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The Belgian

Probo, The Knuffelrobot!

The Belgian | 2009-04-22.1310 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | Simulacra | Technology

Kinderen! Leave your parents and come to Belgium! You now have all the love you need here... You now have Probo, the Knuffelrobot!

Who is Probo? Probo was the mammouth or the mastodont or something like the olifant, yes? Only he was even more intelligent! And green! He was frozen in ice 20.000 years ago. The eons, they passed. His body, it was gebroken by the freezing process. But his brain, it was intact! The gedachten, they were still there! L'esprit de l'éléphant, she lives!

The brave and handsome Belgian scientists, they discovered Probo and brought him to the Vrije Universiteit Brussel. The roboticists there -- the most intelligent roboticists in all the world -- they made a new body for Probo. A better body! One with the servos and the actuators and the cables that move the attractive olifantssnuit and the belly that is actually the computer screen... like the British Teletubbies, only superior, yes? C'est fantastique!

Here, you see how Probo's new body works:

And Probo's mind? It was uploaden to the computer that controls the robot body. Probo was not concerned about this... Probo likes being the mind living inside the computer! It is... how you say? liberating! (Do not ask where we Belgians get the gedachtenoverdracht technology. It is the harmless state secret. No need for you to be concerned. Do not listen to the paranoid lies of M. Zapato!)

When the gedachten uploaden was complete and the old body was discarded, Probo's new body was covered in the foam and the soft plush material. Now Probo, he is your huggable robotic friend! He is the Knuffelrobot!

Probo, he loves the kinderen, and the kinderen, they love Probo! We have the totally real foto to prove it! Look:

Source: Getty Images

Even the adults, they love Probo too! See, we have the real foto of that as well:

Source: Getty Images

It is only one Probo now, but the Belgian roboticists will make many more Probo bodies and uploaden many copies of Probo's mind to them. Soon, all the kinderen in Belgium will have a Probo of their own! Do not be left out. Become a Belgian and you will get a Probo too!

Then, who knows... Maybe someday you will uploaden your mind to the robot body just like Probo. Then you can swing your own olifantssnuit and watch your own belly screen! Probo enjoys it... I think you would too, yes?

End of post.