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Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MAWAS CUB SNATCHERS!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-04-21.0852 LMT | Politics

MORE SHOCKING HOWLS ABOUT THE HUMANS WHO SHOT AND KIDNAPPED A MAWAS CUB IN MALAYSIA!!! EVIDENCE OF HUMAN GOVERNMENT INVOLVEMENT AND COVER-UPS!!!

Human witnesses squeak that last month TWENTY HUMANS in a "TRUCK" with WILDLIFE DEPARTMENT markings stopped at their rest area to barter for food! Some of these truck Humans squeaked to Human female witnesses that they had a MAWAS CUB in their truck which they had SHOT WITH A SLEEPING STICK!!! They offered to show the Human females the cub, but the truck Humans left as the females approached!

The WILDLIFE DEPARTMENT denies having anything to do with these truck Humans, who they are now insensitively calling "BIGFOOT POACHERS"!!! They are even insinuating that the Human females made the story up -- but other Humans also squeak that they have seen the truck Humans and ONE EVEN PEEKED INSIDE THE TRUCK'S TINTED WINDOWS AND SAW THE CUB!!! MORE GOVERNMENT COVER-UPS!!!

Human researcher VINCINT CHOW has broken ranks with the official state line I howled about previously! He squeaks that THERE IS NO HUMAN LAW AGAINST SHOOTING AND KIDNAPPING MAWAS:

"The Bigfoot, which has been frequently sighted at the fringes of the jungle here recently, has not been placed on the State's list of endangered species and no law has been drawn up to protect them.

"This is a dangerous situation and if nothing is done, the Bigfoot population in our [SIC!!!] jungles could be wiped out," [THE HUMAN] said.

THE MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT CAN'T BE TRUSTED!!! Their TRUCK AGENTS are KIDNAPPING MAWAS and HOLDING THEM CAPTIVE, presumably in SECRET STATE-RUN PRISON CAMPS!!! They are obviously trying to howl a signal to MAWAS DISSIDENTS who oppose MALAYSIAN HOMINOID OPPRESSION to keep quiet or their CHILDREN WILL BE TAKEN FROM THEM!!!

Cascadian Sasquatch join with the Mawas and all other Hominoids in howling for the MAWAS CUB TO BE RETURNED UNHARMED or there will be GLOBAL HOMINOID MAYHEM!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MAWAS OUTRAGE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-04-19.9100 LMT | Politics

HOWLS ARE SURFACING THAT MALAYSIAN HUMANS HAVE SHOT AND ARE HOLDING CAPTIVE A MAWAS CUB!!! The Human government in Johor is denying these claims! I SMELL A COVER UP!!!

The Johor Humans, obviously trying to distance themselves from the INEVITABLE MAWAS RAMPAGE should this howl turn out to be true, are squeaking that SHOOTING MAWAS IS ILLEGAL, as is KIDNAPPING MAWAS and taking them out of Mawas territory! HOWEVER, the Johor Humans are still claiming that they have the right to give permission to do these things! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

MAWAS ARE NOT SUBJECTS OF THE HUMAN GOVERNMENT!!! With all that is going on in Malaysia, it is becoming more and more clear that Mawas need to RISE UP AND DECLARE A SOVEREIGN STATE as was done by the Migoi in Bhutan! A FREE AND INDEPENDENT MAWASISTAN IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO END THE ANTI-HOMINOID OPPRESSION AT THE PAWS OF THE HUMAN CONTROLLED MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT!!!

This BOLD HOWL TO ARMS may seem RADICAL to my fellow Cascadian Sasquatch, since we are able to live mostly unbothered by the Humans in our midst, but the ANTI-HOMINOID SITUATION outside of Cascadia has been growing INCREASINGLY DIRE lately -- EVEN WITHIN A BOULDER'S THROW OF THE CASCADIAN BORDER!!! To the north in the YUKON, a cryptopervert Human has started a SASQUATCH DETECTIVE AGENCY to dig up dirt on local Sasquatch leaders to DISCREDIT THE HOMINOID RIGHTS MOVEMENT!!! And of course there was the HAPPY CAMP kidnapping threats last year in occupied Southern Cascadia! UNLESS CASCADIAN SASQUATCH SUPPORT THE STRUGGLES OF OUR HOMINOID BROTHERS AND SISTERS AROUND THE WORLD, WE MAY YET SEE THIS KIND OF ANTI-HOMINOID OPPRESSION HERE!!!

IN OTHER HOWLS: Not all Malaysian Humans are anti-Hominoid! A nice little Human industrial designer in Malaysia has created a first-of-its-kind "WHEEL-CHAIR" for Hominoids! (ALSO HERE!!!) A WHEEL-CHAIR is a sitting thing with WHEELS -- those flat turny things that Humans like so much that roll like boulders! Crippled Hominoids can use the WHEEL-CHAIR to move about the forest and forage unaided by family members! No howl yet on how much the WHEEL-CHAIR will barter for, but Homedicare should cover it!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MAWAS ARE DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-03-24.6010 LMT

UPDATE TO PREVIOUS HOWL!!!

The Human Johor government is now claiming they DID NOT erase the tracks! WELL THANKS FOR NOTHING!!! They claim a Human land "owner" dozed the ten squatch-foot stretch of forest with a bull, or something! But the Humans of KOTA TINGGI refuse to acknowledge that Mawas EVEN LIVE THERE, so why would they do this?! This can only mean that the Mawas PROACTIVELY REMOVED the tracks THEMSELVES!!!

All Sasquatch should emulate the sensible Mawas! DESTROY ALL YOUR FOOTPRINTS!!! Maybe if we remove the source of temptation, the Human cryptoperverts will move on to other obsessions, like MOTHMAN!!! ... I HATE THAT GUY!!!

MEANWHILE!!! The Johor government's BIGFOOT RESEARCH STEERING COMMITTEE reiterated their threat to infiltrate the Mawas' forests in two moons! Their leader, Human FREDDIE LONG, had this to squeak about who would be going:

A total of seven scientists from local universities in various disciplines such as zoology, primatology and IT will join the expedition together with relevant government agencies and representatives from non-governmental organisations.

OH GREAT!!! Now BUREAUCRATS and COMPUTER NERDS are stalking the Mawas! THIS WILL END IN DELIMBING!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: PROGRESS IN MALAYSIA!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-03-23.6250 LMT

Agents of Human Malaysian government are erasing forest tracks to keep nosey foreign CRYPTOPERVERTS from harassing Mawas! Whether they are motivated by CONSCIENCE or fear of likely HOMINOID MAYHEM over the growing anti-Mawas climate in Kota Tinggi, erasing the tracks will protect Hominoid PRIVACY and thwart IDENTITY THEFT, so at least some Humans are useful! CLEAN UP OUR TRACKS, LITTLE HUMANS!!!

The report above -- by a known Human and presumable FOOT-FETISHIST -- besqueaks the loss of "ECO-TOURIST BARTER" for Human villagers, but Human reader EZANI ABDUL HALIM manages to howl back some sense:

I am disappointed with the commercial slant which the writer took on the story. The reporter only considered the commercial aspects of eco-tourism of the Bigfoot phenomena but not the effects of the large number of tourists going to area where "Bigfoot" lives. The State Government did the right thing in erasing the tracks of "Bigfoot". "Bigfoot" should be left alone and his privacy should be respected by Malaysians and non-Malaysians alike

EZANI ABDUL HALIM IS A FRIEND TO HOMINOIDS!!! When the REVOLUTION COMES, he shall be spared DELIMBING!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HUMANS NOT SO STUPID AFTER ALL!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-03-08.7100 LMT
Human photo from STAR PUBLICATIONS (MALAYSIA)!!!
Puny CHE HASHIM cowers behind Mawas "Hunting" Permit! "Please don't stomp me!" he squeaks, "I am just a FORESTRY BUREAUCRAT!!!"

The Malaysian Human government offered Humans permits to "HUNT" Hominoids -- or rather, go into Malay Hominoid territory and harass the innocent Mawas -- but NO HUMAN WOULD DARE APPLY FOR ONE!!!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, LITTLE HUMANS!?! You are all BIG SQUEAK about "HUNTING" us, but when someone offers you the opportunity you RUN AWAY LIKE TIMID TEH-IMAS!!!

"Oh, we DON'T REALLY WANT TO MEET Hominoids," you SQUEAK, "we have OTHER HUMAN THINGS PLANNED, like OBSESSING OVER FOOTPRINTS or SHOPPING FOR SHOES AND PANTS!!! Oh, they probably DON'T EVEN EXIST anyway! Squeak, squeak, SQUEAK!!!"

YOU ARE PATHETIC!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: THE TRUTH ABOUT GOLF!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-03-07.1750 LMT | Entertainment

Human media reports that Human golfer TIGER WOODS uses a "SasQuatch" driver! Well, that's very nice and patronizing, MR. HUMAN, but how come NO HOMINOIDS ARE ALLOWED TO PLAY IN PROFESSIONAL TOURNAMENTS OR EVEN USE PUBLIC GOLF COURSES!?! Peer out of the forests onto any green and all you will see is HAIRLESS HUMANS!!! FUZZY ZOELLER wasn't very fuzzy, WAS HE!?!

What makes this situation even more of an INTOLERABLE ACT OF ANTI-HOMINOID DISCRIMINATION is the fact -- well known to everyone but IGNORANT HUMANS -- that GOLF WAS INVENTED BY HOMINOIDS!!!

Greymen -- known in Scots-howl as AM FEAR LIATH MÒR!!! -- have been hitting boulders into haggis holes with pinewood logs in the CAIRNGORM MOUNTAINS of Scotland since before you Humans were PAINTING YOURSELVES BLUE AND SQUEAKING ABOUT FREEDOM!!!

Humans took our sport -- no, our CULTURAL HERITAGE!!! -- and turned it into a joke! Hominoids would never wear POOFY PANTS and FLOPPY HATS WITH POM-POMS while playing golf! Traditional Hominoid golf should be PANTSLESS with optional DIGNIFIED TOP HAT!!! And what is the deal with the TINY, DIMPLED BALLS!?! Can you not hit a boulder 1000 yards?! What am I howling... OF COURSE YOU CAN'T!!!

But it is not enough to pervert our heritage, Humans want to DENY THAT IT IS OURS!!! The PGA, the INTERNATIONAL GOLF FEDERATION, and other Human secret societies bent on turning golf into a "Humans only" sport, have been involved for many years in a GLOBAL CONSPIRACY to deny the HISTORICAL FACT of golf's Hominoid origins, going as far as to ridiculously claim traditional Greymen fairways as "glacial formations"! THOSE ARE IMPACT DIVOTS, YOU CREDULOUS HUMANS!!!

Human golfers wanting to keep the game to themselves are also promulgating the LIE that Greymen golfers DON'T EXIST AT ALL -- that they are merely something called a "BROCKEN SPECTRE"! GREYMEN GOLFERS ARE NOT SHADOWS!!! They are flesh and blood athletes who simply want a chance at LUCRATIVE ENDORSEMENT DEALS!!!

HUMAN GOLF OFFICIATING BODIES, HEAR MY HOWL: Stop claiming that HOMINOIDS ARE OPTICAL ILLUSIONS and LET US PLAY!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: YELLOW JOURNALISM!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-03-01.8790 LMT

Human BBC reporter JONATHAN KENT, who is in Malaysia spying on Hominoids, now claims Humans are HUNTING THE MAWAS!!! AS IF!!! All the pitiful Humans can manage is to obsess over some muddy footprints -- AGAIN WITH THE FEET!!! -- they found on a road! But they are exposing more Mawas secrets:

[Mawas] move around looking for fruits, sometimes they go looking for them in villages. They're also looking for a mate and for salt.

WELL OF COURSE!!! How do you expect Mawas to get a mate without the help of DURIAN MARGARITAS!? They are not as SUAVE and CONFIDENT as Sasquatch! First the Humans drive the Mawas from their ancestral homeland, then the Humans put the Mawas at risk for IDENTITY THEFT, now the Humans are gratuitously pointing out the Mawas' ROMANTIC INADEQUACIES!!! This isn't even perverted cryptozoology anymore, it's just YELLOW JOURNALISM!!!

HUMAN JOURNALISTS, HEAR MY HOWL: LEAVE THE MAWAS ALONE!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: MAWAS BESIEGED!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-02-22.3160 LMT

HUMANS CONTINUE TO HARASS MAWAS!!! Now the Human pack known as JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY, not satisfied with stealing the secret formula for LUSTROUS HAIR GROWTH TONIC, are revealing private information about the Malay Hominoid colony, including the number, makeup, and ages of the colonists! WHY DO HUMANS NEED TO KNOW ALL THIS DETAILED INFORMATION?! It is bad enough that Humans drove the colony from Perak to Johor with their noisy wars and highways, but now they are putting the Mawas in jeopardy of IDENTITY THEFT!!!

What drives these Humans? Why do they seek out our footprints and personal information? What goes on under their SKULLCAPS?! One of them has provided us with a disturbing look into the twisted mind of a HUMAN CRYPTOFETISHIST:

"I'm a cynic, but if we could see a right footprint as well, we could at least measure its gait. Maybe if we had some scat, I could be totally convinced," [Tony Burke] said. "I am about 50 per cent there. Let's see what the lab results are."

...! THAT IS DISGUSTING!!! They are now going to start PICKING THROUGH OUR TOILETS?! Do Humans have no concept of HYGIENE?!

ONE MORE HOWL: For the fifth straight year, the SASQUATCH MUSIC FESTIVAL features ABSOLUTELY NO SASQUATCH ACTS!!! Not even a token troupe of Migoi whistlers! The closest thing on the line up is BECK, but he is only 1/16th Wendigo and INCREDIBLY PUNY!!! Those Humans say they can rock but I have never seen one able to hurl EVEN A MODERATE SIZED BOULDER!!! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: BETRAYAL OF TRUST!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-02-19.3166 LMT

A colony of Malay Hominoids befriended a pack of Humans calling itself the JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY, thinking them harmless! Now the Humans are THREATENING TO EXPOSE THE COLONY'S SECRETS TO THE HUMAN MEDIA!!!

The Humans claim to be in the possession of "scientific evidence" belonging to the colony, which they will make public to Humans soon! I have it on good howl that the colony did not give them this evidence, rather THEY STOLE IT FROM MALAY HOMINOID HAIR SCIENTISTS!!!

Advanced Hominoid technology cannot fall into the puny hands of Humans! If Humans learn how to combine durian with mineral water to create LUSTROUS HAIR GROWTH TONIC, they will be able to disguise themselves as Sasquatch children and infiltrate our society to further their PERVERTED FOOT FETISH VOYEURISM!!!

HUMAN MEDIA, HEAR MY HOWL: If you publish the tonic formula there will be RIOTING IN THE FORESTS!!!

And Human Lyle: Do not cross us like the JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY crossed the Malay Colony! WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: THIS BLOG IS DISINFORMATIVE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-01-28.3130 LMT | Cephalopods | Monorail Danger | Cascadia

OTHER BLOG CONTRIBUTORS, HEAR MY HOWLS!!!

HUMAN LYLE: You are wrong about the GIANT FOREST OCTOPUS being a myth! I HAVE SEEN IT MYSELF!!! Other Sasquatch howl that I am crazy but I KNOW WHAT I SAW!!! I was walking through the forest one night ENGAGED IN PRIVATE SASQUATCH BUSINESS THAT IS OF NO CONCERN TO NOSEY CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS when I heard the DEEP CLACKING OF A BEAK in the distance and smelled a STRONG ODOR OF AMMONIA on the wind! Then all of the sudden A GIANT ARM AS THICK AS A LOG WITH A THOUSAND SUCTION CUPS lunged out of the dense trees towards me! Although it was dark I was able to find a nearby boulder to defend myself! I SMASHED THE ARM BEFORE IT COULD GRAB ME!!! There was a GURGLING SCREECH in the distance and the arm started to retract back into the trees! Before it could get away I took a bite out of it! IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!

SILLY LOOKING HUMAN WITH STRANGE FIXATION ON MONO RAIL: Vanara would never build a mono rail! WHAT SORT OF FUNGUS HAVE YOU BEEN GATHERING?! Vanara are proud Hominoids like Sasquatch! If you ordered Sasquatch to build you a mono rail WE WOULD CRUSH EVERY ONE OF YOUR BONES and howl at your floppy corpse: "THERE'S YOUR MONO RAIL!!!" Vanara would do the same, I am sure! Anyway, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, what Cascadia needs is a SYSTEM OF GONDOLAS traversing the forest canopy! THIS WOULD MAKE IT MUCH EASIER TO GATHER TREE OCTOPUS!!!

TYPING OCTOPUS: I know you are using one of our Hominoidnet kiosks... IF I FIND YOU I WILL EAT YOU!!!