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Aquasorbitiveness large.
George Morland, a talented painter, who died as he had lived, a great drunkard.
The 1871 book A New Physiognomical Chart by Joseph Simms, M.D. presents an original physiognomic classification system based on over 100 faculties -- such as characterioscopicity, computationumericality, and physiœlpidicity -- discernable by a combination of body types and facial features.
Each faculty is given an entry that includes a descriptive physiognomic characteristic; a grading scale from 1 to 12; methods to increase or decrease ones grade, should one choose; and illustrations of individuals who exemplify the faculty, positively or negatively.
While some of the faculty names are still in usage (e.g. "ambitiousness" and "credulousness" -- which Simms conveniently considers a faculty worthy of promotion), most are all but lost to the Internet (The Phrontistery doesn't even have a list!)
So, for the sake of huntatative types who wish to expand their linguastiveness, find grist for their salitive mill, or are just trying to tell their temporinaturalitiveness from their temporimechanicality, here's a glossary of select physiognomic faculties (those with high degrees of both amicitiveness and ordinimentality, please feel free to add these words to Wiktionary to edify future generations of physiognomicists):
Ferget tha scurvy, Depp'd Pirates o' tha Carrribbean ride, now ye can git yer own pirobotical shipmate...
(I pirated tha video off ah site I discover'd whilst searchin' tha eBay fer booty, but I've lost me map ta tha pirobotmonger's whereabouts. I'm plannin' ta replace me whole crew wit audioanimatrrronics, so if ye be knowin' tha site's bearins', I'd be much obliged.)
Japanese paranoids now have a product to deflect basal psychotronics:
The above device is called アルミニ重あごシェイプ, which Babel Fish helpfully translates as "Aluminum it is heavy gnathal Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers, europe". Those wacky Japanese with their wacky names!
In Western terms, it's a self-adhesive aluminum gnathic shield designed to protect the underside of the forebrain from psychotronic rays coming from nefarious downstairs neighbors (apparently a pesky problem in highrise-riddled Japan), boreshipmen, talpidytes, and other assorted underground forces of mind control.
Its maker, Akaishi -- who markets it via third parties as a "face care" product to get around Japanese anti-mind-control-device trade laws -- also offers a version that shields most of the face, less creatively called アルミ顔やせマスク ("aluminum face and something mask"):
For full facial deflection effect, the mask should be used with corundum-lensed goggles and an aluminum respirator. Of course, both devices are pointlessly incomplete without an AFDB.
While we here at ZPi do not condone the use of prêt-à-porter aluminum shielding devices as they may contain hidden psychotronic circuitry, we do approve of cute, paranoid Japanese models in little black dresses, so we'll overlook the mental security flaws this time.
(Found via Tokyo Damage Report, which has pics of the packaging for these and other amusing-yet-less-topical products.)
Microsoft provides the future with a safety-conscious Rosetta Stone that leverages both ubiquity and nonbiodegradableness to conserve both languages and infant lives.
Every keyboard they sell comes in the above plastic bag that teaches you how to write...
WARNING
Infants and young children can fatally suffocate when their faces are within or next to a plastic bag. Discard this bag immediately. Keep away from children, infants, cribs, beds, playpens or carriages.
...in 24 languages. The remaining 23 are reproduced below for your linguistic amusement:
From an eBay auction for a 1912 biography, Lord Kelvin: His Life and Work (emphasis added, all of it sic):
Lord Kelvin was one of those super human beings who
excelled in everything he did.
Born in Ireland 1824, his father moved to Glasgow to be
a mathematics chair in Glasgow University. Then only
11 years old Lord Kelvin became a student there and
quickly became the star student!
He excelled in other
universities and even rowed in the winning team of
Oxford/Cambridge race. At age of 22 he became the
chair of natural philosophy in University of Glasgow
for 47 years, becoming a well-known author and authority.He was one of the first persons to recognize the importance
of electricity and telgraphy. He developed many patents
of mathematics and physical inventions.
He was a specialist in heat, wave-motion,
electrostatics and magnetism.
He is most well known as a military leader.
This book has an emphasis on his scientific work.
Right. If you want a book with an emphasis on his military leadership in the war to liberate Mars, you need to read the previously mentioned one.
Here's an ad for Verizon broadband found in October's Wired:
So, here's the question: Did Verizon's ad agency get the idea from my site (consciously or unconsciously), did both they and I get the idea from some third party that I've forgotten about, or is it that the evolution of the Human mind has reached a turning point -- spurred, perhaps, by our increased reliance on finger-mediated communication -- where the archetype of the Handlebrot is now manifesting itself spontaneously in our collective consciousness and we should expect to see it pop up in more places as time progresses?
If any Jungian chaoticians have a theory, I would be happy to hear it.
Little Known Secret Weapons of WWII: An elite contingent of the USO made up of specially equipped pin-up girls was created in order to protect Iowa from miniature Imperial Japanese poison-gas fighters -- primitive forerunners of modern black helicopters.
Figure 1: The seductive appeal of scalloping.
From Magic for Your Table... Cake & Food Decorating By Wilton, published in 1971. It's sort of a combination cake decorating HOWTO and product catalog from Wilton Enterprises, Inc. (now Wilton Industries). Could there be retro-wackiness inside?
Wisdom found on the back of an "M-Azing" bar...
Tampering, whether of chocolate or brains, can really diminish one's enjoyment. Always check the foil before using either.
"Hey kids! Eat your fruits and vegetables
or I'll bite your little heads off!"
