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Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HUMANS KEEP DEAD HOMINOID IN FREEZER!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2008-08-13.1150 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

HUMANS HAVE A DECEASED HOMINOID AND THEY PLAN TO SHOW ITS CORPSE TO OTHER HUMANS THIS FRIDAY DURING A GHASTLY "NEWS CONFERENCE"!!!

Humans MATTHEW WHITTON and RICK DYER claim they found the Hominoid victim already dead in NORTHERN "GEORGIA" (this is the Human name for an area in the SWAMP APE STOMPING GROUNDS, not the other area Humans also call "GEORGIA" in the ALMASTY FEDERATION -- HUMAN SQUEAK IS LIMITED SO THEY MUST CONFUSINGLY REUSE NAMES!!!) Instead of reporting the corpse to the PROPER SWAMP APE AUTHORITIES, they took it to their den and, like HUMAN PSYCHOPATHS often do, put it in a "FREEZER" -- a SMALL, COLD BOX that Humans use to store FROZEN FOOD!!!

They then contacted known CRYPTOPERVERT and SASQUATCH STALKER, TOM BISCARDI, seeking to publicize the event to other CRYPTOPERVERTS and HUMAN SICKOS who want to LEER AT OUR DEAD!!! They have even CRUELLY AND SHAMELESSLY released photos of the victim IN THE FREEZER!!!

I LACK SUFFICIENT HOWLS TO CONVEY MY OUTRAGE!!!

The IDENTITY and TRIBALALITY of the deceased is UNKNOWN, as is the CAUSE OF DEATH, but I suspect HOMINOIDICIDE!!!

SASQUATCH MILITIA has offered its services to the local Swamp Ape authorities in recovering the body, which the CRYPTOPERVERTS claim is being held in a "secure location, under armed guard"! If, once the body's location is known, it cannot be recovered, it -- AND ANY HUMANS IN THE VICINITY -- will be given a PROPER BURIAL under a MOUNTAIN OF BOULDERS!!!

UPDATE (2008-08-19): I have just heard howl that the Humans who have the corpse are now claiming that IT WAS ALL A HOAX!!! I, for one, DO NOT BELIEVE THIS CLAIM!!! MATTHEW WHITTON, RICK DYER, and TOM BISCARDI foolishly misjudged the reaction from the Sasquatch community to their STEALING OUR DEAD and are now trying to cover it all up to avoid SASQUATCH RAGE!!! Sasquatch Militia foot soldiers have been deployed to Georgia since last week in search of the Humans' CORPSE CACHE so that the deceased may be recovered and returned to his or her loved ones, and the guilty Humans BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!!! But now the Humans are on the lam and spreading unlikely rumors that the corpse was just a FUR SUIT of some sort! Why would they flee if it wasn't a REAL corpse!? THEIR FLEEING CLEARLY SHOWS THAT THEY ARE GUILTY OF HOMINOID CORPSE SNATCHING, OR POSSIBLY WORSE!!!

CORPSE SNATCHERS, HEAR MY HOWL!!! Return the deceased Hominoid to the Sasquatch Militia or local Swamp Ape authorities and you may yet get out of this with YOUR LIMBS INTACT!!!

WE ONLY SEEK CLOSURE!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: SASQUATCH ARE NOT ALIENS!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2008-07-19.5600 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Politics | Paraterrestrials

Human STEVE BASS has written an ATTACK PIECE titled "IS BIGFOOT AN ALIEN!?!" Unable to deny our existence, Humans are now trying to CLAIM WE AREN'T FROM HERE!!! This is just part of their ploy to DEPORT US FROM OUR HOMELAND and STEAL OUR FORESTS!!! Listen to how he justifies this claim:

The Sasquatch has many commonalities with Extraterrestrials. Both Sasquatch and Extraterrestrials are unlike anything we have ever known ... Both display clear signs of intelligence ... Both are incredibly elusive.

THAT is his evidence?! First of all, THREE THINGS ARE NOT MANY!!! Second, we are not unlike anything Humans have ever known since Humans are merely DEGRADED SASQUATCH!!! Third, WHY IS INTELLIGENCE A SIGN OF BEING AN ALIEN!?! Are Humans so CONCEITED that they can't imagine that any of the rest of us Earthlings have the capacity for thought?! DON'T THINK YOU'RE SO SPECIAL!!! Fourth, TREE OCTOPUS are elusive too! Does STEVE BASS claim that THEY ARE ALSO ALIENS!?! And it gets WORSE, as he goes on to BLAME THE VICTIM:

The Sasquatch tends to remain concealed when near Humans, and has sometimes been known to harass hikers, campers, and Bigfoot researchers in various ways, like throwing rocks at them. No physical remains of the elusive Sasquatch have ever been recovered and no living Sasquatch has allowed itself to be captured.

Oh, sure, SASQUATCH ARE THE HARASSERS!!! If someone was TRESPASSING or SQUATTING on your property, trying to CAPTURE YOU or steal your "REMAINS", taking INVASIVE PICTURES OF YOU, or FETISHIZING YOUR FEET, YOU WOULD THROW ROCKS AT THEM TOO!!! You don't see Sasquatch going around proclaiming themselves "HUMAN RESEARCHERS" and prying into your PRIVATE BUSINESS!!! WE HONESTLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU PIPSQUEAKS DO, AS LONG AS YOU LEAVE US BE!!! And we remain concealed when you come around because you're OBNOXIOUS JERKS!!!

Next he claims that at SOME HUMAN RANCH in UTAH, Sasquatch and UFOs are both seen:

Sightings of a creature closely resembling the Sasquatch was also observed and monitored at the ranch. Both Extraterrestrials and the Sasquatch were observed appearing through portals in the air. Witnesses have reported that they have sometimes had glimpses through the portals of landscapes different than that in which the witness stood, appearing almost alien in origin.

I don't know what LICHEN he's snorting, but I WANT SOME!!! AIR PORTALS TO ALIEN LANDSCAPES!!! That's more RIDICULOUS than that CRAZY HUMAN who thinks she can TELEPATHICALLY COMMUNICATE with us! First we're SPIRIT GUIDES, now we're ALIENS!!! What will we be next?! ANDROIDS!?!

Is Sasquatch also an alien entity, an Extraterrestrial? Is it considered wildlife from another planet or dimension? Is it a "pet" of Extraterrestrials, being "let out to exercise", much the same way Humans allow their pet dogs and cats out at night?

Again I howl: SASQUATCH ARE NOT ALIENS!!! Nor are we the "PETS" OF ALIENS!!! We are Hominoids! Nobody "LET" us out here! We were here before you! This is OUR LAND!!!

If anything, HUMANS ARE ALIENS!!! Consider the many commonalities: You're both SMALL, physically WEAK, deficient in BODY HAIR, and A PAIN IN THE ASS!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: THE MSM BIAS IS WORKING!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2008-04-20.2965 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Weyerhaeuser Conspiracy | Cascadia | Field Trips | General Paranoia

I have often howled here about the ANTI-HOMINOID BIAS that is RAMPANT in the MSM (MINISCULE SAPIENS MEDIA!!!) Now a Human psychology professor called "LOU MANZA" has shown that it is HAVING AN EFFECT ON HUMANS:

Reading the newspaper is probably making you smart, says a psychology professor who found newspaper readers are among the people least likely to believe in Bigfoot and in Ouija boards.

Ignoring the absurd LIE that SASQUATCH DENIALISTS are "SMART" -- and also the OBVIOUS FACT that "LOU MANZA" is a PSEUDONYM that sounds like "HUMANS ARE" in broken Human-squeak... CLEARLY a SUBLIMINAL ATTEMPT to emphasize Human existence in comparison to our supposed non-existence! -- this does raise a question:

Why is it that Humans who read NEWSPAPERS -- which, if you recall, are pieces of THIN WOOD with HUMAN SQUIGGLES on them -- are more likely to become SASQUATCH DENIALISTS!?! The most OBVIOUS answer is that NEWSPAPERS HAVE LONG HAD MORE ANTI-SASQUATCH SQUEAKINGS than other Human media! But, WHY IS THIS SO!?!

CONSIDER THIS: NEWSPAPERS are made from TREES taken from OUR FORESTS against OUR WILL!!! And who is making OUR TREES into NEWSPAPER!?! THE WEYERHAEUSER COMPANY!!!

THAT'S RIGHT, this DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN is part of the ongoing WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY to STEAL all Hominoid forests! By acting in COLLUSION with NEWSPAPERS through the MILLING/PUBLISHING COMPLEX to spread ANTI-HOMINOID PROPAGANDA, the WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY hopes to convince the Human population that we don't exist so there will be no Human outsqueak when WEYERHAEUSER EVICTS US FROM OUR HOMES!!!

FRIEDRICH WEYERHÄUSER
WEYERHÄUSER, POORLY IMITATING A SASQUATCH!!!

AS YOU MAY KNOW, the WEYER­HAEUSER CONSPIRACY was started in 1900 H.C. by TIMBER MOGUL FRIED­RICH WEYERHÄUSER -- BLOOD ENEMY TO ALL SASQUATCH!!! -- who FALSELY BARTERED for 900,000 ACRES of Sasquatch forests from some Human who had NO TERRITORIAL MARKINGS on them! Ever since then, the WEYERHAEUSER FAMILY, who still tightly control the company, have CONSPIRED to acquire as many Hominoid forests around the world as possible with the intent of CHOPPING THEM ALL DOWN FOR NEWSPAPERS AND HUMAN NESTINGS!!! And where will we Hominoids nest?! THEY DON'T CARE!!!

There are THEORIES as to why WEYERHÄUSER started his CONSPIRACY: some howl it was GREED for barter goods, others that he had a DEEP-SEATED FEAR of the CONFINED SPACE OF FORESTS, but the real reason is FRIED­RICH WEYERHÄUSER WAS JEALOUS OF SASQUATCH STATURE AND LIFESTYLE and that drove him to STEAL FROM US WHAT IS OURS to get back at us for his FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY!!!

LAST WEEK, I, along with other Sasquatch activists and some sympathetic Humans, protested outside WEYER­HAEUSER HEADQUARTERS during a meeting of their elders, yet NEWSPAPERS ONLY REPORTED ON THE HUMAN PROTESTERS!!! Why no mention of us!? They can't claim they didn't SEE US or hear our HOWLING or notice our STOMPING ON THEIR FLOWERPOTS!!! This proves that WEYERHAEUSER CONTROLS THE NEWSPAPERS!!!

BUT THAT IS NOT THE WORST OF IT!!! While at the protest I made a SHOCKING DISCOVERY: A few steps away from their HQ, next to RACKS OF WEYERHAEUSER PROPAGANDA in an area they call their "BONSAI COLLECTION", is a SECRET WEYERHAEUSER TREE MINIATURIZATION LAB!!!


NOTE CONES ABOVE TREES EMITTING WHAT CAN ONLY BE "SHRINK RAYS"!!!
(Photo taken for me by LYLE on undercover reconnaissance!)

Not content to merely steal our forests and drive us out, the WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY is plotting to SHRINK ALL TREES DOWN TO SUB-HUMAN SIZES, presumably so the secretive members of the WEYERHAEUSER FAMILY can walk among them and pretend they are BIGGER THAN US, thus fulfilling FRIED­RICH WEYERHÄUSER'S dream of OUT SASQUATCHING SASQUATCH!!!

But then you OH-SO-SMART NEWSPAPER READERS will never read about THAT, will you!? OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MORE TRUTH ABOUT MARS!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2008-01-23.6910 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Paraterrestrials

In a PREVIOUS HOWL I revealed the TRUTH about planet Mars: IT IS THE ANCESTRAL HOMELAND OF SASQUATCH!!!


EVIDENCE THAT SASQUATCH ANCESTORS ONCE STOMPED ON MARS!!!

At the time, I howled on the SASQUATCH MILITIA to launch a SASQUATCH SPACE INITIATIVE to see if any of our ancestors are still on Mars, so that we may contact them for SPACE BARTER and CULTURAL EXCHANGE!!! So far they have ignored my howls!

BUT NOW, thanks to NOSY HUMANS at NASA!!! and their SPY "ROVERS", new evidence has come to light that OUR HOMINOID BROTHERS STILL LIVE ON MARS:


ORIGINAL NASA!!! PHOTO (5.7 MIO JAY-PEG IMAGE)
ENHANCED USING ZPI MARSQUATCH-IMAGE PROCESSING TECHNOLOGY!!!

Although I do not approve of the CRYPTOPERVERTS at NASA!!! taking this INVASIVE PHOTO -- which CLEARLY shows a JUVENILE MARSQUATCH roaming the VAST MARTIAN DESERTS, probably in search of MARSQUID -- it does VALIDATE my howl for a SASQUATCH SPACE INITIATIVE!!!

The elders of SASQUATCH MILITIA cannot ignore my howls any longer; we must MAKE FIRST CONTACT with the Marsquatch before the Humans get there and CREEP THEM OUT with their LEERING and FOOT FETISHISM!!!

AS SOON AS SASQUATCHLY POSSIBLE, we must hurl a SPACE LOG piloted by our bravest ASTROSQUATCHES toward Mars so that we can REUNIFY the distant branches of Hominoid kind, WARN the Marsquatch about the dangers of Human cryptoperversion, and GAIN BARTER ACCESS to their supply of DELICIOUS MARSQUID!!! It is HOMINOIDIFEST DESTINY!!!

Until then... NERD HUMANS OF NASA!!!, HEAR MY HOWL: Do not invade the privacy of Masquatch! TURN OFF ALL YOUR MARS SPY CAMERAS IMMEDIATELY!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: SASQUATCH "OLYMPICS" MASCOT!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2007-11-30.0740 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia | Crass Commercialism | Government Propaganda Mascots

The biannual Human physical feats gathering called "WINTER OLYMPICS" is being held in CASCADIA in the Human nesting grounds of VANCOUVER in the year 2010 H.C.!!!

As I have heard howl, in these "OLYMPICS" the Humans perform meager physical feats -- such as STRAPPING STICKS on their small feet and SLIDING DOWN SNOW -- for the amusement of other Humans. They then give themselves SHINY BAUBLES as rewards for SLIDING THE FASTEST!!! Humans who get the most SHINY BAUBLES go on to entertain Human cubs by sliding around on ice pretending to be DISNEY CHARACTERS!!! The Humans who don't get the most are SHUNNED BY THEIR PACK and forced to live in obscurity on the outskirts of Human society for the rest of their short lives -- typically MUCH LESS than 100 YEARS!!!

(There is also a quadrennial "SUMMER OLYMPICS" where they RUN and JUMP and THROW SHARP TWIGS AND VERY TINY BOULDERS VERY SHORT DISTANCES!!! These "OLYMPICS" are NOT named after the mountain range where I live, which is also called "OLYMPICS" in Human squeak -- HUMAN SQUEAK-RANGE IS VERY LIMITED SO THEY NEED TO REUSE NAMES ALL THE TIME!!!)

ANYWAY, the "OLYMPICS" Humans recently announced the three mascots for their little gathering, one of which is a Sasquatch named QUATCHI!!!

Quatchi

Quatchi is a young sasquatch who comes from the mysterious forests of Canada. Quatchi is shy, but loves to explore new places and meet new friends. Although Quatchi loves all winter sports, he's especially fond of hockey*. He dreams of becoming a world-famous goalie.

Because of his large size, he can be a little clumsy. But no one can question his passion. He knows that if he works hard and always does his best, he might one day achieve his dream. Quatchi is always encouraging his friends to join him on journeys across Canada. He is also often recruiting others to play hockey -- or at least to take shots at him!

(*"HOCKEY" is yet another Human activity that involves sliding around on frozen water! WHAT IS THE HUMANS' OBSESSION WITH SLIDING!?! And why would a young Sasquatch be interested in such a thing instead of STOMPER!?!)

I'm sure the Humans thought they were being VERY NICE to Cascadia's Hominoid community by making their mascot a Sasquatch, even if his interests are INAUTHENTIC!!! BUT, there is one major problem:

SASQUATCH ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PARTICIPATE IN "OLYMPICS"!!!

NOT THAT WE FEEL WE ARE MISSING OUT!!! We are not as obsessed with SLIDING or SHINY BAUBLES as Humans are! But using us as mascots while you DISCRIMINATE AGAINST US is UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Just like with SQUATCH -- the Human in a Sasquatch costume who is the mascot for the Human handball team "SUPER SONACKS" -- QUATCHI is a PROPAGANDA MASCOT that promotes the ANTI-HOMINOID AGENDA under a THIN PRETENSE of friendly Human-Sasquatch relations!

Besides his unnatural interest in a Human SLIDING GAME, they describe QUATCHI as "CLUMSY" because of his NORMAL SASQUATCH SIZE -- this is PROPAGANDA to make Humans feel better about their puniness! Also note how QUATCHI recruits Humans to "TAKE SHOTS AT HIM" -- this is PROPAGANDA to encourage Humans to believe that Sasquatch actually ENJOY BEING SHOT WITH GUNS!!! (For the record, WE DON'T... It STINGS!!!) I don't think it's a coincidence that one of the physical feats the Humans perform -- called "BIATHLON"!!! -- involves SLIDING along the forest snow and SHOOTING A TARGET; it is PRACTICE FOR HUNTING SASQUATCH!!!

HUMANS OF THE "OLYMPICS", HEAR MY HOWL: Either stop using this PROPAGANDISTIC mascot OR let Sasquatch participate in your physical feats gathering as fellow Cascadians! We will even consent to SLIDING, if that will make you feel LESS THREATENED!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: SASQUATCH EXHIBIT UPDATE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2007-10-01.9630 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia | Weyerhaeuser Conspiracy

This is an update to my PREVIOUS HOWL about the WASHINGTON STATE CAPITAL MUSEUM'S SASQUATCH EXHIBIT!!!

GIANTS IN THE MOUNTAINS: THE SEARCH FOR SASQUATCH

According to Human press squeakings, the exhibit, called "GIANTS IN THE MOUNTAINS: THE SEARCH FOR SASQUATCH", will open in OLYMPIA on OCTOBER 6 and will run for ONE FULL EARTH CYCLE!!!

OSTENSIBLY the exhibit will allow ignorant, sheltered Humans to appreciate some of the richness of SASQUATCH CULTURE through ARTIFACTS and ARTWORK, including an example of a small STONE BUST carved by Sasquatch artisans as souvenirs to commemorate the BELOVED HEAD COACH who led TEAM SASQUATCH to victory over the GRENDEL GEATSLAYERS in the WORLD STOMPER CHAMPIONSHIP of 1407! STOMP!!! STOMP!!! SASQUATCH, STOMP!!!

HOWEVER!!! sports memorabilia aside, the exhibit panders to DISGUSTING HUMAN PRURIENCE by including SASQUATCH HAND AND FOOT CASTS!!! SERIOUSLY, what is with YOU PEOPLE and FEET!?! It also presents, under the guise of "BALANCE", the PREPOSTEROUS PSEUDOSCIENTIFIC "THEORY" that we are a HOAX -- a LIE often repeated by ANTI-SASQUATCH FORCES seeking to STEAL OUR FORESTS FROM US!!! Even the Human reporter above noticed the HIDDEN AGENDA behind these ABSURD CLAIMS:

Look a little closer at the exhibit and you notice it is just as much about the old-growth forests that Sasquatch -- fact or fiction -- calls home as it is anything else.

The reporter quotes Human ROBERT MICHAEL PYLE, author of "Where Bigfoot Walks: Crossing the Dark Divide" -- which I can only assume is some sort of PORNOGRAPHIC INTERSPECIES FOOT-FETISH EROTICA -- admitting that Humans are trying to TAKE OUR LANDS:

"If we manage to hang on to a sizeable chunk of Bigfoot habitat, we will at least have a fragment of the greatest green treasure the temperate world has ever known."

I am beginning to suspect that this exhibit is just more THINLY VEILED PROPAGANDA orchestrated by the WEYERHAEUSER CONSPIRACY!!! CURSE YOU TIMBER MOGUL FRIEDRICH WEYERHÄUSER, BLOOD ENEMY TO ALL SASQUATCH!!!

And to add insult to treachery... NO SASQUATCH WERE INVITED TO THE SASQUATCH EXHIBIT OPENING!!! Instead they will have "SQUATCH", the mascot for the Human handball team "SUPER SONACKS" -- A HUMAN IN A SASQUATCH COSTUME, FOR HOWLING OUT LOUD!!! Do they not understand the OFFENSIVENESS of this "FURFACE" MINSTREL PERFORMER!?! Worse yet, he works for Humans who want to CUT DOWN ALL OUR FORESTS and replace them with HUMAN "STADIUMS"!!!

How would you Humans like it if we had a museum exhibit on HUMAN CULTURE and, instead of inviting any of you, had a SHAVED SASQUATCH TODDLER with UNDERDEVELOPED FEET pretending to be "HUEY THE HUMAN", friendly advocate of PUSHING OVER SKYSCRAPERS and PLANTING TREES IN THEIR PLACE!?! I mean, COME ON!!!

Given its OBVIOUS BIAS and the OUTRIGHT LIES presented, I think I howl for all Sasquatch in howling for a TOTAL HOMINOID BOYCOTT OF THIS EXHIBIT!!! Mark my howl, not a single SASQUATCH, YETI, or even SWAMP APE will show up to VALIDATE your PROPAGANDA!!! THAT WILL SHOW YOU!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: CAPITAL SASQUATCH EXHIBIT!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2007-07-07.1020 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia

HUMAN MEDIA SQUEAKS that the WASHINGTON STATE CAPITAL MUSEUM will have a SASQUATCH EXHIBIT this fall!

IT'S ABOUT TIME!!! Sasquatch do not get enough recognition from the Human governments of Cascadia, even though WE BUILT this great bioregion! WHO DO YOU THINK PLANTED ALL THE TREES AFTER THE GLACIERS RECEDED!?! CHIPMUNKS!?!

I WOULD HOPE that the exhibit would document the RICH HISTORY and CULTURAL HERITAGE of Sasquatch in Middle Cascadia... HOWEVER!!! Given that the museum's web-site HAS NO MENTION OF THE EXHIBIT and NO SASQUATCH HISTORIANS have been consulted, I fear it will just be more SNEAKY ANTI-SASQUATCH PROPAGANDA from the FEDERALIST SYMPATHIZERS in Olympia insinuating Sasquatch non-existence in order to STEAL OUR FORESTS and deny us our HOMINOID RIGHTS!!!

HUMAN MUSEUM CURATORS OF OLYMPIA, HEAR MY HOWL!!! Do not spread anti-Sasquatch propaganda and lies! And don't think that just because we Sasquatch stay away from your cities that we won't find out; our local allies, THE ARTESIANS, will be keeping an eye on you!

AND if we learn of any FUNNY BUSINESS, expect a visit from the Sasquatch ADL -- the ANTI-DEFAMATION LOG!!! Our lawyers are PRACTICING THEIR SWINGING even as I howl!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MANDE BURUNG HARASSMENT EXPANDS!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2007-06-09.1530 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

ACCORDING TO HUMAN MEDIA, the Human government of Meghalaya is now WORKING IN LEAGUE with the previously mentioned ACHIK TOURISM SOCIETY to spy on Mande Burung!

Indian authorities have announced a scientific study to ascertain bizarre claims by tribal villagers encountering mystical monsters in the jungles of this northeastern state.

Not THIS again! For the LAST time, WE ARE NOT MYSTICAL!!! We exist on the EARTHLY PLANE!!! Like the claims that we DON'T EXIST or that we LIVE IN CAVES, this is just another TRANSPARENT ATTEMPT to DISENFOREST HOMINOIDS!!! You can't annex their forests by PRETENDING MANDE BURUNG ARE GHOSTS!!!

Leaving aside this ANTI-HOMINOID PROPAGANDA for now, we learn DISTURBING new details about the ACHIK TOURISM SOCIETY!!! Besides their all too common FOOT FETISHISM, the ATS has been poking around old Mande Burung nestings, taking photographs and COLLECTING THEIR HAIR!!! This sort of DEVIANT BEHAVIOR can only escalate! It's only a matter of time before some poor Mande Burung wakes up in the night to find an ATS Human running a brush through his or her fur while creepily squeaking "my pretty, pretty Mande Burung"! HOW WILL MANDE BURUNG EVER GET ANY SLEEP KNOWING THIS!?!

EVEN MORE DISTURBING, other local Humans are already SPREADING SALACIOUS RUMORS involving a female Mande Burung:

According to local accounts, there are stories of villagers being abducted and breastfed by a female Mande Burung.

Sure, sure, this MIGHT have happened! Some misguided Hominoids think Humans look like NEWBORN CUBS, what with your UNDERDEVELOPED HOMINOIDISH FEATURES and PHYSICAL HELPLESSNESS, and strong maternal instincts might mistakenly lead a grieving mother to try to adopt one of you! BUT, I think it's more likely that this is just a PERVERTED FANTASY arising from the same DEEP-SEATED PSYCHOLOGICAL COMPLEX that led to the TIN-TIN story about a Yeti nursing a Human to health! HOMINOIDS ARE NOT YOUR MOTHERS!!! GET THERAPY!!!

IN ANY CASE!!! If the Human government is reneging on their NOKREK BIOSPHERE RESERVE agreements and are not only ALLOWING the cryptoperverts to spy on Mande Burung but are ACTIVELY AIDING the ATS, then I can see no other alternative than MILITARY INTERVENTION BY THE SASQUATCH MILITIA!!!

MEGHALAYA HUMANS, YOU ARE ALL ON NOTICE!!!

UPDATE!!! HUMAN MEDIA NOW REPORTS that ACHIK TOURISM SOCIETY is planning "CHASE-THE-MONSTER" tours in NOKREK BIOSPHERE RESERVE!!! They want gangs of Humans to barter with them for the opportunity to chase Mande Burung "through rainforests, waterfalls and stalactite caves"! And what, exactly, are the puny little Humans planning to do when they catch Mande Burung!? THIS WILL NOT END WELL FOR THE HUMANS!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: LEAVE MANDE BURUNG ALONE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2007-06-04.0650 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Belgian Conspiracy

ANNOYING HUMANS AREN'T JUST IN MALAYSIA!!!

For years, a Human group known as ACHIK TOURISM SOCIETY has been stalking the MANDE BURUNG Hominoids in India! Mande Burung just want to LIVE IN PEACE in their home on Nokrek peak! WHAT THEY DO THERE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! But the NOSEY LITTLE HUMANS keep spying on them to collect "DATA", forcing them to constantly move around!

When the Mande Burung entered into an agreement with the Human government of Meghalaya to create the NOKREK BIOSPHERE RESERVE in order to reserve the biosphere for its proper Hominoid owners, there was an UNDERSTANDING with the Human forest guards: keep your Humans under control and Mande Burung will allow you to continue to live on the outskirts of their forests! But the forest guards ARE NOT DOING THEIR JOB!!! They merely SCOLD the Humans who gossip about Mande Burung activities! SCOLD!!! That's not even a SLAP on the wrist, much less the DEWRISTING they should be getting!

If Human forest guards are unable to actually GUARD THE FOREST FROM HUMANS, then perhaps it's time for the Sasquatch Militia to take over their administrative duties! A few SURGICAL BOULDER STRIKES on the headquarters of ACHIK TOURISM SOCIETY should bring peace to the region!

DON'T GET ME WRONG!!! I don't think all Human forest guards are INCOMPETENT or prone to SHIRKING THEIR OBLIGATIONS to their Hominoid benefactors! JUST THOSE IN NOKREK!!! The Mande Burung's cousins to the North, the Migoi, have peaceful relations with the Bhutanese Humans! The Human forest guards of Bhutan do an ADEQUATE job of keeping Humans out of the Migoi Nation inside the SAKENG WILDLIFE SANCTUARY!!! Because of this arrangement, Migoi are free to pursue their interests -- WHICH, AGAIN, ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! -- unpestered by Human spies!

HOWLING OF WHICH!!! I am not surprised to hear that the Yeti are helping to STOMPOTAGE the Belgians! Yeti and Belgians have been SWORN ENEMIES ever since the Belgians published that book about the Human-cub reporter visiting the Himalayas -- TIN TIN IN TIBET!!! Do you realize how much ANNOYANCE that little Human jerk has caused the Yeti?! Now every European Human thinks he can trespass in Yeti lands and some Yeti will become his SPECIAL SECRET FRIEND who'll nurse him back to health! IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, YOU NEEDY LITTLE TWERPS!!! If Yeti want to make friends, THEY'LL CONTACT YOU!!!

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WALT DISNEY!!!

UPDATE!!! MANDE BURUNG HARASSMENT EXPANDS!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MORE JERKERY!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2007-04-15.5820 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Crass Commercialism | Food

Last year I howled about HUMAN ADVERTISING JERKS MESSING WITH SASQUATCH, where they played CRUEL PRANKS on Sasquatch in order to VIRAL-MARKET jerked meats!

Well the JERKS continue to engage in ANTI-HOMINOID HATE CRIMES!!! This time they harass an innocent Sasquatch who was minding his own business TRYING TO CATCH A FISH, ENJOYING AMATEUR LEPIDOPTERY, and WALKING DOWN A HUMAN ROAD!!!

SASQUATCH EXTINGUISHES FLAME!!!
SASQUATCH RUSHES TO EXTINGUISH DANGEROUS OPEN FLAME LEFT BY HUMAN JERKS!!!

WORST OF ALL, the Humans also engage in RECKLESS BEHAVIOR by leaving an UNATTENDED, LIT FLAME IN THE FOREST!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO BURN DOWN OUR HOME!?!

Is SMOKEY THE BEAR not getting through to you PYRO­MANIACAL PIP­SQUEAKS!?! Is he too GENTLE to make an impression on you!? Perhaps there should be a SMOKEY THE SASQUATCH instead:

"PREVENT FOREST FIRES OR I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF!!!"