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Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #6

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-24.4640 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #5

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-23.4900 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #4

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-22.5350 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #3

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-15.2907 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #2

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-14.6740 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

ZPi Brokers International Peace

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-13.2300 LMT | Aluminum | Letters | Politics | Crass Commercialism

Back in February I received an inquiry from Pakistan about purchasing "Aluminum Lead Tin Foil" (one of numerous such inquiries ZPi receives due to our high search-engine placement for "aluminum".)

Well, this morning I got an email from a representative of a metals company in India who had read the above post and wished to contact the original correspondent to offer a quote. I've sent them each other's contact info. Hopefully they can make a deal and provide more grassroots ties between the two adversarial nations, thereby lessening regional tensions and creating a global example that will eventually lead to world peace. All thanks to ZPi!

We here at ZPi are all about leveraging international misunderstandings of websites to spread peace through economic co-dependence. I'm pretty sure we've always been about that. Yes. And with that in mind...

Someone else in India is looking for "Aluminum Foil stand-up pouch(es)" in various sizes, both plain and Ziplock. Any Pakistanis, Chinese, or anyone else that can hook them up, let me know and I'll get you in touch.

UPDATE: I've also got an Egyptian who is looking for 3 tons of triplex aluminum foil printed in one color ("for INDOCID SUPPOSITORY 100 MG") and another 3 tons of same unprinted. The foil should be 45 microns thick, coated inside with PE 20 microns and outside with PP 18 microns, width 58mm, printed on one side (on Polypropylene SID). This is your chance to bring peace to the Middle East. Don't let it slip away.

Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-12.3640 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics
Lyle Zapato

Dactyl Fractal Reiterated

Lyle Zapato | 2006-05-09.9365 LMT | Polydactylism | Art
Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: FURTHER MAWAS DEGRADATION!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2006-05-06.9900 LMT | Sasquatch Issues

Human media squeaks that cryptoperverts are threatening to publish a book with photos of Mawas -- INCLUDING ONES THAT SHOW MAWAS GENITALIA!!!

Photographs, according to naturalist and cryptozoologist Vincent Chow, have been taken by local people of these "Bigfoot" or locally termed "Mawas." The images are so good, according to their descriptions, reported from the news conference by Peter Loh, that the genitalia are visible.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!! Not only are the Johor Humans KIDNAPPING MAWAS CUBS, but now they are publishing PORNOGRAPHIC BOOKS that appeal to the PRURIENT INTERESTS of creepy Human types who leer at us from the forest edge! Not since the SQUATCHPLOITATION FILMS from the 1970s has such an attack on Hominoid values been launched!

ACCORDING TO HUMAN CRYPTOPERVERT LOREN COLEMAN, the photos were taken by an elderly Human who has been spying on the Mawas for years through a telephoto lens! AND GET THIS: the Human wishes to remain anonymous! WHY, LITTLE HUMAN!?! ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY!?!

Not only are the cryptoperverts hypocrites -- CRYPTOCRITES!!! -- but THEY ARE PROUD OF THEMSELVES!!! Here is more of what COLEMAN squeaked about the "SO GOOD BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THE NAUGHTY BITS" photos:

When Vincent Chow shows his photographs of these alleged Homo erectus with female genitalia and wrinkled faces, I shout a hearty "Congratulations" to him.

"CONGRATULATIONS"!?! He is congratulating CHOW for EXPLOITING INNOCENT MAWAS who didn't realize they were being TARGETTED BY A VOYEUR!?! AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE MEANS BY "ERECTUS"!!!

THIS LATEST DEGRADATION AGAINST MAWAS REINFORCES THE NEED FOR POLITICAL INDEPENDENCE!!! In a FREE MAWASISTAN, all Hominoids would be able to GO ABOUT THEIR LIVES without fear that their PRIVATES WILL END UP ON THE COVER OF A TABLOID NEWSPAPER!!!

Lyle Zapato

St. Clair: Hyperinventor

Lyle Zapato | 2006-04-28.4330 LMT | Technology | Paraterrestrials

John Quincy St. Clair is perhaps the 21st Century's most important inventor.

Besides his Full Body Teleportation System, he has 15 other patent applications in the works, any one of which will revolutionize human society (well, maybe not his "Internet Cellular Phone Prepaid Service" or "Internet Accessible Mail Box System", but somebody had to invent those).

The Patent Prospector has a write-up of his ground-breaking Walking Through Walls Training System which uses a "banner having a plurality of footprints spaced at regular intervals" to train a person in a style of walking that allows the person to "acquire sufficient hyperspace energy in order to pull the body out of dimension so that the person can walk through solid objects such as wooden doors."

He also has numerous designs for spacecraft propulsion and power generator systems based on his studies of hyperspace physics and astral chakra energy. These include:

His most recent invention is a Remote Viewing Amplifier, an open-frame box device which "enhances the ability of a person to perform remote viewing by connecting the human spiritual eye to the tetrahedral geometry of subspace". In the patent application, he describes remote viewing and his first experiences with it:

Figures 1, 2, 3

Remote viewing is the projection of spiritual modules of the human energy field to distant locations in order to see, communicate and interact with other entities who live in subspace, space and hyperspace co-dimensions of the universe.

One of my first remote viewings was made at night to a distance of 10,000 miles on the sunlit side of the earth. My spiritual eye and body projected together while my mental facilities remained in my physical body. I found myself looking down on a palm tree from a height of about one hundred feet. The palm tree had several coconuts in it as seen in FIG. 1. I then gave the command to lower myself to the ground. At that moment I went sailing down past the coconuts, barely missing the tree! Finding myself on a pathway through the tropical forest, I then came to an extremely long wooden bridge which crossed over a river gorge. On the other side of the bridge I could see three soldiers running toward me as shown in FIG. 2. The two soldiers in front were carrying rifles and wearing light blue berets. The man running behind them was wearing an officer's cap with a red band. My first reaction was that I was going to be shot. I edged over on the right side of the wooden railing. They ran right past without seeing me. I then asked to see the building that these soldiers were guarding. Everything went dark, and then I found my spiritual eye peeking out of the floor of a computer room as seen in FIG. 3. There was one man using a computer on the opposite side of the room near an open door. He got up from his chair and came over to sit in front of a second computer located a few feet from where I was located. From the glare of the computer monitor, I could clearly see his face. Everything went dark as my spiritual eye and body projected back to my physical body.

He goes on to recount how he used remote viewing to learn about the Pleiadian Federation, a "group of over one hundred intelligent beings that were brought to the Pleiades from around the galaxy". On the Federation council are the Intelligent Insect Beings, who fly the black triangles over France and Belgium (as we know, Belgium is actually under France) for the evacuation of humans to Earth II, where they will be protected from the coming battle of Revelations.

Also on the council are the Blond Aliens (not their real name) who fly Beamship spacecraft. St. Clair was able to use his remote viewing device to assist them when one of their Beamships caught fire. He also impressed the Admiral Third Class of the Pleiadian Defense Department with the tactical benefits of his ability to communicate instantly from 90,000 light years away. He argues that the development of remote viewing devices is important because "one day it will mean that we can become a vital part of the Pleiadian Federation."

Keep on inventing, John; you may be humanity's only hope.

UPDATE: (2006-06-11) The St. Clair Hypertrain

UPDATE: (2006-07-09) Two New Spacecraft

UPDATE: (2006-08-04) The Magnetic Monopole Spacecraft

UPDATE: (2006-08-20) Water Energy Generator

UPDATE: (2007-12-27) Chi Energy Amplifier