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Lyle Zapato

Home ASE Under Attack

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-21.3650 LMT | Aluminum | Black Helicopters | General Paranoia

A family in a Sacramento, CA neighborhood has turned their home into an Aluminum Shielded Enclosure (ASE) in order to protect themselves from bothersome neighbors who somehow managed to obtain a primitive microwave-based psychotron and are targeting the family with EMF harassment. (The nature and source of the radiation was confirmed using scientific instruments operated by the family's college-educated daughters.)

Their ASE design consists of an external covering of sheet aluminum aligned against the neighbors with an internal aluminum foil lining. For additional safety they also sleep in aluminumized thermal blankets.

Sacramento Code Enforcement agents have learned of the family's ASE and are pressuring them to dismantle it by Monday or face a misdemeanor citation.

Yesterday, KCRA News 3 and KXTV News 10 NewsChoppers circled above the home and captured the following News Photos as part of their investigative News Report:

News photos

So let's see: A conspiring neighborhood association ("Neighbors working together" -- to what end?), the Government meddling in their home décor, nosy Media spying on their home from the sky using helicopters... I'd say the aluminum was justified. If only they had remembered the camouflage.

UPDATE 2005-05-23: I was just reminded of this metal-clad house sighted in 2003 by antipixel.com. Note, in comparison to the newer house, how the external metal sheet closely conforms to the house shape and the use of climbing vines for camouflage. Tips to consider for future ASE construction.

Lyle Zapato

Lihua Hats

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-14.3600 LMT | Letters | Fashion | Belgian Conspiracy

We at ZPi receive many business inquires a week. Here is the most recent:

Dear Sir :

I feel honoured to know you and your company from internet , although I am not sure whether you have already a customer of our company , at least I tride my best .

If you are a customer of our company ,I hope you can cooperate well with our company .But if not ,I \\\\\'d like to introduce our company ---LIHUA hat manufactory , the biggest wool felt hat enterprise .We have almost 20 years \\\\\' experience in making wool felt hats and hat bodies , especially we are the only one firm who make rabbit fur hats in China. Meanwhile we can produce six million of hats and hat bodies per year , and also we can supply the goods accoring to your samples .

I know your products are competitive on the market ,because of the high quality and famous brand . Opposite , if we can cooperate wittth each other , I am sure we can get you a great deal , and benefit a lot . There are a lot of human resources in China , so we can provide the goods at the lowest price .

For further information ,please overlook our website : www.lihuahats.com

Looking forward to hearing you early reply

Give my best wishes

Yours truely

kathy

To which I replied:

Dear Kathy,

Thank you for your inquiry. Your best effort was not entirely misplaced as we are not already a customer with your company. Unfortunately, I'm afraid there has been some misunderstanding on your part.

While it is true that our ZPi brand Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie is a very competitive anti-mind-control product in the paranoid headwear market, I'm afraid we have no need for the services of your hat manufactory -- which, judging by your website, appear excellent!

You see, we at ZPi encourage would-be AFDB-wearers to manufacture their own beanies by hand and strongly discourage AFDB purchase from third-party aluminumsmiths or milliners. This is done purely out of a concern for mental security, since prêt-à-porter beanies may have been compromised in the manufacturing process with mind-control circuitry.

I hope you understand that I am not accusing your company of engaging in that sort of nefarious skulduggery, but when people's minds are at stake it is important to exercise the utmost care to follow paranoid best practices. Trust no one. As you say, there are a lot of human resources in China, and you cannot be certain that none are in league with the New World Order and have infiltrated your company.

Speaking of which, I have read on your site that one of your subsidiaries, the Dingxing Lirui Fur Making Company, has entered into a business arrangement with the Luken Company from Belgium involving rabbit fur. I feel the need to warn you to be careful in your dealings with the so-called "Belgians". All is not as it appears with them.

Regardless of all this, I will still forward my visitors to your site, where they may find hats suitable for beanie camouflage or fancy dress parties inside their aluminum-lined bunkers.

Warmest regards,
Lyle

(Interesting factoid I just learned: the AFDB page is #4 on Google for "hat." I'm sure that has nothing to do with Kathy's letter.)

Lyle Zapato

Blog Topics Now Work

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-04.4500 LMT | Site

The blog now has topic links that actually work. No more hitting "older... older... older" to find the posts you want.

Lyle Zapato

Mind Reading Machine

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-30.6810 LMT | Mind Control | Technology | NWO | General Paranoia

Now for sale on eBay: One temporally displaced Strauss Mind Reading Machine...

hello, i am selling what i believe to be a mind reading machine built by Dr. J. S. Strauss in the year 2282. After finding the time machine and the shrinking machine in my house i started to think what other stuff might be hidden away in my home. So i started searching from top to bottom and thats when i found the mind reading machine. It was hidden in a very tight corner of my attic and was wrapped in a old bed sheet, covered with dirt. With a wet paper towel it cleaned up very nice (see pictures).

The machine is made out of copper, metal, and plastic. Now, I wouldnt think that plastic would still be around in the year 2282, but i guess it still is. The mind reading machine does not work from what i could tell, but some one who knows electronics might be able to figure it out. I had my friend wear the head peice and i pushed on some buttons, but we just could not get it to work. We only know how to work on cars, this electronic stuff from the future is hard for us to understand, so thats why i am selling the mind reading machine....its why im selling off all of these inventions that i have found.

I believe the seller and his friend might be playing with forces they do not understand. The device pictured is not a normal mind reading machine as we understand them today. Conventional mind readers are used by the NWO and do not need to be physically attached to the thinker. What I believe he has is a part of a morphic field transmitter that is designed to upload a person's essential psychic patterns into the aether, allowing a copy of that person to exist separately on a higher dimensional brane.

Their fooling around with it might be filling up branic space with multiple copies of themselves! If Sheldrake is right, and undoubtedly he is, there could soon be a global pandemic of flannel, unkempt facial hair, and chunky glasses as their morphic resonance patterns begin to influence people's consciousness on a holonic level.

Lyle Zapato

Commie Linux vs. Berlusconi

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-30.4200 LMT | Politics | Art

(This is the newer version.)

This is almost a year old, but I just now discovered it: "Un pinguino comunista contro il sito di Forza Italia".

Last June, some naughty person defaced the website of Forza Italia, the political party of Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi, using the original version of my Commie Linux wallpaper (or rather a screenshot of it being used as a Windowmaker desktop). The odd thing is, from what I can Babelfish together, the defacing was done anonymously (no 133+ bragging, political statements, or shout-outs to people with handles like Neo or Wintermute) and the site's server was running Linux, making the choice seem a non sequitur. Maybe the perpetrator just really liked my drawing and wanted to share it with all of Italy.

I don't know if they ever found who did it, but if they're still looking, it's not "Comrade Zapato".

Searching around, I also uncovered another appearance of lil' Trots the Commie Penguin in Italy: La Casa Del Popolo is a blog that's presumably anti-Berlusconi (given the entries I skimmed) and uses the screenshot version of the image for its masthead (complete with scaled down Windowmaker title bar at the top).

Lyle Zapato

Now In Aussie Supermarkets...

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-27.4200 LMT | Food

Vegemite Toast Crunch

Vegemite Toast Crunch: an abomination or pure genius? You be the judge.

Lyle Zapato

Fonts: Submarine vs. Whale

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-25.5400 LMT | Fonts | Nature

Type sample

Submarine vs. Whale is an Art-Nouveau-ish font based on the heading of a 1911 illustrated account of Lieutenant Chester W. Nimitz's encounter with whales while commanding the USS Narwhal. It's cleaner than the original, but still has some irregularity in the curves to give it character. Great for tales of underwater Edwardian adventure!

Lyle Zapato

Fonts: Duarte Centenario y Duarte Juramento

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-20.6000 LMT | Fonts | Philately

Here are two fonts I just created...

Type sample

Duarte Centenario is a somewhat irregular title font. Good for your resistance movement's posters calling for the overthrow of foreign rule.

Type sample

Duarte Juramento works well for comic lettering. Or serious lettering.

This pseudo-family is based off of hand lettering from a 1938 Dominican Republic stamp (Scott #335) honoring the centennial of La Trinitaria, an underground resistance movement led by Juan Pablo Duarte that helped repel the Haitians from the eastern side of Hispaniola. The country name and the names of the three founding Trinitarios (Duarte, Francisco del Rosario Sánchez, and Ramón Matías Mella) were written in what is now Centenario. The entire Oath of the Trinitarios (including vexillogical directives) was squeezed into a triangle of microprint, which I have made into Juramento. (Both the originals had no accents, but the fonts have full sets of accented glyphs.)

I have also created a fonts page to house them and any future fonts I make.

Lyle Zapato

Uncyclopedia On Belgium

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-15.6310 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | Crass Commercialism
The Belgian... he thinks he is superior to you.

Thanks to the magic of referral logs, I have learned of Uncyclopedia and their article on "Belgium".

Unlike Wikipedia, whose article on Belgium is chock-full of the Belgian Conspiracy's disinformation and only briefly mentions Belgium's non-existence with a link to my site sneakily hidden -- no doubt by a loyal ZPi reader -- at the bottom (sure to be edited out soon enough), Uncyclopedia dares to tell the Truth.

Currently Uncyclopedia's article is shorter than mine, but I'm sure it will grow as more contribute to the distributed debunking of Belgium. It already offers additional insight into the Conspiracy's machinations, including uncovering a joint Belgian-Japanese plot to propagandize Belgium using Japanese tourists and photos of "Manneken Pis" (link unsafe for work or leisure).

Incidentally, the picture of the Belgian that accompanies the article was taken from my Belgium Doesn't Exist Cafepress shop. I point this out for the edification of those interested in Internetainment trivia, not for the sake of crass commercialism.

Lyle Zapato

Warrior Monks: The Belgian Connection

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-12.2100 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO

In "The First Earth Battalion: Dare to Think the Unthinkable, Ideas and Ideals for Soldiers Everywhere," a document created in 1979 from research done at the US Army War College to counter advances made by extra-NWO Chinese military psychics, we are introduced to a number of concepts that were to be the blueprint for a NWO global police force of "warrior monks" disciplined in New Age technologies.

The paper predicted that by 1990 the First Earth Battalion "may be a pilot community of warrior-monks who completely recycle all resources, live amidst new nuclear reactors and [await] deployment to tension spots." Whether this came to pass or not is uncertain, as details of any further developments were never released.

This is all well documented in the paranoid literature; however, I have discovered a significant detail that has gone overlooked by conspirologists. In the document, we learn that warrior monks will use the following techniques and substances to tune themselves for battle (emphasis mine):

BATTLE TUNING

Using traditional and New Age ideas:

  • Rise
  • Yogic cat stretch
  • Primal scream and leap
  • Belgian waffle*
  • Ginseng tab regulator
  • Speed or morning thunder tea
  • Karate kata
  • Primal low frequency lights
  • Paced primal rock in our ears
  • Discordant sounds for them
  • Advance

Here we see the hand of the Belgian Conspiracy.

This led me to the following realization: if the Belgians are involved with the FEB, could it be that noted Belgian intrigant Jean-Claude Van Damme is actually one of these warrior monks, or at least a FEB agent working to condition the public to accept warrior monk policing? His oeuvre -- which includes Universal Soldier, about a secret government program to create supersoldiers -- seems to suggests the latter. That his career took off around the time that the document predicted the establishment of pilot warrior-monk communities also suggests that the First Earth Battalion program is both active and on schedule.

Van Damme is currently residing in Vancouver, B.C. It may be that he or his handlers realized that I was close to connecting the dots and have positioned him within Cascadia to assassinate me in order to keep the progress of the warrior monk program under wraps. I am preparing countermeasures for this contingency, but if I am discovered kicked to death, make sure this information gets out.

* NOTE: The Belgian waffle is not from Belgium, obviously. It was developed by the Culinary Institute of America, a government front, and initially tested on an unsuspecting public at the 1964 World's Fair in New York. This was the same fair that saw the unveiling of Disney's prototype psychogesticular hypnosis device called "It's a Small World," not to mention the further pushing of the monorailist agenda. Beware the fair.