As the Internet's premier promoter of the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie, I think it's mandatory that I embed Weird Al's newest video (off his newest album, Mandatory Fun) "Foil":

Aluminum reacts readily with oxygen. This is beneficial for Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie users since any aluminum surface exposed to air will immediately form a thin layer of aluminum oxide, sealing the inner metal from further rusting (a process called passivation). However, this reactivity means aluminum, although the most common metal in the earth's crust, is never found naturally here in its native metal form. Relatively advanced electrolytic technology is needed to separate the metal from compound, thus aluminum was unknown to the uninitiated public of post-Atlantean, pre-industrial societies.

So how come geologists found a flake of aluminum foil embedded in a 250-million-year-old rock in Bulgaria?

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The Washington Post reports that the Washington Monument suffered damage during Tuesday's 5.8 earthquake in Virginia:

The National Park Service says the Washington Monument may have suffered cracks near its top during Tuesday's earthquake, and the monument could be closed indefinitely.

Park service spokesman Bill Line said there appear to be cracks "at the very, very top" of the 555-foot tall structure, and structural engineers were being brought in Wednesday to conduct a close inspection.

They're claiming that the cracks are in the stone, but, as is known to most paranoids and little understood by the throngs of orthonoid tourists who stare up at it in mesmerized obliviousness, the "very, very top" of the monument is actually an aluminum pyramidion.

The Washington Monument's aluminum pyramidion before (left) and after (right) the 1934 installation of augmented "lightning rods" (actually psychotronic attenuators). (Photos by Theodor Horydczak.)

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Reuters is reporting that the Goldman Sachs Group, the government-welfare-supported investment bank often unfairly likened to a vampire squid (unfairly to the innocent squid), has been stockpiling a million tonnes of industrial aluminum, equal to a quarter of the global reported inventories, in a string of warehouses in Detroit that they control. By slowing the release of aluminum supplies to manufacturers to a trickle, they're able to artificially increase prices while at the same time trading aluminum on commodity markets. They're also profiting on warehouse rent.

At least that's the official outrage that we're supposed to fume against. But could Goldman Sachs' moustache-twirling greed and the media-prompted hisses sure to follow be merely theatrics produced by the Forces of Mind Control to lay the groundwork for government regulation of aluminum supplies as a way to keep paranoids from being able to make AFDBs and aluminized bunkers?

Perhaps.

But it might also be that Goldman Sachs has decided to become a serious player in the international mind-control club, operating at a level heretofore reserved for governments, secret societies, and paraterrestrial agencies.

By amassing a quarter of the world's supply of industrial aluminum -- a primary component in the construction of psychotron cores, casings, and control nubbins -- they can interfere with the global mind-control-device market, choking the supply of psychotronic arms to any mind-control competitors, while building their own arsenal at a greatly reduced cost.

But even more worrisome is the very real possibility that they could melt all the aluminum down to construct the world's largest psychotron core, one capable of bouncing examesmers of psychotronic radiation off the ionosphere, blanketing the Earth exclusively in Goldman Sachs' own mind-control signals and even drowning out signals from HAARP. Detroit would be the place to do this, what with all the available space and abandoned manufacturing facilities.

In either case, paranoids should continue to be bullish on aluminum foil and discarded aluminum cookware as a hedge against whatever Goldman Sachs is up to.

Russia has always been less than secretive about mind control technology. Their president shows up to psychotron manufacturer trade-shows for photo-ops and here's a common protest one sees on the streets of Moscow:

2007-05-01 rally against the Russian government's use of Moscow
apartments as "psychotronic gulags" (more pics & info in Russian).

Given the apparent psychotronic state of housing in Russia, it's not surprising that many there are interested in Aluminum Shielded Enclosures (ASEs) that fit inside their homes and protect them from the government's piped-in mind-control. It's also not surprising that one Russian man hopes to get rich by selling them for $US 80,000 each:

As tempted as nouveau riche Muscovites might by to splurge on such an extravagant ASE, I would urge them to reconsider. As every paranoid knows, you shouldn't buy AFDBs pre-built since they could've been tampered with to make them susceptible to the creators' specially tuned signals. With ASEs it's no different.

For all we know, Mr. [Name-I-Can't-Quite-Make-Out] could be in league with Rasputnik Psychotron Works and he designed his "Doomsday Capsule" to be transparent to signals from their new Mark VIII pistol as part of a vendor lock-in scheme to get Medvedev to upgrade his arsenal as apartment dwellers become increasingly unreachable. (Mind you, I'm suggesting this only as a conspiracy theory, not a conspiracy fact. He could be an honest paranoid -- but one can't be too careful about these things.)

It's also suspicious that he never mentions the obviously anti-psychotronic purpose of his product, instead focusing on geological and meteorological upheavals many assume will coincide with the 2012 arrival of the periodical Quetzalcoatlus armada. Or maybe that's just media censorship.

In any case, there's no reason not to save money and your mind by building your own ASE. All you need is a sealable structure you can isolate from the walls, floor, and ceiling of your home (an old refrigerator on cinderblocks works in a pinch if you're not too claustrophobic) and lots and lots of aluminum foil with which to enclose it. Just remember: leave no unaluminumed surfaces, overlap your seams, and make sure they're secured with duct tape. With just a few easy steps you'll finally stop hearing the voice of Putin in your head.

This Aluminum Shielded Enclosure has all the amenities a modern paranoid would need. More photos below.

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A member of Freedom from Covert Harassment & Surveillance,
covertly harassed & surveilled by People of Walmart.

If you must go to Walmart, an AFDB is a necessity. Camouflaging it would probably be a good idea too, especially if you want to avoid the All-Seeing Eye of the Internet Hate Machine.

Seriously, can't a paranoid pick up some Faded Glory tees, a case of Dr. Thunder, and some Great Value aluminum foil without being harassed & surveilled?

The most recent episode of the TV show Fringe, "Of Human Action", was about a kid taking military-grade psychotronic drugs who gains the ability to control minds with only his bare thoughts. Near the end (35:00), Dr. Walter Bishop and his assistant, Astrid, wear AFDBs -- not to block the kid's mind-control, as one might assume, but to keep the sinister corporation Massive Dynamic from reading their thoughts:

While it's good to see deflector-beanie awareness being propagated to the orthonoid masses, their AFDBs contain some potentially fatal flaws that could undermine the paranoid cause if widely adopted.

First, they're ill-fitting. You can see this especially with Astrid's, which she wears at a dangerously jaunty angle allowing free access to her right temporal lobe, center for the processing of sound and semantic meaning and the formation of long-term memory. The beanies are also not secured with tape or other fasteners and could easily be dislodged. Finally, though the Robin Hood they are sporting is a classic style, it tends to sit higher on the head, leading to suboptimal foil usage compared to the recommended form-fitting squashed configuration.

On their own, these may seem like simple amateur mistakes, but given the show's incongruous appearance on a network aligned with the Forces of Mind Control, they are certainly intentional -- designed to promote just enough paranoid behavior to provide a false sense of mental security, but not enough to withstand attacks targeting these specific weaknesses.

As you may recall, Fringe has also promoted the Handlebrot set and action on the show centers around intradimensional activities in a multidimensional setting -- topics of interest to my readers. Clearly this show has been memetically engineered for no other purpose than to counter my website with subtle misinformation.

I'm on to you, J.J.

There is a misconception among novice paranoids that the so-called "mind-control lasers" control minds directly from their locations in orbit. In reality, these lasers only facilitate conventional psychotronic mind-control coming from either orbiting psychotrons or ground-based stations. But how do the lasers do this?

A recent experiment leaked to the public via Nature Physics -- presumably as part of the continuing strategy of conditioning orthonoids to accept a more conspicuous New World Order, as well as morale-disrupting propaganda aimed at paranoids -- revealed the shocking truth about how these lasers work -- they turn aluminum foil transparent:

[R]esearchers at the FLASH facility in Hamburg, Germany, took a thin piece of aluminium foil and blasted it with an X-ray laser that generated about 10 million gigawatts of power per square centimetre. At standard temperature and pressure, solid aluminium is a lattice of ions surrounded by a sea of free electrons. Each photon in the FLASH beam had enough energy to knock an electron away from an ion, while the photon got absorbed in the process.

Normally in a solid metal, another electron will instantly take the place of the missing one. But FLASH is so powerful that it can rip out one electron from every ion in the foil before other electrons can replace them.

With one electron removed, the remaining electrons around each ion settle into a different configuration, becoming too tightly bound for the laser to remove them. That means the X-ray photons can no longer be easily absorbed, and they fly straight through the material, making the previously opaque aluminium transparent to X-rays

This x-ray transparency allows for a piggy-back psychotronic signal to pass right through a layer of aluminum foil, potentially obsolescing the passive mind-control deflection technology on which the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie is based. At least that's what the NWO wants paranoids to fear in the hope we'll abandon our beanies and surrender our minds to them in despair. Fortunately, the transparifying process has three major drawbacks that keep it from coming to that:

First, the extreme energy requirements (roughly 9 exawatts per beanie layer) make it difficult for more than a handful of paranoids to be targeted at a time without creating noticeable atmospheric effects -- the sight of which would only increase orthonoid-to-paranoid conversions in the public. In turn, as our numbers increase, the percentage of paranoids affected by beanie transparency will decrease, making the situation even less advantageous for the NWO.

Second, the process creates in foil an unstable state of matter that lasts less than a nanosecond, leaving a narrow window of opportunity for mind controlling. That may be enough time to induce fleeting physio-emotive responses (FEAR, PAIN, ENNUI, etc.), but not enough for complicated behavioral programming, like "GO TO DALLAS; STATION YOURSELF ON THE GRASSY KNOLL; AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS". Much less damage can be done with the former than the latter.

Finally, because of this state-of-matter's instability, as one of the researchers behind the leaked information admitted, "As soon as you make it, the stuff blows up". Of course, this last flaw could be used to the NWO's advantage as a way of neutralizing paranoids through remote beanie detonation, but, since they still have to find you to target the lasers, general improvements in camouflaging techniques can mitigate this risk, which really isn't any more worrying than the many other ways the NWO could neutralize a paranoid once identified and located.

At worst, this revelation merely reaffirms the importance of multiple layers when creating AFDBs. Those paranoids still using single-layer configurations are risking transparification and are advised to update their beanies ASAP.