The Seattle Monorail, which has been out of "service" since November when the Red and Blue trains collided violently over Olive Way, was set to re-open today to once again threaten lives and property. However, suicidal Seattleites and unsuspecting tourists were given a temporary reprieve this morning when the relaunch was delayed until at least next week due to "additional safety issues that need to be resolved".

David Heurtel, Seattle Center spokesmonorailist, claimed that the safety issues had to do with the "pneumatic systems" on the brakes and door mechanisms and not with the inherent uncontrollability and spontaneous-combustion-proneness of monorails. (Convenient that they would blame pneumatics -- trying to spread a little anti-Inteli-Tube propaganda, huh Dave?)

Some news I neglected to mention back in May: the doors replacing the ones that were sheared off when the monorail trains collided with each other were constructed by the Seattle Opera set department! That's right, stage illusions will be the only safeguard keeping passengers from plunging to their doom. While shocking, this isn't that surprising when you consider that the history of monorailism in Cascadia has been marked by rickety fake sets designed more for deception than transportation.

Given the spontaneous combustions, collisions, shady deals, government property seizures, and general monorail malaise surrounding this tired relic, isn't it time for Seattle to stop endangering its citizens and instead show transportation leadership by being the first to adopt a more sensible personal pneumatic tube system?

You know, if Seattle won't give pneumatic tube transportation a shot, perhaps Alaska would. They already have experience with long stretches of metal piping and a Senator who gets tubes. You're already close to losing the Sonics, Seattle; don't let this opportunity slip away too.

Hyperinventor John Q. St. Clair returns from his diverting experiments with mere surface rail travel and brings us two new spacecraft designs.

First is his Triangular Spacecraft:

This invention is a spacecraft with a triangular hull having charged flat plates on the vertical corners of the three sides. The two rear corners are charged to a potential V. The forward corner is charged to a potential -V. The 60° angle on the corner creates a line charge density singularity that produces a huge horizontal electric field pointing from the back to the front of the craft which is also parallel to the sides of the triangle. An array of horizontal slot antennas located on the sides of the triangular hull produce an electromagnetic wave with the electric field polarized in the vertical direction. This combination of fields produces a spacetime force in both the vertical and horizontal directions such that the spacecraft receives a lift force and a force of propulsion.

(The design is somewhat reminiscent of not only Lifter technology but certain paraterrestrial designs. Given St. Clair's extensive contact with the Pleiadian Federation via astral projection, one might wonder if he isn't simply patenting technology that he cribbed from the Intelligent Insect Beings, who, as we learned in his patent application for the Remote Viewing Amplifier, also fly black triangles over France and Belgium.)

His next design is the Photon Spacecraft, a hull-integrated propulsion system that employs photon particles to generate a field of negative energy over the spacecraft's aluminum hull which forms wormholes between space and hyperspace in order to produce lift, as illustrated below:

The gravitational potential between hyperspace and space is positive because the hyperspace energy is more positive than the negative energy around the hull. Thus the low-density, low-speed-of-light hyperspace energy flows through the wormhole and fills the hull. This has the effect of reducing the effective mass of the hull. Because the electric field generates a positive pressure over the hull in the vertical z-direction, there is an upward force on the vehicle due to the pressure times the hull area. Since the vehicle has a low mass, there is a modest upward acceleration on the spacecraft equal to the force divided by mass.

St. Clair uses this patent application to address skeptics who still -- perversely at this point -- doubt the reality of hyperspace (I've taken the liberty of bolding interesting details not previously covered here):

Hyperspace consists of the those co-dimensions which have different physics constants such as a low speed of light. The existence of hyperspace, which has a white misty look, is not a well-known scientific concept. Experiments with our magnetic vortex wormhole generators, hyperspace torque generator, full body levitation using Chi Kung breathing, arm levitation by spinning the co-gravitational K field, full body teleportation through hyperspace a distance of 100 meters using a pulsed gravitational wave, jumping into hyperspace, having a plate of toast enfold off the breakfast table and disappear into thin air, walking through walls and doors out-of-dimension, looking into other dimensions, remote viewing through subspace to distances of 100,000 light years, and other electromagnetic experiments carried out by co-researchers, have shown us the reality and existence of hyperspace.

Alternate application copies: Triangular Spacecraft (US2006145019) & Photon Spacecraft (US2006144035)

Not only does England exist, it's a hotbed of paranoia:

Ground-breaking research from clinical psychologists at the Institute of Psychiatry, King's College London, shows that one in three people in the UK regularly suffers paranoid or suspicious fears. In fact this level of paranoia is much higher than previously suspected and means that paranoid thoughts may well be almost as common as depression or anxiety.

Paranoid thinking is the suspicion that other people intend to do us harm.

[...]

The frequency of paranoid and suspicious thoughts in the general population

% having thought at least weekly

• I need to be on my guard against others - 52%
• Strangers and friends look at me critically - 48%
• There might be negative comments being circulated about me - 42%
• People are laughing at me - 34%
• Bad things are being said about me behind my back - 30%
• People might be hostile towards me - 29%
• People deliberately try to irritate me - 27%
• I might be being observed or followed - 19%
• People are trying to make me upset - 12%
• Someone I know has bad intentions towards me - 12%
• I am under threat from others - 10%
• I have a suspicion that someone has it in for me - 8%
• Someone I don't know has bad intentions towards me - 8%
• People would harm me given the opportunity - 8%
• There is a possibility of a conspiracy against me - 5%

While the trend is good news for the paranoid cause, it still means that two out of three people in the UK suffer under the debilitating interpersonal credulity of orthonoid thinking. Much work needs to be done to shake some suspicious reason into them, but the promoters of the above study aren't helping any with their anti-paranoid thoughts book (conveniently coming out on Thursday). Well, then again, they might just help a bit with contradictory arguments like the following:

The probability that your fears are unrealistic increases the more you feel that:

• No one else fully shares your suspicions

But their own data suggest that these suspicions are shared by a significant percent, therefore paranoid thoughts are realistic. All the more reason to get paranoid!

Darby Conley is at it again.

First he slipped the truth about Belgium (IT DOESN'T EXIST) into his Get Fuzzy comic, using the subversive technique of having his dim-witted character Satchel spurt it out, thereby providing plausible deniability should the NWO-aligned United Feature Syndicate bring him before their Star Chamber for questioning.

Next he raised awareness of AFDBs through his cat character Bucky, again deflecting the Syndicate's ire by showing an obviously flawed beanie design and having Bucky claim the hat was not for mind-control protection, but auguring.

This week's strips are devoted to Bucky's claim that England doesn't exist. This is, of course, not true. However, since Bucky usually has things partly right, but with the facts mixed up, it must be true that there exists a country that doesn't really exist -- Bucky has simply gotten the country wrong.

Conley has established that Satchel speaks the truth, even if unwittingly, while Bucky is an unreliable source of details who often expounds on topics where he has confused the subjects within the topic or with those of some other unrelated topic. They play the classical archetypal roles of the Wise-Fool and the Loud-Mouthed-Jerk, respectively.

I believe that Conley, having first planted the idea that Belgium is not altogether real in the heads of his orthonoidic readers, is now validating that idea through Bucky's confused version of reality (after waiting a year so the Syndicate won't notice).

Not since The Family Circus exposed the existence of transdimensional Shadow People (represented by Bil Keane as the "Not Me") has a comic strip done so much to further the cause of paranoia.

Hyperinventor John Quincy St. Clair is back with a new patent application: Permanent Magnet Propulsion System.

This one's slightly more conventional than his previous propulsion/transportation systems since it doesn't allow for teleportation, passing through solid objects, interstellar travel, or astral projection between distant paraterrestrial worlds. No, this time his objective is simply to move a train:

This invention is a propulsion system for a train that uses permanent magnets mounted on a rotating iron cylindrical plate carrying a radial current in order to create a spacetime curvature distortion which pulls the locomotive along the track.

The plate with five magnets mounted on the front (left) spins, distorting
spacetime and thus pulling the train forward along a conventional track.

While distorting spacetime is all very well and good -- and certainly safer than monorails! -- I still feel pneumatic propulsion is a safer alternative since it creates pressure buffers between individual cars, keeping them from colliding. St. Clair hasn't addressed the problem of other trains on the track in front of his hypertrain being sucked backwards into the swirling vortex of spacetime created by the rotating magnets. Perhaps some sort of accordion-like bumper device mounted ahead of the propulsion system would help avoid deadly accidents.

In 2004 I reported on "aluminum thieves" targeting Cascadia. Well, the problem has gotten worse according to the Associated Press.

This time officials are blaming unexpected demand in Asia for increases in aluminum prices spurring theft. While it is true that the spread of AFDB awareness in China -- with over a billion potential paranoids -- will eventually increase aluminum demand, we haven't yet reached the paranoia penetration necessary to explain the wide-spread aluminum theft panic that is being fomented via the AP.

More likely, these reports of metal thieves are manufactured to dissuade paranoids from wearing their beanies in public, where they would be easy pickings for mind-controllers, or to provide plausible deniability for an increased campaign of AFDB snatchery by agents of mind control. Mind-control skeptics could be encouraged to dismiss what should otherwise be the obvious, orthonoia-shattering conclusion of a rash of missing beanies by peppering the media with reports of aluminum guard-rail and bleacher thefts.

In any case, make sure your AFBD is properly camouflaged to avoid detection by thieves after either metal or your mind. If you are detected, extra securing tape looped under facial traction points such as the chin or nose will help keep the beanie affixed to your cranium.

Popular Science magazine has a short, uncritical article once again pushing the flawed anti-AFDB study conducted by agents of MIT Media Lab -- the DARPA-funded organization founded by Nicholas Negroponte, brother of John Negroponte, Director of US National Intelligence and best buddy of Y.R. Tap.

In their credulous rush to attack unpopular science, PopSci doesn't bother to question the faulty methods of the study, even though they explicitly point out one of the most questionable:

The antenna, a stumpy plastic-coated stub, was fitted between the helmet and the subject's cranium to determine how much of a signal was absorbed or deflected before reaching the brain.

The MIT study conveniently never showed this arrangement, instead only showing the "stumpy" omnidirectional antenna sitting next to a beanie on a worktable (see highlighted photo in my rebuttle). Let's diagram how Rahimi et al.'s testing setup must have looked based on their description:

(A) AFDB fitted to cranium, per best practices.
(B) Antenna "fitted" between AFDB and cranium, per MIT study.

It is not unwarranted to suspect that the shielding properties of an AFDB will be affected by having it suspended at least three inches off of the cranium. It is troubling that both the study and the reporting on it in PopSci and other mainstream media gloss over this obvious and quite serious flaw.

Of course, given the nefarious provenance of the study, procedural flaws may be the least of its problems. Their data haven't been replicated yet -- as I noted before, the authors go out of their way to dissuade anyone from replicating the study by repeatedly stating how very expensive their equipment is -- so for all we know their findings could be completely fabricated. I wouldn't put it past the Negroponte brothers to pressure their agents to lie if they thought beanie abandonment would grip the paranoid community, thus making brain taps easier.

To the editors of Popular Science: Go back to peddling the fusion-powered flying cars you've been promising the public for the last 133 years and leave psychotronic shielding and mind-control science to those of us with books on the subject.

According to ZPi wire taps (a.k.a. the referral log), someone is selling an "AFDB kit" on eBay. Although the seller links to my site for added veracity, I have nothing to do with this item. The seller is vague about what's in the kit, but presumably aluminum foil is included since they suggest buying multiple kits for people with swollen heads.

Do not, I repeat, do not buy aluminum foil off of eBay that's claimed to be for use in anti-psychotronic shielding. It would be too easy for mind control agents to embed psychotronic circuitry in the foil which would compromise its effectiveness.

The only safe foil is the stuff being sold for kitchen use, since any embedded circuitry would cause noticeable and characteristic burn patterns on food cooked with it. As long as the forces of mind control don't know to what use the foil will be put, they won't risk adding the circuitry lest it conclusively expose their conspiracy to the wider orthonoid population, making the effort counter-productive.

Even if they were able to undetectably embed circuitry in the foil sold at supermarkets, any desired effect would be difficult to achieve due to the multiple layers used in proper AFDB construction, as well as the unpredictable foil-offset from the beginning of the roll, which would cause the circuits to be misaligned and produce erratic results that may work against the psycho-antagonist's agenda -- yet would still be bad for the wearer.

Precut foil sheets sold in "AFDB kits", however, can be produced such that all circuits align properly for predictable effect, especially if the included construction diagrams are followed. Given that the buyer will be a known paranoid or recovering orthonoid, this would make a tempting method for mind control agents seeking the mental capture of anti-psychotronic agitators.

Remember: Always make your own AFDB using materials that you gathered yourself. Trust no one -- especially not anyone trying to sell you pinto beans as "cow seeds"!

UPDATE: eBay yanked the AFDB kit, so don't bother clicking the link.

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