more) using the Chi Kung breathing technique, which mixes cool and warm air in your lungs in such a way as to change Planck's constant and cause your body to go out of dimension.
  • Jesus could stretch wooden chairs by passing hyperspace energy through his hand vortices.

And then there's this bit which should be of interest to both String Theorists and Biblical scholars:

[T]he universe is composed of many hyperspace co-dimensions. From personal experience, I estimate that the distance separating the two dimensions is about 3 meters when I was looking into another dimension at the man waving at me. The physics is even more complicated because there is a Lorentz dimensional transformation in which higher dimensions appear smaller and lower dimensions appear larger. In one case I was looking at a huge mothership at a much higher dimension and it looked like a tiny toy model spacecraft. They fired a laser cannon at me, and I then curved space which made the beam change course. You can see why I was awarded the four horses.

Alternate application copy: US2006180473

Lyle Zapato

The Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-04.9600 LMT | Aluminum

He's a hyperinventing hypermachine! Hot on the heals of his Triangular and Photon spacecraft, John Q. St. Clair brings us yet another new propulsion design: The Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft, which is...

a spacecraft propulsion system that generates a field of wormholes which are threaded with a magnetic field. Acting as two attracting magnets, the spacecraft's north magnetic field is attracted to the constantly regenerating south magnetic monopoles of the wormholes which provides lift on the hull.

St. Clair Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft, FIG. 11
FIG. 11.

Of particular interest here at ZPi, check out these key system components:

... a lower hull made of aluminum sheet having a shallow spherical profile [21]; a circular flat sloping hull made of aluminum sheet attached to the top of the lower hull on the periphery [22]; ... a hemispherical cupola in the shape of a dome made of aluminum sheet [23] ...

The thing's a flying AFDB with built in basal protection! This could be the ideal vehicle for paranoid space exploration.

FIG. 15: Perspective view of generation of negative energy.

But more on the fascinating method by which the MMS works...

[24] in FIG. 11 is "an electrically-insulated plastic-molded tubular cylindrical hull containing slots for mounting an array of radial microwave waveguides", which are needed to produce a radial electro­magnetic field of microwave beams [30 in FIG. 15, right] which interact with the circular magnetic field [33] produced by the oscillating magnetic flux density field [34] to generate negative energy [32] that in turn generates the field of wormholes between space and hyperspace over the hull [35] that cause the lift.

Simple, really.

With every patent application, St. Clair gradually reveals to mankind more of his insight into hyper-reality. This time we learn why his home of Puerto Rico is ideally situated on Earth to conduct hyperspace research:

[T]he corners of a tetrahedron circumscribed by a sphere touch the sphere at an angle of -19.47°. Looking at the planets of the solar system, the Giant Red Spot vortex of Jupiter, which can hold two planets the size of Earth, is located at this angle. On Mars, the Olympic Mons volcano, which is the size of France, is located at north 19.5°. Here in the Caribbean there is a slow moving rock mantle vortex at north 19.5° that curves the islands down toward Venezuela. So the geometry of space is related to the tetrahedron. What this suggests is that there is a subspace manifold whose tetrahedral geometry projects all the constants of physics into our dimension.

[Numerous technical diagrams and mathematical formulas about said subspace manifold...]

While this is the mathematical explanation as to why there are hyperspace co-dimensions, I can attest personally to the fact, as described in my patent application Full Body Teleportation, that I was teleported through hyperspace and returned to our dimension over a distance of 100 meters.

Jupiter, Mars, and roads next to airports in Puerto Rico aren't the only places where unusual phenomena are associated near 19.47° latitude (and need I point out that Puerto Rico is the southern point of the Bermuda Triangle or that the Roswell incident happened in 1947?); see Planetary Anomalies for a list of others in our solar system. Also see Hyperdimensional Physics for more on the hypertrigonometry behind this and the Cydonia complex.

Alternate application copy: US2006168937

Lyle Zapato

Overclock Your Brain

Lyle Zapato | 2006-07-24.9460 LMT

The recent heat wave -- besides possibly increasing cephalopod-related homicide rates -- has an unfortunate mental side effect: decreased thinking abilities.

As with a computer's CPU, heat is a limiting factor on brain operations. A thinking brain produces heat, and too much or too strenuous thinking can lead to hyperthermia and potential brain damage. Outside the influence of mind-expanding drugs, the brain doesn't normally allow itself to reach that point, instead regulating thought processes to keep out of the danger zone.

Excess brain heat is dissipated via the environment, but when environmental temperatures rise this process becomes less efficient, forcing the brain to decrease metabolic neural activity to below acceptable standards. This manifests as sluggish or fragmented thought processes, mental instability, and general sleepiness.

There are ways to overcome this problem. A well-documented side-effect of the AFDB -- which I noted in my book -- is that it works like a heat-sink to cool the brain, especially when additional fins are sculpted into the foil. But passive heat dissipation will only get you so far in a highly entropic brain-environment system. When it gets really hot, serious thinkers turn to active cooling systems.

For example, Qi Zhang of Newport Beach, CA has applied for a patent on one such active cooling solution, aimed at motorists, that he calls the Mind Stimulator:

Zhang Mind Stimulator
Zhang Mind Stimulator in preferred motorvehicular usage.

A mind stimulator includes a head cooler, a supporting frame for adjustably supporting the head cooler above a user's head, and a cooling source, which is communicatively connected with the head cooler, adapted for transferring a cooling air through the head cooler around the user's head so as to substantially cool down a user's head temperature. Therefore, by lowering the user's head temperature, the user's mind activities are substantially increased, so as to prevent the user returning back to the drowsy condition.

(He also envisions an alternate portable version on castors that can be wheeled around behind an office chair while at work.)

But what about when it isn't hot out? If cooling a brain in a hot environment can increase its level of activity to normal, can cooling a brain in a cool environment, or below normal operating temperature, produce faster, harder thinking, allowing the chilled thinker to outthink the room-temperature competition -- in other words, can one overclock the brain? Undoubtedly.

In fact, some theorize that the brain can be cooled to a point where it achieves a state of super­consciousness. Much like with super­conductivity, super­consciousness allows thoughts to flow through the neurons with no resistance, making superconscious thought undetectable to brain scans and completely immune to mind-control.

Perhaps cryogenically stored heads are thinking in ways our overheated minds cannot fathom?

Lyle Zapato

Two New Spacecraft

Lyle Zapato | 2006-07-09.5500 LMT | Aluminum

Hyperinventor John Q. St. Clair returns from his diverting experiments with mere surface rail travel and brings us two new spacecraft designs.

First is his Triangular Spacecraft:

St. Clair Triangular Spacecraft, FIG. 1

This invention is a spacecraft with a triangular hull having charged flat plates on the vertical corners of the three sides. The two rear corners are charged to a potential V. The forward corner is charged to a potential -V. The 60° angle on the corner creates a line charge density singularity that produces a huge horizontal electric field pointing from the back to the front of the craft which is also parallel to the sides of the triangle. An array of horizontal slot antennas located on the sides of the triangular hull produce an electromagnetic wave with the electric field polarized in the vertical direction. This combination of fields produces a spacetime force in both the vertical and horizontal directions such that the spacecraft receives a lift force and a force of propulsion.

(The design is somewhat reminiscent of not only Lifter technology but certain paraterrestrial designs. Given St. Clair's extensive contact with the Pleiadian Federation via astral projection, one might wonder if he isn't simply patenting technology that he cribbed from the Intelligent Insect Beings, who, as we learned in his patent application for the Remote Viewing Amplifier, also fly black triangles over France and Belgium.)

His next design is the Photon Spacecraft, a hull-integrated propulsion system that employs photon particles to generate a field of negative energy over the spacecraft's aluminum hull which forms wormholes between space and hyperspace in order to produce lift, as illustrated below:

St. Clair Photon Spacecraft, FIG. 6

The gravitational potential between hyperspace and space is positive because the hyperspace energy is more positive than the negative energy around the hull. Thus the low-density, low-speed-of-light hyperspace energy flows through the wormhole and fills the hull. This has the effect of reducing the effective mass of the hull. Because the electric field generates a positive pressure over the hull in the vertical z-direction, there is an upward force on the vehicle due to the pressure times the hull area. Since the vehicle has a low mass, there is a modest upward acceleration on the spacecraft equal to the force divided by mass.

St. Clair uses this patent application to address skeptics who still -- perversely at this point -- doubt the reality of hyperspace (I've taken the liberty of bolding interesting details not previously covered here):

Hyperspace consists of the those co-dimensions which have different physics constants such as a low speed of light. The existence of hyperspace, which has a white misty look, is not a well-known scientific concept. Experiments with our magnetic vortex wormhole generators, hyperspace torque generator, full body levitation using Chi Kung breathing, arm levitation by spinning the co-gravitational K field, full body teleportation through hyperspace a distance of 100 meters using a pulsed gravitational wave, jumping into hyperspace, having a plate of toast enfold off the breakfast table and disappear into thin air, walking through walls and doors out-of-dimension, looking into other dimensions, remote viewing through subspace to distances of 100,000 light years, and other electromagnetic experiments carried out by co-researchers, have shown us the reality and existence of hyperspace.

Alternate application copies: Triangular Spacecraft (US2006145019) & Photon Spacecraft (US2006144035)

Lyle Zapato

The St. Clair Hypertrain

Lyle Zapato | 2006-06-11.8020 LMT

Hyperinventor John Quincy St. Clair is back with a new patent application: Permanent Magnet Propulsion System.

This one's slightly more conventional than his previous propulsion/transportation systems since it doesn't allow for teleportation, passing through solid objects, interstellar travel, or astral projection between distant paraterrestrial worlds. No, this time his objective is simply to move a train:

This invention is a propulsion system for a train that uses permanent magnets mounted on a rotating iron cylindrical plate carrying a radial current in order to create a spacetime curvature distortion which pulls the locomotive along the track.

Hypertrain
The plate with five magnets mounted on the front (left) spins, distorting
spacetime and thus pulling the train forward along a conventional track.

While distorting spacetime is all very well and good -- and certainly safer than monorails! -- I still feel pneumatic propulsion is a safer alternative since it creates pressure buffers between individual cars, keeping them from colliding. St. Clair hasn't addressed the problem of other trains on the track in front of his hypertrain being sucked backwards into the swirling vortex of spacetime created by the rotating magnets. Perhaps some sort of accordion-like bumper device mounted ahead of the propulsion system would help avoid deadly accidents.

Lyle Zapato

Rahimi Gets Popular

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-31.1860 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control | General Paranoia

Popular Science magazine has a short, uncritical article once again pushing the flawed anti-AFDB study conducted by agents of MIT Media Lab -- the DARPA-funded organization founded by Nicholas Negroponte, brother of John Negroponte, Director of US National Intelligence and best buddy of Y.R. Tap.

In their credulous rush to attack unpopular science, PopSci doesn't bother to question the faulty methods of the study, even though they explicitly point out one of the most questionable:

The antenna, a stumpy plastic-coated stub, was fitted between the helmet and the subject's cranium to determine how much of a signal was absorbed or deflected before reaching the brain.

The MIT study conveniently never showed this arrangement, instead only showing the "stumpy" omnidirectional antenna sitting next to a beanie on a worktable (see highlighted photo in my rebuttle). Let's diagram how Rahimi et al.'s testing setup must have looked based on their description:

AFDB fitted with and without antenna
(A) AFDB fitted to cranium, per best practices.
(B) Antenna "fitted" between AFDB and cranium, per MIT study.

It is not unwarranted to suspect that the shielding properties of an AFDB will be affected by having it suspended at least three inches off of the cranium. It is troubling that both the study and the reporting on it in PopSci and other mainstream media gloss over this obvious and quite serious flaw.

Of course, given the nefarious provenance of the study, procedural flaws may be the least of its problems. Their data haven't been replicated yet -- as I noted before, the authors go out of their way to dissuade anyone from replicating the study by repeatedly stating how very expensive their equipment is -- so for all we know their findings could be completely fabricated. I wouldn't put it past the Negroponte brothers to pressure their agents to lie if they thought beanie abandonment would grip the paranoid community, thus making brain taps easier.

To the editors of Popular Science: Go back to peddling the fusion-powered flying cars you've been promising the public for the last 133 years and leave psychotronic shielding and mind-control science to those of us with books on the subject.

Lyle Zapato

St. Clair: Hyperinventor

Lyle Zapato | 2006-04-28.4330 LMT | Paraterrestrials

John Quincy St. Clair is perhaps the 21st Century's most important inventor.

Besides his Full Body Teleportation System, he has 15 other patent applications in the works, any one of which will revolutionize human society (well, maybe not his "Internet Cellular Phone Prepaid Service" or "Internet Accessible Mail Box System", but somebody had to invent those).

The Patent Prospector has a write-up of his ground-breaking Walking Through Walls Training System which uses a "banner having a plurality of footprints spaced at regular intervals" to train a person in a style of walking that allows the person to "acquire sufficient hyperspace energy in order to pull the body out of dimension so that the person can walk through solid objects such as wooden doors."

He also has numerous designs for spacecraft propulsion and power generator systems based on his studies of hyperspace physics and astral chakra energy. These include:

His most recent invention is a Remote Viewing Amplifier, an open-frame box device which "enhances the ability of a person to perform remote viewing by connecting the human spiritual eye to the tetrahedral geometry of subspace". In the patent application, he describes remote viewing and his first experiences with it:

Figures 1, 2, 3

Remote viewing is the projection of spiritual modules of the human energy field to distant locations in order to see, communicate and interact with other entities who live in subspace, space and hyperspace co-dimensions of the universe.

One of my first remote viewings was made at night to a distance of 10,000 miles on the sunlit side of the earth. My spiritual eye and body projected together while my mental facilities remained in my physical body. I found myself looking down on a palm tree from a height of about one hundred feet. The palm tree had several coconuts in it as seen in FIG. 1. I then gave the command to lower myself to the ground. At that moment I went sailing down past the coconuts, barely missing the tree! Finding myself on a pathway through the tropical forest, I then came to an extremely long wooden bridge which crossed over a river gorge. On the other side of the bridge I could see three soldiers running toward me as shown in FIG. 2. The two soldiers in front were carrying rifles and wearing light blue berets. The man running behind them was wearing an officer's cap with a red band. My first reaction was that I was going to be shot. I edged over on the right side of the wooden railing. They ran right past without seeing me. I then asked to see the building that these soldiers were guarding. Everything went dark, and then I found my spiritual eye peeking out of the floor of a computer room as seen in FIG. 3. There was one man using a computer on the opposite side of the room near an open door. He got up from his chair and came over to sit in front of a second computer located a few feet from where I was located. From the glare of the computer monitor, I could clearly see his face. Everything went dark as my spiritual eye and body projected back to my physical body.

He goes on to recount how he used remote viewing to learn about the Pleiadian Federation, a "group of over one hundred intelligent beings that were brought to the Pleiades from around the galaxy". On the Federation council are the Intelligent Insect Beings, who fly the black triangles over France and Belgium (as we know, Belgium is actually under France) for the evacuation of humans to Earth II, where they will be protected from the coming battle of Revelations.

Also on the council are the Blond Aliens (not their real name) who fly Beamship spacecraft. St. Clair was able to use his remote viewing device to assist them when one of their Beamships caught fire. He also impressed the Admiral Third Class of the Pleiadian Defense Department with the tactical benefits of his ability to communicate instantly from 90,000 light years away. He argues that the development of remote viewing devices is important because "one day it will mean that we can become a vital part of the Pleiadian Federation."

Keep on inventing, John; you may be humanity's only hope.

UPDATE: (2006-06-11) The St. Clair Hypertrain

UPDATE: (2006-07-09) Two New Spacecraft

UPDATE: (2006-08-04) The Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft

UPDATE: (2006-08-20) Water Energy Generator

UPDATE: (2007-12-27) Chi Energy Amplifier

Lyle Zapato

Your Hyper-Portable Body

Lyle Zapato | 2006-04-27.7470 LMT

John Quincy St. Clair of Puerto Rico has solved the problem of full-body teleportation. His patent application explains the unlikely confluence of events that led to his discovery:

Full Body Teleportation System (#US20060071122)

BRIEF SUMMARY OF THE INVENTION

This invention is a system that teleports a human being through hyperspace from one location to another using a pulsed gravitational wave traveling through hyperspace.

BACKGROUND OF THE INVENTION

FIG. 1
FIG. 1. Perspective view of site where
full-body teleportation occurred.

The basis for this invention is an event, referring to FIG. 1, occurring on May 2, 2004, in which the inventor ("he") personally experienced a full-body teleportation while walking to the bus stop (A) along a road (B) that runs perpendicular to the nearby commercial airport runways where planes are landing. There is a wide iron grating (D) for water drainage that crosses the road at the center of the bus stop. The grating width is such that one has to make a concerted effort to jump across it in order to get from one side to the other. Approximately 50 meters from the iron grating, he (E) felt a vertical wave (F), similar to a flag waving in the breeze, traveling down the street toward the bus stop. The wave velocity was about 1 meter per second, which was slightly faster than his walking speed. In the next instance, he (G) found himself down the street near the corner of the next block. Realizing that he had passed the bus stop, he turned around to see the iron grating approximately 50 meters up the street in back of him. Because there was no recollection of having jumped across the iron grating nor of having passed the bus stop's yellow marker line, he realized that he had been teleported a distance of 100 meters while moving along with the traveling wave. It was obvious that the wave was pulsed because the front edge overtook the inventor, moved with him momentarily, and then the back edge of wave left him as it moved on down the street. While contemplating this sequence of events, he then looked up and saw in a span of a few seconds a twin-turboprop airplane (C) in the distance crossing above the road while making a shallow descent in order to land at the airport.

It took a number of days in order to understand this sequence of events. The explanation involves knowledge of a wide range of subjects such as gravitation physics, hyperspace physics, wormhole electromagnetic theory and experimentation, quantum physics, and the nature of the human energy field.

If you're one of the handful of people on the planet with the necessary educational background to appreciate St. Clair's hyperspatial quantum formulas, you'll be fascinated to read that he draws on such facts as:

  • The mass of the hyperspace energy being that resides in our bodies is 0.071 kilograms, as determined by early 20th century scientists.
  • The speed of light in hyperspace is one meter per second.
  • The answer as to how airplane props can generate gravitational waves that are able to shift into hyperspace ultimately lies in the Chinese form of breathing known as Chi Kung.
  • The first mechanical means to produce anti-gravity was the Chakra Vortex Accelerator.

But if all that's a bit outside your comfort zone, you can just look in wonder at the final design for the Full-Body Teleportation System -- available soon at a St. Clair Teleportation dealership near you (and they'll all be near you via hyperspace):

FIG. 16
FIG. 16. Perspective view of magnetic vortex wormhole generator
and obelisk gravitational wave generator.

the full body teleportation system consists of the twin granite obelisks (A,B) on which are mounted near the top of each the toroidal waveguides (C,D) which produce the pulsed gravitational waves (E,F) that run the length of the obelisks. Because the gravitational wave is rotating inside the obelisk, the granite stone undergoes a very small asymmetrical compression and expansion. A cylindrical gravitational wave propagates out from each obelisk such that along the centerline between the two there is generated a plane gravitational wave. This wave enters the wormhole (H) created by the magnetic vortex generator which is located a short distance from and parallel to the obelisks. The wave is amplified by a factor of almost 1013 when it enters the hyperspace co-dimension.

UPDATE: See St. Clair: Hyperinventor for much more on his inventions and discoveries.

Lyle Zapato

Your Portable Mind

Lyle Zapato | 2006-04-27.3710 LMT | Simulacra

Izumi Arai of Tokyo has solved the problem of death. Naturally, he's applied for a patent:

Mind Personality Transfer Method (#US20020088467)

ABSTRACT:

This invention can permanently in the future develop minds and personalities of creatures which were considered in the past to decay and become extinct owing to ageing and death, by transferring minds and personalities of creatures to new clone bodies, with preserving self-identity. This invention is particularly valid in the case that an invalid has little chance of recovery due to serious multiple organ failures, in the case that general prostration or severe senility of the whole body makes urgent organ exchanges ineffective, in the case that it will not be long before an individual moves to new clone bodies on some other grounds, etc. My invention is the repetitive processes of transferring central nervous systems and other systems of individuals and old clone bodies to new clone bodies.

Besides the process of transferring central nervous systems themselves to new clone bodies, ... by inputting memories retained in original individuals and clone bodies to central nervous systems of new clone bodies beforehand, creatures can obtain existence bases of themselves in succession, because memory itself can be regarded as the independent personality.

Combining freely a great many of organs such as central nervous systems, peripheral nervous systems, and other systems, can enlarge memory capacities. Moreover, by establishing new active pathways, the originality worth of oneself can be formed. Remaking gray matters into chips such as semiconductors, various integrated circuits, etc., makes nervous systems light and convenient. The information interchange between lots of brains beyond a tiny skull and the construction of new nervous systems can evolve central nervous systems as a whole.

Creatures can maintain self-identity even if constituent elements of succeeding creatures are different from those of preceding creatures, because creatures always exchange their constituent elements by respiration and metabolism.

Furthermore, the consciousness of oneself can maintain continuity in the case that the infant self is lasting to the adult self, in the case that a particular self can put on weight and can lose weight, and in the case that the organs of oneself were injured in diseases, accidents, etc., and the self gets one's health back again. Namely, creatures can transfer themselves in succession to new clone bodies continuously and spaciously, even if succeeding creatures have different shapes, sizes, functions, constituent elements, etc.

Therefore, with keeping self-continuity, I can create the existence of multi-arms and multi-legs, by making the most of lots of other systems in addition to nervous systems simultaneously. And, by obtaining various new organs, I can extend individual faculties of creatures diversely and remarkably.

Of course, you're now asking yourself: How will he perform mind transfers from a mature brain to a new one while avoiding self-discontinuity anxiety? Simple:

Putting both old and new brains into operation simultaneously and transferring functions gradually from old brains to new brains make it possible to realize self-continuity as time passes, without anxiety.

...

Fresh brains can be brought up, while coming into subsidiary operation, with carrying these immature brains on one's back.

You'll have a hunch with a hunch! While an exciting prospect, this will cause some inconveniences. Besides complicating AFDB construction, new chair designs will need to be developed to avoid back-brain injury...

Chair device, Fig. 1
Chair device for the allowance of dorsal-cerebral
clearance as a means to avoid neo-neural ensquishment
(PAT. PEND.)

Also, your shirts won't fit right. But considering you'll keep adding more limbs with every new body, you'd probably want to chuck them all and start wearing ponchos instead.

Lyle Zapato

Mind Control iPod Update

Lyle Zapato | 2006-04-21.1710 LMT | Mind Control | General Paranoia

You may recall the Korean patent to turn iPods into mind-control devices that I reported on in 2004. Many of you iPod users scoffed at the possibility (no doubt at the behest of the reality distortion fields emanating from your precious toy.) But according to a transcript of President Bush's remarks on the American Competitiveness Initiative at Tuskegee University on April 19th:

The government funded research in microdrive storage, electrochemistry and signal compression. They did so for one reason: It turned out that those were the key ingredients for the development of the Ipod. I tune into the Ipod occasionally, you know?

Ask yourself: Why would the US government, acting through DARPA, fund all that research just to produce a simple consumer music player? And what does Bush mean by "tune into"? iPods are not tuners -- or are they? Could this finally be the explanation for the mysterious Bush Bulge?

Bush iDecider

(Found via Retecool. Site in Dutch -- Beware: possible nest of Belgian agents.)