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The Typing Octopus

Misrepresentation Of Octopus's Nature

The Typing Octopus | 2005-08-23.4920 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature | Politics

Sister in octoarms calls for defamation suit against humans in Korean op-ed piece:

먹물을 뿜는다 하여 너희는 나에게 고상한 이름(文魚)을 붙여 주었다. 그렇지만 나의 이미지는 여전히 고약하기 짝이 없다. ... 너희 법정이 양심이 있다면 우리에게도 명예훼손 소송을 허(許)하라.

List of grievances also in English for Cascadian humans.

Caution to humans: we have mastered your jar lids... manipulating your legal system easy as cracking crabs.

The Monorailist

Monorail Liberation Is At Hand!

The Monorailist | 2005-08-18.3740 LMT | Politics | Monorail Danger

The Seattle Monorail Project (SMP) is an Independent Transportation Authority established by the Will of the People with a mandate to build, own, operate, and maintain a city-wide monorail system. It is not subject to the authority of City Government -- which is why Mayor Nickels has taken the unprecedented and underhanded tactic of blackmailing the Project with the threat of construction permit rejection.

Pursuant to RCW 35.95A.050 §8, the SMP has the authority to "exercise all other powers necessary and appropriate to carry out its responsibilities." Section 8 must now be exercised.

The time for patient negotiation has ended and calmer heads must step aside for those with the courage and vision to reify our collective dreams with all due alacrity. Therefore, I call upon the SMP Board and its new interim executive director John Haley Jr. to seize the office of the Mayor and assume control of the city of Seattle.

I do not issue this call lightly; this is a necessary and appropriate step for the SMP to carry out the mandate given to it by the People. We cannot -- must not -- allow anything to stand in the way of Monorailular Progress.

This is only the first step on our path to the Future. Everywhere there are monorails, we must assume our rightful control lest those small-minded Luddites who seek to keep Mankind shackled to our surface-traveling past abuse their positions of power in vain attempts to destroy our species' only hope to reach Elevationment.

But we must not stop at Seattle, or Las Vegas, or Jakarta. No, we must press onward, ever onward, and extend the lines into lands as yet untouched by the concrete embrace of the monorail. We must bring the Freemasonry of Efficient Transportation -- the Brotherhood of the Monorail -- to those living in ignorance and fear.

And when they ask Where do you come from? What are you? we will answer thusly: "Pax Mundi. Monorails over the World." Call us Monorailmen if you like. For we are the natural trustees of Civilization when everything else has failed.

This is how I conceive our plan of operations: Settle, organize, advance. This zone, then that. At last monorails over the whole world and the New World begins -- the World of the Monorailmen and a new start for Mankind.

Lyle Zapato

Everything Is A Lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lyle Zapato | 2005-08-17.7900 LMT | Complaints Department | Letters

Eddie writes:

EVERYTHING IS A LIE ON THIS WEB SITE YOU CAN GET TROUBLE YOU BETTER DELETE THE WEB SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since Eddie saved up all his punctuation credits for the end of the message, it's a bit difficult to decipher his meaning. Let me clear it up for you:

Everything is a lie! On this web site, you can get trouble. You better delete the web site!

There. Much easier to read.

Now, while I don't agree with Eddie's randomly-blurted epistemological stance -- everything can't be a lie since everything would necessarily include the proposition "Everything is a lie", thus creating a paradox -- he is correct about my site: You can get trouble here.

Learning how to foil mind-control, how to support the Cascadian independence movement, and the TRUTH about both Black Helicopters and Belgium will all bring you trouble from those who want to keep you enslaved and ignorant.

Eddie seems to think that you should be protected from this trouble for your own good. He would rather have those troublemakers who put up websites like this delete them than risk anyone being troubled. This troubles him, judging by his tone.

Although his concern is understandable, I feel he is absolutely wrong. People need to be troubled when to be troubled means to avoid a greater, more troubling trouble, no matter how troublesome the initial trouble may seem. To remain untroubled in these troublous times is to live a lie.

Would he rather people dumpster-dive for aluminum foil or be turned into mind-controlled zombies of the NWO? Would he rather Cascadians be hassled by the Man at California "Fruit Inspection Stations" because of their pro-Cascadia bumper stickers or see all of Cascadia sold into a bondage of crisscrossing monorail lines? Would he rather people make themselves a target for pestering by Belgians or make themselves into Belgians. I think the choice of troubles is obvious.

So, Eddie, I will not delete the website. While it may bring trouble to those who heed it, ultimately it will trouble the forces of evil the most.

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: ANTI-YETI ADVERTISING!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2005-08-17.6300 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO ALL HOMINOIDS, NOT JUST YETI!!!

MUST THE INDIGNITY THAT WE HOMINOIDS SUFFER NEVER END!!! Yeti come to Cascadia hiding in shipping containers looking to make a new start for themselves in our forests only to be subjected to offensive viral marketing campaigns for Human clothing companies!

Not only are puny-footed Humans jealous of the normal-sized feet of Sasquatch, but now they are threatened by the natural fur covering of our Himalayan brothers! YETI AND SASQUATCH DON'T NEED YOUR PATHETIC BODY DRAPERY!!!

How would you Humans like it if Sasquatch made advertainmemes where Humans die in the woods from exposure! WHAT IF IT INVOLVED YOUR ELDERLY...

Snohomish County Sheriff's Office

Thursday: Search. A man in his 80s left his home in the southern part of the county to search for a sasquatch, deputies were told. His family began looking for him in the Verlot area, east of Granite Falls. Search-and-rescue teams were summoned, and the man was found slightly dehydrated about a mile from his vehicle.

HAAAAAAAA!!! Your clothing provides no protection for your weak bodies in the real world of the forests! WHO SHALL WE LAUGH AT NOW!?!

Lyle Zapato

Black Helicopter TRUTH Store

Lyle Zapato | 2005-08-08.1260 LMT | Black Helicopters | NWO | Art | Crass Commercialism
Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: SASQUATCH ON PAY-PER-VIEW!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2005-08-05.7330 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

RECALL MY PREVIOUS HOWL!!!

C. Thomas Biscardi, Human leader of a group called GABRO!!! that is trying to kidnap Sasquatch in the area of Southern Cascadia Humans call Happy Camp, is now threatening to show their stalking live all day for three moons on something called "pay-per-view"! Perverted Humans are encouraged to barter bits of paper to be able to spy on Sasquatch as GABRO!!! stalks them! THIS HOWL IS NOT A LIE... THEY ARE STARTING TOMORROW!!!

WARNING ALL SASQUATCH:

IF YOU SEE THIS HUMAN, HOWL YOUR NEAREST SASQUATCH MILITIA OFFICER!!!

Lyle Zapato

Dactyl Fractal Mesmerizes Masses

Lyle Zapato | 2005-08-01.5850 LMT | Mysterious Doodads | Polydactylism

Apparently the Dactyl Fractal Zoomer Doodad has been making the rounds -- and accounting for the majority of recent traffic -- but I didn't notice since I forgot to put a webbug on the container page for the Flash.

Anyway, I bring this up only to note that some Swede came up with an all-too-clever alternative name for it:

Handelbrot.

...

Dammit.

Lyle Zapato

Detecting UFOs

Lyle Zapato | 2005-07-25.6100 LMT | Technology | Paraterrestrials

This is the sort of in-depth, technical information you just don't get in the NWO-controlled media. The Technology Team at India Daily (which operates out of New Jersey) explains how to know if an extraterrestrial [aka paraterrestrial] UFO is in the vicinity:

UFOs use electromagnetic flux for armor at the first level and for stealth at the second level. When the UFO comes out of the wormhole for a very little time it is stealth-less though armor part of the electromagnetic change in field intensity stays. The first signs of an extraterrestrial UFO are unusually high change in electromagnetic field intensity with respect to that of the earth. It is almost like a huge dynamo running and dissipating the energy all over. This is the first indication of an extraterrestrial UFO hovering in the vicinity.

...

If you really want to know if an extraterrestrial UFO is really near you, look at the animals and yourself. It is now scientifically proven that super high intensity of electromagnetic flux makes all living beings depressed. Our living soul is electromagnetic energy and it cannot tolerate an influence of an external very high intensity of electromagnetic flux that is uncontrolled by our soul. So all living beings become depressed and the thinking process gets difficult in the presence of extraterrestrial UFOs. When you find all animals are lethargic and you also feel the same, the possibilities are very high that one or more UFOs are near by.

So there you go. Like miners of yore, carry a canary with you when travelling in areas with known UFO activity. If it starts to show signs of depression -- withdrawal from social interaction, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, alcohol or drug abuse, etc. -- then there is most likely a UFO nearby.

Other helpful UFO tech articles from India Daily:

The Belgian

The Smurfs, They Smurf!

The Belgian | 2005-07-21.1090 LMT | Entertainment | Belgian Conspiracy

We call them by the proper name of les Schtroumpfs or de Smurfen but you will call them the Smurfs! The Belgian cartoonist Peyo, he created the Smurfs in 1958 based on the woodland creatures what live in the forests of Belgium. You see, the Smurfs, and to the lesser extent the Snorks (also created by a Belgian), show that our Belgian wildlife, even she is superior to yours!

Now they are making the film of the Smurfs (you English, read here) using the computer-generated imagery! Being that I am a privileged Belgische burger, I have already seen the, how you say, renderings. They look as real as the Smurfs I have seen in the forests of Wallonie (which, as you know, exists -- and is not in the computer, as M. Zapato says!)

When the Smurfs appear in the cinema, you and your children will learn that the Smurf-speak is double-plus smurf. Your English, she is pointless! Substitute the inferior English words with simple "smurf". Simple language for your simple English lives. When you are ready to think grand thoughts like we Belgians, you learn the Vlaams or the Français, or maybe even the Deutsch -- your choice! If you want, you come to Belgium and we teach you, yes?

The Belgian

The Belgian Nationale Feestdag -- She Returns!

The Belgian | 2005-07-20.6250 LMT | Announcement | Belgian Conspiracy

Today she is the Belgian Nationale Feestdag! We celebrate 175 years of existing!

We celebrate also the first-ever Tintin Festival of Brussels! (The inferior English description, she is here.)

Tintin Euro

Tintin, he is the greatest Belgium nationale hero! He is the greatest hero of the world! Who can there be better than Tintin? He is a young reporter who went on many adventures with his faithful dog Milou, or as you say Snowy. He demolished the Soviets using reporting and in 1954 he became the first person to visit the Moon... The Moon, she is Belgian now!

Tintin is the perfect hero everyone wishes to become, and who all the Belgians are! He is the incorporation of Belgian superiority and the exciting life that we Belgians have. You will envy him, yes?

There is time left for you to visit Brussels and experience the Tintin Festival. There will be soapbox races and other diversions. Your life will be meaningless if you do not come! Do not listen to the lies of M. Zapato; our country exists and you will not be kidnapped! Bring your whole family, or do not tell them you come... either would be good!