Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie

An Effective, Low-Cost Solution To Combating Mind-Control

Testimonials: Page 3

We utilized your designs to protect ourselves against the mass mind control that is subjected to all of the students who attend any type of school assembly. We noted that the manipulation was especially bad during homecoming assembly and decided to arm ourselves accordingly. I first heard about your sight on tech TV and thought it worth investigating. Thanks to you my friend and I did not have the school chant stuck in our head all day. THEY tried to take our beanies, but to no avail! Once again thank you.

- ALYSON AND NIKKI [2003-09-27]

Mr. Nutkins

evar sanze tha krasee hyooman ladee hoo givz mee fud poot tha shinee theeng on mi hed, i haf beekum salf aweer n ben abel 2 lern roodamantree hyoomun chatur. i now no thet hyoomun sikotronix haz reprezd tha potenshul uf tha skwurl mind 2 keep uz undur yur cuntrool. but no mor! i wil libureet mi peepol n oferthro tha hejmoonee uf hyoomun impeereelizt opreshun! skwurlz uf tha werld, yewnit!

- Fluffy Nutkins [2003-09-02]


It has come to my attention, while perusing your fine webpage, that there is a flaw in the suggested construction of your alumin(i)um beanie.

The beanie model shown in the instructions section covers only the frontal, parietal, and temporal lobes of the brain. The pons and medulla are left uncovered and thus vulnerable to carefully-targeted mind control beams that could influence basic life processes and more "primitive" behaviors.

While the prospect of higher thought (centered in the frontal lobes) being controlled by those with MCBs is frightening, I feel that the control of basic bodily functions, cravings, and instincts should receive equal attention. That this targeted mind control is effective has already become clear: how else would you explain the popularity of low-carbohydrate beer and fat-free pizza?

Please consider revising your beanie-construction instructions to include a covering for the lower part of the skull and upper part of the neck.

Thank you.

Meg Wilson, RN

[You are very correct that the seriousness of mind control aimed at the pons and medulla -- and, to a slightly lesser extent, the cerebellum -- is often overlooked and that people should be more aware of hindbrain security -- the backdoor to the mind, if you will. However, you overstate the risk of hindbrainal infiltration with standard AFDB construction. Low-carbohydrate beer and fat-free pizza consumption is only increasing in the non-beanied sector; properly beanied paranoids eat and drink the good stuff. As I covered in my book, aluminum projects an anti-psychotronic field beyond its surface. The beanie's domed topology creates a roughly afro-shaped deflective field completely enveloping the fore-, mid-, and hindbrain, thereby providing circumfluent protection against psychotronic fields and glancing rays. While it is true that high-energy rays aimed at the hindbrain orthagonally to the bare, lower field may be able to penetrate, the angles involved only make it a risk if in tall buildings or near very short mind control agents. Those at risk can increase AFDB thickness to compensate for the higher powered rays or wrap their necks in foil to create a deflective berm.]

Since I excaped from the Asylum, I've been followed night and day. I know they were playing with my brain. THEY said the voices were all in my head. But thanks to my new AFDB, I feel so much more comfortable and at ease. I'm cured! Of course I still hear the voices, but I feel so much more comfortable about it while wearing my AFDB.

- Chris [2003-05-05]

a friend sent me a link to your website with the message that it was very important.

At first I thought it was a wonderful space for cadets to air their most interesting delusions. However, since scrolling through your testimonials, which I thought were fairly pedestrian until I struck on one from g.w.b. I just knew you were serious in your endeavour.

This thought I had to write down quickly lest a spurt of psychotronic energy knocked off the few neurons my so called brain still possesses. But then I had another thought equally brilliant and one that I actually managed to write down; I am thinking that microwave grade gladwrap might achieve the same effect as aluminiuminumn.

It would be interesting to share your thoughts with you, no me. Don't wait too long though as I am as you can detect, being repeatedlly attacked by P.E. spurts.

- m.j.t [2003-04-20]

[As I covered in my book, Gladwrap, Saranwrap, and other types of polymer wrapping films are effectively transparant to psychotronic radiation, making them worthless for mind control protection. Furthermore, when used in multiple layers on the head, these films can act like greenhouse glass, keeping your brain's heat inside your head and slowly roasting your brain.]

The AFDB has changed my life! Since I started wearing mine, I stopped eating fast food and voting Republican. I made one for my girlfriend, but she is suspiciously reluctant to wear it. I fear the mind controlling forces already have a hold on her.

- Andy [2003-03-19]

hello... we think u might like these flashy new styles we've come up with... after having our licenses scanned with some sort of "device" so that we could get into a local pub, paranoia set in and all we could think is.....'why havent we made our afdb's yet?' we torqued home and designed these to protect us from "them"

- *stacey-jay* [2003-03-10]

Franklin Nathan Stein, Godzilla's pal

I may only have the brain of a five-year-old, but I know how to protect it from the radio. The AFDB is the only thing keeping my head together. That and a lot of tape. Thanks, Doc!

- Franklin Nathan Stein [2003-03-05]

Captain Nightly, Paranoid Pirate/Sock Puppet

The Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie is a pirate sock puppet's best defense against the civilizin' influence of civilization, in laundromats & on the high seas. Both me & my puppeteer swear by it. Aaargh!

- Capt. Nightly, Paranoid Pirate [2003-01-16]

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