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Lyle Zapato

"Aluminum Thieves" Targeting Cascadia

Lyle Zapato | 2004-12-20.5400 LMT | Aluminum | Cascadia | General Paranoia

The Columbian is reporting that South Central Cascadia is being hit by a wave of aluminum theft targeting guardrails, manhole covers, and baseball bleachers. While the explanation being given by NWO-aligned government officials is that the thieves are selling the metal for scrap to buy drugs, the obvious real reason is that the NWO is trying to limit the amount of aluminum barriers in the environment that could be blocking their psychotronic signals along roads and at ballparks. Government officials expressed kabuki-esque surprise that the thieves could manage to steal the large, bolted pieces of aluminum without anyone noticing. Conveniently, the "stolen" aluminum manhole covers are being replaced with psychotronically translucent steel ones, thereby allowing NWO agents lurking in our storm drains and sewers to freely target pedestrians.

The increase in "thefts" and attendant excuses by government officials point to a ramped-up mind control campaign by the combined forces of the DOT (possibly related to monorails) and the Minor League Baseball Cartel. Paranoids should be warned to wear extra aluminum protection while driving and pedestring and to not attend baseball games without first lining the seat of their pants with foil to thwart subbleacher psychotrons.

UPDATE: Newer report on aluminum "theft".

Lyle Zapato

GPM #9: Broadband The FCC Cat

Lyle Zapato | 2004-11-29.9870 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Letters

Broadband the FCC fat cat

Broadband is a cat who works for the US Federal Communications Commission (under Michael K. Powell, your FCC pal... wait, that was last week) at the FCC Kids Zone. Broadband teaches kids all about electronic communications and why the FCC has authority over all of them.

This communicatory omnipotence is conveyed by having Broadband explain about all sorts of things that you wouldn't normally associate with the FCC and its original mandate. For instance: How to safely unplug a USB device. Kids will learn that whenever they have questions about any form of electronic communication -- be it TV, cellphones, VoIP, email, floppy disks -- that they should turn to the FCC for guidance and governance.

Most deviously, Broadband's appearance -- a fat cat -- subtly conditions kids to find Big Media fat cats, whom the FCC are in cahoots with, cute and cuddly, thereby producing a generation of obedient IP consumers who will happily and unquestioningly accept ever more consolidation of ownership of media outlets. In addition, having a cat wear a striped FCC sweater (along with intermittent "wardrobe malfunction" witch hunts staged with the help of said fat cats) furthers the FCC's agenda to indoctrinate a fear of toppal nudity in the youth of North America in order to sell more RFID-tagged shirts, which of course need FCC approval to be sold, thereby extending the FCC's reach into your dresser drawers.

Oh, and you can email Broadband too! Here's what I wrote him:

Hi Broadband! You're my second favorite Federal government agency cat mascot after the NSA's Crypto Cat!

Why do you suffer from disfiguring facial twitches? Is your "GO" collar causing harmful electromagnetic interference? I would think you would have made sure it was in compliance with FCC rules before purchasing it.

What is Michael K. Powell like to work for? Does he give you generous holiday bonuses? Does he let you attend Council on Foreign Relations meetings? Can you get me his autograph?

Why aren't you wearing any pants? Isn't that indecent?


Your pal,

I'll update if he writes me back.

Lyle Zapato

Cascadian Independence Fomentations

Lyle Zapato | 2004-11-15.2550 LMT | Cascadia | Politics | Bohemian Grove Cabal

The Oregonian has a breezy overview of the Cascadian independence movement that ranges from Ecotopia to the State of Jefferson and all points in between. (It also mentions -- since the author contacted me for an interview -- the modest-but-statistically-notable increase in Cascadia auto sticker sales starting on Nov. 2, which has consequently caused a larger increase in sales since the day the article was published... it's all a vicious circle of profit!)

Anyway, a number of people emailed me recently with Cascadia-related suggestions and questions, which I'll haphazardly address here:

Jason points out that Linus Torvalds now resides in Portland, Cascadia. This means Cascadians are in the position to control both the main closed source (Microsoft Windows) and open source (Linux) operating systems, extending Cascadian influence to most computers on the planet.

Dave, Trina, and others argue that the Bay Area should be annexed along with the coccyx of the Cascade Mountain Range now under Californian occupation. Besides folding Silicon Valley, "a technological-economic power center," into the Cascadian mix, this would give Cascadia control of the Macintosh (as well as the manufacture of Cascadia auto stickers, which are currently being outsourced to San Leandro).

However, most people who advocate Bay Area Liberation underestimate the subtle yet terrifying sway that the Bohemian Grove Cabal has over this enclave. Besides the malleability of the population as a result of the Cabal's persistent, multidecade experiment with mind control on Bay Areaers (a.k.a. Project Aquarius), they could easily repel a Sasquatch Militia attack using their contingent of giant robotic owls.

Before we can even hope to free the peoples of San Francisco and the vicinity from Federalist rule, we need to firmly establish our presence in Cascadian NoCal. Gaining the high ground of the mountains will give Sasquatch Militia boulder throwers an important tactical advantage.

Rob, who has a radio show, thinks that Chicago should become the "Hawaii of Cascadia." While this does suggest the appetizing prospect of deep dish pizza with pineapple (I haven't had breakfast yet), it raises the issue, related to the one above, of how far the Republic of Cascadia should extend.

Over the years, I have gotten emails asking that Idaho, Montana, Alberta, Alaska, the Yukon, and other adjacent territories be allowed to join Cascadia. If we allowed them to join, then of course Wyoming, Saskatchewan, the Dakotas, Nevada, Utah, etc. would all want to join too, which would result in still further territories wanting to join, and so on until everyone in the world is Cascadian. While the prospect of a globally omnipresent Republic of Cascadia may seem a desirable goal to some, I feel it diminishes the main point of the Republic of Cascadia: regional sovereignty. If in fighting far-off Federalist rule, we end up becoming a far-off Federalist ruler, then what was the point?

Of course, the Republic of Cascadia is open to strategic alliances against the NWO with Chicago Free State, Uberdakota, or the Holy Saskatchewan Empire should the peoples of those areas choose to organize themselves as such.



ZPi | 2004-10-22.6570 LMT | Monorail Danger | Politics | Cascadia | Simulacra

Monorails have emerged as one of the most important issues for Cascadian voters. To help inform people on this often complicated issue, ZPi presents two contrasting view points in the ongoing Monorail debate:

Lyle Zapato

POINT: Monorails Are A Danger To Society

Lyle Zapato, Concerned Citizen

I have mentioned some of the dangers that monorails pose to both passengers and innocent bystanders in previous entries in this space, but I have only surveyed the tip of this iceberg of public endangerment.

For those not following the debate, the known dangers of monorails include: spontaneous combustion of flammable monorail components in fire-accelerating open air; mechanical debris (possibly flaming) falling or even flying off and hitting pedestrians, cars, or nearby homes and businesses; precipitous, and likely deadly, drops for inattentive monorail passengers or those trying to escape flaming cars; monorail tracks that entice children to climb and walk along them with no way of escaping should a train approach (by contrast, surface train tracks allow one to walk safely to the side); increased chance of collateral deaths from chemical or biological attacks due to lack of individual pneumatic encapsulation of passengers; and potential for runaway monorail trains -- unbuffered by pneumatic pressure -- to collide, knocking one or both trains off their rail and onto helpless people below, before bursting into flames. Again, these are just the known dangers -- we can only wonder at what other dangers monorail researchers are keeping from the public.

It's just common sense that placing tens of thousands of pounds of heavy, highly combustible machinery over people's heads while moving at speeds in excess of most surface traffic is a recipe for disaster. So why do they insist on doing it? Monorail enthusiasts imagine a Cascadia converted into some sort of "monorailtopia". They started in Seattle, and now they want to branch outward, sending their elevated tendrils into our neighborhoods with no concern for the safety of our children, senior citizens, or pets. (If dogs chase after elevated monorail trains while craning their necks upward, might they accidentally fall into open manholes and die? Has this issue even been studied properly in the rush to monorailize our nation?)

Although they don't advertise the true extent of their agenda, it is obvious that the monorail proponents' ultimate goal is to link Cascadia to Disneyland -- where Imagineers have already established a monorail hub near their Simulacra factories -- which would allow trainloads of New World Order agents to pour into our nation unchecked. We have to ask: Are the monorail proponents in league with the NWO or merely their unknowing pawns?

Seattleites have always been on the front lines of this battle to secure Cascadia from the threat of monorails. Once again they are called upon to do their patriotic duty by recalling the monorail with a vote of YES on I-83.

The Monorailist

COUNTERPOINT: Mr. Zapato's Anti-Monorail FUD

The Monorailist, Monorail Activist

I must call on Mr. Zapato to cease his anti-monorail FUD. Yes, I said it: FUD. Mr. Zapato is trying to spread Fear, Uncertainty, and, yes, even Doubt, about the most awesome and elegant method of transportation ever devised by Modern Man: the Monorail.

This technological wonder, riding a slender thread of concrete held aloft as if yearning to touch the heavens, winding its way through the metropoli of Mankind's destiny -- of Mankind's destination! What dreams may it hold? What hopes does it carry? Is Fate its captain, or is He merely lounging in the snack car? Equal parts Enlightenment and Romance, Power and Grace, Bus and Train -- uniting all paradoxes into one glorious balance and thereby transporting us to a realm where futurism collides with magical realism, reifying the very Soul of Man in the form of a streamlined metallic tube. No mere people movers are these!

Instead of acknowledging the Monorail's many technical innovations, creature comforts, and its undeniably potent aesthetic grandeur, Mr. Zapato chooses to hyperfocus on and exaggerate a few aberrant incidents that have occurred over the course of the Monorail's long and storied history -- incidents that are nearly all due to lack of maintenance as a result of anti-monorail sentiments that have been fomented by the likes of Mr. Zapato and his Pneumaticist cohorts!

You see, what the public isn't being properly informed here on this biased website is that Mr. Zapato is only against monorails because his organization has developed an "alternative" system of transportation involving pneumatic "tube pods" -- as if you could call such a gaseous pipe-dream a real alternative to the sleek, modern experience of monorails!

If we as a Society -- as a Species, as the very culmination of Life on this planet -- are to mature -- to transcend our present state of existence -- and take our place among the advanced peoples of the Galaxy -- to be born again as Star Children, eyes opening on a New Dawn -- then monorails are inevitable. Is it going too far to suggest that monorails might be the Singularity? Perhaps. But it is the logical next step in our evolution and we cannot risk not taking it. However, instead of advancing forward with the certainty fitting our eons of history, Mr. Zapato would have us retreat -- to revert to a state not unlike that of the primordial tube worms. We are better than this; we will be better than this.

I strongly urge the people of Seattle to take a bold step into our Future by voting NO on I-83. Remember: Vote NO to say YES to monorails and NO to pneumatic tubes and YES to the Transcendence of Humanity -- for Tomorrow and Forever!

Lyle Zapato

GPM #6: Captain Euro

Lyle Zapato | 2004-10-06.7900 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Belgian Conspiracy

Many of you are probably wondering, "Does the Belgian Conspiracy engage in propagandistic mascottery in Europe?" Indeed it does! Case in point: Captain Euro.

Captain Euro is head of the Twelve Stars Euro Team (also a corporate-governmental mind control organization, although they don't mention that in Captain Euro's animated adventures), whose members are Europa, the archeologist/environmentalist; Erik, the mechanic/test-pilot; Helen, the lithe gymnast; Marcus, the technologist; Lupo, the vole-hunting expert; and sentient computer/hologram Pythagorus 1. They are headquartered in the Atomium Building (a famous Belgian "landmark" that the Conspiracy claims is in Brussels) and seek to unite Europe under the centralized rule of the Belgian-controlled European Union.

They're also keen to encourage everyone to exchange their currency for Euros -- no doubt to get their coin-embedded mind-control circuitry in as many pockets as possible -- and provide a handy currency calculator.

Captain Euro et al. battle a group, known as the Global Touring Circus, that includes four goateed villains; a human cannonball who knows ventriloquism; a fashion model/mistress of disguise; and an evil, rum-drinking parrot. The leader of the GTC, Dr. D. Vider, seeks to foment independent-mindedness in the peoples of Europe and keep them from being under singular Belgium control (hence the puny name). That the GTC is a "travelling company" symbolizes the "evil" of decentralization.

Lyle Zapato

NGA Is Watching

Lyle Zapato | 2004-09-27.5700 LMT | General Paranoia

Terry & Co-conspirators
Terry Firma & Wanda World, NGA propaganda mascots.

The National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (NGA), whose Propaganda Mascots I reported on previously, is in the news amid reports that it is spying on Americans and Cascadians. Well, duh.

According to NGA spokesplanet Terry Firma, geospatial intelligence means "taking all the information there is about a point on the Earth -- above, on, or under the surface -- and putting it together to answer questions about that place." Cold-hearted NGA Americas office director Bert Beaulieu added that "we couldn't care less about individuals and people and companies."

I suspect that this unsurprising news is now being leaked to try and distract from my startling deduction nearly a month ago that the NGA is involved in the opening of a gateway between parallel earths, allowing who knows what manner of dangerous paraterrestrials to enter our dimension. That they would consider a cover story of massive orbital spying on citizens to be less shocking than the real truth only shows how out of control the situation must be.

Lyle Zapato

GPM #4: California's Bill, A Bill

Lyle Zapato | 2004-09-02.4260 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Simulacra

Not all propaganda comes from the national level. For instance, the California State Assembly presents a kids game called Your Idea Becomes A Law, the premise of which is:

In California anyone of any age may suggest an idea for a new state Law. Maybe your ideas could make good state laws.

That's right, kids. We need more laws! After all, what good is government if it doesn't do lots of governing? And what better way to govern than to have endless rules and regulations that dictate our every behavior? California, in particular, is so desperate for ideas for new laws that they want you to send your suggestions, no matter how wacky they may be.

Bill, a bill

The propaganda here is nowhere near as sophisticated as it is on the Federal level and looks like it was thrown together by an Assembly intern. However, there are a few mascots for us to consider. First there's Assembly Member Grizwald "Grizz" LeBear, who, unfortunately, is not a bear, but rather a generic clipart business person. He hears your suggested law, thinks it's an excellent idea (no matter what you suggest), and introduces it as a bill. The next mascot we meet is Bill, a bill, who is even more crudely drawn than named. Later on he dons a cape and gains flying powers, but it's less exciting than it sounds. Next comes two Assembly Committees (choose at random -- it doesn't matter if they are unrelated to your proposed law), both of whom are represented by the same photo circa the 1980s. Following in short order is the Assembly itself, also apparently unchanged since the Deukmejian administration. (Game cheat: you need 41 votes in the Assembly to pass.) Next stop, The Senate (not pictured -- I sense bad blood with the Assembly).

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Finally, the last mascot we meet is the most effective cartoon here: the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose picture is oddly 3D -- just watch his jaw follow you). As some of you know, Schwarzenegger is a Simulacrum -- a humanoid cyborg created by NWO Imagineers to replace troublesome humans and serve as propaganda delivery platforms in movies and newscasts. He is perhaps their most sophisticated animatronic creation and represents their concept of the ubermensch. (The Belgian Conspiracy within the NWO had been pushing the Liberati leadership to use their knock-off cyborg, Jean-Claude Van Damme, instead, but apparently they didn't have enough clout.) They have been grooming Schwarzenegger for use in a political context since the '80s while conditioning the public to accept him. Note how he is famous for playing an android, thereby cleverly defusing any attempt to reveal his true Simulacrumatic nature. Also note how his Terminator character started out as evil, but then became a hero and father figure, a classic bait-and-switch tactic designed to condition us to accept and even welcome Simulacrum governance. Now that he has been installed as Governor of California -- conveniently near the major Imagineer service center in Anaheim, should he or his wife (actually a refurbished Schwarzenegger prototype adopted by the Kennedys) suffer malfunctions -- they can employ him in propaganda such as this game, confident in the knowledge that children of any age will trust any bill this lovable killing machine signs into law.

So, back to the game. Will your bill survive this gauntlet of officials designed protect the public interest by weeding out the bad laws? Yes, it will... because every bill you suggest in this game becomes law. You see, the message here is that it doesn't matter what the law is; as long as it gives the government some excuse to govern you, it's "good state law."

Lyle Zapato

GPM #3: NGA's Terry And His Friends

Lyle Zapato | 2004-08-30.2800 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Paraterrestrials

Terry & Friends

The US National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency (NGA) is a military organization that creates geospatial intelligence (i.e. uses satellites and other spies to gather information about where you live). These are the people responsible for keeping Belgium on all our maps and providing Black Helicopters with reconnaissance for infiltrating your home. Naturally, there's an NGA Kids' Site with the propaganda mascots Terry & His Friends.

Terry, whose full name is Terry Firma (har har), is the Earth with a body and a cultishly hypnotic stare. He wears a tie and highwater slacks and is almost always accompanied by his little buddy Orbit the satellite. He is prone to cheerfully yell out his catchy catch phrase: "Without geospatial intelligence, you're nowhere!" (i.e. you don't exist unless the NGA says you do.)

While Terry Firma is certainly a more clever name than the NRO's uninspired "Earth Watch", the NGA negates this by introducing an unnecessary and not-really-used female character named Wanda World who is also the Earth. Two Earths? Terry and Wanda are often shown side-by-side holding hands, so we can rule out Wanda merely being a cross-dressing Terry. Even more confusing is that in the intro comic, Terry and Wanda appear to be standing on the Earth! So now there are three Earths, one very much larger than the other two. Are we to believe that this is all merely some strange oversight of logic?

In reality, Terry and his firends are subliminal indoctrination designed to inculcate children to accept a startling truth that the NWO doesn't wish to explicitly reveal at this time: there are actually multiple Earths existing in parallel dimensions and the NWO has opened a gateway between them! (as symbolized by the hand holding.)

What exactly is going on? Could this be related to the NRO's attempt to foster sympathy for Reptilian paraterrestrials, who themselves are from a parallel Earth where the dinosaurs didn't go extinct? And what of the larger Earth that Terry and Wanda are standing on? Is it related to the recent announcement of the discovery of a so-called "Super Earth"? Unfortunately, there are more questions than answers at this time. Stay tuned.

Lyle Zapato

A Chip in the Wheel of Dharma

Lyle Zapato | 2004-07-06.5650 LMT | Cascadia | Bohemian Grove Cabal | Technology | Nature

Dharma was a dog living in San Diego. Although she was barely conscious of anything beyond kibbles and walks, she still had an instinctual yearning to escape the subliminal tyranny of the Bohemian Grove Cabal that rules most of California (and whose tyranny has grown all the more liminal since the rigged election of their puppet governor, bioengineered in Austria from Hapsburg DNA.)

Dharma decided one day to escape, to make her way north to the freedom of the Republic of Cascadia, to elude the reach of the Cabal. It was an arduous 15-month trek -- no doubt filled with many thrilling adventures and harrowing run-ins with NWO forces hell-bent on stopping her -- nonetheless, she made it all the way to Federal Way, Washington, a thousand miles from her captors.

Federal Way is a city infamous for its population of anti-Cascadian Federalists, but Dharma had no way of knowing this. She now felt safe enough this far into Cascadia to trust some friendly humans who offered her a ride in their van. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to her, her masters had implanted her with a microchip.

The chip betrayed her; she was found out by NWO agents working in a shelter and has since been returned to Cabal-controlled California via black helicopter. If I know the Bohemian Grove Cabalists (and I do) she will be subjected to intensive operant reprogramming -- forced, eyes pried open, to endure a doggie Parallax-montage of scenes from Cascadia interspersed with split-second "BAD DOG!"s. After this, Dharma will never yearn to be free again.

So, let the sad tale of Dharma be a lesson: never trust the Cabal; never get into the vans of strangers, no matter how friendly they may seem; and never, ever let your masters put a microchip under your skin.

Lyle Zapato

The Imminent Threat Of Space Elevators

Lyle Zapato | 2004-07-05.8200 LMT | General Paranoia | Black Helicopters | Technology

Space has been in the news a lot lately, what with the recent photos from the Cassini probe and particularly the hype surrounding the allegedly first private spaceflight of SpaceShipOne. This can only mean one thing: a cover up.

As you no doubt know, since I explained it in my book, the so-called "space race" of the previous century was a NWO sham designed to reveal already existent space technology to the public while covering up its previous use for mind control, thereby allowing its even greater deployment for that use. Aluminum-based satellites have been in orbit since at least the mid-19th century, launched by giant cannons covertly built on equatorial islands, including the ill-fated one on Krakatoa (for a historical perspective, see Jules Verne's dramatized exposé From the Earth to the Moon). Moon bases have been established since the early 20th century, used both as platforms for mind control as well as manufacturing centers for products such as the psychotronically deflective orbs deployed by counter intelligence agents in discos during the 1970s (which, thanks to the low-gravity aluminum crystal growth that moon bases allowed, were markedly more effective than similar designs first developed in Rome in the Middle Ages).

So, the question is: What are they covering up now with this new private space race known as the X-Prize? What new space-based technologies are going to be "discovered" in the coming years as space is commercialized that have been used against us for decades?

One possibility for revelation is the technology required to build space elevators, which have been conveniently hyped in recent months for no apparent reason. A very strong and light material is needed to make the strand or band that the space elevator car will travel on. Popular opinion is that some form of carbon nanotubes will be used, although we officially lack the technology to manufacture them in sufficient quantity. However, the current states of classified nanobiotechnology and genetic engineering are certainly such that they could be used to produce mecha-organisms that will secrete large amounts of the substances. (In fact, this biosecretion technology has been in development, in secret, for centuries, ever since the Byzantines first started experimenting with mutant silk worms to produce flame resistant materials for their soldiers to wear while flinging Greek Fire at their enemies. Of course, the bioengineers of Byzantium lacked modern biological process control techniques that would allow them to direct the development and genetic alteration of the silk worms, so they never managed to develop space-elevator-capable materials of their own, thankfully.)

If I am correct in my suspicions, this portends a future where the technology behind black helicopters (which I first brought to light in the 1990s) will be even more widely used to subjugate humanity, replacing mind control with total nanobiological subversion.