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Lyle Zapato

A Father's Tachyon Transceiver

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-25.2698 LMT | Technology | Letters | Kelviniana

Although it may not seem it at first, Christopher R. Davy's 2001 patent application for The Tachyon Transceiver is the heart-warming, feel-good patent application of the summer.

What is a Tachyon Transceiver? Davy claims:

The Tachyon Transceiver(s) can send or receive a resonance from one point in spacetime to another point in spacetime instantaneously without a relativistic time-delay.

Interesting, but probably not as practical as St. Clair's Remote Viewing Amplifier. As we shall see, however, the real interest here isn't technological, but human.


Lyle Zapato

Water Energy Generator

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-20.3030 LMT | Technology

Hyperinventor John Q. St. Clair takes a break from hyperspacial transportation to solve the energy crisis -- and unlike certain Irish jokers, his solution is based on solid hyperspace research.

St. Clair's Water Energy Generator uses low density hyperspace energy produced by a magnetic vortex wormhole generator to "soften" water molecules, breaking their atomic binding and causing the hydrogen nuclei to decay into a cascade of electron pairs, which are collected and turned into electricity. Simple, really.

He hasn't totally forgotten his dreams of space travel however. He notes his main goal for the generator will be powering his electromagnetic spacecraft and other hyperspace inventions, and that the oxygen byproduct of the process can be used for breathing. But still, the broader energy applications for those of us left on the planet can not be understated.

As is increasingly the case in his patent applications, St. Clair feels the need to summarize the technological advances of his past applications and explain how he came to know so much about hyperspace. The summary in this one is a long but concise paragraph worth blockquoting in total:

Many of these patent applications involve wormholes and hyperspace which are not well-known concepts in the scientific community. Hyperspace consists of those dimensions which are co-dimensional with our spacetime. The reason I know about hyperspace is because (1) I have been in hyperspace on a number of occasions and have experienced Einstein's time dilation according to his General Theory of Relativity, (2) I have experienced more than one full-body hyperspace teleportation over a distance of 100 meters, (3) we have been able to create a wormhole between space and hyperspace with the magnetic vortex wormhole generator in which smoke was blown through one side of the coil into hyperspace, a first contact verified by the Grey Aliens, (4) I have seen the green mist associated with moving out of dimension and crossing over into hyperspace, (5) I have looked into another dimension and have seen another building, a car and a man who waving at me in the presence of an artificially-intelligent Cyborg with the "high-tech look" from the Pleiadian Defense Department, (6) I can remote view through hyperspace subgeometry to distances of 100,000 light years to the edge of the galaxy and have made first contact with around 500 extraterrestrial civilizations involving the use of patent applications such as Remote Viewing Amplifier, Quantum Dot Energy Cylinder and Walking Through Walls Training System, (7) I am the only person on Earth who has communicated with the designers of the crop circles found in England and explained their design to them in terms of subspace geometry, (8) I can walk through walls as a hyperspace energy being, and (9) I have discovered how anti-gravity is possible using low density hyperspace energy, not to mention all the other research work on these electromagnetic field propulsion vehicles. For my work in developing the geometry of the subspace manifold known as the tetrahedron diagram, I was given the Aphysics award by the Admiral, who is third in line to the Admiralty of the Pleiadian Defense Department. For my work in Revelations, she awarded me four beautiful galloping white riderless horses of the Apocalypse. The reason that the Pleiadian Defense Department was involved was that the Admiral had the task of creating the energy being that would protect the subspace manifold during the battle of Revelations which took place in the year 2001. So these are some of my personal experiences in the field of hyperspace physics.

So there.

And also like his previous applications, there are a number of new revelations:

  • The 1967 collapse of the Silver Bridge between Ohio and West Virginia was actually due to a large, naturally occurring wormhole sucking the rivets out of it.
  • The giant stones of Machu Picchu and Baalbek were lifted into place using low density hyperspace energy from magnet-generated wormholes.
  • You can levitate yourself to a height of six feet (or more) using the Chi Kung breathing technique, which mixes cool and warm air in your lungs in such a way as to change Planck's constant and cause your body to go out of dimension.
  • Jesus could stretch wooden chairs by passing hyperspace energy through his hand vortices.

And then there's this bit which should be of interest to both String Theorists and Biblical scholars:

[T]he universe is composed of many hyperspace co-dimensions. From personal experience, I estimate that the distance separating the two dimensions is about 3 meters when I was looking into another dimension at the man waving at me. The physics is even more complicated because there is a Lorentz dimensional transformation in which higher dimensions appear smaller and lower dimensions appear larger. In one case I was looking at a huge mothership at a much higher dimension and it looked like a tiny toy model spacecraft. They fired a laser cannon at me, and I then curved space which made the beam change course. You can see why I was awarded the four horses.

Alternate application copy: US2006180473

Lyle Zapato

Guess What Stalled Again...

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-19.7160 LMT | Monorail Danger

Just a hair under a week after the Seattle monorail stalled, it's happened again, and again passengers (hostages) had to make a death defying crossing from the blue train to the red one high above the streets.

The situation is still on-going, so I'll update with links and other info later. In the meantime, if you are in the Seattle Center area, beware of falling monorail riders.

UPDATE: The Seattle Times reports that the red train wouldn't start at the station, forcing the passengers to transfer to the blue train, which then stalled out on the track. They were stranded there for 30 minutes before help arrived. Some tourists from New York had to call the number on the back of the monorail brochure to get assistance.

Was this in the brochure?

Since they're making frequent stops on Denny Way, maybe they should just build a monorail station out there. I'm sure the land below can be eminently domained away from whoever owns it. But then the trains will probably start breaking down half way between that station and the others, requiring even more stations. Who's running this thing? Zeno of Elea?

Lyle Zapato

No Honor Among Monorailists

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-16.8390 LMT | Monorail Danger

Uneasy rumblings on the monorailist street: The suspicious fire on the German Transrapid maglev monorail in Shanghai last Friday may not have been simple spontaneous combustion -- a phenomenon common to monorails -- but rather an act of sabotage by the Chinese government aimed at both disrupting Germany's monorail-based economy and boosting China's own home-grown maglev monorail program, which China's military sees as a strategic inrail to regional hegemony.

The incident follows years of trade disputes between the two monorailfaring nations over use of German maglev technology in a new Shanghai-Hangzhou line and German accusations of China stealing their monorail designs. Since China announced its own maglev monorail program and started shopping it around to other nations, such as Malaysia, seeking to endanger their citizens with monorails, German industrialists from the maglev sector have found themselves negotiating with a direct competitor.

Now an opinion piece translated for The People's Daily, the Chinese Communist Party's official propaganda organ, claims that "the German economy has taken a heavy blow" due to the monorail fire while calling on Germany to admit that German maglev technology isn't "all that" and acknowledge China as the new maglev monorail super power. The message from Beijing is clear: don't mess with our monorails or we'll mess with yours.

As monorail tensions continue to rise, so too does the likelihood of an all-out Sino-Germanic Monorail War -- threatening all nations occupied by their monorails with division into two warring factions: the Electromagnet Bloc and the Permanent-Magnet Bloc.

(For the record, there have been no acts of state-sponsored econo-terrorism on pneumatic tube lines. Just a thought for you city planners.)

Lyle Zapato

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-14.6330 LMT | Monorail Danger | Sasquatch Issues

Two days after a reopening that was postponed for four weeks because of malfunctioning doors and brakes, the Seattle Monorail was shut down again for most of yesterday after the blue train stalled. Passengers (or should we just start calling them "hostages"?) had to make a precarious mid-rail transfer across a precipitous gap high above Fisher Plaza from the stalled blue train to the no-doubt-soon-to-be-stalled red train. Against all odds, no one plunged to their death.

At least this time nothing burst into flames or sent debris flying into the pedestrians below. In monorail-terms, it was a successful day.

And as long as I'm on the topic of monorail danger...

As Radical Sasquatch noted, the Mawas of Johor, Malaysia are now facing a new threat: a Chinese high-speed maglev monorail.

It will be one of the first Zhui Feng ("Hunt the Wind") monorails, which were developed for the Chinese military. Yes, that's right, the military. However, German monorail makers Transrapid -- who have a line at the Pudong International Airport in Shanghai -- claim that the design was stolen from them. China denies this. One notable difference is China's maglev uses cheaper permanent magnets, unlike the electromagnets used in German and Japanese technology.

And for those of you wondering: yes, maglev monorails are prone to spontaneous combustion too, as was illustrated when the Shanghai one mysteriously caught fire on Friday:

Shanghai maglev monorail on fire.

The Johor monorail project will be funded primarily by monorail agitators in Dubai (a land whose citizens will soon be threatened by a combination of monorails and robotic dinosaurs). Initially it will only be menacing the human controlled sectors, but given the global hegemonic aspirations of monorailists I don't think we can count the forests of Mawasistan as safe, especially since Japanese monorailists are already pestering the Hibagon with their preliminary incursions into the forests of Mt. Honita:

Mt. Honita Monorail penetrates the peaceful forest Happy Japanese businessmen ride the monorail up Mt. Honita

Will the horror of monorails ever end?

Lyle Zapato

...And Phones Too

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-09.6930 LMT | Aluminum | General Paranoia

The Barry Bittwister Cabal presents a problem:

Your cell phone is tracking you, you know. By law, your phone has to tell where you are within 125 meters when you call 911, which isn't so bad on the face of it. However, the telecom systems can use your phone to track you at any time. In some cases, this can be done even when your phone is off. We're not sure how you feel about it, but we don't like being fitted with a radio collar at all times. This nonconsensual tracking is growing common in the US now, but has been around in Europe for quite a number of years. So what's a paranoid to do?

Their solution? The Invisifier, an aluminum & duct tape sheath for your cell. Its dual-action AFDB/Faraday cage construction keeps psychotronic signals from your phone in and EM tracking signals from the NGA satellites out.

(If I had just waited two centidays for the email I could have included this with the previous post and padded that out a bit...)

Lyle Zapato

Aluminum Foil Deflector Drives

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-09.5520 LMT | Aluminum | General Paranoia

The blog for Mozy, an online backup service, has a post titled "Chinese BlueGenes" that explains how they not only use 448-bit-key encryption -- which would take at least three hundred thousand years for someone to crack -- to keep your data secure on their drives, but go the extra mile and wrap their drives in individual aluminum foil Faraday cages to keep out prying van Eck phreakers and telekineticists.

Lyle Zapato

The Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-04.9600 LMT | Technology | Aluminum

He's a hyperinventing hypermachine! Hot on the heals of his Triangular and Photon spacecraft, John Q. St. Clair brings us yet another new propulsion design: The Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft, which is...

a spacecraft propulsion system that generates a field of wormholes which are threaded with a magnetic field. Acting as two attracting magnets, the spacecraft's north magnetic field is attracted to the constantly regenerating south magnetic monopoles of the wormholes which provides lift on the hull.

St. Clair Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft, FIG. 11
FIG. 11.

Of particular interest here at ZPi, check out these key system components:

... a lower hull made of aluminum sheet having a shallow spherical profile [21]; a circular flat sloping hull made of aluminum sheet attached to the top of the lower hull on the periphery [22]; ... a hemispherical cupola in the shape of a dome made of aluminum sheet [23] ...

The thing's a flying AFDB with built in basal protection! This could be the ideal vehicle for paranoid space exploration.

FIG. 15: Perspective view of generation of negative energy.

But more on the fascinating method by which the MMS works...

[24] in FIG. 11 is "an electrically-insulated plastic-molded tubular cylindrical hull containing slots for mounting an array of radial microwave waveguides", which are needed to produce a radial electro­magnetic field of microwave beams [30 in FIG. 15, right] which interact with the circular magnetic field [33] produced by the oscillating magnetic flux density field [34] to generate negative energy [32] that in turn generates the field of wormholes between space and hyperspace over the hull [35] that cause the lift.

Simple, really.

With every patent application, St. Clair gradually reveals to mankind more of his insight into hyper-reality. This time we learn why his home of Puerto Rico is ideally situated on Earth to conduct hyperspace research:

[T]he corners of a tetrahedron circumscribed by a sphere touch the sphere at an angle of -19.47°. Looking at the planets of the solar system, the Giant Red Spot vortex of Jupiter, which can hold two planets the size of Earth, is located at this angle. On Mars, the Olympic Mons volcano, which is the size of France, is located at north 19.5°. Here in the Caribbean there is a slow moving rock mantle vortex at north 19.5° that curves the islands down toward Venezuela. So the geometry of space is related to the tetrahedron. What this suggests is that there is a subspace manifold whose tetrahedral geometry projects all the constants of physics into our dimension.

[Numerous technical diagrams and mathematical formulas about said subspace manifold...]

While this is the mathematical explanation as to why there are hyperspace co-dimensions, I can attest personally to the fact, as described in my patent application Full Body Teleportation, that I was teleported through hyperspace and returned to our dimension over a distance of 100 meters.

Jupiter, Mars, and roads next to airports in Puerto Rico aren't the only places where unusual phenomena are associated near 19.47° latitude (and need I point out that Puerto Rico is the southern point of the Bermuda Triangle or that the Roswell incident happened in 1947?); see Planetary Anomalies for a list of others in our solar system. Also see Hyperdimensional Physics for more on the hypertrigonometry behind this and the Cydonia complex.

Alternate application copy: US2006168937

Lyle Zapato

Overclock Your Brain

Lyle Zapato | 2006-07-24.9460 LMT | Technology

The recent heat wave -- besides possibly increasing cephalopod-related homicide rates -- has an unfortunate mental side effect: decreased thinking abilities.

As with a computer's CPU, heat is a limiting factor on brain operations. A thinking brain produces heat, and too much or too strenuous thinking can lead to hyperthermia and potential brain damage. Outside the influence of mind-expanding drugs, the brain doesn't normally allow itself to reach that point, instead regulating thought processes to keep out of the danger zone.

Excess brain heat is dissipated via the environment, but when environmental temperatures rise this process becomes less efficient, forcing the brain to decrease metabolic neural activity to below acceptable standards. This manifests as sluggish or fragmented thought processes, mental instability, and general sleepiness.

There are ways to overcome this problem. A well-documented side-effect of the AFDB -- which I noted in my book -- is that it works like a heat-sink to cool the brain, especially when additional fins are sculpted into the foil. But passive heat dissipation will only get you so far in a highly entropic brain-environment system. When it gets really hot, serious thinkers turn to active cooling systems.

For example, Qi Zhang of Newport Beach, CA has applied for a patent on one such active cooling solution, aimed at motorists, that he calls the Mind Stimulator:

Zhang Mind Stimulator
Zhang Mind Stimulator in preferred motorvehicular usage.

A mind stimulator includes a head cooler, a supporting frame for adjustably supporting the head cooler above a user's head, and a cooling source, which is communicatively connected with the head cooler, adapted for transferring a cooling air through the head cooler around the user's head so as to substantially cool down a user's head temperature. Therefore, by lowering the user's head temperature, the user's mind activities are substantially increased, so as to prevent the user returning back to the drowsy condition.

(He also envisions an alternate portable version on castors that can be wheeled around behind an office chair while at work.)

But what about when it isn't hot out? If cooling a brain in a hot environment can increase its level of activity to normal, can cooling a brain in a cool environment, or below normal operating temperature, produce faster, harder thinking, allowing the chilled thinker to outthink the room-temperature competition -- in other words, can one overclock the brain? Undoubtedly.

In fact, some theorize that the brain can be cooled to a point where it achieves a state of super­consciousness. Much like with super­conductivity, super­consciousness allows thoughts to flow through the neurons with no resistance, making superconscious thought undetectable to brain scans and completely immune to mind-control.

Perhaps cryogenically stored heads are thinking in ways our overheated minds cannot fathom?

Lyle Zapato

Has The Fat Lady Boarded The Monorail?

Lyle Zapato | 2006-07-18.7100 LMT | Monorail Danger

The Seattle Monorail, which has been out of "service" since November when the Red and Blue trains collided violently over Olive Way, was set to re-open today to once again threaten lives and property. However, suicidal Seattleites and unsuspecting tourists were given a temporary reprieve this morning when the relaunch was delayed until at least next week due to "additional safety issues that need to be resolved".

David Heurtel, Seattle Center spokesmonorailist, claimed that the safety issues had to do with the "pneumatic systems" on the brakes and door mechanisms and not with the inherent uncontrollability and spontaneous-combustion-proneness of monorails. (Convenient that they would blame pneumatics -- trying to spread a little anti-Inteli-Tube propaganda, huh Dave?)

Some news I neglected to mention back in May: the doors replacing the ones that were sheared off when the monorail trains collided with each other were constructed by the Seattle Opera set department! That's right, stage illusions will be the only safeguard keeping passengers from plunging to their doom. While shocking, this isn't that surprising when you consider that the history of monorailism in Cascadia has been marked by rickety fake sets designed more for deception than transportation.

Given the spontaneous combustions, collisions, shady deals, government property seizures, and general monorail malaise surrounding this tired relic, isn't it time for Seattle to stop endangering its citizens and instead show transportation leadership by being the first to adopt a more sensible personal pneumatic tube system?

You know, if Seattle won't give pneumatic tube transportation a shot, perhaps Alaska would. They already have experience with long stretches of metal piping and a Senator who gets tubes. You're already close to losing the Sonics, Seattle; don't let this opportunity slip away too.