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Radical Sasquatch


Radical Sasquatch | 2006-01-10.3705 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

The persecution of Hominoids around the world by Human cryptoperverts continues! In particular, Asia is seeing an outbreak of ANTI-HOMINOID ACTIVITIES!!!

Recently, the Humans of Malaysia have increased their harassment of the Hantu Jarang Gigi, Mawas, Kaki Besar, and other Malay Hominoid groups -- taking unauthorized, invasive photographs of their footprints and threatening to STEAL LOCKS OF THEIR HAIR!!! Furthermore, agents of the Human government are actively seeking to exploit our brothers and sisters in order to draw cryptozoologists to Malaysia who wish to stalk innocent Hominoids -- UNDOUBTEDLY FOR PERVERTED REASONS!!!

In Kerala forest in India, Human S R KRISHNASWAMY is invading Matdngdng homes and spying on their family life! WHAT BUSINESS OF HIS IS MATDNGDNG SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS?!

MEANWHILE IN CHINA!!! Yeren homeland -- shamelessly renamed "Shennongjia Nature Reserve" by occupying Human forces in honor of Human who ATE YEREN HERBS WITHOUT PERMISSION!!! -- will be closed to Humans for three moons while Yeren repair the damage nosey Humans have done to the forest! I HAVE HEARD HOWL THAT MANY CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT STONES AND TWIGS HAVE BEEN STREWN ABOUT AND NEED REORGANIZING!!! However, the closure will not solve the root Human problem since agents of the Human occupying government are threatening to build a giant-metal-dragonfly roost in the area to cater to the global crypto-tourism trade! HUMANS, I HOWL TO YOU: WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SASQUATCH OPENED A HUMAN PARK FOR HOMINOID LIMB-RIPPING TOURISTS?! I didn't think so...!

THESE ARE BUT A FEW GRIEVANCES!!! Sasquatch leadership is needed to stem the tide of global anti-Hominoid persecution! I call on Sasquatch Elders to send Militia forces to join with our Yeti allies in the Himalayas so that we may RAIN DOWN BOULDERS ON THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS OF ASIA!!! Only then will Asian Hominoids be free to live their lives unmolested, secure in their personoids and footprints!

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