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Lyle Zapato

Sasquatch Exhibit Trip

Lyle Zapato | 2007-10-07.3300 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia | Field Trips | Weyerhaeuser Conspiracy
Lyle Zapato

Jiu-Jitsu Move #2

Lyle Zapato | 2007-10-07.2340 LMT | Defensive Techniques | Random Found Thing | Retro

ARRESTING A POLICEMAN.

Some time it may become necessary to arrest a policeman; and in that event, all you have to do is to carry out the following instructions with celerity and precision.

A Weak Spot in 'Copper'

Get on his left side, a little at the rear, (1) with your right hand catch hold of the lower end of his club which hangs in his belt at the left side, and turn it outward to the left and upward, so that it will bear across his left arm just above the elbow; while you are doing this with the right hand, catch hold of his left wrist with your left hand, holding his arm back against his club, to keep it straight, and with your right hand push the top end or handle of the club against his left side, just above, and slightly in front of the pelvis bone on No. 11, ill. A., as per illustration. This hurts terribly in two places; the middle of his arm and at the end of the club in his flank. Be careful of the latter point. It is one of the knock-outs of JIU-JITSU and apt to cause collapse.

The writer asked permission to try this experiment, just for practice, on a New York policeman, and after grasping his left wrist and turning up the club in the above manner, as if it were one motion, the officer was asked what there was for him to do in a case like that. He replied, between gasps of pain, that there was nothing he could do without breaking his arm or killing himself.

From Jiu-jitsu: A Comprehensive and Copiously Illustrated Treatise (1904), p. 63-64, by Harry Hall Skinner.

Lyle Zapato

Jiu-Jitsu Move #1

Lyle Zapato | 2007-10-06.2900 LMT | Defensive Techniques | Random Found Thing | Retro

OYA UBI SHIME or Thumb Grip.

No. 4--Oh My!

Suppose you catch B's right thumb round the waist, just below the first joint, holding it tightly well down in the crotch between your right thumb and first finger, pull and press the ends of your fingers down into the base of his thumb at the back of the hand, he will probably drop to his knees, to save his thumb. See illustration.

Remember that in a rough-and-tumble fight or scuffle, when you can get one of these grips on your man, he is helpless. Always "look pleasant" and keep cool. This is often half the battle.

From Jiu-jitsu: A Comprehensive and Copiously Illustrated Treatise (1904), p. 13, by Harry Hall Skinner.

Lyle Zapato

International Cephalopod Awareness Day

Lyle Zapato | 2007-10-05.8875 LMT | Cephalopods | Announcement
Lyle Zapato

A Lesson In Street Defense

Lyle Zapato | 2007-10-05.1613 LMT | Defensive Techniques | Random Found Thing | Retro

No. 1.—AN OPPONENT THREATENS TO START A FIGHT WITH ME

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

"Belgium Does Not Exist" Say "Belgians"

Lyle Zapato | 2007-09-17.8010 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO | Politics

The TRUTH about Belgium is making headlines -- or is it?

On the eve of 100 days of not having a proper government since the country's general election, Belgium appears to be on the brink of division as so-called "Flemings" demand autonomy from so-called "Walloons" -- a recently released poll claims 43% support for succession in Flanders; debates rage in the mainstream press about the current "Belgian Crisis"; even regular "Belgians" are beginning to voice doubt (mediated through the Media, of course) about the existence of "Belgium":

Willy the florist has had enough of his kingdom. He is an unwilling subject of an unloved country. A middle-class father of 12-year-old twins running a thriving flower business in this small Dutch-speaking town on the eastern fringe of Brussels, Willy is reduced to obscene gesturing by the very mention of his country.

"Belgium?" he splutters. "That's something that doesn't exist. The national anthem? Nobody knows it. Nobody can sing it. The king? A parvenu. A dysfunctional family. We're not going to take it any more."

And it's not just angry florists speaking out; even the prime minister designate has said that Belgians have nothing in common except "the king, the football team, some beers" (of course he still keeps up the pretense that Belgium was an "accident of history" and not a carefully plotted conspiracy by a faction of the NWO who wanted to bring all of Europe under their Bureaucratic regime.) The "Crisis" is even forcing the King to get up before noon and go to work!

But does all this really mean that the Belgian Conspiracy is losing control of its fabricated nation, that the citizen nodes are waking up from their Atomium cyberdreams to the reality of their false identities, that the TRUTH about Belgium is finally being revealed? Sadly, I think not.

As I reported last year, the Conspiracy has been testing the waters with separatism in preparation for a new server and vault location in China, to which roughly half of the population of kidnapped "Belgians" will be transferred. The need for this move has become increasingly dire as more and more "citizens" succumb to the black mold that has made parts of the pod vault under Euro-Disneyland uninhabitable.

The current public brouhaha that we are seeing is all a performance intentionally contrived by the Conspiracy for two purposes: 1) it sets the stage for the eventual split of the Brussels Beast's organic processing clusters to two separate locations by providing a explanation within the context of their false narrative for any resulting changes in server connectivity performance, and 2) it allows the Conspiracy to undermine those of us working to expose the TRUTH about Belgium by tying in the public mind the phrase "Belgium does not exist" to esoteric political differences as opposed to the literal, geographic TRUTH that it should represent.

Meanwhile, someone within the Belgian Simulation put the "country" up for sale on EBay for a mere 10 million Euros (the King and his court included for free). However, EBay quickly put a stop to the sale. Interestingly, Ebay spokesman Peter Burin unintentionally let the TRUTH slip when he said that EBay "could not host the sale of anything virtual or 'unrealistic'", both of which certainly describe Belgium.

Lyle Zapato

The Owl Is Listening

Lyle Zapato | 2007-08-31.2850 LMT | Bohemian Grove Cabal | Technology

Documents recently released under FOIA have brought to light a massive surveillance network spying on communications in North America:

The FBI has quietly built a sophisticated, point-and-click surveillance system that performs instant wiretaps on almost any communications device. ... The surveillance system, called DCSNet, for Digital Collection System Network, connects FBI wiretapping rooms to switches controlled by traditional land-line operators, internet-telephony providers and cellular companies. It is far more intricately woven into the nation's telecom infrastructure than observers suspected.

DCSNet is run by an FBI division called Telecommunications Intercept and Collection Technology Unit (TICTU), a black-ops group that, before the release of these documents, was little known outside of the Intelligence Community. (The only Internet reference to them by the US government is a PDF document from Senator Tom Coburn that shows they held a regional training conference in San Diego in 2006.)

Since this story broke, protoparanoids and increasingly disillusioned orthonoids all over the 'Net have been fretting over the panopticonic truth that paranoids have long known. However, they are missing the truly chilling aspect of this new information. Here is the TICTU logo, taken from the crudely scanned documents:

TICTU owl logo

Besides baring a passing resemblance to the UN logo, TICTU's owl motif is important since the owl is the totemic symbol of the Bohemian Grove Cabal, the North American wing of the NWO that operates out of a cultic compound deep in the woods of Sonoma County in occupied Southern Cascadia.

For comparison, here is the Cabalists' logo as it appears on the paper napkins they hand out at their revels:

Cabalist logo

And here is a photo, taken secretly at great risk, of the Cabal's "Cremation of Care" ritual, where hooded figures -- including former and sitting US presidents, leaders of industry, and other high-ranking officials -- burn a human effigy (one hopes!) under the watchful gaze of a giant concrete owl idol (voiced by Walter Cronkite!):

'Cremation of Care' ritual

And of course, the Cabal's kids' mascot, Woodsy Owl (notice the cryptic "NWO" on his belt buckle):

Woodsy Owl

The implications are clear: TICTU is a Cabalist unit within the FBI set up to listen in on all our private communications, the most salacious of which are then no doubt played through the speakers of the Bohemian Grove's concrete owl idol for the perverse amusement of NWO acolytes as they party and scheme in Bacchanalian excess.

(Note: The "enhanced" blue and white version of the TICTU owl with "DCS 3000" under it that Wired created and others are repeating is a poor likeness lacking in detail. The FOIA documents contain screenshots of a TICTU website that has a version presumably better than the scan above, but the site's not accessible to outsiders. If someone can find an original version at higher quality, please let me know.)

Lyle Zapato

Ben Franklin's New Sexcentequinquagemille-Focals

Lyle Zapato | 2007-08-26.4550 LMT | General Paranoia | NWO | Technology

Late in 2008, the US Bureau of Engraving and Printing will issue a revamped $100 bill with a disturbing new feature -- each bill will have embedded in it 650,000 optical lenses.

Ostensibly these lenses are a difficult-to-reproduce security feature designed to befuddle counterfeiters while creating a curious optical illusion:

The lenses magnify the micro-printing in a truly remarkable way.

Move the bill side to side and the image appears to move up and down. Move the bill up and down and the image appears to move from side to side.

To many this may seem an innocent, and even entertaining, new feature -- not unlike the lenticular "Winkin' Lincoln" that I have on good authority will be included on the new $5 bills that will be revealed Sept. 20 -- but paranoids will recognize it for what it really is: a compound eye!

Interleaved among the visible sub-lens-array microprint will undoubtedly be imaging circuitry printed using photosensitive dyes and ferrous inks. The lenses will focus light onto these microimagers and the collected data will be burst-transmitted to the NWO every time a bill passes by one of the RFID sensors now ubiquitous throughout our society. Even though the individual lenses won't be able to resolve detail, advanced interferometric techniques can be applied to the 650,000 data points to generate images sharp enough to spy on the activities of the bill's carrier. Paranoids beware... the bills have eyes!

One might think that this spy bill technology would first be used on $1 bills, since they're more common and already feature the all-seeing eye of the NWO on the back. But $100 bills are the more perversely logical choice for the NWO since they have Benjamin Franklin on them.

Franklin, as paranoid historians and those who read my book are aware, was an instrumental, if unwitting, tool in the creation of the New World Order. Thanks to his involvement in numerous secret societies, including the Freemasons and the Meleagris League (which was a total party secret society, but still...), and his research into mind-control technology, such as his glass armonica (a psychoacoustic device favored by rogue hypnotist Franz Mesmer), Franklin fell in with a bad crowd of cryptocrats and was used to smuggle deeply engineered memetic structures into the documents that would shape the global society of today -- structures whose subtle and unobvious unfoldings have made the machinations of the NWO possible.

And now they're using him to smuggle cameras into our pants pockets. Will poor Ben's indignities never cease?

Lyle Zapato

"Space Sonja and Monorails"

Lyle Zapato | 2007-08-15.6177 LMT | Monorail Danger | Politics | Technology | Letters
Goodspaceguy Nelson

Seattleite Goodspaceguy Nelson is a politician with a very forward-looking agenda: he wants humanity to colonize orbital space. Besides being his passion, orbital colonization was the major platform plank in his unsuccessful 2006 bid for US Senate.

Now that Goodspaceguy is running for King County Council, he has apparently had to put aside that big dream for the time being (there's only so much a Councilman can do in the arena of space colonization, after all,) and is instead focusing on removing restrictions on building height so the people of King County can live in "beautiful, high density communities filled with sky homes" -- slyly encouraging citizens to take baby steps into orbital space.

Intrigued by his bold vision of an orbital future, I wondered what he thought of that other ostensibly futuristic vision that has gripped the region since 1910: the monorail. While monorail fever has become somewhat dormant as of late, there's always the threat that it may flare up again (figuratively and literally) and as a Councilman he may have to address the monorail issue.

I emailed him and the other two contenders for the District No. 8 race to see what are their official positions on monorails. John Potter (R) and Dow Constantine (whom Nelson is running against in the Democratic primary) never bothered to respond, not even with a form letter.

However, Goodspaceguy not only responded, he responded with a fragment-of-fiction, titled "Life in the Colony: Space Sonja and Monorails". Set in the Boeing Blue District of the orbiting space colony at the dawn of orbital colonization, it comprises a Socratic dialog between himself, as a newly elected colony councilor, and Sonja, a "state approved, professional tease" who does performances imitating the spirit of Cher:

To prove that she had been reading, Sonja asked, "When our Boeing orbiting space colony becomes really, really large, do you think that our descendants ... of both we, the current space colonists, and of the new colonists still to be sent up by Boeing and Microsoft and the other space companies of King County ... I mean, do you think they will build space monorails or will they continue to float and glide themselves and their equipment through the zero gravity of space, as we do now?"

Goodspaceguy's position is that monorails are not cost-effective: "To be profitable, monorails require a huge number of people who use them regularly and around the clock ... The government transit systems turn out to be real money losers. The tax payers end up paying for the loss." Instead, as I mentioned above, he proposes high density communities and "24 hour, never-stop, go-go cities" that would get rid of rush hours. As to monorails in the orbital colonies (which I asked him about) he downplays them (and presumably other forms of transit) and suggests that colonists should get exercise by walking in "gravity corridors" to compensate for all their time floating weightlessly.

At the end he includes a poem which sums up his position on monorails nicely:

Monorails, Like Sonja, Can Be Fun!

by Goodspaceguy

Bodaciously beautiful call girls
Are expensively fun like monorails,
But Sonja finds that many would-be riders
Are without sufficient money pails!

The would-be-riders ask, "Oh, who will
Pay for our fun and frenzied riding times?"
Look to the sleeping tax payers. Their pockets
Are filled with dollars and dimes."

Some taxpayers shout, "Please, please stop.
Our dollars and dimes will not be enough!
Let us avoid frenzied transit monorails,
Paying for transit trips will be too tough."

Let us build more homes up in our sky,
And continue to walk under our Sun.
We want sky homes near our work, but we agree
That monorails, like Sonja, would be fun!

Bodaciously beautiful call girls
Are expensively fun like monorails,
But Sonja finds that many would-be riders
Are without sufficient money pails!

(While he may get flack from some for the subject matter, the correspondence of monorails to prostitutes is not undocumented.)

Given his sensible position on monorails (and the rude non-response of his opponents,) we here at ZPi are proud to endorse Goodspaceguy Nelson for King County Council to the people of District 8. I look forward to the day when the mile-high and monorail-free condos of Cascadia are serenaded from orbit with Cher's "Believe."

UPDATE (2006-08-26): Sad to report that Goodspaceguy Nelson lost the Democratic primary to water-taxi proponent Dow Constantine, 8.89% to 90.84%. Just more proof of the inordinate sway that the powerful Water Taxi Lobby holds over the primaries. Remember King Countyites, you can still write-in Goodspaceguy in the general election.

Lyle Zapato

ERROR: Disk Failure!

Lyle Zapato | 2007-08-13.0000 LMT | Site

Our server suffered a disk failure, which knocked us offline since Wednesday. Some things may be missing or not working properly while I reupload the site from back-up and test everything.

UPDATE: I've finished uploading everything. If you see anything amiss, please email me.