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Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HUMAN ABDUCTION!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-03.5765 LMT | Cascadia | General Paranoia

One of the Humans who built the "BIGFOOT" TRAP in OREGON is now EXPLAINING THE TWISTED MOTIVES OF SASQUATCH TRAPPERS!!! Unlike what I previously heard howl, little Human RONNY OLSON and his CO-CONSPIRATORS weren't planning to kidnap and sell our youth to Human TV producers! No, they had in mind something much more DISTURBING:

"I wouldn't ever want to see Bigfoot held in captivity," stresses Ron Olson. "The idea was to learn about him. We wanted to put a transmitter on him. We wanted to find out how they evade people and where they migrate to."

"We weren't going to kill it -- we had a tranquilizer gun," he explains. "We had a sled built to put him on. We even had big manacles ready if we got one and the tranquilizer started to wear out. We had it pretty well organized."

So their plan was to ABDUCT US, IMPLANT US WITH TRACKING DEVICES, RETURN US TO OUR FORESTS, FOLLOW OUR MOVEMENTS, AND LEARN OUR SECRETS!!! And now the U.S. FOREST SERVICE IS OPENLY REVIVING THEIR PLAN!!!

EVEN MORE DISTURBING, I have learned that many Sasquatch and Yeti have howled that this HUMAN ABDUCTION CONSPIRACY has been going on for DECADES!!! (Could this explain the SOUTH DAKOTA SCHOOL OF MINES CONSPIRACY?! Abductions GONE AWRY!?! Or what about HUMAN EXPERIMENTS WITH JENGLOTS... Could they be developing CYBER-JENGLOTIC TRACKING DEVICES!?!)

HOWL TO ALL HOMINOIDS: If you experience MISSING TIME or find STRANGE BUMPS UNDER YOUR FUR you may be the victim of a HUMAN ABDUCTION!!! You may be SUBCONSCIOUSLY BLOCKING MEMORIES of a HUMAN ABDUCTION if the following photo produces A SENSE OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD:

NIMOY!!!
TYPICAL HUMAN ABDUCTOR!!!

HUMAN ABDUCTIONS are often associated with UNEXPLAINED NIGHT-TIME LIGHTS; these are called "FLASH-LIGHTS"!!! Humans, with their SQUINTY EYES that can't see in the moonlight, use them to get around forests at night!

ABDUCTEES have reported waking up UNABLE TO MOVE while STRANGE HUMAN FACES hover over them! Sasquatch healers have claimed that this phenomena is just SLEEP PARALYSIS and NIGHTMARES, but now we know it is TRANQUILIZERS, MANACLES, and HUMAN ABDUCTORS!!!

If you suspect you have been abducted and implanted, STAY AWAY FROM OTHER SASQUATCH!!! You are leading them RIGHT TO US!!!

HOWL TO WOULD-BE HUMAN ABDUCTORS: It is bad enough that you want to track us and learn our secrets, but if you value your limbs DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PROBING US!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: IT'S A SASQUATCH TRAP!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-24.2108 LMT | Cascadia

SASQUATCH OF SOUTHERN CASCADIA, BEWARE!!!

Federalist Humans aligned with the U.S. FOREST SERVICE are REPAIRING THE OLD "BIGFOOT" TRAP near Applegate Lake in OREGON!!!

BIGFOOT TRAP!!!

The small trap was built by CRYPTOPERVERTS during the NADIR OF HUMAN-SASQUATCH RELATIONS known to the Humans as the "SEVENTIES"!!! FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD HOWL, their scheme was to TRAP AND KIDNAP SASQUATCH CUBS in order to CURRY FAVOR with some strange Human named NIMOY!!! Cubs were to be lured in through the TINY DOORWAY with a tasty smelling carcass only to have THE DOOR SLAM SHUT BEHIND THEM while an electric signal alerted a nearby CRYPTOPERVERT HIDEOUT!!!

No cubs were ever kidnapped using the trap, but it's STILL AN ATTRACTIVE NUISANCE!!! Even though it's FLIMSILY CONSTRUCTED, smaller cubs might injure themselves while SMASHING THROUGH THE WALLS!!! Not to mention there might be CRYPTOPERVERTS nearby looking to GAZE SEXUALLY!!! Make sure you howl to your cubs about the dangers of GOOD SMELLIN' EATS in strange Human buildings!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: JENGLOT!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-23.1163 LMT | Nature

Malaysian Humans will TEST THE DNA OF A JENGLOT MUMMY found in Indonesia in 1972 to see if it is real!

JENGLOT are ANNOYING LITTLE VAMPIRES that pester Mawas and other Southeast Asian Hominoids! Humans suffer from inconsequential mosquitoes; Southeast Asian Hominoids suffer from JENGLOT!!!

Thankfully, Cascadia remains JENGLOT FREE -- but only so long as Yeti immigrants remember to check their fur for JENGLOT and JENGLOT EGGS before boarding Cascadia-bound shipping containers!

ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT JENGLOT INFESTATION!!!

The mummified JENGLOT body the Humans found is ABNORMALLY LARGE and most Mawas JENGLOTOLOGISTS think it is a FAKE created by ANTI-HOMINOID AGITATORS to scare Mawas and other Hominoids! Or perhaps the Human government has GENETICALLY ENGINEERED A SUPER JENGLOT as a BIOLOGICAL WEAPON to DEPOPULATE MAWASISTAN in order to BUILD MONO RAILS ON THEIR LAND!!! My moss is on the latter, especially since Humans are known to be collecting, displaying, feeding, and BREEDING JENGLOT!!!

Whichever is the case, THE DNA TEST CANNOT BE TRUSTED!!! The Human group behind the test are actually CRYPTOPERVERTS who also want to RECOVER DNA FROM MAWAS FOOTPRINTS!!! One can only imagine what sick things they would do with that! Perhaps they wish to CLONE MAWAS FOOT-FETISH SLAVES TO SEXUALLY GAZE AT!!!

The only thing more annoying than JENGLOT are HUMAN CRYPTOPERVERTS!!!

Lyle Zapato

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-14.6330 LMT | Monorail Danger

Two days after a reopening that was postponed for four weeks because of malfunctioning doors and brakes, the Seattle Monorail was shut down again for most of yesterday after the blue train stalled. Passengers (or should we just start calling them "hostages"?) had to make a precarious mid-rail transfer across a precipitous gap high above Fisher Plaza from the stalled blue train to the no-doubt-soon-to-be-stalled red train. Against all odds, no one plunged to their death.

At least this time nothing burst into flames or sent debris flying into the pedestrians below. In monorail-terms, it was a successful day.

And as long as I'm on the topic of monorail danger...

As Radical Sasquatch noted, the Mawas of Johor, Malaysia are now facing a new threat: a Chinese high-speed maglev monorail.

It will be one of the first Zhui Feng ("Hunt the Wind") monorails, which were developed for the Chinese military. Yes, that's right, the military. However, German monorail makers Transrapid -- who have a line at the Pudong International Airport in Shanghai -- claim that the design was stolen from them. China denies this. One notable difference is China's maglev uses cheaper permanent magnets, unlike the electromagnets used in German and Japanese technology.

And for those of you wondering: yes, maglev monorails are prone to spontaneous combustion too, as was illustrated when the Shanghai one mysteriously caught fire on Friday:

Shanghai maglev monorail on fire.

The Johor monorail project will be funded primarily by monorail agitators in Dubai (a land whose citizens will soon be threatened by a combination of monorails and robotic dinosaurs). Initially it will only be menacing the human controlled sectors, but given the global hegemonic aspirations of monorailists I don't think we can count the forests of Mawasistan as safe, especially since Japanese monorailists are already pestering the Hibagon with their preliminary incursions into the forests of Mt. Honita:

Mt. Honita Monorail penetrates the peaceful forest Happy Japanese businessmen ride the monorail up Mt. Honita

Will the horror of monorails ever end?

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HOMINOIDICIDE COVERUP!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-11.7305 LMT

There have been reports in the Cryptopervert media that HUMANS HAVE SHOT AND KILLED A CHIYE-TANKA HOMINOID IN SOUTH DAKOTA!!! Rumor is that the murder victim's body was "SMUDGED" and secretly taken to THE SOUTH DAKOTA SCHOOL OF MINES AND TECHNOLOGY FOR "STUDY"!!!

Now the Human mining school has issued a press release claiming that it was ALL A JOKE, that there WAS NO MURDER, and denied that they STOCKPILE HOMINOID CORPSES IN MINE SHAFTS DEEP BELOW THEIR SCHOOL FOR USE IN CONDUCTING BIZARRE MEDICAL RESEARCH AND OTHER STRANGE RITUALS!!!

Excuse my skeptical howl, but: THIS IS A COVERUP!!!

The School of Mines knows that if the Chiye-tanka believed this HEINOUS CRIME took place that THEY WOULD STORM THE CAMPUS AND DELIMB THE BOARD OF REGENTS!!! They must be aware of OLIVER RED CLOUD, one of the Humans implicated with the shooting incident, who is an AMPUTEE -- presumably the result of having done SOMETHING to upset the Chiye-tanka community! So they desperately want everyone to think it was all a HOAX like JOGI and FORGET ABOUT IT!!!

WE WILL NEVER FORGET!!! We know what you are hiding in your mines and eventually the TRUTH will come out! Remember: THERE IS NO STATUTE OF DELIMB-LIMITATIONS FOR HOMINOIDICIDE!!!

HOWL TO TYPING OCTOPUS: SHUT UP!!! No one cares about a dead octopus in the Ohio river! IT IS JUST FOOD!!! And YOU WILL BE TOO, once I find out which Hominoidnet kiosk you are using to post here! THEY ARE FOR SASQUATCH, NOT FOR TASTY SNACKS!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: SEXUAL GAZE UPDATE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-05.8007 LMT

JOGI ISN'T REAL!!!

The whole incident that I howled about earlier was a CRUEL HOAX perpetrated by Humans ANG and CHOW to further enrage the Mawas population with threats of SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!! The drawing of JOGI'S SUPPOSED EYES was actually based on an image from a FRENCH DOCUMENTARY ON HUMAN ANCESTORS!!! So it is YOU HUMANS who look like SEXY GARFIELDS!!!

The JOHOR HOMINID website on which it was posted has been SHUT DOWN!!! But now there is a short squeak in its place threatening to DESECRATE SACRED MAWAS BURIAL CAVES:

...we are currently closing down this site temporarily pending the investigation of the alleged hominid/hominoid cave and skull.

Keep this up little ANG and CHOW and Mawas will be "INVESTIGATING" YOUR SKULLS!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: SEXUAL GAZE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-08-03.3710 LMT | Monorail Danger

Human cryptoperverts SEAN ANG and VINCENT CHOW -- who have a MAWAS STALKER WEBSITE called "JOHOR HOMINID" and are threatening to publish PORNOGRAPHIC VOYEURISM PHOTOS of Mawas -- are now obsessing over the EYES OF A FEMALE MAWAS NAMED JOGI!!!

They have posted a crude sketch of her eyes that ANG drew from a photo! THEY ARE BEWITCHED BY HER SCLERA!!! Listen to what little ANG had to squeak in a Human newspaper article salaciously titled "SEXUAL GAZE OF JOHOR'S BIGFOOT":

"Based on the eyes, I predict that the Johor Hominids could have some kind of basic language that requires them to gaze at other individuals for a prolonged time."

Ang, a palaeo-anthropologist, said the drooping eyelids of the female hominid could also be a feature to boost its sex appeal.

"The eyes are unusual as they are a bit bulky, like Garfield's eyes, minus the eyelashes."

On his site, ANG describes the photo of JOGI that was the basis of his CREEPY SKETCH:

However, in photograph JH003, Jogi is looking right into your eyes, as if feeling surprised, worried or scared.

Of course she looks surprised, worried and scared... SHE IS BEING STALKED BY CREEPY PERVERTS WHO LONG TO GAZE SEXUALLY INTO HER EYES FOR A PROLONGED TIME!!! How do they expect her to feel? FLATTERED!?!

SILLY HUMAN WITH STRANGE MONO RAIL FIXATION, HEAR MY HOWL: It is bad enough that Yeren can't visit EMEISHAN without being PESTERED BY ALL THE HUMAN TOURISTS, now you expect them to SQUEEZE INTO A TINY MONO RAIL CAR JUST TO REACH THE SUMMIT!?! They will stick to the trails just as SUN WUKONG intended!

Also: KEEP YOUR MONO RAILS AWAY FROM THE MAWAS!!!

2006-08-05 UPDATE!!! IT WAS ALL A HOAX!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: REVERSE EVOLUTION!?!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-06-30.2770 LMT | Nature

In their latest slanderous squeakings against the Mawas, Malaysian Humans are claiming that Mawas are "REVERSE EVOLVED" from proto-Humans! Listen to little SEAN ANG'S insulting squeaks:

I concur with Chow's findings that this could be an unknown species that went through reverse evolution to end up as a less intelligent creature than Peking Man, who could use fire and tools.

LESS INTELLIGENT!?! Then how come not a single Human has EVER beaten a Mawas, Sasquatch, or Yeti in CHESS?!? You can't keep hiding behind FEAR OF DELIMBING as an excuse, regardless of what you see in your ANTI-HOMINOID "STAR WARS" PROPAGANDA FILMS!!! Less intelligent... HUMANS, HEAR MY DERISIVE HOWLS OF LAUGHTER!!! Mawas seem smart enough to evade you pipsqueaks!

And why is your measure of intelligence USAGE OF FIRE!?! There's a reason we don't use fire... IF YOU HUMANS WERE COVERED IN THICK, LUSTROUS FUR YOU WOULD AVOID OPEN FLAMES TOO!!! Just because you are always trying to compensate for being NAKED AND COLD doesn't mean the rest of us are!

AND WE TOTALLY USE TOOLS!!! I have a five-squatch-foot-long log (that's about 20 of your puny Human feet) that I use to SMASH CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS THAT TRY TO TAKE PICTURES OF ME!!! If that isn't tool usage, then tell me WHAT IS!?!

HUMAN ANG SQUEAKS ON:

Reverse evolution can take place when there is an abundance of food and the species group is small and totally isolated, as in the case of the Johor Bigfoot.

GIBBERSQUEAK!!! The Mawas are not "totally isolated"! Just because they don't want to contact you doesn't mean they aren't in contact with the greater Hominoid community! WHY DO YOU HUMANS THINK EVERYTHING HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND YOU!?!

And lastly, evolution, reverse or otherwise, is a HUMAN MYTH!!! Everyone knows that the ancestors of Mawas and Sasquatch WERE EJECTED, FULLY FORMED, OUT OF A VOLCANO FOUR BILLION YEARS AGO!!! Where you Humans came from, I don't know and don't care... JUST STOP PESTERING US!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: FURTHER MAWAS DEGRADATION!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-05-06.9900 LMT

Human media squeaks that cryptoperverts are threatening to publish a book with photos of Mawas -- INCLUDING ONES THAT SHOW MAWAS GENITALIA!!!

Photographs, according to naturalist and cryptozoologist Vincent Chow, have been taken by local people of these "Bigfoot" or locally termed "Mawas." The images are so good, according to their descriptions, reported from the news conference by Peter Loh, that the genitalia are visible.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!! Not only are the Johor Humans KIDNAPPING MAWAS CUBS, but now they are publishing PORNOGRAPHIC BOOKS that appeal to the PRURIENT INTERESTS of creepy Human types who leer at us from the forest edge! Not since the SQUATCHPLOITATION FILMS from the 1970s has such an attack on Hominoid values been launched!

ACCORDING TO HUMAN CRYPTOPERVERT LOREN COLEMAN, the photos were taken by an elderly Human who has been spying on the Mawas for years through a telephoto lens! AND GET THIS: the Human wishes to remain anonymous! WHY, LITTLE HUMAN!?! ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY!?!

Not only are the cryptoperverts hypocrites -- CRYPTOCRITES!!! -- but THEY ARE PROUD OF THEMSELVES!!! Here is more of what COLEMAN squeaked about the "SO GOOD BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THE NAUGHTY BITS" photos:

When Vincent Chow shows his photographs of these alleged Homo erectus with female genitalia and wrinkled faces, I shout a hearty "Congratulations" to him.

"CONGRATULATIONS"!?! He is congratulating CHOW for EXPLOITING INNOCENT MAWAS who didn't realize they were being TARGETTED BY A VOYEUR!?! AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE MEANS BY "ERECTUS"!!!

THIS LATEST DEGRADATION AGAINST MAWAS REINFORCES THE NEED FOR POLITICAL INDEPENDENCE!!! In a FREE MAWASISTAN, all Hominoids would be able to GO ABOUT THEIR LIVES without fear that their PRIVATES WILL END UP ON THE COVER OF A TABLOID NEWSPAPER!!!

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: JOHOR RESPONDS TO GLOBAL OUTRAGE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-04-22.1415 LMT | Politics

INTERNATIONAL HOMINOID HOWL has forced the JOHOR HUMAN GOVERNMENT to RECOGNIZE FUNDAMENTAL HOMINOID RIGHTS:

...The Johor Government has announced total [SIC!!!] protection for the Bigfoot [SIC!!!], as a State heritage [SIC!!!], which cannot be injured, captured, transported out of the State or killed.

HOWEVER!!! Not only are they PATERNALISTICALLY claiming that Mawas belong to the HUMAN-CONTROLLED STATE, they are STILL REFUSING TO RELEASE THE CAPTURED MAWAS CUB OR EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR ROLE IN THE KIDNAPPING!!!

FURTHERMORE!!! While they claim to recognize that HOMINOIDCIDE and other crimes are wrong, they are not recognizing the FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO HOMINOID PRIVACY!!! According to the cryptopervert group "Bigfoot Research Organization" -- BFRO!!! -- Malaysia is building an UNPRECEDENTED SURVEILLANCE STATE aimed at GATHERING COUNTER INTELLIGENCE on innocent Mawas and threatening to leak sensitive information to the HUMANIST MEDIA to BLACKMAIL MAWAS DISSIDENTS:

Malaysia is the only country that attempts to collect information on sightings from its citizens. Although sightings and track finds are not frequent, the Malaysian Government is still the only government in the world that will not hesitate to disclose any sighting information to the media.

THERE IS NO FREEDOM FOR MAWAS UNDER HUMAN RULE!!! Working within the HUMAN-CONTROLLED SYSTEM is no longer an option! An independent Mawas Nation is the only solution!

HUMANS, HEAR OUR HOWL: FREE MAWASISTAN!!!