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The Typing Octopus

Evidence Submerges: Human ROV Stalking Octopus

The Typing Octopus | 2006-01-29.0150 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature | Politics

Intrepid octopus investigator risk sasquatch eating, discover secret human program to follow, spy on octopus with ROV-like robot. Human document admit intent:

...We want to design a mini-robot that will carry a video camera, follow an octopus around under the water, and always keep the animal in the camera's viewfinder. Since the robot will act like a Private Eye and tail the octopus everywhere, we think it should be called Shadow.

Reason? Discover evidence human target octopus for theft, desire steal octopus antiquities. Human ROV steal heavy pointy thing from octopus foyer.

Human ROV casing octopus home? Human ROV take salmon information box? Evidence conclusive: octopus not senile. Octopus innocent victim of vast human burglary conspiracy. Human caught in act, engage in cover up. Watergate! Watergate! Watergate!

The Monorailist

Ramayana, Monorailayana

The Monorailist | 2006-01-27.2500 LMT | Monorail Danger | Lost Worlds

According to the Ramayana, around 1.75 million years ago a bridge was built from mainland India across the sea to Sri Lanka. This feat of engineering was accomplished by the vanara architect Nala with the help of an army of monkeys, chief among them Hanuman, so that Lord Rama, prince of Ayodhya and avatar of Krishna, could save his wife, Sita, from the clutches of the island's dastardly, ten-mustachioed demon-ruler, Ravana.

While conventional Indologists theorize that this bridge was merely a walking path, I am certain that careful reading of the epic shows that the bridge was in fact India's first monorail line -- perhaps the grandest the world has ever witnessed.

NASA satellites have documented the bridge's remains: a chain of shoals of unnatural formation -- variably called Rama's Bridge, Nala's Bridge, or, in the West, Adam's Bridge. However, there is an interesting discrepancy; while these limestone shoals sit securely on the sea floor, tradition describes the bridge being made of "floating stones". Some scholars wildly infer that the shoals must have been formed later with the sinking of the presumably buoyant stones, but offer no mechanism for this transformation. They are like blind men unable to identify an elephant by its dissimilar parts. A true synthesis comes only with the realization that the shoals and the "floating stones" represent two different aspects of the same structure -- pillar footings and an elevated monorail track.

Consider the Monorail, with its track gliding through the air like a gentle breeze solidified, held aloft on slender pillars that hardly inconvenience the ground below. Is there any better description for this graceful, elevated state than to say the track is floating? I think not. Clearly, the chroniclers of India's history, faced with the awe-inspiring splendor of that majestic monorail stretching insouciantly Ceylonward, could not have described the rock that made up its track any other way than as "floating stones".

Read the epic with eyes open to the monorailistic possibilities and more details come into focus. Behold Nala's Monorail floating over the sea on pillars made of whole trees, some of them still bearing blossoms, uprooted by the monkey army and planted on shoals newly formed with elephant-sized boulders torn from the mountains by the most powerful of the vanara and plunged into waters tumulted with their alacritous monkey business. Five days! Five days was all it took the army of monkeys -- heroes all -- to build 30 miles of monorail track. Oh! If only Seattle had such a bold visionary as Nala!

(Some skeptics -- no doubt fearful of the coming Monorail Awakening and the massive social transformation it will bring -- will desperately protest that the bridge, described as being 10 yojanas or 80 miles wide, could not have been a monorail. But the same sources claim it was 100 yojanas or 800 miles long when we know the crossing to be only 30 miles. Obviously, exuberance for such an exalted structure has led to an exaggeration of the measurements over time. Do not attempt to explain away the reality of ancient Indian monorail technology with these untrustworthy figures!)

After the monorail line was built, Rama and his younger brother Lakshmana are said to have rode across it on the backs of Hanuman and Angada. As Sugriva, King of the Vanara, tells Rama: "These monkeys can hold both of you while flying in the sky." A clear reference to the elevated nature of the bridge, to be sure, but what are we to make of this? Was this a monorail track without monorail cars? Was it merely an elevated path for monkey porters? No.

We know from the epic that the vanara employed "mechanical contrivances" or "engines" to transport the largest boulders to the sea, so they had the technology to produce a monorail car. As Hanuman and Angada were instrumental in the endeavor to reach Ravana, what better tribute than to name the newly crafted monorail cars in their honor. Thus Rama rode in the foremost monorail car Hanuman, not on its monkey namesake -- a distinction that become understandably confused over time. Mind you, this doesn't lessen Hanuman's bhakti, for he did much in the service of Rama, but I think Rama would find traveling in the sublime, transcendental luxury that only a monorail can provide more befitting of him than riding on the back of a monkey, no matter how loyal and noble the monkey may be.

Having established the antiquity of monorail technology in India, I say: Let Mr. Zapato continue his tired tirades against the Monorail! Let him try to lead the good people of India away from their deserved place among the Monorailized Nations of the World! He will fail -- he already has failed! For you see, the Monorail is the warp woven through the very fabric of Indian culture; an intrinsic part of her national heritage, though today only dimly remembered. India is the homeland of Monorailism and the cycle of history shall be completed with the Monorail's rebirth in Chennai.

Lastly, an interesting note: Lava, the name of the Malaysian consulting firm behind the Chennai monorail deal, is also the name of one of Rama's two sons, both reunited with Rama after being born to Sita in monastic banishment. How fitting that a company bearing the name of one who would not have been conceived had it not been for Nala's monorailular ingenuity should be helping to return the Monorail to her ancestral home, reuniting the Past with the Future.

Lyle Zapato


Lyle Zapato | 2006-01-17.5580 LMT | Letters | Food

"planet036" from the UK writes:


Ive got to say i think you lot are weird, i mean what are you goin to make next! wooden hats that send out lazers!!! nor glasses that taste like pie!!1

Wooden hats that send out lasers are just silly. Changes in humidity would cause the wood to expand and contract, making precise alignment of the lasers impossible, thereby negating any benefits from having them cranially mounted.

However, ZPi Labs Pasteo-Optometry Division has been researching glasses that taste like pie -- pieglasses -- for a number of years. Here is our current prototype:


While our marketing department is still trying to determine practical applications for our pieglass technology -- or at least a catchy jingle that would convince people that they want a pair -- we are certain that we will be able to successfully bring this product to market within 10 years.

Lyle Zapato

Belgian Makes Tiny Helicopter Friend For Pet Hamster

Lyle Zapato | 2005-12-14.9900 LMT | Black Helicopters | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO

Meet Pixelito, the microcopter made in Belgium! (Do I even need to expand on this one? Oh, why not...)

Not to be outdone by the Monorailists, the Belgian Conspiracy -- expert in the manufacture of false reality -- is colluding with its NWO cohorts to desensitize the public to tiny helicopters by making them seem like innocent, even desirable, play things. They claim you will control them, but we know they'll end up controlling you.

Note the numerous photos and country-western video of the microcopter with an adorable, cuddly rodent. This crude but effective form of mind control involves a deep psychoevolutionary construct known as "cuteness." By juxtaposing the "cute" hamster with the coldly carbon-black Pixelito, there occurs a psychological transference of the hamsterian paedomorphic traits to the microcopter, conditioning an elicitation of a maternal response towards Black Helicopters. (Users of MindGuard will recognize this technique from the numerous deciphered signals they receive involving "cute kittens.") The site explicitly links hamsterness with Black-Helicopterness, even going so far as to suggest that hamsters are a pastiche of the Black Helicopter archetype:

The idea of the hamster was inspired by the shape of the 'canopy'. Somehow they both seem to 'sit' the same way!

Thus, instead of fearing a Black Helicopter, as one should, one is made to want to invite it into one's living room and let it use one's naked feet as a landing pad. Devious.

Real microscopic Black Helicopters are of course much more technologically advanced and don't require Belgians to build them, as they can self-replicate. However, revealing the TRUTH about Black Helicopters in one fell swoop would only scare the public. By slowly acclimating people using cute transference, the NWO hopes to ease the social transition into the new nanobiotechnological paradigm and promote acceptance for constant surveillance in our homes by swarms of tiny copters.

Lyle Zapato


Lyle Zapato | 2005-12-05.2540 LMT | Monorail Danger | NWO | Black Helicopters

Yet more on the Monorailist agenda operating inside of Cascadia. This time, they want you to wear nanoscopic monorails woven into your clothing:

Imagine clothing that repairs itself when damaged. Or structures that grow and change to adapt to changes in the environment, in much the same way as living things.

A key area of research leading toward this vision of the future involves building nanoengines and tiny shuttle systems that could be woven into the fabric of objects to transport materials at the molecular level. [Viola Vogel, director of the University of Washington's Center for Nanotechnology,] and her colleagues have been working on such systems -- a monorail at the nanoscale, as it were -- with some success.

Self-healing clothing is all fine and good, but what happens when your warp collides with your woof and spontaneously combusts?

Even more troubling, this development exposes strange new dealings between the Monorailists and NWO, makers of the Black Helicopters. Black Helicopters, as you will recall from the link you just clicked in the previous sentence, are grown from seed crystals using nanobiotechnology -- that is, nanotechnology that incorporates biological elements to create nanoscopic cyborgs. This is exactly the same technology, undoubtedly provided by the NWO, that Vogel is using to develop her nanomonorails:

In delving into the concept of nanoshuttles, Vogel and her team studied two motor proteins used for transport in the body: kinesin and myosin. Kinesin is found in all of the body's cells and moves along a cell's cytoskeleton -- a network of rigid microtubules that help impart shape and structure to a cell -- to carry neurotransmitters to where they are needed. Myosin is found in muscles, where it interacts with another protein, actin, to cause muscle contraction.

Vogel has already built a prototype nanomonorail shuttle powered by ATP and made of microtubules propelled by a stationary rail of kinesin (an inversion -- or should we say perversion -- of normal biology). She also used the cell growth factor biotin to bind cargo to the nanomonorail shuttle. All of these are biochemicals present in the human body, thus making her abomination a cybernetic human-monorail nanohybrid.

Clearly all this talk of structures that change to adapt to the environment is just an innocuous sounding cover story for the continual, gradual public acclimation to a new nanobiotechnological paradigm, one in which everyone will have nanomonorails coursing first through their homes, then their clothes, and eventually their bodies. Why bother with that messy business of inoculating cows with seed crystals when the NWO can simply transmogrify any one of us into a Black Helicopter at will?

Lyle Zapato

Carpetbagging Monorailists: A Cascadian Tradition

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-29.2150 LMT | Monorail Danger | Cascadia | Retro

There was a story on Evening Magazine last night about "The Northwest's 10 Greatest Unsolved Mysteries". Besides yet again bringing up D.B. Cooper -- whom you should all just forget you ever heard about -- it had one topical mystery I had somehow missed: the details surrounding a prototype monorail built on the Tacoma tideflats in 1910 or 1911.

William H. Boyes monorail prototype, from monorails.org


Lyle Zapato

Edison's Conquest of Mars

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-14.5800 LMT | Kelviniana | Entertainment | Retro

As previously mentioned, Edison's Conquest of Mars by Garrett P. Serviss is an unauthorized 1898 sequel to H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds. Unauthorized by Wells, that is. It was authorized by Thomas A. Edison, and the story reads like an Edison promotional vehicle (which it essentially was):

Edison reveals his inventions to the assembled leaders of Earth, including the insufferable Kaiser Wilhelm -- curse his handlebar moustache!


Lyle Zapato

AFDB Effectiveness

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-11.2730 LMT | Aluminum | General Paranoia

A recent MIT study [1] calls into question the effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies. However, there are serious flaws in this study, not the least of which is a complete mischaracterization of the process of psychotronic mind control. I theorize that the study is, in fact, NWO propaganda designed to spread FUD against deflector beanie technology, and aluminum shielding in general, in order to disembeanie paranoids, leaving them open to mind control.

First and foremost, Rahimi et al. only considered simple radio frequencies. As I explained in detail in chapter 4 ("Psychotronic and AFDB Theory") of my book [2], only psychotronic energy can affect the brain in any coherent manner. Simple EM fields have only trivial effects -- such as causing indistinct sensations of a supernatural presence [3] -- over short distances. Only by converting electromagnetic energy into psychotronic energy using a psychotron-based device can the forces of mind control access from afar the neural network of a brain to both implant and extract thought complexes.

Figure 1
FIGURE 1: An AFDB-covered brain (A) is shielded by a repulsive resonance buffer (B), which deflects psychotronic fields (C). Coherent psychotronic rays (D) are defected at the aluminum surface (E) and decoherently scattered (F). The resonance buffer encapsulates the brain (G), providing basal protection against fields and glancing rays.

As illustrated in Figure 1, unlike with the mere attenuation of EM fields, aluminum deflects psychotronic fields and coherent psychotronic rays. The operational modalities of AFDBs for EM and psychotronic energies are completely different, and thus the experiment conducted by Rahimi et al. is inappropriate to test the effectiveness of deflector beanie technology in stopping mind control.

Besides the experiment's unsuitability, the experimental procedures themselves appear flawed. The measuring of the signal was described by Rahimi et al. as follows:

The receiver antenna was placed at various places on the cranium of 4 different subjects: the frontal, occipital and parietal lobes. Once with the helmet off and once with the helmet on.

Figure 2
FIGURE 2: (A) Excessively pointy omnidirectional antenna. (B) Chef's Pride brand foil (photo enhanced).

But the antenna shown in Figure 2 on their site would not possibly be able to fit under the helmets while on a head, at least not without awk­wardly balancing the helmet counter to best practices or punc­turing the foil. If the antenna was instead placed on the outside of the helmets, as seems most likely from the description, then that calls into question the entire conclusion: If the amp­lifi­cation effect is measured only on the helmet outside, then that suggests that the helmet is reflecting the EM radiation away from the wearer's brain.

Oddly, Rahimi et al. make a great deal about the price of their equipment, noting the US$250,000 price tag of their Agilent 8714ET network analyser three times in their short paper. What relevance is this to the conclusion? I believe its a subtle way of discouraging people from replicating the experiment at home.

There's another odd discrepancy in their procedure description: While they say that the test helmets were made of Reynolds aluminum foil, in the lower left of Fig. 2 ("B" in enhanced version above) one can clearly see a box of Chef's Pride brand foil on their work bench next to the completed helmets. Well, Rahimi et al., which is it?

They conclude the paper as follows:

It requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the Government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC.

The "current helmet craze" may indeed have been propagated by government forces, but that has nothing to do with the effectiveness of AFDBs or their non-crazed use by sensible paranoids. It is a common MO of the NWO and allied conspirators to disingenuously promote that which they aspire to destroy. The current rise in joking references to AFDBs -- which is what Rahimi et al. are referring to by "the current helmet craze" -- is most likely a calculated ploy to scare off would be paranoids from the mental protection of foil. That the forces of mind control are bothering to do this is itself evidence of the effectiveness of AFDBs.

The most important question raised by the Rahimi et al. study is: Should paranoids trust people working for an organization deeply involved in the Military-Industrial Complex? While Rahimi, the lead investigator whose site the paper is hosted on, is from MIT's EE and CS departments, the et al. (Ben Recht, Jason Taylor, and Noah Vawter) are from MIT's notorious Media Lab, which receives funding from DARPA [4] -- one of those government agencies they pretend to be concerned about. When it comes to mind control, they are hardly an unbiased party. That, combined with the aforementioned discrepancies and questionable procedures, makes their conclusions highly suspect.

  1. "On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study". Ali Rahimi, Ben Recht, Jason Taylor, Noah Vawter. MIT website, Feb 17 2005.
  2. Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie: Practical Mind Control Protection for Paranoids. Lyle Zapato. Paladin Press, 2003.
  3. E.g.: "Experimental induction of the 'sensed presence' in normal subjects and an exceptional subject". Cook CM, Persinger MA. Perceptual & Motor Skills, 1997 Oct.
  4. Most relevant here, a Media Lab research group called "Society of the Mind" (secret societies have long been involved in mind control) is involved in the DARPA funded CHIP: Comprehensive Human Intelligence Project, which "aims to develop a 'Cognitive Architecture' inspired by the observed structure and dynamics of the human brain/mind system" and is part of a larger DARPA program called Biologically Inspired Cognitive Architecture. DARPA gave Media Lab US$1,032,627 for this black project, about which no information can be found.

UPDATE: More details on the antenna problems and the connection with the Negroponte brothers in my post Rahimi Gets Popular.

Lyle Zapato

Bush Robots

Lyle Zapato | 2005-10-30.9830 LMT | Polydactylism

More on the Dactyl Fractal (aka the Handelbrot set). The Verizon ad wasn't an isolated instance of synchronicity, as can be seen in the Technovelgy.com post: Bush Robots - Fingers On Your Fingers On Your Fingers...

Juggler bush robot

"Bush robots" were proposed by ro­boticist/futurist Hans Moravec (see his paper "Fractal branching ultra-dex­terous robots"). Basically they consist of a robot arm that has smaller arms attached to one or both ends, that in turn have still smaller ones attached, and so on, forming a bush-like pattern. They will be able to manipulate objects at multiple size scales (conceivably from the mega­botic to the nano­bio­tech­no­log­ical), bringing together the smaller arms to form larger arms. Such a robot could, theoretically, rip open your house, grab you, pick up a scalpel, slice you open, reach in, grab a cell, reach into the cell, and fiddle with its DNA -- all with the same arm.

Perhaps the recent awakening of the Handelbrot set in the collective consciousness is a premonition of the Singularity? Clearly, when the robots rise, hand to hand combat will not be a viable form of resistance.

Lyle Zapato

Aluminum Oxynitride

Lyle Zapato | 2005-10-19.2070 LMT | Aluminum

(This story appeared on Slashdot apparently and someone emailed me about it so...)

The US Air Force is testing new transparent armor made using aluminum oxynitride (developed by Raytheon and trademarked ALON®).

Transparent aluminum compounds are neither new nor unusual. Corundum (aka aluminum oxide) is the base substance of ruby and sapphire (which differ only in impurities), both of which are currently used for armor coatings in military/police equipment. If you need to see through something and not have bullets or shrapnel destroy it, chances are aluminum is involved. (See here for a ~600Kio PDF with lots of technical details about aluminum compounds used in transparent armor.)

AFDBs will develop a natural coating of aluminum oxide with exposure to air, so paranoids are already protected. (Paranoid seniors: try abrading your beanie and quickly sprinkling it with chromium dust for a stylish ruby coating.)

The testing of ALON® for military purposes is not new either. Here's a press release from 2002 announcing an agreement between Raytheon and Surmet Corp. to develop and market ALON® products commercially for the first time, whereas previously it was "developed as advanced military material and kept as a well guarded secret" (Warning: the terms "synergy" and "commercialization engine" are leveraged, although with the last one they had enough shame to put scare quotes around it.)