Although it may not seem it at first, Christopher R. Davy's 2001 patent application for The Tachyon Transceiver is the heart-warming, feel-good patent application of the summer.
What is a Tachyon Transceiver? Davy claims:
The Tachyon Transceiver(s) can send or receive a resonance from one point in spacetime to another point in spacetime instantaneously without a relativistic time-delay.
Interesting, but probably not as practical as St. Clair's Remote Viewing Amplifier. As we shall see, however, the real interest here isn't technological, but human.
After two formal coversheets from the Canadian patent office, we're greeted with a charming one paragraph abstract of the invention:
to: Canadian Intellectual Property Office
from: Christopher R. Davy
re: Patent Application # 2,307,473
abstract description: technical field is telecom-
munications; cavity quantum electrodynamics
the Davy tachyon transceiver transformer
transforms superluminal tachyon spacetime quanta
energy by means of magnetic induction between a
superluminal electron pole through a Davy-Klein-
Lobatchevskian-wormhole-spacetime singularity *
(see letter s to Simon Davy and to Dr. Brian Boe
contained within this application) by conforming
a relativistically contracted electron through a
Lorentz transformation to Davy-Klein-Lobatchevskian
wormhole-spacetime-singularity conditions in
vacuum connecting a resonance instantaneously
without relativistic time-delay by means of electron
tachyon-metamorphosis in vacuum, which connects
resonance instantaneously to another cavity quantum
electrodynamic vacuum tuned to the pre-stated
vacuum cavity conditions."
(Charming because it was typed on an actual mechanical typewriter. You can tell because the n key jammed or fell off or something so all the ns had to be written in by hand.)
This leads into a more professionally presented copy of Davy's seminal (but presumably unpublished) 1997 paper titled "TACHYONS as SUPERLUMINAL AETHERIAL ASPECTS in the THEORY of PHILHARMONICS: Further Triangulations and Interpretations in Constructing a Comprehensive Unified Physical Theory", which touches on numerous subjects from the history of advanced physics, including Lord Kelvin's vortex atom theory, as well as matters both metaphysical and theological.
In it, Davy promises that his Theory of Philharmonics will transcend Relativity and conventional Quantum Theory to allow for communication faster than the speed of light, which would mean...
...the realization of the possibility to communicate technologically with history (at least as far back as radio was invented) which could mean a continual reharmonization of not just the 20th century but also the history of human endeavour. By feeding back information into the information-loop of history we could hope (ESPecially) to prevent wars, accidents, and all kinds of other disharmonics.
Most of this writing is rather dry, heady stuff meant for serious theorists without exciting, St. Clairian details of hyperdimensional adventure. However, it does have a few bomb-dropping endnotes to keep less technical readers interested:
108. Tachyons could be considered as INTELLIGENT, CONSCIOUSLY IN TUNE FREE STRINGS!!! of varying lengths connecting and reconnecting in superluminal UniTY and Harmony; The Tachyon-aether could be the "Divine Wind" or the "Breath of God" or the MESSENGER OF THE LIVING THOUGHTS OF THE ALMIGHTY'S UNIVERSE!!!!"
After his paper, there's a printed-out copy of a letter (abruptly ending mid sentence with printer-failure-gobbledegook) that Davy sent to two professors at the University of Georgia and a physics professor at the University of Toronto asking for assistance in developing and patenting the Tachyon Transceiver.
It's at this point that the patent application takes an unexpectedly poignant turn with the inclusion of a photocopied envelope with "Field of Dreams Letter to Simon" written in the corner. Simon, we shall learn, is Simon Davy, Christopher's son and appointed patent agent.
What follows is a touching, hand-written personal letter from Davy to his son, filled with fatherly advice, words of encouragement and unconditional support, lepton metamorphosis, promises of riches, and numerous references to the Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams (Simon had given it to his father as a gift and he obviously found in it much inspiration):
I'm enclosing this letter to you in a Magic envelope which I received from the Editors of the Scientific Journals Physical Review and Physical Review Letters, (the Magic envelope I received in December of 1996). During December of 1995 and January of 1996 I was doing an experiment because I was interested in trying to explain a possible connection between Metaphysics and Physics and as I wanted to describe the Physics of a transfer of a resonance between the superluminal frame of reference where velocities are >c, the velocity of light, and the subluminal frame of reference where velocities are <c, I created an equation describing this possible energy transfer which is described as "ty" in the copy of my thesis which I gave you. There was a famous baseball player who was an amazing hitter by the name of Ty Cobb; his batting average was .367 which is better than just OK! So if you want to play catch, here is a golden opportunity to do better than Ty! I completed my thesis in Nov. of 1997 whereby I connected my new work to the work of other Physicists which was a lot of work. Recently I have just completed work describing how the energy transfer is made possible between the superluminal frame of reference and the subluminal frame of reference which I mailed to my colleagues Dr. Brian Boe, professor of Mathematics at the University of Georgia and his wife Theresa Brunasso who is a practicing electrical engineer and to Dr. Aephraim Steinberg at the University of Toronto's Physics Dept. on Friday Apr. 1st, 2000, so together we form a "quartet" Guild so we can construct my invention of the tachyon transceiver.
This letter to you is a golden opportunity for a Knight to join the Guild and to "play catch" (I refer to the Wonderful Gift you gave me "Field of Dreams" for inspiration Because you can accomplish what you desire and if we're going to "play catch and share the same Dream" I'm throwing the ball to you because you have to catch this pitch and you have to throw it back if we're going to play "catch catch and share the same Dream"; after you catch it you can be hitter or first baseman or relief pitcher! If you want to you can be starting pitcher because I started you with Mom! Once you decide to pitch you'll be awesome!
In my new work I describe how the resonance is transfered between the superluminal frame of reference and the subluminal and I created two new hypotheses and therefore two new discoveries; the resonance is transfered through lepton metamorphosis and through a relativistically contracted electron singularity. An electron is conformed to a specific (Lobatchevskian geometry) and conformed by a Lorentz transformation to create this specific configuration space in vacuum.
Without a hypothesis a discovery cannot be described and so an invention cannot be realized. Therefore the hypothesis is the invention. When the hypothesis is verified by experiments my dream and invention of the tachyon transceiver will be realized! So this is a very exciting time for me! What could be accomplished by you (if you're interested) is to calculate how much tachyon energy can pass through from the superluminal frame of reference to the subluminal frame of reference per unit time, (where time is measured in seconds in the subluminal frame of reference) which we might also call the Young-Davy crossing energy relation (there was also a famous scientist by the name of Young who performed what is known as the "double-slit" experiment which described the dual particle-wave nature of light). In my recent work (which I sent to the other members of the quartet) I have created new equations which could help you solve this problem. I will give you a hint? My equations describe the existence of a superluminal soliton monopole and also (1)+ how the resonance is transfered through the spacetime singularity is (3.) through Lepton metamorphosis, so actually there are 3 hypotheses in my most recent work two of which, (the realtivistically contracted electron forming the spacetime singularity and the Lepton metamorphosis hypotheses are new and also integral within the specifications for the design of the tachyon transceiver.
Now, because there are two poles to every magnet, you could attempt to discover what the other pole is which I stated is the electron! So the other magnetic pole is actually an electron which carries an electric charge which is what we see and use every day! I think you're quite capable of solving any problem and so if you decide to solve the crossing energy relation, when you solve it, the scientific community would describe your equations as the Young-Davy energy relations!
I ask you to please borrow the copy of Field of Dreams from me if you want to be inspired; remember it is DOCTOR GRAHAM in that story who is the biggest star! You and your sister are already naturally my brightest stars so far! So if you want to play catch with me son, you have to throw the ball back and because you are more naturally gifted than I because your Mother gifted me with you, please don't throw it so it breaks a window and don't throw it back so high that I can't understand you! We can all be star players when we use God's talents that God gave us to help one another achieve Great and Wonderful things!
Now my Dream may not be your Dream but you are already in My Dream because Love created you and I think you're going to play in the Big League because you are my Son because you're already in the Big League with me because you are my Son (Naturally). You're also supernatural with me because I support any wonderful decisions you decide to make! So if you want to study business or banking or what-have-you, then that is great also, just remember that it is DOCTOR Graham who was the real star in the Field of Dreams.
Get this letter to your Grandmother as soon as possible!
So perhaps your Grandmother can help use your talents to help Dr. Steinberg register my patent for my invention of the tachyon transceiver. You should talk to your Grandmother about these financial and legal agreements because she is a great short-stop and knows how to deal with these situations so that I and you can receive some good RoyalTY monies. That would also be a big help and give us a terrific game of catch and so you and I can be very wealthy. I have worked on my transceiver project for a very long time and I want to be paid very well for my efforts. I have asked Brian and Theresa to assist with registering the patent in the U.S.A. and you and Dr. Steinberg to assist with the registration and development of my invention in Canada. So if you want to, this is a golden opportunity to play catch because I love you and your Mother and Grandmother also! Also, I think you should keep mum about it with Mom because I don't want her to get into a "tither" and that way, may be I'll ask her for a dance someday! She'll find out someday from Nana Em what's happening, I'm sure!
This invitation to be a partner in the development of my invention and to play physics catch is valid and good provided we can agree that I and you KEEP an amount and share an amount that is agreeable to myself and with myself and that is also agreeable to you and with you. Also KEEP this letter and the Magical envelope it arrived in because you are very sentimental to my Heart and with my Heart and because also you may decide to be a Doctor someday!
Love, Dad, CHRISTOPHER R. DAVY
Also, I've got a new official League baseball to give you with your name on it. I'll send it to you at a superluminal velocity because together when I pitch it to you because you're my Son, I know you'll hit it right out of the galaxy!
[Addendum with directives on the patent application]
I give Simon Davy permission here to act as Chris Davy's patent agent! I love you Simon, keep it under your hat so it can go into our pocket. Don't talk to your girlfriend about it after we're registered (and therefore rich + famous).
Act with great speed, May the force be with you
Drive carefully etc.
Do it NOW!
or we might not be as rich and famous
(The application closes with three pages of diagrams and equations hand-scribbled on ruled notebook paper.)
While this patenty paean to paternal love and Lorentz transformations is all very satisfyingly "Schrödinger's Cat's in the Cradle", I'm left with questions: Did Simon follow in his father's footsteps, working to finish the equations for the Young-Davy energy relations necessary to realize the Tachyon Transceiver, or did he follow his own path to earn an MBA in Banking or what-have-you? Did Simon's mother or girlfriend find out what's happening, and if so did either get into a tither? Will the Tachyon Transceiver be constructed, bringing riches to the Davys and allowing the reharmonization of the past? Has that already happened in the future, the past will having have been reharmonized, causing us all to be living in a temporal knot in the information-loop of history?
If only Davy was as prolific a patentor as St. Clair we might have answers.
UPDATE: That esp@cenet site that I linked to for the patent is flaky as hell and will sometimes quit working properly, which is a real shame since its database has patents from all over the world. If you're having trouble getting the patent to load, here's the Canadian Patent Office site's version. Its number is CA2307473.