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Lyle Zapato

Physiognomics As She Is Spoke

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-25.7000 LMT | Random Found Thing | Miscellaneous | Retro
George Morland
Aquasorbitiveness large.
George Morland, a talented painter, who died as he had lived, a great drunkard.

The 1871 book A New Physiognomical Chart by Joseph Simms, M.D. presents an original physiognomic classification system based on over 100 faculties -- such as characterioscopicity, computationumericality, and physiœlpidicity -- discernable by a combination of body types and facial features.

Each faculty is given an entry that includes a descriptive physiognomic characteristic; a grading scale from 1 to 12; methods to increase or decrease ones grade, should one choose; and illustrations of individuals who exemplify the faculty, positively or negatively.

While some of the faculty names are still in usage (e.g. "ambitiousness" and "credulousness" -- which Simms conveniently considers a faculty worthy of promotion), most are all but lost to the Internet (The Phrontistery doesn't even have a list!)

So, for the sake of huntatative types who wish to expand their linguastiveness, find grist for their salitive mill, or are just trying to tell their temporinaturalitiveness from their temporimechanicality, here's a glossary of select physiognomic faculties (those with high degrees of both amicitiveness and ordinimentality, please feel free to add these words to Wiktionary to edify future generations of physiognomicists):

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Factropolis

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-25.6320 LMT | Miscellaneous
Fun Fact: There really was an "Old MacDonald." Tragically, the subject of the childrens' song killed his wife and then himself in a 19th century murder/suicide.

Learn a new fun fact just like this everyday at Factropolis, the obscure trivia authority -- soon premiering as a gameshow on the CW Network!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: DON'T MESS WITH SASQUATCH!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-19.1180 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Crass Commercialism | Food

MORE ANTI-HOMINOID VIRAL MARKETING!!!

Last year it was "SHAVE MY YETI"!!! This time three HUMAN DUDES eat beef jerky, become JERKS, and decide to start MESSIN' WITH SASQUATCH!!!

HOWL TO THE BLIND: THIS IS A PICTURE!!!

They film themselves playing cruel jokes on an innocent Sasquatch who is just trying to TAKE A NAP, EAT LUNCH, and LOOK FOR LOVE in the privacy of his forest! They TORMENT HIM WITH "SHAVING CREAM" (why are Humans so THREATENED by our LUXURIOUS FUR!?!), VANDALIZE HIS SALT SHAKER, TRICK HIM WITH BINOCULARS, and do that thing with the HAND IN WARM WATER... YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN!!! And they do all this just to barter JERKED COW STRIPS!!!

Humans have been LAUGHING AT THESE ACTS OF SASQUATCH HARASSMENT for months now, thinking that we aren't aware because we don't have television! Well, we Sasquatch now have the YOU TUBES and we can see what you are doing! WE ARE WATCHING YOU!!! And just because we don't use your products and can't boycott you DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!!! How would you like us to make JERKY OUT OF YOUR LIMBS!?! "No hard feelings, little Human... JUST PULLING YOUR LEG!!!"

Or perhaps we will steal a video camera from one of your nosy CRYPTOPERVERTS and make our own prank videos at YOUR expense! Maybe one of you Humans will be walking down your smoggy streets, minding your Human business, when out of no where a BOULDER LANDS ON YOU AND CRUSHES ALL YOUR BONES!!! Wouldn't you like to see that on the YOU TUBES!?! I know I would!

HOWLING OF THINGS ON THE YOU TUBES.... There was a brief time when a Human television show tried to bring Human and Sasquatch together to FIGHT AGAINST EVIL instead of pitting us against each other in CRASS JACKASSERY!!! That show was BIGFOOT AND WILDBOY:

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: CRYPTOPERVERSION FUNDS JENGLOT RESEARCH!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-16.0500 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

Human media squeaks that Cryptopervert organization "SEEKERS-MALAYSIA" are bartering MAWAS FOOTPRINT MOLDS for Human money that they will use to conduct JENGLOT RESEARCH:

The group Seekers-Malaysia, which has a reality TV program in Malaysia, said money raised from the sale of the alleged sasquatch footprint would be used to research the "three mummified ghouls," and to purchase new paranormal equipment, said spokesman Adrin Emman.

The three supposed shriveled, skeletal-like creatures with razor-sharp teeth were provided for research purposes by their owner Bukhari Abdullah for two weeks. Pictures released by the group show one figure no larger than a human hand, while another appears to be the length of a human body.

Their SICK FOOT-FETISHISM will directly benefit the Human Malaysian government's ANTI-HOMINOID EFFORTS!!!

AS YOU MAY RECALL FROM MY PREVIOUS HOWL, I believe Humans are trying to unlock the SECRETS OF JENGLOTS -- pesky little vampires that get in your fur and WILL NOT LEAVE YOU BE!!! -- as part of a CONSPIRACY TO GENETICALLY ENGINEER A SUPER JENGLOT that the Human government hopes will ANNOY MAWAS into leaving their land so MONO RAILS can be built on it!

SOME SASQUATCH HAVE CALLED MY CONSPIRACY HOWL UNLIKELY!!! But consider this: Recently Human researchers at Universiti Malaya made the startling discovery that THE HAIR OF MUMMIFIED JENGLOTS CONTINUES TO GROW!!! If they can ISOLATE AND ENHANCE the gene that causes this they can make HYPERTRICHOTIC JENGLOTS that get tangled up in Hominoid fur making them IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE!!! Do you really trust Humans enough to risk being INFESTED with THOSE!?!

HOWL TO ALL HOMINOIDS EVERYWHERE: practice good PEDAL HYGIENE and COVER YOUR TRACKS!!! Otherwise you might be funding THE FORCES OF GLOBAL PESTERISM!!!

Lyle Zapato

Pyramid Tea & GPM #19: Power Panther

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-09.7550 LMT | Food | NWO | Government Propaganda Mascots

Greg in the guestbook was shocked and appalled to see a TV ad for Lipton Premium Pyramid Tea Bags, which Lipton claims are "delicately packaged in unique pyramid-shaped bags that allow the tea room to flow freely". Is this an innocent tea-steeping innovation or a blatant attempt at subliminal New World Order imagery?

Bavarian Tea 'Pyramid'

First of all, these bags are not true pyramids; they are tetrahedra. Presumably true pyramidal tea bags with square bottoms are impractical to manufacture or package, or are in some other way undesirable. Why then do they insist on calling them "Pyramid Tea Bags" -- which they clearly are not -- instead of the more accurate and euphonious "Tetrateadra Bags"? Could truly authentic tea infusion be a secondary concern to Lipton behind promoting a food/pyramid memetic entanglement?

Secondly, note that one of their flavors -- the one they feature prominently in the masthead -- is "Bavarian Wild Berry". Need I also mention that Sir Thomas Lipton, founder of Lipton Tea, was a Freemason? Or that Freemasons were responsible for the Boston Tea Party? I think these facts speak for themselves.

So why promote NWO pyramid imagery via tea? As most of you are aware, the NWO, working through the US Department of Agriculture, has long promoted the concept of the Food Pyramid, wherein people are trained to accept dietary advice from a pyramid. Not too long ago, they escalated the campaign with their My Pyramid propaganda materials, which now encourage people to view pyramids as their friends and inculcate in them a desire to scale a pyramid towards a cone of rainbow light:

Your Pyramid?

What better way to further the Food Pyramid Agenda than to start having food itself be pyramid shaped (more or less). It's safe to assume that Lipton's Pyramid Tea Bags are just the first in a coming wave of pyramid promoting propaganda products.

...And speaking of p alliterations, while on the "My Pyramid" site I discovered a new(ish) Government Propaganda Mascot for the USDA's Food and Nutrition Service: Power Panther. This healthy-eating, physically-active cat's motto is "EAT SMART, PLAY HARD". Power Panther is also an ardent follower of the Food Guide Pyramid:

Power Panther & Pyramid Pal
I play hard everyday! Because I'm so active, I need to keep my energy level up. So I eat smart and use the Food Guide Pyramid as a guide.

To get kids to also follow pyramid guidance, the site offers Power Panther hip-hop songs which you can download, including "Power Panther is Here" and "If You Wanna Be Like the Power Panther".

Innocent sing-a-long fun or something more insidious? An undercover videographer was able to capture this secret Power Panther meeting held in a nondescript room somewhere in Milwaukee. The meeting was attended by various unidentifiable people in civilian clothes who stood, swayed, and gesticulated along with the hypnotic motions of a person in a Power Panther costume dancing to psychosonic beats. Of particular interest, note the female USAF officer setting up a camera in the aisle -- conclusive evidence of the Military's connection to the Food Pyramid Agenda!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HUMAN ABDUCTION!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-03.5765 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia | General Paranoia

One of the Humans who built the "BIGFOOT" TRAP in OREGON is now EXPLAINING THE TWISTED MOTIVES OF SASQUATCH TRAPPERS!!! Unlike what I previously heard howl, little Human RONNY OLSON and his CO-CONSPIRATORS weren't planning to kidnap and sell our youth to Human TV producers! No, they had in mind something much more DISTURBING:

"I wouldn't ever want to see Bigfoot held in captivity," stresses Ron Olson. "The idea was to learn about him. We wanted to put a transmitter on him. We wanted to find out how they evade people and where they migrate to."

"We weren't going to kill it -- we had a tranquilizer gun," he explains. "We had a sled built to put him on. We even had big manacles ready if we got one and the tranquilizer started to wear out. We had it pretty well organized."

So their plan was to ABDUCT US, IMPLANT US WITH TRACKING DEVICES, RETURN US TO OUR FORESTS, FOLLOW OUR MOVEMENTS, AND LEARN OUR SECRETS!!! And now the U.S. FOREST SERVICE IS OPENLY REVIVING THEIR PLAN!!!

EVEN MORE DISTURBING, I have learned that many Sasquatch and Yeti have howled that this HUMAN ABDUCTION CONSPIRACY has been going on for DECADES!!! (Could this explain the SOUTH DAKOTA SCHOOL OF MINES CONSPIRACY?! Abductions GONE AWRY!?! Or what about HUMAN EXPERIMENTS WITH JENGLOTS... Could they be developing CYBER-JENGLOTIC TRACKING DEVICES!?!)

HOWL TO ALL HOMINOIDS: If you experience MISSING TIME or find STRANGE BUMPS UNDER YOUR FUR you may be the victim of a HUMAN ABDUCTION!!! You may be SUBCONSCIOUSLY BLOCKING MEMORIES of a HUMAN ABDUCTION if the following photo produces A SENSE OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD:

NIMOY!!!
TYPICAL HUMAN ABDUCTOR!!!

HUMAN ABDUCTIONS are often associated with UNEXPLAINED NIGHT-TIME LIGHTS; these are called "FLASH-LIGHTS"!!! Humans, with their SQUINTY EYES that can't see in the moonlight, use them to get around forests at night!

ABDUCTEES have reported waking up UNABLE TO MOVE while STRANGE HUMAN FACES hover over them! Sasquatch healers have claimed that this phenomena is just SLEEP PARALYSIS and NIGHTMARES, but now we know it is TRANQUILIZERS, MANACLES, and HUMAN ABDUCTORS!!!

If you suspect you have been abducted and implanted, STAY AWAY FROM OTHER SASQUATCH!!! You are leading them RIGHT TO US!!!

HOWL TO WOULD-BE HUMAN ABDUCTORS: It is bad enough that you want to track us and learn our secrets, but if you value your limbs DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PROBING US!!!

Lyle Zapato

Decisions...

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-02.7302 LMT | Politics | Cascadia | NWO | Paraterrestrials

As a public service for the Federalists occupying the Republic of Cascadia, ZPi wholeheartedly endorses either of the following two candidates for Washington State Senator in the Sept. 19 Primary:


Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson
Democratic
Education: Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson received his Masters of Science Degree from the University of Minnesota. He previously studied for 3 years in Stockholm, Sweden, having already earned his Bachelor's Degree in Germany.
Occupation: Investor and user of economics and astronomy
Professional Qualifications: Accountant and owner
Personal Information: Sixty-seven years old and starting to mature.
Community Involvement: Goodspaceguy's big community involvement has been to offer his knowledge of economics and many other subjects to the voters by running for office seven times, advocating to raise the living standard.
Personal Views: In about the last hundred years, we humans developed cars, radios, airplanes, movies, television, and computerization. We moved from the Horse and Buggy Age into the start of the Space Age. Now a great goal is Orbital Space Colonization. Let's build the Fantastic Future! Let's spread the life of Spaceship Earth out into our Solar System! It is our intelligent destiny. With the money we have already spent on space, we should already have growing space colonies. Unfortunately, our leaders have not been educated in orbital space colonization. World peace and education and employment should also be our big goals. Let's use our unemployed people. Please also visit http://colonizeorbitalspace.blogspot.com to learn more about Goodspaceguy's plan of advancement for our civilization.

William Edward Chovil
Republican
Education: BA, University of Puget Sound, 1951. BEd, University of Puget Sound, 1951.
Occupation: History Analyst & Political Commentator -- self employed.
Personal Information: Birth date: 04/08/1927. Birthplace: Tacoma, WA
Community Involvement: Member, John Birch Society. Member, National Center for Constitutional Studies. Member, National Rifle Association. Life Member, Gun Owners of America. National Center for Constitutional Studies. Washington Arms Collector.
Personal Views: It is not illegal for Federal and State lawmakers to be practitioners of democratic communism and socialism. But! Is it a good idea to elect and re-elect them? Abraham Lincoln stated that a house divided against itself can not stand. Do you believe that America has become a house divided against itself? Do you believe that this nation (or any nation) can long endure half pro-communist and half pro-American? Because we are a democracy we can choose to live in a pro-communist America. Is this what we want to do? I am a follower of: George Washington, Ronald Reagan, George S. Patton Junior, Ayn Rand, and John Galt. I am an expert on government -- American government, un-American government, socialism, communism, the New-World-Order Conspiracy, and International Trade Agreements. Do you want school vouchers to help your children attend the school of their choice? Do you want Charter Schools to provide your children an alternative to government controlled schools? Do you want to protect your right to home-school your children? If you believe America can do better with more Americanism and less national and global communism and socialism let me represent you in the United States Senate.
Lyle Zapato

A Father's Tachyon Transceiver

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-25.2698 LMT | Technology | Letters | Kelviniana

Although it may not seem it at first, Christopher R. Davy's 2001 patent application for The Tachyon Transceiver is the heart-warming, feel-good patent application of the summer.

What is a Tachyon Transceiver? Davy claims:

The Tachyon Transceiver(s) can send or receive a resonance from one point in spacetime to another point in spacetime instantaneously without a relativistic time-delay.

Interesting, but probably not as practical as St. Clair's Remote Viewing Amplifier. As we shall see, however, the real interest here isn't technological, but human.

Read more...

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: IT'S A SASQUATCH TRAP!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-24.2108 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia

SASQUATCH OF SOUTHERN CASCADIA, BEWARE!!!

Federalist Humans aligned with the U.S. FOREST SERVICE are REPAIRING THE OLD "BIGFOOT" TRAP near Applegate Lake in OREGON!!!

BIGFOOT TRAP!!!

The small trap was built by CRYPTOPERVERTS during the NADIR OF HUMAN-SASQUATCH RELATIONS known to the Humans as the "SEVENTIES"!!! FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD HOWL, their scheme was to TRAP AND KIDNAP SASQUATCH CUBS in order to CURRY FAVOR with some strange Human named NIMOY!!! Cubs were to be lured in through the TINY DOORWAY with a tasty smelling carcass only to have THE DOOR SLAM SHUT BEHIND THEM while an electric signal alerted a nearby CRYPTOPERVERT HIDEOUT!!!

No cubs were ever kidnapped using the trap, but it's STILL AN ATTRACTIVE NUISANCE!!! Even though it's FLIMSILY CONSTRUCTED, smaller cubs might injure themselves while SMASHING THROUGH THE WALLS!!! Not to mention there might be CRYPTOPERVERTS nearby looking to GAZE SEXUALLY!!! Make sure you howl to your cubs about the dangers of GOOD SMELLIN' EATS in strange Human buildings!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: JENGLOT!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-23.1163 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Nature

Malaysian Humans will TEST THE DNA OF A JENGLOT MUMMY found in Indonesia in 1972 to see if it is real!

JENGLOT are ANNOYING LITTLE VAMPIRES that pester Mawas and other Southeast Asian Hominoids! Humans suffer from inconsequential mosquitoes; Southeast Asian Hominoids suffer from JENGLOT!!!

Thankfully, Cascadia remains JENGLOT FREE -- but only so long as Yeti immigrants remember to check their fur for JENGLOT and JENGLOT EGGS before boarding Cascadia-bound shipping containers!

ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT JENGLOT INFESTATION!!!

The mummified JENGLOT body the Humans found is ABNORMALLY LARGE and most Mawas JENGLOTOLOGISTS think it is a FAKE created by ANTI-HOMINOID AGITATORS to scare Mawas and other Hominoids! Or perhaps the Human government has GENETICALLY ENGINEERED A SUPER JENGLOT as a BIOLOGICAL WEAPON to DEPOPULATE MAWASISTAN in order to BUILD MONO RAILS ON THEIR LAND!!! My moss is on the latter, especially since Humans are known to be collecting, displaying, feeding, and BREEDING JENGLOT!!!

Whichever is the case, THE DNA TEST CANNOT BE TRUSTED!!! The Human group behind the test are actually CRYPTOPERVERTS who also want to RECOVER DNA FROM MAWAS FOOTPRINTS!!! One can only imagine what sick things they would do with that! Perhaps they wish to CLONE MAWAS FOOT-FETISH SLAVES TO SEXUALLY GAZE AT!!!

The only thing more annoying than JENGLOT are HUMAN CRYPTOPERVERTS!!!