Human BBC reporter JONATHAN KENT, who is in Malaysia spying on Hominoids, now claims Humans are HUNTING THE MAWAS!!! AS IF!!! All the pitiful Humans can manage is to obsess over some muddy footprints -- AGAIN WITH THE FEET!!! -- they found on a road! But they are exposing more Mawas secrets:

[Mawas] move around looking for fruits, sometimes they go looking for them in villages. They're also looking for a mate and for salt.

WELL OF COURSE!!! How do you expect Mawas to get a mate without the help of DURIAN MARGARITAS!? They are not as SUAVE and CONFIDENT as Sasquatch! First the Humans drive the Mawas from their ancestral homeland, then the Humans put the Mawas at risk for IDENTITY THEFT, now the Humans are gratuitously pointing out the Mawas' ROMANTIC INADEQUACIES!!! This isn't even perverted cryptozoology anymore, it's just YELLOW JOURNALISM!!!

HUMAN JOURNALISTS, HEAR MY HOWL: LEAVE THE MAWAS ALONE!!!

HUMANS CONTINUE TO HARASS MAWAS!!! Now the Human pack known as JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY, not satisfied with stealing the secret formula for LUSTROUS HAIR GROWTH TONIC, are revealing private information about the Malay Hominoid colony, including the number, makeup, and ages of the colonists! WHY DO HUMANS NEED TO KNOW ALL THIS DETAILED INFORMATION?! It is bad enough that Humans drove the colony from Perak to Johor with their noisy wars and highways, but now they are putting the Mawas in jeopardy of IDENTITY THEFT!!!

What drives these Humans? Why do they seek out our footprints and personal information? What goes on under their SKULLCAPS?! One of them has provided us with a disturbing look into the twisted mind of a HUMAN CRYPTOFETISHIST:

"I'm a cynic, but if we could see a right footprint as well, we could at least measure its gait. Maybe if we had some scat, I could be totally convinced," [Tony Burke] said. "I am about 50 per cent there. Let's see what the lab results are."

...! THAT IS DISGUSTING!!! They are now going to start PICKING THROUGH OUR TOILETS?! Do Humans have no concept of HYGIENE?!

ONE MORE HOWL: For the fifth straight year, the SASQUATCH MUSIC FESTIVAL features ABSOLUTELY NO SASQUATCH ACTS!!! Not even a token troupe of Migoi whistlers! The closest thing on the line up is BECK, but he is only 1/16th Wendigo and INCREDIBLY PUNY!!! Those Humans say they can rock but I have never seen one able to hurl EVEN A MODERATE SIZED BOULDER!!! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

A colony of Malay Hominoids befriended a pack of Humans calling itself the JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY, thinking them harmless! Now the Humans are THREATENING TO EXPOSE THE COLONY'S SECRETS TO THE HUMAN MEDIA!!!

The Humans claim to be in the possession of "scientific evidence" belonging to the colony, which they will make public to Humans soon! I have it on good howl that the colony did not give them this evidence, rather THEY STOLE IT FROM MALAY HOMINOID HAIR SCIENTISTS!!!

Advanced Hominoid technology cannot fall into the puny hands of Humans! If Humans learn how to combine durian with mineral water to create LUSTROUS HAIR GROWTH TONIC, they will be able to disguise themselves as Sasquatch children and infiltrate our society to further their PERVERTED FOOT FETISH VOYEURISM!!!

HUMAN MEDIA, HEAR MY HOWL: If you publish the tonic formula there will be RIOTING IN THE FORESTS!!!

And Human Lyle: Do not cross us like the JOHOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION SOCIETY crossed the Malay Colony! WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!

OTHER BLOG CONTRIBUTORS, HEAR MY HOWLS!!!

HUMAN LYLE: You are wrong about the GIANT FOREST OCTOPUS being a myth! I HAVE SEEN IT MYSELF!!! Other Sasquatch howl that I am crazy but I KNOW WHAT I SAW!!! I was walking through the forest one night ENGAGED IN PRIVATE SASQUATCH BUSINESS THAT IS OF NO CONCERN TO NOSEY CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS when I heard the DEEP CLACKING OF A BEAK in the distance and smelled a STRONG ODOR OF AMMONIA on the wind! Then all of the sudden A GIANT ARM AS THICK AS A LOG WITH A THOUSAND SUCTION CUPS lunged out of the dense trees towards me! Although it was dark I was able to find a nearby boulder to defend myself! I SMASHED THE ARM BEFORE IT COULD GRAB ME!!! There was a GURGLING SCREECH in the distance and the arm started to retract back into the trees! Before it could get away I took a bite out of it! IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!

SILLY LOOKING HUMAN WITH STRANGE FIXATION ON MONO RAIL: Vanara would never build a mono rail! WHAT SORT OF FUNGUS HAVE YOU BEEN GATHERING?! Vanara are proud Hominoids like Sasquatch! If you ordered Sasquatch to build you a mono rail WE WOULD CRUSH EVERY ONE OF YOUR BONES and howl at your floppy corpse: "THERE'S YOUR MONO RAIL!!!" Vanara would do the same, I am sure! Anyway, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, what Cascadia needs is a SYSTEM OF GONDOLAS traversing the forest canopy! THIS WOULD MAKE IT MUCH EASIER TO GATHER TREE OCTOPUS!!!

TYPING OCTOPUS: I know you are using one of our Hominoidnet kiosks... IF I FIND YOU I WILL EAT YOU!!!

The persecution of Hominoids around the world by Human cryptoperverts continues! In particular, Asia is seeing an outbreak of ANTI-HOMINOID ACTIVITIES!!!

Recently, the Humans of Malaysia have increased their harassment of the Hantu Jarang Gigi, Mawas, Kaki Besar, and other Malay Hominoid groups -- taking unauthorized, invasive photographs of their footprints and threatening to STEAL LOCKS OF THEIR HAIR!!! Furthermore, agents of the Human government are actively seeking to exploit our brothers and sisters in order to draw cryptozoologists to Malaysia who wish to stalk innocent Hominoids -- UNDOUBTEDLY FOR PERVERTED REASONS!!!

In Kerala forest in India, Human S R KRISHNASWAMY is invading Matdngdng homes and spying on their family life! WHAT BUSINESS OF HIS IS MATDNGDNG SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS?!

MEANWHILE IN CHINA!!! Yeren homeland -- shamelessly renamed "Shennongjia Nature Reserve" by occupying Human forces in honor of Human who ATE YEREN HERBS WITHOUT PERMISSION!!! -- will be closed to Humans for three moons while Yeren repair the damage nosey Humans have done to the forest! I HAVE HEARD HOWL THAT MANY CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT STONES AND TWIGS HAVE BEEN STREWN ABOUT AND NEED REORGANIZING!!! However, the closure will not solve the root Human problem since agents of the Human occupying government are threatening to build a giant-metal-dragonfly roost in the area to cater to the global crypto-tourism trade! HUMANS, I HOWL TO YOU: WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SASQUATCH OPENED A HUMAN PARK FOR HOMINOID LIMB-RIPPING TOURISTS?! I didn't think so...!

THESE ARE BUT A FEW GRIEVANCES!!! Sasquatch leadership is needed to stem the tide of global anti-Hominoid persecution! I call on Sasquatch Elders to send Militia forces to join with our Yeti allies in the Himalayas so that we may RAIN DOWN BOULDERS ON THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS OF ASIA!!! Only then will Asian Hominoids be free to live their lives unmolested, secure in their personoids and footprints!

BIGFOOT USES HIS MIGHTY JUMPING ABILITIES TO DEFEAT EVIL!!!

Out of the dark ages of Sasquatch/Human relations that Humans call the "SEVENTIES" comes a Human television show that teaches that the Sasquatch and Human of Cascadia can work together to fight the FORCES OF EVIL!!!

It was called BIGFOOT AND WILDBOY!!!

Wildboy was a young Human child who was lost in the vast wilderness and saved by Bigfoot! Bigfoot raised him and together they battled for justice against POLUTION, WEREWOLVES, SLEESTACKS, PARA­TERREST­RIALS, and OUTLAW SAS­QUATCH!!! Every episode Bigfoot would use his ability to JUMP A VERY GREAT DISTANCE and THROW BOULDERS to save the day! Sometimes he would throw Wildboy at the enemy as a distraction! It is also the only Human television series to feature actual SASQUATCH HOWL!!!

HUMAN CHILDREN: BIGFOOT WILL SAVE YOU!!!

THE SHOW WAS NOT WITHOUT ITS FLAWS!!! Besides the OFFEN­SIVE, FOOT-SIZE-OBSESSIVE NAME, Big­foot was played by a puny Human and was portrayed as a SIDEKICK FOR WILDBOY!!! This was typical of the time, with CHEWBACCA THE WOOKIE as a sidekick for Space-Humans and the untrustworthy BIONIC BIGFOOT working for the PARA­TERREST­RIALS against Bionic Humans!

HUMANS HEAR MY HOWL: Only when you accept Sasquatch as CO-EQUAL PARTNERS IN THE BATTLE AGAINST EVIL will we be victorious!

Download the Bigfoot & Wildboy Title Theme (92KIO MP3!!!) It has the FUNKY BASS and GRATUITOUS EXPLOSIONS that typifies Human howl accompaniment of that era! Also, Human howlers called the Nick Atoms have a cover version for download!

UPDATE!!! Watch the BIGFOOT AND WILDBOY INTRO on the YOU TUBES!!!

Desperate Human perverts in Maine want a picture of Sasquatch or Yeti that will help them squatchnap one of us and they are willing to pay ONE MILLION DOLLARS for it! THAT IS A LOT OF ECHINOID SKELETONS!!! The skeletons are being provided by a shadowy Human company, WHO ISN'T NAMED!!! What sort of company could gather that many sand dollars to barter for a picture? And why must they group us with Loch Ness Monster? WE ARE NOT PLESIOSAUROIDAL!!! Perhaps they are interested in cephalopodivores? I have heard howl from my Grendel cousins that Nessie likes peat ammonites...

BUT I DIGRESS!!!

Fellow Hominoids, and our new Plesiosaur allies, hear my howl! Stay away from Maine when the Cryptozoologists gather prior to the new moon! And to counter their contract on us, I will offer a bounty of 100 PINECONES for each Human camera you can take from the cryptopaparazzi! 200 IF THEIR ARMS ARE STILL ATTACHED TO IT!!! These are the good pinecones too, not those puny little Douglas fir cones, but MIGHTY SUGAR PINECONES!!! Excellent for personal hygiene use! Make great Life Day presents!

2005-10-19 UPDATE!!!

Human cryptofetish site reports the shadowy Human company has withdrawn its bounty claiming concern for the safety of Sasquatch! THIS IS A LIE!!! In reality they are worried about being sued by amature cryptopaparazzi who might end up getting delimbed! The company has turned out to be called WIZARDS OF THE COAST!!! This explains how they gathered all the sand dollars -- TIDALMANCY!!!

THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO ALL HOMINOIDS, NOT JUST YETI!!!

MUST THE INDIGNITY THAT WE HOMINOIDS SUFFER NEVER END!!! Yeti come to Cascadia hiding in shipping containers looking to make a new start for themselves in our forests only to be subjected to offensive viral marketing campaigns for Human clothing companies!

Not only are puny-footed Humans jealous of the normal-sized feet of Sasquatch, but now they are threatened by the natural fur covering of our Himalayan brothers! YETI AND SASQUATCH DON'T NEED YOUR PATHETIC BODY DRAPERY!!!

How would you Humans like it if Sasquatch made advertainmemes where Humans die in the woods from exposure! WHAT IF IT INVOLVED YOUR ELDERLY...

Snohomish County Sheriff's Office

Thursday: Search. A man in his 80s left his home in the southern part of the county to search for a sasquatch, deputies were told. His family began looking for him in the Verlot area, east of Granite Falls. Search-and-rescue teams were summoned, and the man was found slightly dehydrated about a mile from his vehicle.

HAAAAAAAA!!! Your clothing provides no protection for your weak bodies in the real world of the forests! WHO SHALL WE LAUGH AT NOW!?!

RECALL MY PREVIOUS HOWL!!!

C. Thomas Biscardi, Human leader of a group called GABRO!!! that is trying to kidnap Sasquatch in the area of Southern Cascadia Humans call Happy Camp, is now threatening to show their stalking live all day for three moons on something called "pay-per-view"! Perverted Humans are encouraged to barter bits of paper to be able to spy on Sasquatch as GABRO!!! stalks them! THIS HOWL IS NOT A LIE... THEY ARE STARTING TOMORROW!!!

WARNING ALL SASQUATCH:

IF YOU SEE THIS HUMAN, HOWL YOUR NEAREST SASQUATCH MILITIA OFFICER!!!

HUMANS ARE STALKING US AGAIN!!!

Here is a press release from Great American Bigfoot Research Organization -- GABRO!!! -- a Human group dedicated to harassing and spying on Sasquatch:

"Bigfoot -- Imminent Capture Anticipated"

C. Thomas Biscardi, Human leader of GABRO!!!, is stalking Sasquatch in southern Cascadia at a place called "Happy Camp" in Human squeak! This is the same Human who sold unauthorized video of a Weeketow Hominoid in Manitoba to salacious Human television squeakshow A Current Affair!

Now Biscardi's team of sicko, foot-obsessive, cryptozoological perverts is planning on cornering a Sasquatch in a cavernous area of Happy Camp! He wants to capture one of us to parade in front of Swedish paparazzi and subject to medical experiments by evil Human Dr. George W. Gill -- A.K.A. DR. FOOTSTEALER!!!

SASQUATCH OF KLAMATH FORESTS, HEED MY HOWL: Avoid the Humans of Happy Camp! Do not be tricked by their Bigfoot Jamboree -- IT'S A TRAP!!! They do not want to honor you or offer their teenage females to you as "Bigfoot Queens"... they want to capture you, learn all your secrets, then SELL YOU TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER!!!

To Humans, I howl this: YOU WILL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!!! By this I mean WE WILL STOMP YOU TO DEATH!!!