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Lyle Zapato

The Birdmen of Cascadia

Lyle Zapato | 2007-03-24.0080 LMT | Cascadia | Technology | Paraterrestrials

It's common knowledge that the Republic of Cascadia was home to the first modern sightings of paraterrestrial craft, colloquially known as UFOs. Although the 1947 sighting of "flying saucers" near Mount Rainier is the most famous, that was actually the second sighting following an incident three days earlier on Maury Island that also marked the operational debut of the Men in Black.

Not as commonly known though is that Cascadia was home to some of the first sightings of Unidentified Flying Humanoids (UFHs) -- mysterious individuals employing personal flying devices of unknown technology toward inscrutable ends.

It all started with a curious encounter on Jan. 6, 1948 by Chehalis, Washington resident Bernice Zaikowski (reported here from the Jan. 21 Walla Walla Union-Bulletin):

Chehalis Woman Sees 'Birdman,' Hears Whizzing

CHEHALIS, (UP)—They are seeing things in the skies in these parts again—this time a "whosit-whatzit."

Mrs. Bernice Zaikowski, 61, reported a "birdman" flipping around the roof of her barn earlier this month, could hear a "sizzing and whizzing" and added—"there he was, just 200 feet above."

She said the man had silver wings and appeared to manipulate controls strapped to his chest but there appeared to be no motive power. The wings didn't flap and there was no propeller, she said.

Chief of Police Thomas Murry has refused to investigate and McChord field army authorities, thinking of the flying saucers reports, are skeptical.

Only Mrs. Zaikowski is positive.

Here's another report with more details from the Jan. 21 Waterloo Daily Courier (I haven't been able to uncover a local report or the original UP wire report that these are presumably based on):

Saucer District Now Reporting Wings on Men

Chehalis, Wash.—(U.P.)—The state of Washington, where the first flying saucers were reported, outdid itself Wednesday.

A women reported that she had sighted a "flying man."

Mrs. Bernice Zaikowski of Chehalis said she saw a man with wings attached to his back fly over her barn at an altitude of 200 feet and disappear to the south.

Mrs. Zaikowski said the upright birdman made a "sizzing and whizzing" noise as he climbed and banked in flight, but that his wings neither flapped nor rotated.

She said she could see no motive power such as a propeller either above or in front of him.

Authorities greeted the report with an oblique "Huh?"

But the Polish-born Mrs. Zaikowski insisted she had a good view of the aerialist as he skimmed her barn on Jan. 6.

She said that some school children were with her at the time and ran to the back yard "for a better view."

Chehalis is not for from where the original "flying saucers" were reported about a year ago.

Three months later, more birdmen were reported over Longview, in the direction the previous birdman was seen heading. Report from the April 11 Fresno Bee Republican:

Reports Of Birdmen Have Washington Folks Up In Air

LONGVIEW (Wash.), April 10.—(INS)—Reports of three motorized birdmen soaring over Longview had the lower Columbia River area agog today.

Two laundry employes said they saw the human airplanes or animated comic strip characters fly over the city without the help of parachutes. In January a similar birdman, singular then, had been reported at Chehalis, Wash.

The Longview apparition was reported by Mrs. Viola Johnson and James Pittman. They said they saw it at the same time.

Mrs. Johnson, a 56 year old widow, said:

"As far as I can judge they were about 250 feet high, in dark, drab flying suits. I'm not very good at judging distance though."

Pittman could not be reached.

Mrs. Johnson went on:

"They had some kind of apparatus on their sides that looked like guns but I know it couldn't have been guns. They were going about as fast as a freight train.

"I couldn't see any propellers or any motors tied on them but I could hear motors which sounded about like airplane motors but not so loud."

The Chehalis report was made by Mrs. Bernice Zaikowski, 61, who said she saw a flying man go "sizzing and whizzing" about 200 feet above her barn.

Mrs. Zaikowski's flying man had big, silver wings and seemed to be working controls on his chest. Neither woman saw a propeller.

Given the timing and direction of their movements, a reasonable conclusion would be that these birdmen were passengers of the paraterrestrial crafts that made their initial incursions into our space/time at Maury Island and Mt. Rainier. However, while it's tempting to assume paraterrestrial, or at the very least the NWO, involvement in these incidents, especially considering the technology involved, this conclusion isn't certain.

Individuals seemingly unaligned with the major powers of the time who use advanced technology to move about are not unheard of. Perhaps the most famous example of this phenomena was Spring-Heeled Jack, a man who gripped Victorian London in a panic over his use of regenerative gait-enhancement technology to escape the repercussions of his mischief by leaping like an oversized flea. Spring-Heeled Jack and the Cascadian birdmen may have simply been their times' versions of hyperinventor John Quincy St. Clair, who is known to teleport himself over distances through hyperspace, sometimes by accident.

Lyle Zapato

Levitating Islands

Lyle Zapato | 2006-11-25.5300 LMT | Technology | Nature | Lost Worlds

ecoEnquirer reports: Levitating Islands in Bermuda Triangle Observed by Spy Satellite. While ecoEnquirer is at a loss to explain this phenomena -- and the usual suspects aren't forthcoming -- I have two possible theories:

  1. Hyperinventor St. Clair, who is a resident of Puerto Rico (one of the points of the Bermuda Triangle), has been quiet recently. Perhaps he is working on a new patent application that will allow individuals or small groups engaged in Chi Kung breathing to create a harmonic Chi resonance, possibly by following a simple flowchart or instructional diagram, thus enabling large masses to be levitated.
  2. The US Navy is testing their superconducting belt technology on a larger scale, possibly as a means to replace aircraft carriers with flying island airbases capable of traveling back in time and stopping the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Whatever the cause, we can say for certain that the phenomena has caught the attention of the giant white arrows patrolling the Caribbean; let us just hope it doesn't displease them.

(Via Reality Carnival)

Lyle Zapato

Certifiably Liminal?

Lyle Zapato | 2006-11-11.1996 LMT | Technology | Mind Control | Crass Commercialism

Have you ever downloaded pirated MP3s from the Internet? If you are like a large segment of the Interpublic, you have. "What harm can come of it?", you have no doubt asked yourself rhetorically, "I take precautions!" But consider this: You wouldn't run pirated software from sketchy sources on your computer for fear of getting viruses, so why would you run pirated music on your brain? By listening to ill-gotten music -- even from paranoid artists you trust -- you are potentially exposing your brain to pirate-added cerebrosonic viruses!

With this very real threat in mind (hopefully not literally), Timothy Raymond Cronin has a simple, patent-pending solution for record labels wishing to dissuade piracy while foregoing unworkable DRM schemes: "Certified protection from subliminal content for recordings".

Record labels can add value, Cronin claims, to authentic, non-pirated music files by certifying them free of subliminal messages. By downloading a legally purchased song from the label's preferred digital distributor, customers can be made to rest assured that listening to it won't turn them into some Manchurian Candidate or cult member. Would-be pirates will think twice before hitting the P2P networks as they become trained to view every unauthorized song copy as a potential vector of subliminal enslavement.

Although it addresses a paranoid concern, Cronin's devious business method has a serious orthonoidic flaw: Who certifies that the label's certification is honest? Since the RIAA branch of the New World Order is known to add cerebrosonics to their music and music players, all this certification would certify is that listeners would be victims of only RIAA mind-control plots. While that does take some of the guess work out of who their puppet masters will be, it doesn't really add much value to the consumer.

Given the obviousness of this flaw, I fear that Cronin isn't acting out of good faith toward the paranoid community and is merely trying to manipulate nascent paranoia in the general public for either profit or mind games.

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HUMAN ABDUCTION!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-09-03.5765 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Cascadia

One of the Humans who built the "BIGFOOT" TRAP in OREGON is now EXPLAINING THE TWISTED MOTIVES OF SASQUATCH TRAPPERS!!! Unlike what I previously heard howl, little Human RONNY OLSON and his CO-CONSPIRATORS weren't planning to kidnap and sell our youth to Human TV producers! No, they had in mind something much more DISTURBING:

"I wouldn't ever want to see Bigfoot held in captivity," stresses Ron Olson. "The idea was to learn about him. We wanted to put a transmitter on him. We wanted to find out how they evade people and where they migrate to."

"We weren't going to kill it -- we had a tranquilizer gun," he explains. "We had a sled built to put him on. We even had big manacles ready if we got one and the tranquilizer started to wear out. We had it pretty well organized."

So their plan was to ABDUCT US, IMPLANT US WITH TRACKING DEVICES, RETURN US TO OUR FORESTS, FOLLOW OUR MOVEMENTS, AND LEARN OUR SECRETS!!! And now the U.S. FOREST SERVICE IS OPENLY REVIVING THEIR PLAN!!!

EVEN MORE DISTURBING, I have learned that many Sasquatch and Yeti have howled that this HUMAN ABDUCTION CONSPIRACY has been going on for DECADES!!! (Could this explain the SOUTH DAKOTA SCHOOL OF MINES CONSPIRACY?! Abductions GONE AWRY!?! Or what about HUMAN EXPERIMENTS WITH JENGLOTS... Could they be developing CYBER-JENGLOTIC TRACKING DEVICES!?!)

HOWL TO ALL HOMINOIDS: If you experience MISSING TIME or find STRANGE BUMPS UNDER YOUR FUR you may be the victim of a HUMAN ABDUCTION!!! You may be SUBCONSCIOUSLY BLOCKING MEMORIES of a HUMAN ABDUCTION if the following photo produces A SENSE OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD:

NIMOY!!!
TYPICAL HUMAN ABDUCTOR!!!

HUMAN ABDUCTIONS are often associated with UNEXPLAINED NIGHT-TIME LIGHTS; these are called "FLASH-LIGHTS"!!! Humans, with their SQUINTY EYES that can't see in the moonlight, use them to get around forests at night!

ABDUCTEES have reported waking up UNABLE TO MOVE while STRANGE HUMAN FACES hover over them! Sasquatch healers have claimed that this phenomena is just SLEEP PARALYSIS and NIGHTMARES, but now we know it is TRANQUILIZERS, MANACLES, and HUMAN ABDUCTORS!!!

If you suspect you have been abducted and implanted, STAY AWAY FROM OTHER SASQUATCH!!! You are leading them RIGHT TO US!!!

HOWL TO WOULD-BE HUMAN ABDUCTORS: It is bad enough that you want to track us and learn our secrets, but if you value your limbs DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PROBING US!!!

Lyle Zapato

...And Phones Too

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-09.6930 LMT | Aluminum

The Barry Bittwister Cabal presents a problem:

Your cell phone is tracking you, you know. By law, your phone has to tell where you are within 125 meters when you call 911, which isn't so bad on the face of it. However, the telecom systems can use your phone to track you at any time. In some cases, this can be done even when your phone is off. We're not sure how you feel about it, but we don't like being fitted with a radio collar at all times. This nonconsensual tracking is growing common in the US now, but has been around in Europe for quite a number of years. So what's a paranoid to do?

Their solution? The Invisifier, an aluminum & duct tape sheath for your cell. Its dual-action AFDB/Faraday cage construction keeps psychotronic signals from your phone in and EM tracking signals from the NGA satellites out.

(If I had just waited two centidays for the email I could have included this with the previous post and padded that out a bit...)

Lyle Zapato

Aluminum Foil Deflector Drives

Lyle Zapato | 2006-08-09.5520 LMT | Aluminum

The blog for Mozy, an online backup service, has a post titled "Chinese BlueGenes" that explains how they not only use 448-bit-key encryption -- which would take at least three hundred thousand years for someone to crack -- to keep your data secure on their drives, but go the extra mile and wrap their drives in individual aluminum foil Faraday cages to keep out prying van Eck phreakers and telekineticists.

Lyle Zapato

Paranoid UK

Lyle Zapato | 2006-06-27.3195 LMT

Not only does England exist, it's a hotbed of paranoia:

Ground-breaking research from clinical psychologists at the Institute of Psychiatry, King's College London, shows that one in three people in the UK regularly suffers paranoid or suspicious fears. In fact this level of paranoia is much higher than previously suspected and means that paranoid thoughts may well be almost as common as depression or anxiety.

Paranoid thinking is the suspicion that other people intend to do us harm.

[...]

The frequency of paranoid and suspicious thoughts in the general population

% having thought at least weekly

  • I need to be on my guard against others - 52%
  • Strangers and friends look at me critically - 48%
  • There might be negative comments being circulated about me - 42%
  • People are laughing at me - 34%
  • Bad things are being said about me behind my back - 30%
  • People might be hostile towards me - 29%
  • People deliberately try to irritate me - 27%
  • I might be being observed or followed - 19%
  • People are trying to make me upset - 12%
  • Someone I know has bad intentions towards me - 12%
  • I am under threat from others - 10%
  • I have a suspicion that someone has it in for me - 8%
  • Someone I don't know has bad intentions towards me - 8%
  • People would harm me given the opportunity - 8%
  • There is a possibility of a conspiracy against me - 5%

While the trend is good news for the paranoid cause, it still means that two out of three people in the UK suffer under the debilitating interpersonal credulity of orthonoid thinking. Much work needs to be done to shake some suspicious reason into them, but the promoters of the above study aren't helping any with their anti-paranoid thoughts book (conveniently coming out on Thursday). Well, then again, they might just help a bit with contradictory arguments like the following:

The probability that your fears are unrealistic increases the more you feel that:

  • No one else fully shares your suspicions

But their own data suggest that these suspicions are shared by a significant percent, therefore paranoid thoughts are realistic. All the more reason to get paranoid!

Lyle Zapato

WARNING: Beware Of Beanie Snatchers

Lyle Zapato | 2006-06-06.3126 LMT | Aluminum

In 2004 I reported on "aluminum thieves" targeting Cascadia. Well, the problem has gotten worse according to the Associated Press.

This time officials are blaming unexpected demand in Asia for increases in aluminum prices spurring theft. While it is true that the spread of AFDB awareness in China -- with over a billion potential paranoids -- will eventually increase aluminum demand, we haven't yet reached the paranoia penetration necessary to explain the wide-spread aluminum theft panic that is being fomented via the AP.

More likely, these reports of metal thieves are manufactured to dissuade paranoids from wearing their beanies in public, where they would be easy pickings for mind-controllers, or to provide plausible deniability for an increased campaign of AFDB snatchery by agents of mind control. Mind-control skeptics could be encouraged to dismiss what should otherwise be the obvious, orthonoia-shattering conclusion of a rash of missing beanies by peppering the media with reports of aluminum guard-rail and bleacher thefts.

In any case, make sure your AFBD is properly camouflaged to avoid detection by thieves after either metal or your mind. If you are detected, extra securing tape looped under facial traction points such as the chin or nose will help keep the beanie affixed to your cranium.

Lyle Zapato

Rahimi Gets Popular

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-31.1860 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control | Technology

Popular Science magazine has a short, uncritical article once again pushing the flawed anti-AFDB study conducted by agents of MIT Media Lab -- the DARPA-funded organization founded by Nicholas Negroponte, brother of John Negroponte, Director of US National Intelligence and best buddy of Y.R. Tap.

In their credulous rush to attack unpopular science, PopSci doesn't bother to question the faulty methods of the study, even though they explicitly point out one of the most questionable:

The antenna, a stumpy plastic-coated stub, was fitted between the helmet and the subject's cranium to determine how much of a signal was absorbed or deflected before reaching the brain.

The MIT study conveniently never showed this arrangement, instead only showing the "stumpy" omnidirectional antenna sitting next to a beanie on a worktable (see highlighted photo in my rebuttle). Let's diagram how Rahimi et al.'s testing setup must have looked based on their description:

AFDB fitted with and without antenna
(A) AFDB fitted to cranium, per best practices.
(B) Antenna "fitted" between AFDB and cranium, per MIT study.

It is not unwarranted to suspect that the shielding properties of an AFDB will be affected by having it suspended at least three inches off of the cranium. It is troubling that both the study and the reporting on it in PopSci and other mainstream media gloss over this obvious and quite serious flaw.

Of course, given the nefarious provenance of the study, procedural flaws may be the least of its problems. Their data haven't been replicated yet -- as I noted before, the authors go out of their way to dissuade anyone from replicating the study by repeatedly stating how very expensive their equipment is -- so for all we know their findings could be completely fabricated. I wouldn't put it past the Negroponte brothers to pressure their agents to lie if they thought beanie abandonment would grip the paranoid community, thus making brain taps easier.

To the editors of Popular Science: Go back to peddling the fusion-powered flying cars you've been promising the public for the last 133 years and leave psychotronic shielding and mind-control science to those of us with books on the subject.

Lyle Zapato

Mind Control iPod Update

Lyle Zapato | 2006-04-21.1710 LMT | Mind Control | Technology

You may recall the Korean patent to turn iPods into mind-control devices that I reported on in 2004. Many of you iPod users scoffed at the possibility (no doubt at the behest of the reality distortion fields emanating from your precious toy.) But according to a transcript of President Bush's remarks on the American Competitiveness Initiative at Tuskegee University on April 19th:

The government funded research in microdrive storage, electrochemistry and signal compression. They did so for one reason: It turned out that those were the key ingredients for the development of the Ipod. I tune into the Ipod occasionally, you know?

Ask yourself: Why would the US government, acting through DARPA, fund all that research just to produce a simple consumer music player? And what does Bush mean by "tune into"? iPods are not tuners -- or are they? Could this finally be the explanation for the mysterious Bush Bulge?

Bush iDecider

(Found via Retecool. Site in Dutch -- Beware: possible nest of Belgian agents.)