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Lyle Zapato

More Chennai Monorail Revelations

Lyle Zapato | 2006-01-20.5580 LMT | Politics

The Tamil Nadu Government is now claiming they went with a monorail because they feared a Chennai earthquake. Obviously, when the Big One hits, the best place to have multi-ton metal vehicles is balancing over the heads of pedestrians (not safely ensconced in pressurized, quake-resistant underground tubes).

Also, after a government assembly where critics were denied the ability to raise questions, PMK member G. K. Mani revealed that the monorail "bogies" the government plans to purchase are currently sitting abandoned in Malaysia. It's unknown at this time if they're in the same state of disrepair as the ones found in France, but considering how desperate Lava is to unload them, it would be wise to check the cars for vagrant orangutans before signing for them.

Lyle Zapato

Madras Monorail Malfeasance

Lyle Zapato | 2006-01-15.3330 LMT | Politics

DMK opposition party president M. Karunanidhi says the Tamil Nadu government, which recently threatened a new monorail project for the city of Chennai, has been involved in shady deals with monorailmongers Lava Consultants and Consortium Limited, a shadowy organization operating out of Malaysia, possibly from a secret layer hidden deep inside an active volcano, although this hasn't been confirmed.

According to Karunanidhi, the government had already completed talks with Lava prior to accepting bids for the project and there will be "kickbacks":

The project is estimated to cost around Rs 20,000 crore [200 billion rupees, or ~4.5 billion US$] of which Rs 1,000 crore will be given to a person in Tamil Nadu, and an individual living in Malaysia is holding talks with the government to finalise the project, as per information reaching us.

Will this turn out to be yet another monorail project mired in corruption and fiscal shenanigans that will ultimately leave citizens in transportation limbo? Undoubtedly yes. If only governments would consider wiser alternatives...

The Monorailist

India Has The Monorail!

The Monorailist | 2006-01-12.2270 LMT | Cascadia | Politics

News from the East! Chennai will be the first city in India to be monorailized!

The Tamil Nadu Government today announced it will implement the Monorail Rapid Transport System to reduce traffic congestion in Chennai city, making it the first in the country to have such a system.

Congratulations, and welcome to the Future! The concept of the Monorail, still largely unfamiliar to most Indians, was explained to Chennaites by News Today:

Monorail, the single-track upraised train service, is popular in many advanced countries (Japan, Malaysia, Australia, USA, to name a few).

This charmingly naïve tautology -- for to be advanced necessarily means embracing the monorail -- shows that India is finally awakening herself to Monorail Consciousness. And sure enough that consciousness will spread as two billion eyes open to the possibilities of the monorail; ND also reports that West Bengal, Karnataka, and Punjab are expected to follow Chennai's bold lead.

What effect will this have on tensions between India and Pakistan, who are planning their own monorail in Lahore? Will a common monorailular cause -- tying together the subcontinent in a glorious ribbon of unity made, and made of, concrete -- bring these two bitter adversaries together? I am certain the monorail holds forth to mankind the prospect for global unification -- uniting the divergent rails of social discord into one common path of agreeance -- and this could be the beginning.

But what of us? What of Seattle and the rest of Cascadia? Are we to outsource the Monorail Revolution? Will we be left below, to fend for ourselves on the cold, unforgiving streets, molested by biker gangs unguided by the rails of law and surrounded by the accumulating detritus of our failed technologies as India and others pass over us in luxurious comfort into humanity's destiny? We must not let this be our fate! We must get back on track! A dream derailed is a dream denied!

With Seattle going on it's 25th consecutive day of rain, could this not be a sign that we have disembarked at the wrong station? Need I point out that monorails, held high aloft the lapping waves of the flooded streets, are not hampered by such deluges?

While my primary concern is with the Elevationment of Humanity, this setback has affected me personally. The closure of the Seattle Monorail following that suspicious accident -- I suspect there is more going on than just pilot error and that Mr. Zapato has information he is withholding -- has left me stranded in my apartment since November.

Unable to reach the West Lake Center food court, I am living off of canned goods and what meager scraps I can come by. I would order take-out, but the local delivery boys have black-listed me since I mocked their primitive automobiles and bicycles. My neighbors have suggested I use the busses, but that is not an option. Once one has been elevated on a concrete beam of hope high enough to touch the very robe-hems of the Gods, one cannot -- no, will not! -- go back to those debased forms of transportation which one had transcended.

I have faith that the monorail will one day run again, but the situation seems as if it will only get worse before it will get better. Please, send fresh supplies and monorail technicians!

Lyle Zapato

Nanomonorails

Lyle Zapato | 2005-12-05.2540 LMT | Technology | NWO | Black Helicopters

Yet more on the Monorailist agenda operating inside of Cascadia. This time, they want you to wear nanoscopic monorails woven into your clothing:

Imagine clothing that repairs itself when damaged. Or structures that grow and change to adapt to changes in the environment, in much the same way as living things.

A key area of research leading toward this vision of the future involves building nanoengines and tiny shuttle systems that could be woven into the fabric of objects to transport materials at the molecular level. [Viola Vogel, director of the University of Washington's Center for Nanotechnology,] and her colleagues have been working on such systems -- a monorail at the nanoscale, as it were -- with some success.

Self-healing clothing is all fine and good, but what happens when your warp collides with your woof and spontaneously combusts?

Even more troubling, this development exposes strange new dealings between the Monorailists and NWO, makers of the Black Helicopters. Black Helicopters, as you will recall from the link you just clicked in the previous sentence, are grown from seed crystals using nanobiotechnology -- that is, nanotechnology that incorporates biological elements to create nanoscopic cyborgs. This is exactly the same technology, undoubtedly provided by the NWO, that Vogel is using to develop her nanomonorails:

In delving into the concept of nanoshuttles, Vogel and her team studied two motor proteins used for transport in the body: kinesin and myosin. Kinesin is found in all of the body's cells and moves along a cell's cytoskeleton -- a network of rigid microtubules that help impart shape and structure to a cell -- to carry neurotransmitters to where they are needed. Myosin is found in muscles, where it interacts with another protein, actin, to cause muscle contraction.

Vogel has already built a prototype nanomonorail shuttle powered by ATP and made of microtubules propelled by a stationary rail of kinesin (an inversion -- or should we say perversion -- of normal biology). She also used the cell growth factor biotin to bind cargo to the nanomonorail shuttle. All of these are biochemicals present in the human body, thus making her abomination a cybernetic human-monorail nanohybrid.

Clearly all this talk of structures that change to adapt to the environment is just an innocuous sounding cover story for the continual, gradual public acclimation to a new nanobiotechnological paradigm, one in which everyone will have nanomonorails coursing first through their homes, then their clothes, and eventually their bodies. Why bother with that messy business of inoculating cows with seed crystals when the NWO can simply transmogrify any one of us into a Black Helicopter at will?

Lyle Zapato

Carpetbagging Monorailists: A Cascadian Tradition

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-29.2150 LMT | Cascadia | Technology | Retro

There was a story on Evening Magazine last night about "The Northwest's 10 Greatest Unsolved Mysteries". Besides yet again bringing up D.B. Cooper -- whom you should all just forget you ever heard about -- it had one topical mystery I had somehow missed: the details surrounding a prototype monorail built on the Tacoma tideflats in 1910 or 1911.

William H. Boyes monorail prototype, from monorails.org

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Monorail Collision Aftermath

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-28.2230 LMT | Cascadia | Paraterrestrials

Monorail apologists are claiming that the accident was the fault of pilot error resulting from a 1988 track redesign intended to allow the monorail to dock at the then-new Westlake Center mall, and not caused by design flaws inherent in monorailular transportation.

But I disagree. Having a vehicle straddling a thin track (as opposed to, say, traveling safely inside a tube) increases the possibility for miscalculations in the inter-track distance necessary for bi-directional train clearance. It also invites planners into thinking they can get away with tracks too close together if they just institute passing protocols -- protocols which will eventually fail, as appears to be the current case. Clearly, monorails lead to sloppy engineering, which will lead to mass slaughter.

Meanwhile, the Seattle P.I. has quotes from pedestrians gawking at the stuck Monorail trains, which include this suspicious individual:

"It's an accident waiting to happen. Those tracks are too close together," said a man carrying a pet ferret.

Innocent, if overly obvious, observation from a man out walking his weasel or something more sinister? I reported previously on the Monorail-Paraterrestrial connection in Las Vegas. Now it seems that the Seattle Monorail collision has attracted even less savory paraterrestrial attention. It's highly likely that the above ferret owner is actually under the control of Ferretoids.

The Ferretoids -- pseudomammalian paraterrestrials from chilly Planet X somewhere in the Oort Cloud who operate on Earth from underground bases in Antarctica -- have been remotely infiltrating Seattle for over a decade via Starbucks franchises, which they use as fronts to infect would-be sycophants with mind-controlling brainworms that feed off of alkaloids found in coffee, particularly caffeine, to nurish their biopsychotronic organs. It is through these psychosycophants that the Ferretoids try to influence Earth affairs, since the planet is much too warm for them to venture out on their own.

The Ferretoids have long been trying to sabotage the activities of other paraterrestrials on Earth, not necessarily with any goal in mind, but just because they're a bunch of obnoxious jerks. If they learned that other paraterrestrials were involved in the spread of monorails, it would be entirely in character for them to send a lackey to the crash scene to bad-mouth monorails to the press.

While I agree with the statement about monorails being an accident waiting to happen, I must emphasize that I and Zapato Productions intradimensional are in no way supportive of Ferretoids or their agenda, whatever it may be. The Ferretoids are merely belligerent opportunists and would support monorails if they thought it would be annoying to other paraterrestrials.

Lyle Zapato

Monorail Collision Over Seattle

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-26.9450 LMT | Cascadia
AP Photo
(Fire added by ZPi to dramatize possible spontaneous combustion.)

Seattleites are again reminded why they voted "No" on dangerous monorails as tonight yet another accident occurred.

This time the Red and Blue monorail trains collided on a turn near Westlake, sending sparks flying and raining down shards of monorail glass on the streets below the track, narrowly missing slicing up innocent holiday shoppers who just want to live their lives in peace, unmolested by monorails. By sheer luck, only two of the 84 passengers sustained physical injuries requiring a trip to the hospital, although emotional scars will no doubt haunt them all for the rest of their lives -- as is the case with most monorail victims.

Passengers reported a loud, metal-on-metal screeching sound and people sliding out of their seats when the trains struck. In a notoriously unwise design decision, monorail trains -- although high-speed and elevated tens of feet off the ground -- are not equipped with seatbelts*. It was fortunate that no passengers flew out of their seats and through the ripped-off sliding door to their deaths on the sidewalk below.

Since the trains are elevated, evacuating all the passengers took over an hour and required fire ladders. If during that time the trains spontaneously combusted like one did last year, who knows how many passengers would have been cinderized in the blaze.

This is just the latest in a slew of recent accidents involving monorails around the world, including ones in Malaysia, California, and Las Vegas. So far no one has been killed, but it is just a matter of time.

* In contrast, ZPi Inteli-Tube pods are fully equipped with seatbelts and airbags. Plus, side collisions are not an issue since pods travel in enclosed tubes, with buffers of compressed air separating the pods before and after.

The Monorailist

Sink Faster, Dour Ship! The Future Is Rising!

The Monorailist | 2005-10-21.3800 LMT | Politics

Land! Land is what we need!

And land we shall finally have. The courts have recognized the rightful authority of the Seattle Monorail Project, saying that it may use eminent domain to condemn the "Sinking Ship" parking garage in Pioneer Square to make way for a much needed monorail station.

The Domain of the Monorail is most eminent indeed. Preeminent, in fact! If our monorailular destiny is to be made manifest -- as it must if there is to be any hope for the Elevationment of Humanity -- then the impediments of the past ought justly be stricken down so that the concrete tendrils of Lady Monorail may spread to all lands and take root in every neighborhood. I say: Let there be a pullulation of monorail stations! Parking garages be condemned!

Fear not, gentle Luddite motorists; the final plunge of the Sinking Ship will be no true loss. Parking shall be pointless in our monorailed future, as cars will have gone the way of the horse and buggy, and meter maids shall go begging on street corners for their precious coins. Take heart, for every end is a new beginning. The ghosts of the Seattle Hotel, long tormented by the noxious Cult of the Automobile, shall finally be put to rest in the luxurious temple of Righteous Monorailism, where in their peaceful slumber they will watch Humanity finally soar free twenty feet above the Earth.

I must admit disappointment at the leadership of the SMP for not being bold enough to exercise Section 8 and liberate Seattle, nevertheless the current problems are a momentary setback. The Monorail Project will push onward! While the new proposed line is shorter than previously planned, it will still let my fellow monorailists travel farther than ever before. And once the Self-Evident Truth of the Monorail is before the public, with the anti-monorail forces unable to deny it, the line will only grow.

Ever since my decision as a young boy to never travel by any nonmonorailular means, I have been somewhat limited in where I could go, a sacrifice I have gladly made for this most noble of causes. Yes, the Pacific Science Center and Westlake Center have served me well -- with their abundant shopping, dining, and science educational options -- but progress beckons. Oh, what brave new world lies beyond Westlake and the Space Needle? What strange people exist in those far-off lands? In due time, we shall find out, and we shall bring with us the gift of the Monorail.

Lyle Zapato

The Monorail-Paraterrestrial Connection

Lyle Zapato | 2005-09-26.1140 LMT | NWO | Paraterrestrials

Thanks to the last minute pressure from Seattle Mayor and pneumatic-tube-supporter Greg Nickels, Cascadia is safe from NWO monorail incursions for the time being.

Meanwhile, the citizens of Las Vegas are just now starting to understand the true Monorailist agenda:

Klingon and Andorian ride the monorail

Sept. 22, 2005 -- Twelve aliens suddenly materialized from a wall of space fog as they invaded the Las Vegas Monorail today. Klingon Lieutenant Commander Voq'ha announced that the delegation of Klingons, Vulcans, Borgs, Romulans, Ferengi, and Andorians would ride the Las Vegas Monorail each day until the end of the year. As they visit Earth, on an intergalactic reconnaissance mission, they will interact with the tens of thousands of Las Vegas visitors who ride the monorail every day.

...

"From the farthest reaches of the universe we have watched the Las Vegas Monorail operate flawlessly since the Earth month of January,"* proclaimed Lieutenant Commander Voq'ha ... "We consider this invasion a peaceful reconnaissance mission and plan to learn more about the monorail which we have identified as the most technologically advanced public-transit system in the Milky Way galaxy."

(* Note how this conveniently overlooks the less-than-flawless operations prior to January.)

While the paraterrestrials were fake (as far as we know), this stunt clearly shows that Monorailists are conspiring with real paraterrestrial forces to inculcate acceptance of paraterrestrial activities on Earth's public transportation systems. Furthermore, Monorailists want to share our secrets with them:

"It is an unprecedented honor to welcome this prestigious delegation to Earth," said Curtis Myles, president and CEO of the Las Vegas Monorail Co. "We intend to openly share our public-transit technologies with Lieutenant Commander Voq'ha and the other delegates, and we will communicate them as necessary during their three-month mission."

Lest you think such Monorailist-Paraterrestrial conspiring could never happen in Cascadia, consider this: Is it just a coincidence that the current Seattle Monorail was built in proximity to the Space Needle or that it runs through the Science Fiction Museum via a hole next to a large, clawed flying-croissant (near where it burst into flames a year ago)?

monorail and flying-croissant
What really happens to monorail riders as they pass through there?
Do any of them experience "missing time"?

Seattlites: remember to vote NO in November for the new monorail ballot proposal -- that is, unless you want to be assimilated.

The Monorailist

Monorail Liberation Is At Hand!

The Monorailist | 2005-08-18.3740 LMT | Politics

The Seattle Monorail Project (SMP) is an Independent Transportation Authority established by the Will of the People with a mandate to build, own, operate, and maintain a city-wide monorail system. It is not subject to the authority of City Government -- which is why Mayor Nickels has taken the unprecedented and underhanded tactic of blackmailing the Project with the threat of construction permit rejection.

Pursuant to RCW 35.95A.050 §8, the SMP has the authority to "exercise all other powers necessary and appropriate to carry out its responsibilities." Section 8 must now be exercised.

The time for patient negotiation has ended and calmer heads must step aside for those with the courage and vision to reify our collective dreams with all due alacrity. Therefore, I call upon the SMP Board and its new interim executive director John Haley Jr. to seize the office of the Mayor and assume control of the city of Seattle.

I do not issue this call lightly; this is a necessary and appropriate step for the SMP to carry out the mandate given to it by the People. We cannot -- must not -- allow anything to stand in the way of Monorailular Progress.

This is only the first step on our path to the Future. Everywhere there are monorails, we must assume our rightful control lest those small-minded Luddites who seek to keep Mankind shackled to our surface-traveling past abuse their positions of power in vain attempts to destroy our species' only hope to reach Elevationment.

But we must not stop at Seattle, or Las Vegas, or Jakarta. No, we must press onward, ever onward, and extend the lines into lands as yet untouched by the concrete embrace of the monorail. We must bring the Freemasonry of Efficient Transportation -- the Brotherhood of the Monorail -- to those living in ignorance and fear.

And when they ask Where do you come from? What are you? we will answer thusly: "Pax Mundi. Monorails over the World." Call us Monorailmen if you like. For we are the natural trustees of Civilization when everything else has failed.

This is how I conceive our plan of operations: Settle, organize, advance. This zone, then that. At last monorails over the whole world and the New World begins -- the World of the Monorailmen and a new start for Mankind.