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Lyle Zapato

Beating Sprayed-Vesicant-Protection-Bags Into Rain-Covers

Lyle Zapato | 2012-01-03.7880 LMT | Retro | Random Found Thing | Defensive Techniques

Back in 2005 I posted a version of this image from a WWII pin-up calendar/poster:

Protection against SPRAY ATTACK
Miss November, 1944

Perhaps you wondered, "What did the Army do with all those Japanese-microplane-spray-attack-protection covers after the war?" Well, it turns out they sold the surplus to civilians as "Amazing All-Over Rain-Covers". Here's a 1948 ad extolling their (apparently 106) uses:


Click to see the full ad at the Digital Comic Museum...

Biggest variety of uses of anything you ever owned! Impress your date by picnicking and canoeing in the rain! Awkwardly shuffle through the rain-drenched masses like cocooned vermin! Never again suffer the embarrassment to your male ego of having your gal use a newspaper to keep her party dress unruined! Any rain-avoidance-based thing is possible with the Amazing All-Over Rain-Cover!

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Ontogeny Recapitulates Polydactyly

Lyle Zapato | 2011-03-17.0610 LMT | Polydactylism

Dactyl Fractal Consciousness awakens in Claire Watson, maker of art gloves. It's only a second-order handlebrot, probably due to her inability to stitch smaller parts. Once Watson's inevitable physical recapitulation manifests, she will have no trouble with ultrafine stitching using her many, many tiny fingers.

But that will be nothing compared to what is to come, as Dactyl Fractal Consciousness ushers in a new evolutionary epoch -- one in which our descendants, Homo teradactylus, will be able alter materials at the atomic level using only their hands. Perhaps they will even be able to poke and fiddle with the fabric of the Universe itself.

Lyle Zapato

Coiffure Octopus

Lyle Zapato | 2011-01-26.7860 LMT | Retro | Cephalopods

Mr. Punch's Designs After Nature. Great sensation for the aquarium -- Coiffure Octopus.

From the April 19, 1873 issue of Punch.

As innocent this may seem, the fashion of wearing one's hair in the form of an octopus -- popular among the London elite of the 1870s -- would later develop into the wide-spread use of taxidermied octopuses as decoration for hats, that would in turn lead to excessive poaching of the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus, helping to bring about that species' endangerment.

Lyle Zapato

AFDBs At Walmart

Lyle Zapato | 2009-12-07.5590 LMT | Mind Control | Aluminum | Crass Commercialism

Walmart shopper wearing AFDB
A member of Freedom from Covert Harassment & Surveillance,
covertly harassed & surveilled by People of Walmart.

If you must go to Walmart, an AFDB is a necessity. Camouflaging it would probably be a good idea too, especially if you want to avoid the All-Seeing Eye of the Internet Hate Machine.

Seriously, can't a paranoid pick up some Faded Glory tees, a case of Dr. Thunder, and some Great Value aluminum foil without being harassed & surveilled?

Lyle Zapato

AFDBs On Fringe

Lyle Zapato | 2009-11-13.2880 LMT | Mind Control | Aluminum | Entertainment

The most recent episode of the TV show Fringe, "Of Human Action", was about a kid taking military-grade psychotronic drugs who gains the ability to control minds with only his bare thoughts. Near the end (35:00), Dr. Walter Bishop and his assistant, Astrid, wear AFDBs -- not to block the kid's mind-control, as one might assume, but to keep the sinister corporation Massive Dynamic from reading their thoughts:

Beanied Walter Bishop Beanied Walter Bishop Beanied Astrid

While it's good to see deflector-beanie awareness being propagated to the orthonoid masses, their AFDBs contain some potentially fatal flaws that could undermine the paranoid cause if widely adopted.

First, they're ill-fitting. You can see this especially with Astrid's, which she wears at a dangerously jaunty angle allowing free access to her right temporal lobe, center for the processing of sound and semantic meaning and the formation of long-term memory. The beanies are also not secured with tape or other fasteners and could easily be dislodged. Finally, though the Robin Hood they are sporting is a classic style, it tends to sit higher on the head, leading to suboptimal foil usage compared to the recommended form-fitting squashed configuration.

On their own, these may seem like simple amateur mistakes, but given the show's incongruous appearance on a network aligned with the Forces of Mind Control, they are certainly intentional -- designed to promote just enough paranoid behavior to provide a false sense of mental security, but not enough to withstand attacks targeting these specific weaknesses.

As you may recall, Fringe has also promoted the Handlebrot set and action on the show centers around intradimensional activities in a multidimensional setting -- topics of interest to my readers. Clearly this show has been memetically engineered for no other purpose than to counter my website with subtle misinformation.

I'm on to you, J.J.

Lyle Zapato

19th Century British Military ALDH Technology

Lyle Zapato | 2009-03-29.6230 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control | NWO | Technology | Retro

As readers of my AFDB book are aware, use of foil-based deflector beanie technology among unaffiliated paranoids dates back only to the 1920s due to the NWO's previously tight control over the availability of aluminum. However, the forces of mind control have been incorporating aluminum psychotronic deflection into their field equipment since the Atlantean era. Here's an example from the 19th century:

Fig. 2.
Cross-section of an Aluminium Leaf Deflector Helmet (ALDH) used
by the British military during their psychotronic wars in India.

This was taken from "On Improvements in Helmets and Other Head-Dress for British Troops in the Tropics, More Especially in India" by Julius Jeffreys, F.R.S., published in 1862 in the Journal of the Royal United Services Institute for Defence Studies. In the article, Jeffreys explains how he incorporated an aluminum lining into helmet designs:

Desirous of trying the repellent virtues of the new metal -- aluminium, and having heard that Mr. Marshall, a manufacturer of leaf metal of much ingenuity and spirit, had produced specimens of aluminium beaten into leaf, I applied to him, and found him much interested in my proposal that it should be introduced as a coating for the surfaces of hats. At no little trouble -- the manufacture being new -- he prepared for me some books of aluminium leaf. The present is, I believe, the first employment of this metal in the form of leaf, and it promises to be of much utility. I find it to possess great reflecting power, though the experiments have not been continued long enough to decide its virtues as compared with gold leaf. It has apparently little liability to become tarnished. The interior of this pattern helmet is lined with leaf aluminium. I find it to form an excellent article also in the form of aluminium paper. Both aluminium and tin, in the form of leaf or bronze, could, I am satisfied from trial, be united to a smooth calico or linen surface, by means of a flexible cement, prepared from gutta-percha, india-rubber, or other hydro-carbons. I find on trial both india-rubber and gutta-percha promise to answer the purpose, and to have the great advantage of giving much flexibility to a metallic cloth.

For his hollow-shelled design (fig. 2), the aluminum lining would go on the inner shell, or crown (E -- not the beanie-like structure, h, which is only for cranial support):

Reverting again to the body of the hat, if it have two crowns ... the inner crown ought, under all circumstances, to have both its surfaces coated with metal; not only the inner one, facing the head, but the outer surface also, which faces the interior of the outer shell...

As you'll note, this bi-directional shielding agrees with my own stated best practices for AFDB construction, where the foil's shiny side is facing both outward and inward. The outer shell of Jeffreys' design provides protection for the aluminum leaf and utilitarian camouflage (according to Jefferys, utility is "the true standard of taste in every manly business").

The holes in the "coronet ventilator" (B, b) and the inner shell opening (e) are so troops can receive orders from their commanders via encoded psychotronic signals that interact with a specially cut ruby diffracting-crystal (not pictured for security reasons) centrally mounted under the coronet. Ruby, a crystal primarily composed of aluminum, is an important component in psychotronic generators and other mind-control equipment. The British Empire's interest in India was primarily to control her ruby mines, thus gaining an upper hand in the Global Psychotronic War.

Since this was published where orthonoids could read it, not only was any mention of classified diffracting-crystal technology omitted, but the aluminum shielding itself was couched in terms of its thermal protection so as not to expose the British Empire's wide-spread use of mind control in the subjugation of local populations. But the following illustration of Jefferys' other much-less-camouflaged design clearly shows the true psychotronic-deflective nature of helmet aluminization:

Fig. 4 and 5.
ALDH configuration designed to limit psychotronic friendly fire.

Here we have what Jeffreys describes as "a hat, or shako, which, for the wearer's sake, rejoices in a metallic exterior." This aluminum-clad design features only vertical and horizontal surfaces so that "it may not throw any rays into the eyes of persons standing either near or far off." While he again couches it in terms of solar rays, in reality the purpose was to protect troops from accidentally shooting their comrades in the head with their psychotoons and having the rays bounce back into their own faces, causing themselves befuddlement or possible mind-erasure. Such brazenly uncamouflaged helmets would have been worn by British Imperial mindshock troops during frantic exchanges with Mahratta freebooters, whose own alum-soaked turbans, while relatively primitive, would still have required more aggressive psychotronic fire to overcome.

Lyle Zapato

Zaidi's Sabotoss

Lyle Zapato | 2008-12-17.3248 LMT | Politics | Anarchy | Art

J'Acshoes!

We here at ZPi approve of all shoe-based protest. Clog the machine!

Lyle Zapato

Michael Menkin Offers Aid To The Welsh

Lyle Zapato | 2008-07-20.5120 LMT | Paraterrestrials | Mind Control | Sasquatch Issues

My colleague frienemy in the fight against alien mind control, Michael Menkin -- the inventor of the thought screen helmet, a Velostat-based technology that blocks the non-psychotronic telepathic communication used by paraterrestrials from the Reticulum constellation -- has offered his help to beleaguered Wales, where UFO sightings have become commonplace. Menkin's thought screen helmets (instructions for which he offers for free on his site,) will prevent the Welsh from being abducted by the UFOs, a risk that is increasing daily:

Mr Menkin said given the level of UFO activity over Wales, people should make a thought screen. He said: "The people in Wales will benefit by making their own helmets.

"Everybody would be a lot safer if they had one in the house. There seems to have been more reports (of UFOs) lately in Wales and Scotland and the western half of the British Isles."

Unfortunately, it seems that Reticulan agents and/or mind-control victims have already infiltrated local ufological groups and are spreading FUD against thought screen technology:

But Margaret Fry, of the Welsh Fellowship of Ufologists, dismissed the thought screens as "ridiculous".

Mrs Fry, from Abergele, in North Wales, said: "I have seen UFOs, but I don't believe in crackpot ideas like this.

"It's ridiculous. People in the Welsh Federation have been investigating UFOs for 40 years and none of us subscribes to this nonsense."

Meanwhile, the local hominoid community has offered its support of Menkin's foreign aid work. "THE WELSH ARE MINE!!!" howled Brenin Llwyd, from Cader Idris, in North Wales. "IF SILLY HATS KEEP PUNY HAIRLESS GREY SKY-THIEVES AWAY, SILLY HATS THE WELSH SHALL HAVE!!!" Brenin Llwyd went on to announce that he will begin canvassing Snowdonia, handing out informative fliers explaining the UFO abduction risk, as well as the construction and use of thought screen helmets. He will also continue to abduct children for safe keeping until the Welsh can properly defend themselves.

Lyle Zapato

ThreadBanger Explains The AFDB

Lyle Zapato | 2007-05-18.4520 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control

This week's Thread Head podcast from DIY fashionista network ThreadBanger tackles hats -- in particular, the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie. Watch these AFDB build instructions especially designed for those Web 2.0 types who only accept information presented in video format:

EMBEDDED VIDEO REMOVED SINCE IT NOW AUTO-PLAYS COMMERCIALS
Watch it on their site instead...

Note: their AFDB build substitutes the tape matrix from steps 6 & 7 of the canonical build instructions with a regular hat acting as both beanie stabilizer and camouflage. This is certainly acceptable, especially if you are going to camouflage the beanie anyway, but care must be taken that the beanie is securely ensquished inside the hat and that the hat fits snuggly on the head so that it is unlikely to blow off or else you run the risk of Catastrophic Beanie Failure.

Also, if you are hosting a DIY show on making AFDBs and a Paraterrestrial Agent of Mind Control is patroling in the area, do not remove your aluminum fortified hat to point out the innards to the camera! That's just reckless hostery.

Lyle Zapato

Nixon Memorabilia

Lyle Zapato | 2006-02-13.9350 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Crass Commercialism

The Richard Nixon Library & Birthplace website doesn't have any proper GPMs (perhaps they'd like my moribund one?), however it does have a gift shop with a kids section.

Most of the Nixon memorabilia there are cute and harmless, such as the Presidential Yo-Yo (trivia: in 1974 Nixon was the opening yo-yo act at The Grand Ole Opry; that signed yo-yo later sold for a record $16,029), Future Commander In Chief Bib, or the Air Force One Playset ("Tax policy might not excite the kids, but this 30-piece die cast metal Presidential transportation set will.")

Some seem to have been chosen for their dark humor potential:

Ultimate Spy Kit

Turn your room into a spy headquarters, and keep it safe from enemy agents. Inside the spy case you'll find everything you need to detect intruders, listen in on secret spy meetings, and pass on classified information.

Assemble the components to make a range of super-sleuth gadgets, including a movement detector, a pressure pad, and an intruder alarm. The kit also includes a ready-made listening device, an invisible-ink spy pen, and a spy training manual with instructions for carrying out the ultimate in top-secret missions.

(What? No Lil' Plumber Playset?)

And then there's the book Richard M. Nixon and his Family Paper Dolls by Tom Tierney:

Richard and Pat Nixon paper dolls, by Tom Tierney
White House Christmas party, 1972

(If kickin' around with Tricky Dick in his skivvies isn't your cup of tea, Tom Tierney also has paper dolls of other presidents and their families, including Reagan (w/Bonzo) and the Bushes. Heads up for you political snark miners on the last one: be sure to Look Inside!™ for a young George and Laura modeling vacation wear.)

The Library shop also has an entire section dedicated to The Day Nixon Met Elvis. Now you can get the famous picture of Nixon and Elvis shaking hands ("the most requested image in the history of the U.S. Government") on a mousepad, note cube, or float pen.

True Nixonalia aficionados will want a bird house in the shape of Nixon's boyhood home. Or if you have always longed to live out your Nixon role playing fantasies, why not get a reproduction of the presidential desk for a mere six grand? (No word if it comes wired for microphones.)

Lastly: Looking for AFDB camouflage? Try this stylish Nixon Beanie with the classic Nixon oval surf logo. No one will suspect your paranoia when infiltrating GOP conventions in that (DNC infiltrators, go here.)