Zapato Productions


Created: 1999-10-09 | Updated: 2016-02-18

Who Is Lyle Zapato?

The following redacted dossier file on Mr. Zapato was smuggled out of a filing cabinet in the main office of a black helicopter farm by loyal Cascadian Sasquatch operatives...

Lyle Zapato

Composite sketch of Mr. Zapato, based on testi­mony of NWO informants. (NOTE: Subject usually wears make-shift psycho­tronic shielding; ap­proach with caution)

Zapato, Lyle

Alias(es): Mr. Zapatopi, Mr. Zoam,              , Zao Shoo
Born: 1972, Scorpio
Residence:               , Republic of Cascadia
Occupation(s): President & CEO of Zapato Productions Intradimensional, Author, Artist, Mental Security Expert, Hominoid Liasion for the Republic of Cascadia, Revolutionary
Education: MA in Psychothermodynamics from Kelvinic University
Language(s): Cascadese, English, Sasquatch, C, E, REXX, Semaphore
Politics: Nonlinear transarchist
Archnemesis: Dr. Ernesto
Religion: Kelvinism (Reformed)
Motto: Ex demento scientia
Marital Status: Single
Martial Status: Armed, Dangerous
Paranoid Level: Advanced
Substance Abuse: Non-smoker/non-drinker, recreational freon use
Phobias: Really small helicopters and falling from airplanes
Weaknesses:            ­                 
Crimes: Revealing classified information to unauthorized non-NWO members, trafficking in anti-psychotronic materials and information, agitating Sasquatch revolt, tampering with juvenile black helicopters,               ­        , aiding and abetting escaped Belgian citizens, hacking simulacra, mind-control evasion, general subversion of Order
Mission Statement: "End subjugation of humanity under Entropic yoke of clandestine and/or paraterrestrial agencies through technological, informational, and spiritual empowerment of individuals employing, but not exploiting, the synergistic leveraging of enterprise level subversion."