ZPi Logo "Serving the Paranoid
since 1997"
Lyle Zapato

The Hexicopter Scuttleth

Lyle Zapato | 2009-03-03.1609 LMT | Black Helicopters

A hitherto unseen species of Juvenile Black Helicopter has been found in a New Zealand basement with a shocking new morphological development: IT HAS SIX INSECTOID LEGS!

With the ability to crawl through tight areas normally impassable to spinning rotors, this species of Black Helicopter poses an even greater threat. The common paranoid technique of hanging a jungle of rotor-entangling bits of string from the ceiling will provide no protection from them crawling into your hideout as you sleep and injecting you with BH seed-crystals. If you haven't immediately covered your floors with loops of outward-sticky duct tape upon seeing the above video, I'd suggest you do so ASAP.

(UPDATE: video went missing, can't find copy. Originally via hackaday, with more info.)

The Philatelist

Stamp Nook: Posta Pneumatica Update

The Philatelist | 2008-12-17.1015 LMT | Philately | Pneumatics | Cascadia

Welcome to a special addendum issue of Stamp Nook that contains no stamps. Shocking, I know. It does, however, contain a footnote on postal history, so we shall maintain an air of patience while hearing it out.

The blog Division of Labour has found an interesting New York Times article from Dec. 15, 1908 on the rejection by the office of the Postmaster General of a proposal for the U.S. government to own and operate pneumatic tube systems for the delivery of mails. The article in full:

"That it is not feasible and desirable at the present time for the Government to purchase, to install, or to operate pneumatic tubes," is one of the most important conclusions reached by a commission appointed by the Postmaster General to inquire into the feasibility and desirability of the purchase and operation by the Government of pneumatic tubes in the cities where the service is now installed.

The report was to-day transmitted to Congress by Postmaster General Meyer. He approves its conclusions. The commission, however, recommends a further investigation of the subject of Government ownership of the pneumatic tube service in five or six years. The pneumatic tube service is in operation at present in New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago, St. Louis, and Brooklyn.

The report commends the service as an important auxiliary for the rapid transmission of first-class mail and special delivery mail. It, however, adds these conclusions:

That pneumatic tube service appears to be still in an experimental condition, although progress has been made toward the development of a fixed standard of machinery;

That with the above reservation the regularity and efficiency of the tube service are commendable.

The commission was composed of Postmasters Campbell of Chicago, Mansfield of Boston, Roberts of Brooklynm Wyman of St. Louis, and a number of officials of the Postal Service.

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

AFDBs Potentially Subject To Patents?

Lyle Zapato | 2008-12-05.9140 LMT | Mind Control | Paraterrestrials | Aluminum

Yutaka Yoshinouchi has filed a Japanese patent application (JP2008038574) that at first glance appears to cover both Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies (AFDBs) and Aluminum-Shielded Enclosures (ASEs), but there are some key differences that should allay fears of lawsuits against AFDB/ASE builders and advocates. Here is the official English translation of the abstract:

INVENTION FOR ANSWER COPING WITH MIND CONTROL

PROBLEM TO BE SOLVED: To solve a problem wherein an answer coping with mind control by aliens from the sky is desired because mind control by a vicious Gray Orion interfering with free mind of human beings should never be allowed, and leaving as it is leads to the satisfaction of the aliens watching vigilantly for a chance of earth invasion.

SOLUTION: Indoor defense is carried out by using an irregularly reflecting material for a wall, using a radio wave absorber/lead, and disturbing signal pulses by laser or the like to disturb Tesla wave pulses. Outdoor defense is carried out by wearing a helmet covered with the irregularly reflecting material, a helmet with laser spread around, or a helmet covered with the radio wave absorber/lead. On the other hand, defense is carried out by rotating laser horizontally and obliquely upward from high-rise buildings, parks, facilities, and the like in each area.


Fig. 2: Helmet configurations.

First of all, note the scope of the mind-control protection claims only applies to the primitive radio-based technology used by the vicious Gray Orions (who are not related to the psychotronics-using Reticulans, a.k.a. "Greys", whose center of civilization is in the Zeta Reticuli system). The Gray Orions are one of a multitude of Paraterrestrial Entity Factions (PEFs) seeking influence in the Sol system. They are a little-heard-of PEF precisely because of their backwards mind-control technology, which is easily overwhelmed by the psychotronic smog of the Earth's noosphere. Mr. Yoshinouchi must have had some run-in with an agent of the Gray Orions and made a personal enemy to even bother with developing paranoid technology to counter them.


Fig. 3: Tesla-wave-pulse disrupting laser configurations.

Next note that Mr. Yoshinouchi's invention goes beyond passive deflective shielding and incorporates lasers. As I understand it, the lasers are integral to the anti-mind-control system that he is patenting, meaning that AFDBs/ASEs on their own would not be covered. To the best of my knowledge, no paranoid researcher has thought to use AFDB-mounted lasers to counter Tesla-wave pulses. This truly is an innovative development, even if it will only work on Gray Orion radio signals (and will undoubtedly reveal your paranoid status to government spy satellites).

Finally, note that the patent application specifically calls for "radio wave absorber/lead", not psychotronically deflective aluminum. This obviously exempts AFDBs/ASEs, although lead- or Velostat-based derivative technologies, if used in conjunction with lasers, might fall under the patent's scope.

Unfortunately only the abstract was translated into English. The text of the full description and claims is in image format so I can't machine translate it easily. I would be very interested in a full translation, both to see the details of his unique design and perhaps learn a bit of Mr. Yoshinouchi's history with the Gray Orions.

Lyle Zapato

Look Out For Falling Podcars

Lyle Zapato | 2008-09-13.2105 LMT | Monorail Danger | Pneumatics

Speaking of menacing pods, the Monorailists have a new scheme to get us all traveling on dangerous monorails -- the Podcar:

Podcar
The Podcar: teetering over your home town soon?

It's a "podcar," also called "personal rapid transit" -- a system of vehicles that provide on-demand, private, nonstop travel. These vehicles can carry people or light freight. They ride on small, overhead guideways -- like a monorail or people mover -- above existing roads, and are powered entirely by electricity. Picture the car as an elevated, driverless taxi. It's under computer control, so there would be no accidents, thereby saving lives and lowering insurance costs.

Podcars operate on demand, waiting at off-line stations; they can be summoned if one is not available when you arrive at the station. Each vehicle can hold four people, yet the system can be cost-effective even with a single rider for each trip.

Benefits that monorail podcars have over traditional monorail trains are that when one bursts into flames, only four people will be roasted alive, and you won't be able to fit a frightened elephant inside one. Also, when they stall (and they will), you can get out and push.

Podcars are a poor mimicry of the superior Inteli-Tube pneumatic transportation system* and were designed to confuse the car-obsessed public into building more dangerous monorails. But the sinister ambitions of the Monorailists don't stop with preying on automobilophiles, they also want to replace bicycles with a monorailular version! Will the monorail madness never end?

* The ITPTS was developed by Lyle Zapato & ZPi Laboratories.

Lyle Zapato

The Citizen Pods Are Here

Lyle Zapato | 2008-09-13.1170 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO

As readers of my site know, Belgian "citizens" are really kidnap victims who have been brought to a chamber under Euro-Disneyland in France, where they're hooked up to a computer simulation of "Belgium" (a country that does not exist) and brain-formatted to believe they are "Belgians". The interfacing of the "citizens" with the Belgian construct takes place through a Citizen Pod, a cocoon-like device that keeps a physical body alive and immobile while cybernetic probes inserted into the brain replace all sensory input with Belgian lies.

The Belgian Conspiracy has been planning to decentralize its Citizen Pod collection currently held in that single chamber, where rapidly diminishing pod-space is kept in check only by a black mold infestation that has been ravaging the physically moribund pod prisoners. The original plan was for a second chamber under a new Disneyland in Shanghai, but that plan has been proceeding slower than expected.

Now the Conspiracy has come up with a disturbing new solution to their pod-housing problems: they are marketing a Citizen Pod for use in public spaces around the world. The Immersive Cocoon (or, excuse my iRoll, the "iCocoon") isn't as advanced as the true Belgian Citizen Pods since it only projects images on the inside walls, not through a brain-computer interface. This is intentional as the true purpose of the iCocoon is to slowly acclimatize society to accept the existence of, and submission to, Citizen Pods.

Immersive Cocoon
Coming soon to your home.
Soon to be your home.

When complete, the Immersive Cocoon will be a sleek and shiny human-sized dome. Step inside and you'll be enveloped by a 360° display screen and full surround sound.

When the software boots up, instead of using a joystick or mouse to navigate the screens, motion-tracking cameras will follow the movement of your arms, legs and face, and a motion-sensitive platform will detect if you're walking or jumping.

"You've got display, sound and interaction all combined to create this fully immersed digital experience," explains Tino Schaedler, the architect-turned-film designer who is one third of NAU.

"It is completely different from me sitting in front of a screen, looking at a little picture and typing something in -- almost like the experience is reduced to my brain and my fingers. In the Cocoon we have the whole body immersed inside."

NAU, the front company marketing the device on behalf of the Belgian Conspiracy, happily notes that the iCocoon tracks the physical movements of the user with the same technology used by the oppressive, all-knowing government in the film Minority Report. If that doesn't sound alarms, the technology is based on the work of John Underkoffler of MIT's Media Lab, where they research mind-reading devices and spread FUD against personal mind-control protection.

According to NAU's timetable, a working prototype will be shown next year, with commercial models available in 2014. While they will first appear in public spaces, such as museums or malls, eventually NAU will introduce a special "consumer model" more like the ones found under Euro-Disneyland, allowing Belgian Citizen Pods to be distributed throughout the world in people's homes. Once the goal of total home market saturation is achieved, only then will the hidden brain-probe spikes shoot out of the iCocoon's walls into the base of the user's skull to immobilize them, forcefully reprogram their sense of identity, and immerse them in the inescapable fictitious land of Belgium. Soon enough, everyone will be a Belgian "citizen".

(With this and the danger from mind-controlling iPods, one might begin to be suspect of all podular forms of consumer gadgetry. However, rest assured that the Inteli-Tube Personal Pneumatic Tube Pod will not subvert your senses or mind. In fact, its psychotronically deflective aluminum shell will make it the perfect escape vehicle for paranoids once the Belgian Conspiracy moves to take over cities depopulated through Belgian Citizen Podification.)

Lyle Zapato

Juvenile Black Helicopter Learns To Fly

Lyle Zapato | 2008-09-02.9350 LMT | Black Helicopters | NWO

The gradual acclimation of the public to the coming swarms of black helicopters observing and policing society continues apace. We are now told to accept that helicopters are teaching themselves to fly:


"Oh look, it's flying upside down! Isn't that so cute? Let's not protect ourselves with swatters!"

A new artificial intelligence system allows a robotic helicopter to teach itself how to fly and even do challenging stunts, just by watching other helicopters perform the same maneuvers.

The result is an autonomous helicopter than can perform a complete airshow of complex tricks on its own, its inventors say.

It's all for entertainment in airshows, of course! We will, no doubt, learn to enjoy watching the charming antics of the protosentient helicopters as they frolic about during government-sanctioned Patriotic Events, and won't be the least fazed when they start buzzing through our neighborhoods on behalf of law enforcement. In fact, we'll welcome the little scamps! "Isn't that adorable how it follows us around constantly, mimicking our every move? It thinks it's people!"

The helicopter is being trained for eventual release by the Stanford University Autonomous Helicopter project, led by Professor Andrew Y. Ng. Their work follows in the contrails of the black helicopter swarming technology leaked from MIT a couple of years ago.

For a preview of what you'll soon be seeing in the sky over your house at all hours of the day, click below for a video showing JUVENILE BLACK HELICOPTER CHAOS!

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Lord Kelvin & The Olympic Water Cube

Lyle Zapato | 2008-08-05.0220 LMT | Kelviniana | Entertainment

In 1887, Lord Kelvin, in a paper titled "On the Division of Space with Minimum Partitional Area", sought a way of partitioning space using a foam of equal-sized cells with a minimum surface area. His solution, known as the Kelvin structure, consisted of repeating tetrakaidecahedra with slightly curved faces.


Stereoscopic photo of a tetrakaidecahedron, constructed out of soldered wire, from Kelvin's 1894 "On Homogeneous Division of Space". (Cross eyes to view in 3D.) Also, I have a paper model approximation of a Kelvin cell available for download [PDF].

It wasn't until 106 years later that Denis Weaire and Robert Phelan discovered (aided by advanced computer software that would have taken millions of years of run time on a standard Victorian era difference engine,) a solution that had 0.3 percent less surface area than the Kelvin structure. However, their solution, the Weaire-Phelan structure, uses two different shaped cells instead of Kelvin's simpler single cell solution.

As the New York Times reports, the wall and roof structure of the new Beijing National Aquatics Center, also known as the Water Cube, is based on the Weaire-Phelan solution to the Kelvin Problem. The building's designer, Tristram Carfrae, tilted the structure 60° to give the surface an almost random look (although it does repeat its pattern). According to this 2004 article, it was for this pseudo-irregular "organic quality" that the Weaire-Phelan structure was chosen over the Kelvin structure, which was originally considered.


The Water Cube during construction.

Lyle Zapato

Lord Kelvin & Color Codes

Lyle Zapato | 2008-07-29.1140 LMT | Kelviniana | Crass Commercialism

In his 1899 speech given after Sir George Stokes read his paper "On the Perception of Colour" at the Victoria Institute, Lord Kelvin casually predicted the future:

Now I spoke of scientific men. There are scientific ladies also—and ladies who are not scientific—and I am sure they will all thoroughly sympathise with scientific men in their appreciation of this beautiful theory.

Sir George Stokes told us that every variety of colour may be produced by the mixture of red, green and violet, and in Maxwell's practical work on the subject of which he spoke, white and black are added in the mixture, white to dilute the intensity of the colour; and black to diminish the total light emitted by a body exposed to sunlight.

Now in these times when ladies are so well occupied with important work that they scarcely have time for shopping, it would be a great comfort to them, if when they wanted a beautiful blue ribbon, they could simply write down on a piece of paper 2.5.7.3.4. and put it in an envelope and send it to the shop; or 3.4.0.2.0 a brilliant yellow, no black in it—3 of red, 4 of green, 0 of violet, 2 of white to brighten it up a little and dilute some of the colour. Do not imagine that you will get green by mixing yellow and blue—on the contrary, you get yellow by mixing red and green, as was first taught by Young, enforced by Helmholtz, and splendidly put in practice by Maxwell.

That's right, Lord Kelvin foresaw the common use of color codes on the Web! Kelvin's idea went even further though, to real world color specification via numerical strings. Unfortunately, the average consumer still can't purchase pretty ribbons or other such things custom dyed from an RGBLK string sent to the shop. (I smell a Web 2.0 business potential...)

Lyle Zapato

Secure Beneath The Watchful Monorails

Lyle Zapato | 2008-06-16.7620 LMT | Monorail Danger | Mind Control

Monorailists have always claimed that their beloved technology is merely a panacea for public transportation needs, regardless of the constant spontaneous combustions and elephant suicides. Well, now the real agenda of the Monorailists has been revealed: Total Information Awareness through a Monorailular Panopticon!


THE MONORAILS ARE WATCHING!

Linceus GmbH is promoting technology that it calls "Sensors in Motion", which consists of an unmanned monorail drone armed with sensors and "countermeasures" designed to zip through cities at 50mph along an omni-present network of monorail tracks to keep citizens surveilled and in line:

Drive Technology

Linceus implements a "state-of-the-art" high-speed and all-weather application of contactless magnetic drive technology. This technology developed by SEW guarantees durability for many years of minimal maintenance.

The Linceus system comprises high-velocity mobile sensors and active measure packages driven along slim aluminum monorails. The advanced "contactless" technology used for the induced magnetic motorization system is unique and most reliable.

The induced magnetic motorization system of Linceus ensures high reliability and silent "frictionless" operation. It carries the required sensor and countermeasure payload

Command and Control Center

The Linceus system comprises an open architecture command & control software that enables full control and remote event management of an unlimited number of riders and payloads. It can also be integrated with higher-level command & control systems.

The system's command and control software enables the user to pre-program the rider's surveillance pattern as well as to auto-track detected moving targets. The system features shunting tracks for rapid launching of riders to sensitive areas.

Linceus is an open system that can be integrated with any C&C of the customer. Integration with other sensors, such as radar, EO, UAV, etc., is also possible. The system can handle GIS, video analysis and GPS. It offers the flexibility of tailor-made controlling of as many riders as required and different modes of operation.

According to Wired's Danger Room, the revealed countermeasures include "dazzling spotlights, high-decibel acoustics and other nonlethal means of warning the unwitting" as well as optional laser pointers and laser rangefinders. This last option will make it possible to use the system to "paint" subversives for liquidation from afar via smart-missiles:

While optimized for independent operations, the robotic patrols also work in support of ground patrols and anti-infiltration squads. And in cases of extreme threats to sensitive border areas or high-value installations, the system can be linked into external sensors and ground-, sea- or air-based shooters.

While they won't admit it, I think it's safe to assume that system's countermeasures includes an on-board psychotron, allowing it to not only observe, but to obligate behavior. Also, the choice of aluminum rails is no coincidence, as these will act as circumambient psychotronic deflector surfaces to better target mind-control transmissions at unbeanied citizens hiding in the city's nooks and crannies.

Much like with the Monorailists' work on the Puppy Mover and Monorail Cat, the sinister nature of these monorail spies is being memetically hidden using "cuteness". Who could possibly fear a drone that looks like a cartoonish smiling head riding on a cartoonish caterpillar? (Note how the drone bears an uncanny resemblance to "beloved" fast-food executive "Jack", whose smiling head can be seen on millions of car antennas. As every paranoid knows, those "antenna balls" are really RFID markers designed to help identify consumers who haven't yet bought into Jack in the Box, Inc's pro-Corporatist propaganda. Obviously Linceus GmbH has licensed JBX's memetic engineering technology to induce the same sort of voluntary compliance as exhibited by those who willingly place the markers on their cars.)


Monorail spies: winding their way through your neighborhood soon.

Linceus' first evaluation system will be deployed at the Ben-Gurion-Airport in Tel Aviv. Eventually all major cities will be completely enthreaded with monorail surveillance. Move to the wilderness before it's too late!

Lyle Zapato

The State Of The Russian Psychotronic State

Lyle Zapato | 2008-05-20.1590 LMT | Mind Control | Aluminum

Dmitry Medvedev, president of your mind?
Recently installed Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, shown
here weilding a portable psychotron "pistol" (target unknown).

Rasputnik VI Psychotron pistol diagram.

The Rasputnik VI mind-control pistol: The psychotron core (A) is housed inside a containment tube (B) and is connected to the integrated engramputer and powersupply module (C) through a ring of back-scatter nubbins (D) to protect the user from self-inflicted brain-washing. The business end of the psychotron is capped with a removable psychotronic polarizing plate (E) which keeps the mind-control ray focused along a narrow path, allowing for single-brain targeting. The ruggedized design uses only passive cooling fins (F), thereby limiting moving parts. A unique feature of Russian portable psychotron technology is the perpendicular transceiver channel (G), which allows the pistol to deflectively relay inductively amplified satellite signals to targets hidden under aluminum roofs.

A formidable mind-control weapon in the hands of President Medvedev. Fortunately, Russian paranoids have developed effective countermeasures:

Natalya Polovko Natalya Polovko
Natalya Polovko models her anti-psychotronic clothing.

UPDATE 2009-02-15: Ms. Polovko's website has gone missing! Hopefully Medvedev hasn't gotten to her with the new Rasputnik VII. Until she surfaces again, you can read an article by her (in Russian, but no pictures) at the Psychotronic Terrorism site (also in Russian, and worth exploring).