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Lyle Zapato

The New 2012 Russian Aluminum Shielded Enclosures

Lyle Zapato | 2010-12-28.9660 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control | Technology

Russia has always been less than secretive about mind control technology. Their president shows up to psychotron manufacturer trade-shows for photo-ops and here's a common protest one sees on the streets of Moscow:


2007-05-01 rally against the Russian government's use of Moscow
apartments as "psychotronic gulags" (more pics & info in Russian).

Given the apparent psychotronic state of housing in Russia, it's not surprising that many there are interested in Aluminum Shielded Enclosures (ASEs) that fit inside their homes and protect them from the government's piped-in mind-control. It's also not surprising that one Russian man hopes to get rich by selling them for $US 80,000 each:

As tempted as nouveau riche Muscovites might by to splurge on such an extravagant ASE, I would urge them to reconsider. As every paranoid knows, you shouldn't buy AFDBs pre-built since they could've been tampered with to make them susceptible to the creators' specially tuned signals. With ASEs it's no different.

For all we know, Mr. [Name-I-Can't-Quite-Make-Out] could be in league with Rasputnik Psychotron Works and he designed his "Doomsday Capsule" to be transparent to signals from their new Mark VIII pistol as part of a vendor lock-in scheme to get Medvedev to upgrade his arsenal as apartment dwellers become increasingly unreachable. (Mind you, I'm suggesting this only as a conspiracy theory, not a conspiracy fact. He could be an honest paranoid -- but one can't be too careful about these things.)

It's also suspicious that he never mentions the obviously anti-psychotronic purpose of his product, instead focusing on geological and meteorological upheavals many assume will coincide with the 2012 arrival of the periodical Quetzalcoatlus armada. Or maybe that's just media censorship.

In any case, there's no reason not to save money and your mind by building your own ASE. All you need is a sealable structure you can isolate from the walls, floor, and ceiling of your home (an old refrigerator on cinderblocks works in a pinch if you're not too claustrophobic) and lots and lots of aluminum foil with which to enclose it. Just remember: leave no unaluminumed surfaces, overlap your seams, and make sure they're secured with duct tape. With just a few easy steps you'll finally stop hearing the voice of Putin in your head.

Lyle Zapato

Merry Black Helicoptermas!

Lyle Zapato | 2010-12-24.6230 LMT | Black Helicopters | NWO

The NWO's inculcation of public acceptance of Black Helicopters wishes you happy holidays:

Lyle Zapato

Pacific Northwest (Christmas) Tree Octopus

Lyle Zapato | 2010-12-22.7450 LMT | Cephalopods | Art | Crafts
Lyle Zapato

Hand Fingers By Cyriak

Lyle Zapato | 2010-11-22.1630 LMT | Polydactylism
Lyle Zapato

Nicharongorong: Tree Octopuses of Micronesia

Lyle Zapato | 2010-11-18.5710 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature

My post on the tree octopuses of Polynesia contains a bit of sloppy geography; Palau and the Caroline Islands are actually in Micronesia, not Polynesia (I got the Cook Islands right, though). I'll rectify that slight against the good people and cephalopods of Micronesia with this post focusing on Micronesian tree octopuses.

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Lyle Zapato

Review: Spooky Washington

Lyle Zapato | 2010-10-24.8380 LMT | Cascadia | Cephalopods | Sasquatch Issues | Paraterrestrials | Entertainment
Spooky Washington by S.E. Schlosser

Spooky Washington: Tales of Hauntings, Strange Happenings, and Other Local Lore is part of the Spooky series by S.E. Schlosser, which collects Schlosser's retellings of ghost stories and folklore from around North America. This entry is all about the Cascadian prefecture of Washington. There are 26 short stories in total -- all assigned to a particular town, city, county, mountain, region, etc. -- and each is illustrated with a scratchboard drawing by Paul G. Hoffman.

The book is divided into two parts. The first part, "Ghost Stories", is obviously all about ghosts. In general I don't find ghosts all that interesting (so-called "spectral phenomena" are usually just psychotronically induced hallucinations caused by malfunctioning mind-control devices or standing resonance waves -- deflector beanies will keep them from bothering you), so I wasn't that captivated by these stories. Your mileage may vary. (Spoilers ahead, but these all contain well-worn ghost-story tropes you'll see coming a mile away.)

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Lyle Zapato

"The Octopus Cycle"

Lyle Zapato | 2010-10-22.2795 LMT | Cephalopods | Entertainment | Retro
Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #8

Lyle Zapato | 2010-10-21.5245 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

Airship Troopers: Volcanic Dinosaur Island of Doom

Lyle Zapato | 2010-10-09.8400 LMT | Entertainment | Fonts | Lost Worlds | Cephalopods
'Airship Troopers' cover

If you're in the mood for some old-school roleplay gaming in a pulp-adventure milieu set between 1900 and 1940, why not try Airship Troopers: Volcanic Dinosaur Island of Doom by Oliver Parkhurst, the first release of the Zeppelin Age line. (NB: The publisher, Heliograph, sent me a free copy because they used my font, Duarte Juramento, for some of the illustration labels.)

As the name implies, the game centers around airships and exotic island locations (I assume future installments of the promised Zeppelin Age series will have airships in other scenarios). I'm not an RPG player so I can't comment too much on Heliograph's DECO System: it uses dice; is run by a Director; has Moxie Checks when your character takes damage; awards Pavlov Points to reinforce entertaining roleplay; and defines characters by Trademarks, Motivations, and Hooks.

While in our reality Zeppelins were never that successful, Airship Troopers imagines a world where they are a major form of transportation. The difference that makes this reality possible is Monarch Airways, owned by wealthy and forward-thinking Ozma Tippitarius, whose mysterious sources of funding and helium keep the airship industry aloft and thriving. The titular Airship Troopers handle Monarch security and are able to deploy from airships thanks to Rocketeer-style rocket-packs called Firebirds. Well, they actually deploy thanks to gravity; the Firebirds let them get back.

Besides the Monarch backstory, there's lots of interesting info on real Zeppelin history, technology, and operations, including a Zeppelin Owner's Operation Manual (or Z.O.O.M.). While your Zeppelin can fly for days without fear of crashing, maintaining neutral buoyancy isn't as easy as one might suspect. If you deploy personnel or cargo, you loose their weight and must compensate by venting gas, of which you only have a limited supply. If they return, you must then drop water ballast, which again is limited. Going up and down relatively quickly also means expending gas and ballast. Unless your engines are running on Blau gas, using fuel decreases weight and requires gas venting. Environmental conditions can affect the effectiveness of the gas, requiring adjustments to the gas/ballast ratio. Balancing these two resources without running too low on either to safely control the ship necessitates skill and experience.

To explain the day-to-day operations of Zeppelins, the book introduces Monarch Airways' experimental testbed, the MAA Zenobia, which was retrofitted from the real-life R-80. Included are a blueprint, walkthrough, and descriptions of crew duties.

Being transportation, airships aren't very useful unless you have somewhere to go. Where you choose to take your airship in your game is up to you, and the book's outline of the DECO system and airship info can serve to build any Zeppelin Age adventure you want. But as you've guessed from the sub-title and Chris Appel's cover art, Parkhurst has some ideas of where your Zeppelin should be headed.

Welcome to the Volcanic Dinosaur Island of Doom (or just the Island)!

The Island is an environment filled with pulpy goodness for your Airship Troopers to explore and be killed by. And yes, there are dinosaurs. You could even play as a dinosaur; the character section suggests Uncommon Descriptions that include not only a Wonderdog (à la Rin-Tin-Tin) but a Wondersaur (T. Rex-Tin-Tin?), and there's a Wondersaur named Sandy described in an example adventure in the Director's section.

All the pulp staples are here: lost cities, mad scientists, gangsters, jungle girls, Neanderthals, giant arthropods, man-eating plants, weird fungi, Nazis, the Red menace. Of course, not everything listed has to be on your game's version of the Island. They're all just suggestions. The example adventure provides character/creature stats for a number of them, but it's easy to create your own.

Of particular interest to my readers, the Island is potentially home to a menagerie of terrestrial cephalopods: lakeside croctopus, giant elephantopus of the grasslands (reminiscent of the Umbrella Beasts from "The Octopus Cycle", as seen on this pulp cover [UPDATE: more about it here]), cave-dwelling stalactopus and stalagmopus, airfaring zeptopus, and naturally forest-dwelling treetopus. Since there's already Wondersaurs, perhaps you'll consider playing as a plucky arboreal Wonderpus sidekick. Also, the mixture of tree octopuses and dinosaurs means this will happen.

Lyle Zapato

Pre-Decision 2010

Lyle Zapato | 2010-07-30.6418 LMT | Politics | Cascadia | NWO

Once again the citizens of Washington Prefecture, Republic of Cascadia, are forced by Federalist occupiers to vote in a primary election to decide who will be the contenders for US Senator in their general election. In 2006, ZPi endorsed two candidates as most representative of the paranoid ethic from their respective parties and thus most likely to break the stranglehold of orthonoia that allows the New World Order to enslave society.

This year, those same two candidates are running, so we at ZPi are again endorsing them.

Note that our old friend Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson -- who replied to my request for his position on monorails with a short story and poem -- has now changed his name to just Goodspaceguy. He's also apparently become a collective entity on Google. Chovil is still the lone candidate speaking out against the New World Order and his hat provides excellent beanie camouflage.

Here are their entries from the official Voter's Pamphlet:

Goodspaceguy

(Prefers Democratic Party)

Elected Experience:
Ten times, voters rejected Goodspaceguy's economic program!

Other Professional Experience:
Owner.

Education:
Educated in America, Sweden, and Germany, Goodspaceguy experienced international living. Goodspaceguy earned two university degrees (bachelor followed by master)with important minors in economics. Nonsmoking, nondrinking, prosperous, healthy Goodspaceguy (Minnesota born) is a life-long student of knowledge, such as economics, individual liberty, ownership, repairing, rejuvenation, space colonization.... As an amateur astronomer, Goodspaceguy sees the big picture. Goodspaceguy loves beautiful stars in the sky and in the movies. The people of Spaceship Earth are his family.

Community Service:
Eleven times a candidate, promoting improvements, Goodspaceguy advocates upward movement in technology, rejuvenation, and worker wealth-building.

Statement:
Dear fellow sheeple, you are the fl im-fl ammed, manipulated power base. Please think of your Earth as a beautiful spaceship, traveling around your Sun in your solar system. Please think of yourselves as crewmembers, helping to operate and improve Spaceship Earth (for even the homeless.)

It is your destiny to start the orbital space colonization of your solar system. You have already spent the money! Consequently you should already have more than 200 habitats orbiting your Earth, Moon, Sun, and Mars. But you don't! Why? Because your wasteful leaders have not studied orbital space colonization. Instead, yearly, they routinely waste billions and billions of your dollars.

As a student of economics, I, Goodspaceguy, also want you to raise your wealth by increasing the profi ts and incentives that create jobs for everyone willing to work. The true unemployment rate reveals the degree of sabotage of your economy by your wasteful leaders. We are working way beneath our production-possibility curve! Let's unsabotage our economy and build a higher worker living standard. Vote for the small spenders. Defend the functioning of the competitive, free market. Please, defend the profi ts and other incentives that create our free market jobs.

To help unsabotage your economy and to increase employment for people with problems, please abolish your beloved, but evil minimum wage. Get both Washingtons out of their high-cost, low-profit, job-destroying straightjackets.

Also to unsabotage the economy, please increase the incentive for wealthy people to move to Washington State, bringing their headquarters here. Make if profi table to grow jobs in Washington State, a job-wealth-growing state of a job/wealth partnership.

If you google goodspaceguy, you'll find me and talented people who claim to be me: Goodspaceguy. Increase jobs by making employers profitable. Defend wealth building and the homeless.

For More Information:
(206) 601-8172
goodspaceguy@yahoo.com
www.colonizespace.blogspot.com

William Edward Chovil

(Prefers Republican Party)

Elected Experience:
No information submitted

Other Professional Experience:
Caregiver & defender of our Republic.

Education:
I have a Bachelor of Arts degree, and a Bachelor of Education Degree.

Community Service:
The Republican National Committee, the National Center for Constitutional Studies, the National Rifle Association-life member, the Gun Owners of America-life member, the Washington Arms Collectors, The National Association of Letter Carriers, the Service Employees International Union, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - Tacoma, Stadium Ward.

Statement:
What kind of America do Americans want? The one our founders planned for us? The one America's anti-founders are giving us now?

I am pro-life, pro-liberty, pro-gun, pro-audacity, pro-Sarah Palin, and John Gault, Pro-charter schools and home schools. I am against cap and trade, against Obama Care, and against the new-world-order.

For More Information:
(253) 229-0556