ZPi Logo "Serving the Paranoid
since 1997"
Lyle Zapato

Psychotropically Enhanced Beer

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-30.0710 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO | Mind Control | General Paranoia | Food

A reader asks:

Dear Lyle,

A member of our county School Board has asked me what psychotropically enhanced beer is. What should I tell him?

Thanks,

[Name withheld]

Psychotropically enhanced beer is beer that has been enhanced, either during the fermentation process or later, with chemical substances that affect the perceptions of the drinker, making him or her more susceptible to various types of mind control.

The Belgian Conspiracy is well known to use psychotropically enhanced beer to make those targeted for Belgification more readily shanghaiable by causing them to perceive Belgians as family and Belgium as home. The Conspiracy's promotion of the aptly named Trappist beer is one of the primary ways they gain fresh bodies to put in Citizen Pods under Eurodisneyland.

Athleticists have also been known to employ psychotropic enhancement, both in sports drinks and beer served at games, the latter to make fans more rabidly loyal to "their" team and loosen their minds to the psychotronic signals that are deflected off of aluminum baseball bats into the stands.

More disturbingly on an existential level, beer has been psychotropically enhanced since its very discovery. Barley, historically the primary ingredient of beer, evolved the ability to use a symbiotic relationship with various fungus species of the genus Claviceps to psychotropically weaken the minds of humans who consumed it to the subtle psychotronic abilities inherent in the grass family, giving the plants control over the humans.

In fact, it is widely believed among paranoid historians that Humanity owes its advanced societal development to this grassy manipulation of early humans, first through bread then later beer and other drinks such as kykeon -- manipulation that has culminated in a slave species that tends to the grasses' needs and whims, freeing the grasses to finally attain sentiency and communicate with paraterrestrials via a complex language of circles. (One dark theory maintains that the grasses are actually the ones ultimately pulling all the strings of the NWO, as evidenced by the symbolic circling of the world by two stylized ears of wheat on the UN logo. However, this is controversial.)

I hope this answers your questions about psychotropically enhanced beer.

Lyle Zapato

Belgain Identity Cards

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-29.7100 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO | Mind Control | General Paranoia

Further evidence (as if it were needed) of the fictional nature of "Belgium": so-called Belgians can't even get the spelling of their own country's name right. They claim the mistake is intentional, to foil counterfeiters, but clearly someone in the NWO is having a hard time keeping their silly make-believe names straight.

This misspelled card is part of the Belgian Conspiracy's plan to steal everyone's identities and turn them into Belgians. While at first the cards will only be issued as virtual versions to the Conspiracy's mindslaves plugged into Citizen Pods under Eurodisneyland, eventually actual physical Identity Cards will be introduced throughout the world, thus giving the Conspiracy control over our very identities. The groundwork for this is already being laid in North America and Europe.

Five years after that happens, when you get your updated card and find your name is now Luc Peeters and you work in a chocolate factory in Liège, you'll have no recourse but to accept your new identity. If the card says it is so, then it is so.

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: HUMANS PLOTTING AGAINST US!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2005-05-27.6300 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Entertainment

I have just heard howl that a Human cryptozoologist cabal is gathering in the place they call Bellingham! They will be there today, tomorrow, and the next day holding what they call the Sasquatch Research Conference... But they are not Sasquatch researching Sasquatch culture or Sasquatch interests, THEY ARE HUMANS PLOTTING AGAINST US!! They want to spy on us at night and listen in on our howls! They call it "PROJECT NIGHTWATCH"!!

HUMANS SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!! You don't see Sasquatch listening in as human Tom Yamarone makes his squeeky Human howls (AS IF WE WOULD WANT TO!!) or spying on Human Loren Coleman's mating rituals! LEAVE US ALONE, PERVERTED HUMANS!!

And while I am howling about local events... why are there no Sasquatch artists at the SASQUATCH!!! Music Festival?! They didn't even bother to include Migoi whistlers on the third-tier Yeti stage! All the artists are Human and Pixie! PIXIES DON'T EVEN EXIST!! First Humans steal grunge music from us and now they exclude us from our own music festival and replace us with make-believe winged leprechauns! WHERE IS THE JUSTICE FOR SASQUATCH?!?!

Lyle Zapato

Tinfoil Hat Song

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-21.4910 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control | General Paranoia
Lyle Zapato

Home ASE Under Attack

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-21.3650 LMT | Aluminum | Black Helicopters | General Paranoia

A family in a Sacramento, CA neighborhood has turned their home into an Aluminum Shielded Enclosure (ASE) in order to protect themselves from bothersome neighbors who somehow managed to obtain a primitive microwave-based psychotron and are targeting the family with EMF harassment. (The nature and source of the radiation was confirmed using scientific instruments operated by the family's college-educated daughters.)

Their ASE design consists of an external covering of sheet aluminum aligned against the neighbors with an internal aluminum foil lining. For additional safety they also sleep in aluminumized thermal blankets.

Sacramento Code Enforcement agents have learned of the family's ASE and are pressuring them to dismantle it by Monday or face a misdemeanor citation.

Yesterday, KCRA News 3 and KXTV News 10 NewsChoppers circled above the home and captured the following News Photos as part of their investigative News Report:

News photos

So let's see: A conspiring neighborhood association ("Neighbors working together" -- to what end?), the Government meddling in their home décor, nosy Media spying on their home from the sky using helicopters... I'd say the aluminum was justified. If only they had remembered the camouflage.

UPDATE 2005-05-23: I was just reminded of this metal-clad house sighted in 2003 by antipixel.com. Note, in comparison to the newer house, how the external metal sheet closely conforms to the house shape and the use of climbing vines for camouflage. Tips to consider for future ASE construction.

Lyle Zapato

Lihua Hats

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-14.3600 LMT | Letters | Fashion | Belgian Conspiracy

We at ZPi receive many business inquires a week. Here is the most recent:

Dear Sir :

I feel honoured to know you and your company from internet , although I am not sure whether you have already a customer of our company , at least I tride my best .

If you are a customer of our company ,I hope you can cooperate well with our company .But if not ,I \\\\\'d like to introduce our company ---LIHUA hat manufactory , the biggest wool felt hat enterprise .We have almost 20 years \\\\\' experience in making wool felt hats and hat bodies , especially we are the only one firm who make rabbit fur hats in China. Meanwhile we can produce six million of hats and hat bodies per year , and also we can supply the goods accoring to your samples .

I know your products are competitive on the market ,because of the high quality and famous brand . Opposite , if we can cooperate wittth each other , I am sure we can get you a great deal , and benefit a lot . There are a lot of human resources in China , so we can provide the goods at the lowest price .

For further information ,please overlook our website : www.lihuahats.com

Looking forward to hearing you early reply

Give my best wishes

Yours truely

kathy

To which I replied:

Dear Kathy,

Thank you for your inquiry. Your best effort was not entirely misplaced as we are not already a customer with your company. Unfortunately, I'm afraid there has been some misunderstanding on your part.

While it is true that our ZPi brand Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie is a very competitive anti-mind-control product in the paranoid headwear market, I'm afraid we have no need for the services of your hat manufactory -- which, judging by your website, appear excellent!

You see, we at ZPi encourage would-be AFDB-wearers to manufacture their own beanies by hand and strongly discourage AFDB purchase from third-party aluminumsmiths or milliners. This is done purely out of a concern for mental security, since prêt-à-porter beanies may have been compromised in the manufacturing process with mind-control circuitry.

I hope you understand that I am not accusing your company of engaging in that sort of nefarious skulduggery, but when people's minds are at stake it is important to exercise the utmost care to follow paranoid best practices. Trust no one. As you say, there are a lot of human resources in China, and you cannot be certain that none are in league with the New World Order and have infiltrated your company.

Speaking of which, I have read on your site that one of your subsidiaries, the Dingxing Lirui Fur Making Company, has entered into a business arrangement with the Luken Company from Belgium involving rabbit fur. I feel the need to warn you to be careful in your dealings with the so-called "Belgians". All is not as it appears with them.

Regardless of all this, I will still forward my visitors to your site, where they may find hats suitable for beanie camouflage or fancy dress parties inside their aluminum-lined bunkers.

Warmest regards,
Lyle

(Interesting factoid I just learned: the AFDB page is #4 on Google for "hat." I'm sure that has nothing to do with Kathy's letter.)

Lyle Zapato

Blog Topics Now Work

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-04.4500 LMT | Site

The blog now has topic links that actually work. No more hitting "older... older... older" to find the posts you want.

Lyle Zapato

Mind Reading Machine

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-30.6810 LMT | Mind Control | Technology | NWO | General Paranoia

Now for sale on eBay: One temporally displaced Strauss Mind Reading Machine...

hello, i am selling what i believe to be a mind reading machine built by Dr. J. S. Strauss in the year 2282. After finding the time machine and the shrinking machine in my house i started to think what other stuff might be hidden away in my home. So i started searching from top to bottom and thats when i found the mind reading machine. It was hidden in a very tight corner of my attic and was wrapped in a old bed sheet, covered with dirt. With a wet paper towel it cleaned up very nice (see pictures).

The machine is made out of copper, metal, and plastic. Now, I wouldnt think that plastic would still be around in the year 2282, but i guess it still is. The mind reading machine does not work from what i could tell, but some one who knows electronics might be able to figure it out. I had my friend wear the head peice and i pushed on some buttons, but we just could not get it to work. We only know how to work on cars, this electronic stuff from the future is hard for us to understand, so thats why i am selling the mind reading machine....its why im selling off all of these inventions that i have found.

I believe the seller and his friend might be playing with forces they do not understand. The device pictured is not a normal mind reading machine as we understand them today. Conventional mind readers are used by the NWO and do not need to be physically attached to the thinker. What I believe he has is a part of a morphic field transmitter that is designed to upload a person's essential psychic patterns into the aether, allowing a copy of that person to exist separately on a higher dimensional brane.

Their fooling around with it might be filling up branic space with multiple copies of themselves! If Sheldrake is right, and undoubtedly he is, there could soon be a global pandemic of flannel, unkempt facial hair, and chunky glasses as their morphic resonance patterns begin to influence people's consciousness on a holonic level.

Lyle Zapato

Commie Linux vs. Berlusconi

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-30.4200 LMT | Politics | Art

(This is the newer version.)

This is almost a year old, but I just now discovered it: "Un pinguino comunista contro il sito di Forza Italia".

Last June, some naughty person defaced the website of Forza Italia, the political party of Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi, using the original version of my Commie Linux wallpaper (or rather a screenshot of it being used as a Windowmaker desktop). The odd thing is, from what I can Babelfish together, the defacing was done anonymously (no 133+ bragging, political statements, or shout-outs to people with handles like Neo or Wintermute) and the site's server was running Linux, making the choice seem a non sequitur. Maybe the perpetrator just really liked my drawing and wanted to share it with all of Italy.

I don't know if they ever found who did it, but if they're still looking, it's not "Comrade Zapato".

Searching around, I also uncovered another appearance of lil' Trots the Commie Penguin in Italy: La Casa Del Popolo is a blog that's presumably anti-Berlusconi (given the entries I skimmed) and uses the screenshot version of the image for its masthead (complete with scaled down Windowmaker title bar at the top).

Lyle Zapato

Now In Aussie Supermarkets...

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-27.4200 LMT | Food

Vegemite Toast Crunch

Vegemite Toast Crunch: an abomination or pure genius? You be the judge.