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Radical Sasquatch


Radical Sasquatch | 2005-07-01.6300 LMT | Sasquatch Issues


Here is a press release from Great American Bigfoot Research Organization -- GABRO!!! -- a Human group dedicated to harassing and spying on Sasquatch:

"Bigfoot -- Imminent Capture Anticipated"

C. Thomas Biscardi, Human leader of GABRO!!!, is stalking Sasquatch in southern Cascadia at a place called "Happy Camp" in Human squeak! This is the same Human who sold unauthorized video of a Weeketow Hominoid in Manitoba to salacious Human television squeakshow A Current Affair!

Now Biscardi's team of sicko, foot-obsessive, cryptozoological perverts is planning on cornering a Sasquatch in a cavernous area of Happy Camp! He wants to capture one of us to parade in front of Swedish paparazzi and subject to medical experiments by evil Human Dr. George W. Gill -- A.K.A. DR. FOOTSTEALER!!!

SASQUATCH OF KLAMATH FORESTS, HEED MY HOWL: Avoid the Humans of Happy Camp! Do not be tricked by their Bigfoot Jamboree -- IT'S A TRAP!!! They do not want to honor you or offer their teenage females to you as "Bigfoot Queens"... they want to capture you, learn all your secrets, then SELL YOU TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER!!!

To Humans, I howl this: YOU WILL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!!! By this I mean WE WILL STOMP YOU TO DEATH!!!

End of post.