ZPi Logo "Serving the Paranoid
since 1997"
Radical Sasquatch


Radical Sasquatch | 2006-02-22.3160 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

HUMANS CONTINUE TO HARASS MAWAS!!! Now the Human pack known as JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY, not satisfied with stealing the secret formula for LUSTROUS HAIR GROWTH TONIC, are revealing private information about the Malay Hominoid colony, including the number, makeup, and ages of the colonists! WHY DO HUMANS NEED TO KNOW ALL THIS DETAILED INFORMATION?! It is bad enough that Humans drove the colony from Perak to Johor with their noisy wars and highways, but now they are putting the Mawas in jeopardy of IDENTITY THEFT!!!

What drives these Humans? Why do they seek out our footprints and personal information? What goes on under their SKULLCAPS?! One of them has provided us with a disturbing look into the twisted mind of a HUMAN CRYPTOFETISHIST:

"I'm a cynic, but if we could see a right footprint as well, we could at least measure its gait. Maybe if we had some scat, I could be totally convinced," [Tony Burke] said. "I am about 50 per cent there. Let's see what the lab results are."

...! THAT IS DISGUSTING!!! They are now going to start PICKING THROUGH OUR TOILETS?! Do Humans have no concept of HYGIENE?!

ONE MORE HOWL: For the fifth straight year, the SASQUATCH MUSIC FESTIVAL features ABSOLUTELY NO SASQUATCH ACTS!!! Not even a token troupe of Migoi whistlers! The closest thing on the line up is BECK, but he is only 1/16th Wendigo and INCREDIBLY PUNY!!! Those Humans say they can rock but I have never seen one able to hurl EVEN A MODERATE SIZED BOULDER!!! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

End of post.