Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie

Starshine 1

The first Starshine satellite was deployed 1999-06-05 and re-entered the atmosphere on 2000-02-18. While Project Starshine propagandists have claimed that it burned up on re-entry, most likely it is still roaming the skies, possibly in your neighborhood, looking for potential mind control victims. Consider it armed and dangerous! Do not make eye contact!

Starshine 2

Starshine 2 was deployed on December 15, 2001 and crept back into the atmosphere on April 30, 2002. This satellite was generally considered a ruse to distract attention from the more dangerous Starshine 3, which was sneakily launched months before Starshine 2.

Starshine 3

Starshine 3 -- designed to watch over "all the children of the world" -- was launched 2001-09-30. "We have been deployed and we are operating" threatened the shadowy figure behind Project Starshine. See below for more information on this satellite's capabilities.

UPDATE: In a surprise move on 2003-01-21, Starshine 3 re-entered the Earth's atmosphere, joining its brothers -- Starshine 1 & Starshine 2 -- in skulking through the night looking for victims. Or has it? Officials for Project Starshine are desperately soliciting sighting reports from the general public. Could it be that they don't know where it is? Could Starshine 3 have gone rogue, uncontrolled even by the nefarious forces behind Project Starshine? Is panic warranted at this time? Answers: Yes, yes, & dear-God-yes!

Future Starshines

The most dastardly Starshines to date -- Starshines 4 and 5 -- have been constructed, but we will be spared their incessant gaze until 2004 at the earliest. (Apparently, the satellites were to be launched sooner but were bumped from their shuttle mission by more furative forces bent on delivering control moment gyroscopes to the International Space Station. Could the Canadian megabotics program be heating up? Will we finally see the true purpose of the ISS revealed: a platform for giant space arms capable of hurling asteroids at the Earth?)

Here is an email that I received from an inside source. It contains shocking new photographic evidence about Starshine 3:

This is Starshine 3 being tended to by another mysterious man. It is much larger than Starshines 1 and 2 and features more elaborate construction. Note in particular the radial structures in the upper left, lower middle and by the man's face (enlargement on right). From studying the image and other sorces of information, I can surmise that these are psychotronic ray guns. This means that Project Starshine isn't merely creating deflector platforms for ground-based psychotrons as previously thought, but actual, autonomous psychotronic transmitters!

Using special ZPI image-enhancing software, I was able to isolate and enlarge portions of this image. Here we see the man leering at the dastardly device. We can clearly tell from his goatee and choice of red back-lighting that he must be aligned with the evil forces of mind control. As noted in the email, he is wearing some sort of deflective headwear - no doubt to protect himself from his own nefarious evil-doing.

Links:

• Official Project Starshine Website - Arrogantly hiding their plans in plain sight.