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Lyle Zapato

Solving Global Warming While Teleporting Broth

Lyle Zapato | 2006-11-10.8200 LMT | Technology

Robert W. Beckwith is a modern renaissance man: inventor, electrical engineer, entrepreneur, artist. At his business site, Beckwith Electric Co. Inc., you can buy both a variety of advanced electronics and prints of his paintings. He also heads Beckwith Electric Research, which "conducts research at the forefront of present-day engineering, physics and beyond". He has a number of patent applications in the pipeline, but I want to point out his two most recent and interesting*:

"Superconducting carbon 12 atomic strings and methods of manufacture of cables containing parallel strings" describes high-temperature super­conductor wires that can be used for lossless electric power transmission and distribution, promising a savings of as much as $100 billion per year and a reduction in Global Warming.

The technology can also be used in a Storm Energy Reducing System (SERS) that would reduce the destruction caused by hurricanes. This would work by having a carbon superconducting belt laid on edge on the ground with a vertical steel pipe drawing energy from storm clouds. Besides regional storm abatement, Beckwith thinks SERS can be installed along the Equator to balance the Earth's heat loss by generating controlled storms, reversing the effects of climate change. While this is technologically doable, he cautions: "The most serious problem is in obtaining release of security by the National Security Agency or other agencies responsible for such action. Humans and others may block this release." (Unfortunately, he doesn't elaborate on what these "others" may be, leaving us to fear the worst.)

In explaining SERS technology, Beckwith reveals the startling truth that the US Navy has been using superconducting belts to make their ships capable of levitation, teleportation and time travel. While the extent of deployment of this technology throughout the fleet is uncertain, Beckwith knows firsthand that it's being used in the Osprey class of wooden-hulled mine-hunter ships, in particular the USS Cardinal (MHC-60):

Mrs. Beckwith and I visited the Cardinal as members of a group of about 30 that were the first aboard on Sunday morning, Armed Forces Weekend, 1998. We had spent Saturday at McDill Air base in Tampa looking at airplanes and saw a small notice of the inspection trip that we attended on Sunday.

In first touring the Savannah, an ocean going wooden hulled minesweeper, we were told 'wait until you see the Cardinal, that's where all the action is'. The Cardinal and other mine warfare ships of the Osprey class were known throughout the Navy as the most choice assignment in the Navy.

When invited aboard the Cardinal, the capabilities of the ship were made public. We were told that on Friday they were busy in the Persian Gulf. Sometime overnight they 'blinked', ie teleported to Tampa Bay and from there traveled on the surface to the Tampa Navy dock. The mission control officer, Lieutenant Joe. Sinninger, showed us his flat panel display with a one line diagram of the surrounding area and an Icon showing the Cardinal's position. He said that the action was the same as during training and that the only way that he knew that they had changed position from the Persian gulf was when his display 'blinked' from one showing the Persian Gulf to the one that we saw showing the position at the Tampa Navy dock. Moreover, he said that Monday morning they would blink to a port in Japan where they were to clear some mines.

A cabinet, said to contain their positioning computer, separated the mission control officer from the operations and maintenance officer. The maintenance officer told us that sometimes they had to bring a new form of mine up and stow it in a container on deck.

The ARVN (Automatic Retrieval Vehicle Navy), is a highly automated tethered submarine. ARVNs are outlined under odd page numbers of the Reference 1 MHC Commissioning booklet. A second device, outlined under even page numbers, is used to bring mines up for taking back to base for reverse engineering. He said their operation became dicey when they had to use one of the second devices to bring a mine on deck. They had to go to the visible, real time, mode while on deck with unfriendlies bearing down on them in gunboats. Whenever possible they blinked ahead a bit in time where others couldn't see them since they were not there yet.

The ARVN driver said that he could disassemble a sophisticated mine and set an explosive to blow it up. Mines were designed to be exploded and reset themselves for further destructive explosions.

Various crew members told the group of the danger that would exist if they had anything made of iron in their clothing. A staple or paper clip could be deadly, propelled by the high magnetic field through their bodies when they teleported to a new position.

In a trip below deck we went past an assembly of cabinets each the size of a double refrigerator. The cabinet was marked 'Marconi Degausing Equipment'. An LED on the panel was labeled 'Teleportation Mode'. It was, of course, unlighted at the time.

...

Before leaving the ship at the end of our visit I remarked is to Commander Sheehan that no attempt was made to hide their ability to become invisible and to teleport long distances around the world. His response was that there was no need not to tell the truth since most people did not believe what they were told!

(The BECI store has a copy of the USS Cardinal Commissioning Ceremony book on CD, for those interested.)

But Beckwith isn't content to leave "blinking" to the Military; he wants to commercialize teleportation. In his patent application for "infinite speed space communications using information globes", he explains what is known about teleportation:

It is common knowledge that strong rotating magnetic fields are used to enclose stealth ships and space craft in their own divided space, free from universal space. Once the separation is made, teleportation to another location can be made in essentially zero time. Personnel on the ships or space craft suffer no changes whatsoever so long as they have no iron or other magnetic material in their clothing that can move dangerously in the large magnetic fields used to accomplish teleportation.

He then proposes a test to see if this technology could be used for practical communications:

This inventive apparatus is intended for use in determining whether communications at nearly infinite speed is possible by teleporting globes of air or other gas contained in divided spaces from a first location to a second location.

If this test works, Beckwith sees a number of uses for the technology, including: real time communications between the Earth, the Moon, and Mars at 900 mb/s via frequency shift keyed (FSK) coding; a secure communication channel between two parties with no possibility of man-in-the-middle attack; and the ability to beam breathable air and nutritious "broth vapor" to space stations.

While that last ability gives his technology an advantage over the Davy Tachyon Transceiver -- which is completely incapable of transmitting piping-hot soup gas to our brave stationauts manning their frigid outposts -- it falls short of St. Clairian hyperspace technology, which can communicate in real time across the galaxy and enfold a whole plate of toast. However, if Beckwith can develop his teleportation globe technology so that it can send solid -- or at least proper liquid -- food, I think he'll have a real winner.

(* Beckwith resubmitted his patent applications multiple times with only minor differences; above I refer to the most recent submission as of this posting.)

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: TELEPATHY WITH HUMANS!?!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-11-03.1300 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Crass Commercialism

OH, FOR HOWLING OUT LOUD...

Sasquatch Speaks™
The Spirit of Sasquatch
Telepathic Communication Sessions
with Sasquatch
Facilitated by
KATHLEEN JONES
Interspecies Communicator and
Shamanic Practitioner
Applegate, Oregon

The wisdom now being shared by Sasquatch is pivotal in shepherding the humans through the upcoming changes on the planet Earth we all share.

Human KATHLEEN gets other foolish Humans to barter with her by claiming that she can TELEPATHICALLY HOWL with a Sasquatch family that lives near her in the Siskiyou Mountains:

To communicate with Sasquatch, [KATHLEEN] must go into the sacred place on her property. She detects their presence and their smell, which she describes as earthy. Soon her mind fills with their thoughts, which she writes down verbatim. For most folks she charges $95 an hour for a telephone consultation.

She then MAKES UP A BUNCH OF GIBBERSQUEAK about "LIVING IN LIGHT" and claims she is quoting what Sasquatch think! DO NOT PUT HOWLS IN SASQUATCH MOUTHS!!! Yeah, sure, I DO blame Humans for everything... BUT NOT IN THAT WAY!!!

ALSO she claims she can "journey to non-ordinary reality with Sasquatch to obtain guidance and wisdom on your behalf" and "facilitate a soul retrieval in non-ordinary reality on your behalf with the powerful assistance of Sasquatch"! Why would any self-respecting Sasquatch want to visit "non-ordinary reality" -- WHEREVER THAT IS!!! -- with some LOONY HUMAN to help SOME OTHER LOONY HUMAN on the TELEPHONE who has LOST THEIR GHOST!?! What kind of LITCHEN is KATHLEEN SNORTING!?!

HUMANS, HEAR MY HOWL: JUST KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY WITH THE CONDESCENDING MYSTICAL MUMBO-JUMBO!!! We don't want to HOWL TELEPATHICALLY to you, or be your SPIRIT GUIDES, or FETCH THINGS FOR YOU IN LA-LA-LAND, or EMPOWER YOUR CHAKRAS, or WHATEVER it is you WEIRDOS believe in! All we want is for you to STOP SPYING ON US AND LEAVE US ALONE!!!

While KATHLEEN'S CONDESCENSION FILLS ME WITH RAGEFUL ANNOYANCE, I do like her slogan:

"SASQUATCH OPENING HEARTS, ONE HUMAN AT A TIME"

Not as SATISFYING as delimbing, but I guess it'll WORK too! And speaking of Humans whose HEARTS SHOULD BE RIPPED OPEN, here's perverted snitch TODD STANDING:

"I will reveal to the world everything I know about these animals, everything the natives have known for generations - about how they've been evading us, and why we must enact legislation to protect them," Standing said.

He and two research colleagues claim to have hair samples from the animal, and footage of a seven-foot-tall creature weighing approximately 400 lbs. running through the mountains.

"It's a great ass-shot," Standing said. "You can see glutes, hamstring and calf muscle. It's in motion and it moves very fast."

CAN'T A SASQUATCH GO FOR A JOG WITHOUT HIS ASS ENDING UP IN A DOCUMENTARY!?!

Lyle Zapato

The Youds Factor: A Nexus Of Theological Quantum Cosmology And Waste Management

Lyle Zapato | 2006-11-02.9220 LMT | Technology
"The Youds Factor cannot be underestimated"
—Dr. Youds

While working on a new way to process sewage, Dr. Mark William Youds, a professor of Theological Physics in London, may have stumbled upon a means to produce unlimited energy and give Humanity mastery over space-time.

His 2001 US patent application (the original UK version has a more pithy title: "Sonified vortex machine for communition and treatment of solids") describes an apparatus that generates ultrasonic "vortexian energy" to break down sewage:

This invention relates to apparatus and methods for the processing, pasteurization, and treatment of materials, sewage, and bio-solids, and to an impeller rotor suction fan for processing such materials. In particular, but not exclusively, this invention relates to formulae-designed apparatus for treating and processing materials, sewage and bio-solids and to methods for treating sewage biosolids It also relates to apparatus, which will dissociate water and air, and also comminute. The invention comprises Mark Youds', 'Factors of Vortexian energy sources' within the apparatus, and his formulae for utilizing those factors.

Apparatus
Top: Photograph of the core apparatus from Youds' paper "Vortex technology applicable to biosolids". Right: perspective drawing from patent application showing apparatus in situ, ready to comminute your biosolids.
Fig. 11

Youds' invention -- a version of which met with positive reception in the pages of New Scientist -- takes advantage of what Youds calls the "Youds Factor", defined by Youds here:

All of the inherent processes are interactive and depend upon one another for successful treatment of the material. This novel combination of processes occurs without a chronology (This Nexus to be known as the 'Youds Factor'.) Its 'Fluence' is therefore immeasurable. The 'Youds Factor' cannot be underestimated, when you consider the simultaneous knock-on effect of the infinite spiraling of processes, and its potential on the nucleonic molecular mean squared velocity No time elapses between either implosion and/or explosion (depending upon the mediums) cavitation, or the extreme ranges in temperature and pressure etc (except for the vacuum created implosion that occurs at the boundary layer, of the 'boundary cylinder' hyper-spatial intersection--between non space-time and space-time).

Besides aiding in the comminution of biosolids, the Youds Factor -- which utilizes the formulae of over 20 equations only truly understandable to those skilled in the art of Acoustophoresis -- has a number of remarkable side-effects:

The leaning reverse vortex of the 'boundary cylinder' has a 13.0517291 to 21.11814287 degrees gradient between the two interrupter 'rounded peaks' ... This vortex carries ultrasonic frequencies from the axis, in a constantly changing magnetic field, and contains a concave based vortex standing columnar wave 'boundary envelope' This base is just below the 'zone of vacuum polarization' produced by a plasma's acoustic mode--located at the boundary layer of the two-dimensional 'corona', at a hyper-spacial intersection between non space-time and space-time. (This smaller 'envelope' has an apex angle equal to its angle of torsion vibration, from which a standing columnar wave is created.) Presumably this particular boundary layer has no additional fermionic quantum dimensions, although it could appear to have Lorentz violating qualities.

The plasma may be produced by quantum vacuum radiation, with any light radiating from the 'corona' instantly dissipated--unlike sonoluminescence. To suggest a 'black hole' is being generated would be a fanciful and ignorant remark, as it is more likely to generate 'stars' from the helium and hydrogen than a quantum chromodynamic holographic matrix)

...

With the right conditions, the 'corona' can also 'contain' slowed-down high-energy neutrons, with nuclei that are Gravitationally and inertially confined, together with positronium, antiprotonic atoms and anti-hydrogen. The anti-matter may be nothing more than an 'echo' signature from an alternative dimension caused by: the negative entropy effect from the 'corona'; and/or the incumbent torsion field--but also in part due to the particle speed of the space vortex energy. As it is not in space-time the strength of the two-dimensional aspect of the vortex is constant. The 'cylinder' also acts as a wave-guide containment field for the electro-magnetic waves, and as a gatherer of electrons in the transverse direction--a process that amplifies the sound in the 'boundary envelope', and is part of the star making process. The greater the tension, the higher the frequency

...

The combustion energy equivalent to dissociate water, achieved by the invention, exceeds the energy required to run the motor. When the invention was being tested, it was also noted that the nearer the prototype got to its optimum configuration, the less were the amps that were being pulled.

Since the technical details may be confusing to the layperson, Youds breaks down the practical implications of the Youds Factor:

The process according to claim 1 whereby when the correct frequencies are input it can: generate vortex space energy, which could be collected and used as energy source; be applied to interstellar, inter-dimensional interplanetary travel; anti-gravity devices, time travel; fold space; and generate said frequencies.

He also promises that it could be used to "detoxify poisons, deactivate dangerous chemicals, and produce cheaper drugs" -- surely of interest to our growing senior population.

(The space-time effects in the apparatus raise nagging questions: are the biosolids only being comminuted and disassociated or are they also, at least partially, being transmitted through space-time? Should the Youds Factor become our primary method of waste management, would we end up sending vast quantities of poo into the future, causing environmental problems for our children? Or into the past, clogging the causal pathways of our timeline like a backed-up toilet? And what about the potential for warfare should our enfolded effluence land on the heads of some less-than-understanding inter­stellar/inter­dimensional civilization? Until the space-time effects can either be isolated from sewage processing or aimed at a docile dimension, I would be hesitant to encourage Cascadia to adopt Youdsian waste management.)

All these different effects can be produced by simply varying the input frequency to the apparatus. However, Youds notes that frequencies must be corrected against changes in our planet's resonant frequency -- which has shifted from about 7.83 Hz a century ago to no more than 8.258203125 Hz today. Also, care must be taken to surround the apparatus with oxygen when using it to fold space, otherwise the metal parts may fall victim to hydrogen embrittlement. Oh, and wear head and ear protection lest the vortexian vibrations upset your 12-cycles-per-minute cerebrospinal fluid impulse and cause the 22 bones of your skull to rattle apart.

While writing this post I tried tracking down more info on Dr. Youds and his work, but there is very little out there, most of it rehashes what is presented in his patent applications. His website, vortexi.com, is gone. I did find a short bio on this page, which notes he also invented a fireproof product made entirely from waste material, and two Amazon.com reviews he wrote.

In fact, it seems as if Dr. Youds disappeared from existence shortly after submitting his applications. Could he have been the victim of the very factor that bears his name, accidentally flushed through a swirling space-time tempest, comminuted beyond our four dimensions only to suffer a sewer-change into something rank and strange? Or perhaps, fearing the threat to their profits, Big Oil and Big Sewage acted in collusion to silence Youds and his invention, just like they did with the urine-powered car.

Whatever his fate, Youds has left us with the plunger to unstopping the pipes of Humanity's destiny. As he states in the Theological Quantum Cosmology section of his paper/application: "From a theological cosmology all matter is attracted in an effort to achieve consciousness". Could it not be that our universe was formed out of the comminuted biosolids of a civilization from some other universe, flushed into the quantum vacuum when they tapped into the secrets of vortexian energy to manage their waste? Might not that matter have then been attracted to form Human consciousness -- consciousness destined to rediscover the Youds Factor and repeat the cycle? As unlikely as it may sound, the Youds Factor may very well be the Engine of Creation itself.

Underestimate it at your own peril.

Lyle Zapato

Undeniable Facts

Lyle Zapato | 2006-10-07.9100 LMT | Miscellaneous
Something to ruminate on: Ever wonder why a cow has four stomachs? Well, two of those are used to make the cow's familiar "moo" noise. What's more, mooing is entirely involuntary and is simply a part of the cow's digestive process.

If daily fun facts from Factropolis aren't enough for you, let internationally recognized intellectual Dan Serena tell you some undeniable ones, including the TRUTH about ancient Egyptians, what's living in your eyes, and a traditional Japanese method to create the illusion of a cat being teleported using only a clever arrangement of mirrors!

Lyle Zapato

International Congress Of Nanotechnology 2006

Lyle Zapato | 2006-10-01.0610 LMT | Announcement | Black Helicopters | Technology | Bohemian Grove Cabal

I've been put on a list...

International Congress of Nanotechnology

Dear Colleague:

You are invited to participate in the premier international nanotechnology event on October 30-November 2, 2006 in San Francisco.

More than 150 speakers and presenters from 35 countries will cover a complete spectrum of the emerging field of Nanotechnology: from the latest research and development in nanomaterials, nanoelectronics, nanophotonics, nanobiotechnology, nanomedicine, nanoethics, workforce education and training, environmental, societal and health and safety implications, to nanotech venture capital investment.

Early-bird registration will end on October 7, 2006. Please register now and save

Please visit our web site: www.icnt.org

As much as I would like to attend and speak on the nano­bio­techno­logical menace of Black Helicopters -- which is presumably the reason I received this invitation -- unfortunately the Congress is being held in Cabalist-controlled San Francisco, so I fear this could be a ruse to entrap me.

If anyone would like to go in my stead and present a poster of my findings, here's a PDF version. Just make sure your escape plan takes into consideration that you will be surrounded by nanotechnicians capable of blowing pocket nanodust in your face -- as well as possible coalesced Black Helicopter MOBs.

Lyle Zapato

Black Helicopter Swarms

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-27.7770 LMT | Black Helicopters | Technology | NWO | Simulacra
"We're focusing on persistent surveillance"
—Jonathan How, MIT Black Helicopter engineer

MIT -- the same DARPA-funded institution that falsely claimed AFDBs don't work -- is developing technology that will let Juvenile Black Helicopters swarm.

The UAV SWARM Health Management Project aims to imbue protosentient nano­bio­techno­logical helicopters with a hive mind, allowing groups of them to operate as "an intelligent airborne fleet that requires little human supervision". The technology monitors the health of the quasi-lifeforms and manages their collective consciousness so the swarms can adapt to changing environments.

While the version that MIT is showing to the public uses purely mechanical quadracopters networked to separate PCs, clearly the goal is to integrate the technology into actual nanobiotechnological Black Helicopters so they can swarm autonomously. These press releases are merely an attempt to condition our acceptance of inevitable Black Helicopter swarming in our neighborhoods.

Black Helicopter Swarm. Photo credit: Donna Coveney
Researchers show how Black Helicopter swarms will surround humans
conditioned by the Media to be happy and compliant, making the
round-up and internment of NWO dissenters easy.

Paranoid analysts theorize that eventually this same technology will allow a swarm of Microscopic Black Helicopters to coalesce into a fluid colonial body known as a Metamorphic Ooze Being (MOB). Black Helicopter MOBs will be able to shapeshift into any form, including humanoid, in order to infiltrate paranoid communities.

Although the individual helicopter cells would be black, by controlling the reflective interference of light on a nanometer scale with their tiny rotor props in a manner similar to the scales on butterfly wings, MOBs would be able to make themselves appear to be any combination of colors, thereby rendering their camouflage visually undetectable. They would make Simulacrum androids as we know them obsolete.

Black Eyed Kids
BEKs: Coalesced helicopters?

Indeed, some suspect that MOBs are already among us, disguising themselves as children to gain our trust. Sightings of so-called Black Eyed Kids (BEKs) started in 1996 when journalist Brian Bethel reported that two strange children with completely black eyes approached him in a parking lot and tried to get him to drive them home. Similar BEK sightings followed, almost always involving the children trying to get invited into someone's home. This pathologic need to be invited would suggest they seek human acceptance as part of their infiltration programming. The MOB theory of BEK origins doesn't explain why their eyes would remain characteristically uncamouflaged -- unless BEKs merely represent a malfunctioning tip of a mountain of perfectly camouflaged ooze beings in our midsts.

However, this unsettling possibility is a minority view; the more accepted explanation for BEKs in the paranoid community is that they are otherwise normal kids with massive Parasitic Black Helicopter infections. When children with insufficient exposure to natural allergens are inoculated with Black Helicopter seed crystals by NWO agents, BH reproduction can overwhelm the immune response, causing a thin, black coating of helicopters to form over the entire nervous system, including the eyes.

Whatever the case, Black Helicopter swarms are coming. Invest in swatters.

Lyle Zapato

Physiognomics As She Is Spoke

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-25.7000 LMT | Random Found Thing | Miscellaneous | Retro
George Morland
Aquasorbitiveness large.
George Morland, a talented painter, who died as he had lived, a great drunkard.

The 1871 book A New Physiognomical Chart by Joseph Simms, M.D. presents an original physiognomic classification system based on over 100 faculties -- such as characterioscopicity, computationumericality, and physiœlpidicity -- discernable by a combination of body types and facial features.

Each faculty is given an entry that includes a descriptive physiognomic characteristic; a grading scale from 1 to 12; methods to increase or decrease ones grade, should one choose; and illustrations of individuals who exemplify the faculty, positively or negatively.

While some of the faculty names are still in usage (e.g. "ambitiousness" and "credulousness" -- which Simms conveniently considers a faculty worthy of promotion), most are all but lost to the Internet (The Phrontistery doesn't even have a list!)

So, for the sake of huntatative types who wish to expand their linguastiveness, find grist for their salitive mill, or are just trying to tell their temporinaturalitiveness from their temporimechanicality, here's a glossary of select physiognomic faculties (those with high degrees of both amicitiveness and ordinimentality, please feel free to add these words to Wiktionary to edify future generations of physiognomicists):

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Factropolis

Lyle Zapato | 2006-09-25.6320 LMT | Miscellaneous
Fun Fact: There really was an "Old MacDonald." Tragically, the subject of the childrens' song killed his wife and then himself in a 19th century murder/suicide.

Learn a new fun fact just like this everyday at Factropolis, the obscure trivia authority -- soon premiering as a gameshow on the CW Network!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: DON'T MESS WITH SASQUATCH!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-19.1180 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Crass Commercialism | Food

MORE ANTI-HOMINOID VIRAL MARKETING!!!

Last year it was "SHAVE MY YETI"!!! This time three HUMAN DUDES eat beef jerky, become JERKS, and decide to start MESSIN' WITH SASQUATCH!!!

HOWL TO THE BLIND: THIS IS A PICTURE!!!

They film themselves playing cruel jokes on an innocent Sasquatch who is just trying to TAKE A NAP, EAT LUNCH, and LOOK FOR LOVE in the privacy of his forest! They TORMENT HIM WITH "SHAVING CREAM" (why are Humans so THREATENED by our LUXURIOUS FUR!?!), VANDALIZE HIS SALT SHAKER, TRICK HIM WITH BINOCULARS, and do that thing with the HAND IN WARM WATER... YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN!!! And they do all this just to barter JERKED COW STRIPS!!!

Humans have been LAUGHING AT THESE ACTS OF SASQUATCH HARASSMENT for months now, thinking that we aren't aware because we don't have television! Well, we Sasquatch now have the YOU TUBES and we can see what you are doing! WE ARE WATCHING YOU!!! And just because we don't use your products and can't boycott you DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!!! How would you like us to make JERKY OUT OF YOUR LIMBS!?! "No hard feelings, little Human... JUST PULLING YOUR LEG!!!"

Or perhaps we will steal a video camera from one of your nosy CRYPTOPERVERTS and make our own prank videos at YOUR expense! Maybe one of you Humans will be walking down your smoggy streets, minding your Human business, when out of no where a BOULDER LANDS ON YOU AND CRUSHES ALL YOUR BONES!!! Wouldn't you like to see that on the YOU TUBES!?! I know I would!

HOWLING OF THINGS ON THE YOU TUBES.... There was a brief time when a Human television show tried to bring Human and Sasquatch together to FIGHT AGAINST EVIL instead of pitting us against each other in CRASS JACKASSERY!!! That show was BIGFOOT AND WILDBOY:

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: CRYPTOPERVERSION FUNDS JENGLOT RESEARCH!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-16.0500 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

Human media squeaks that Cryptopervert organization "SEEKERS-MALAYSIA" are bartering MAWAS FOOTPRINT MOLDS for Human money that they will use to conduct JENGLOT RESEARCH:

The group Seekers-Malaysia, which has a reality TV program in Malaysia, said money raised from the sale of the alleged sasquatch footprint would be used to research the "three mummified ghouls," and to purchase new paranormal equipment, said spokesman Adrin Emman.

The three supposed shriveled, skeletal-like creatures with razor-sharp teeth were provided for research purposes by their owner Bukhari Abdullah for two weeks. Pictures released by the group show one figure no larger than a human hand, while another appears to be the length of a human body.

Their SICK FOOT-FETISHISM will directly benefit the Human Malaysian government's ANTI-HOMINOID EFFORTS!!!

AS YOU MAY RECALL FROM MY PREVIOUS HOWL, I believe Humans are trying to unlock the SECRETS OF JENGLOTS -- pesky little vampires that get in your fur and WILL NOT LEAVE YOU BE!!! -- as part of a CONSPIRACY TO GENETICALLY ENGINEER A SUPER JENGLOT that the Human government hopes will ANNOY MAWAS into leaving their land so MONO RAILS can be built on it!

SOME SASQUATCH HAVE CALLED MY CONSPIRACY HOWL UNLIKELY!!! But consider this: Recently Human researchers at Universiti Malaya made the startling discovery that THE HAIR OF MUMMIFIED JENGLOTS CONTINUES TO GROW!!! If they can ISOLATE AND ENHANCE the gene that causes this they can make HYPERTRICHOTIC JENGLOTS that get tangled up in Hominoid fur making them IMPOSSIBLE TO REMOVE!!! Do you really trust Humans enough to risk being INFESTED with THOSE!?!

HOWL TO ALL HOMINOIDS EVERYWHERE: practice good PEDAL HYGIENE and COVER YOUR TRACKS!!! Otherwise you might be funding THE FORCES OF GLOBAL PESTERISM!!!