ZPi | Lihua Hats
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since 1997"
Lyle Zapato

Lihua Hats

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-14.3600 LMT | Letters | Fashion | Belgian Conspiracy

We at ZPi receive many business inquires a week. Here is the most recent:

Dear Sir :

I feel honoured to know you and your company from internet , although I am not sure whether you have already a customer of our company , at least I tride my best .

If you are a customer of our company ,I hope you can cooperate well with our company .But if not ,I \\\\\'d like to introduce our company ---LIHUA hat manufactory , the biggest wool felt hat enterprise .We have almost 20 years \\\\\' experience in making wool felt hats and hat bodies , especially we are the only one firm who make rabbit fur hats in China. Meanwhile we can produce six million of hats and hat bodies per year , and also we can supply the goods accoring to your samples .

I know your products are competitive on the market ,because of the high quality and famous brand . Opposite , if we can cooperate wittth each other , I am sure we can get you a great deal , and benefit a lot . There are a lot of human resources in China , so we can provide the goods at the lowest price .

For further information ,please overlook our website : www.lihuahats.com

Looking forward to hearing you early reply

Give my best wishes

Yours truely

kathy

To which I replied:

Dear Kathy,

Thank you for your inquiry. Your best effort was not entirely misplaced as we are not already a customer with your company. Unfortunately, I'm afraid there has been some misunderstanding on your part.

While it is true that our ZPi brand Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie is a very competitive anti-mind-control product in the paranoid headwear market, I'm afraid we have no need for the services of your hat manufactory -- which, judging by your website, appear excellent!

You see, we at ZPi encourage would-be AFDB-wearers to manufacture their own beanies by hand and strongly discourage AFDB purchase from third-party aluminumsmiths or milliners. This is done purely out of a concern for mental security, since prêt-à-porter beanies may have been compromised in the manufacturing process with mind-control circuitry.

I hope you understand that I am not accusing your company of engaging in that sort of nefarious skulduggery, but when people's minds are at stake it is important to exercise the utmost care to follow paranoid best practices. Trust no one. As you say, there are a lot of human resources in China, and you cannot be certain that none are in league with the New World Order and have infiltrated your company.

Speaking of which, I have read on your site that one of your subsidiaries, the Dingxing Lirui Fur Making Company, has entered into a business arrangement with the Luken Company from Belgium involving rabbit fur. I feel the need to warn you to be careful in your dealings with the so-called "Belgians". All is not as it appears with them.

Regardless of all this, I will still forward my visitors to your site, where they may find hats suitable for beanie camouflage or fancy dress parties inside their aluminum-lined bunkers.

Warmest regards,
Lyle

(Interesting factoid I just learned: the AFDB page is #4 on Google for "hat." I'm sure that has nothing to do with Kathy's letter.)

End of post.