ZPi | HOWL: BOUNTY!!!
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Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: BOUNTY!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2005-10-17.4700 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

Desperate Human perverts in Maine want a picture of Sasquatch or Yeti that will help them squatchnap one of us and they are willing to pay ONE MILLION DOLLARS for it! THAT IS A LOT OF ECHINOID SKELETONS!!! The skeletons are being provided by a shadowy Human company, WHO ISN'T NAMED!!! What sort of company could gather that many sand dollars to barter for a picture? And why must they group us with Loch Ness Monster? WE ARE NOT PLESIOSAUROIDAL!!! Perhaps they are interested in cephalopodivores? I have heard howl from my Grendel cousins that Nessie likes peat ammonites...

BUT I DIGRESS!!!

Fellow Hominoids, and our new Plesiosaur allies, hear my howl! Stay away from Maine when the Cryptozoologists gather prior to the new moon! And to counter their contract on us, I will offer a bounty of 100 PINECONES for each Human camera you can take from the cryptopaparazzi! 200 IF THEIR ARMS ARE STILL ATTACHED TO IT!!! These are the good pinecones too, not those puny little Douglas fir cones, but MIGHTY SUGAR PINECONES!!! Excellent for personal hygiene use! Make great Life Day presents!

2005-10-19 UPDATE!!!

Human cryptofetish site reports the shadowy Human company has withdrawn its bounty claiming concern for the safety of Sasquatch! THIS IS A LIE!!! In reality they are worried about being sued by amature cryptopaparazzi who might end up getting delimbed! The company has turned out to be called WIZARDS OF THE COAST!!! This explains how they gathered all the sand dollars -- TIDALMANCY!!!

End of post.