ZPi Logo "Serving the Paranoid
since 1997"
The Philatelist

Stamp Nook: Posta Pneumatica Update

The Philatelist | 2008-12-17.1015 LMT | Philately | Pneumatics | Technology | Cascadia

Welcome to a special addendum issue of Stamp Nook that contains no stamps. Shocking, I know. It does, however, contain a footnote on postal history, so we shall maintain an air of patience while hearing it out.

The blog Division of Labour has found an interesting New York Times article from Dec. 15, 1908 on the rejection by the office of the Postmaster General of a proposal for the U.S. government to own and operate pneumatic tube systems for the delivery of mails. The article in full:

"That it is not feasible and desirable at the present time for the Government to purchase, to install, or to operate pneumatic tubes," is one of the most important conclusions reached by a commission appointed by the Postmaster General to inquire into the feasibility and desirability of the purchase and operation by the Government of pneumatic tubes in the cities where the service is now installed.

The report was to-day transmitted to Congress by Postmaster General Meyer. He approves its conclusions. The commission, however, recommends a further investigation of the subject of Government ownership of the pneumatic tube service in five or six years. The pneumatic tube service is in operation at present in New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago, St. Louis, and Brooklyn.

The report commends the service as an important auxiliary for the rapid transmission of first-class mail and special delivery mail. It, however, adds these conclusions:

That pneumatic tube service appears to be still in an experimental condition, although progress has been made toward the development of a fixed standard of machinery;

That with the above reservation the regularity and efficiency of the tube service are commendable.

The commission was composed of Postmasters Campbell of Chicago, Mansfield of Boston, Roberts of Brooklynm Wyman of St. Louis, and a number of officials of the Postal Service.

Read more...

Lyle Zapato

Squidpocalypse Now

Lyle Zapato | 2008-12-05.9845 LMT | Cephalopods | General Paranoia | Politics | Nature | Food

In a 5-4 decision last month the U.S. Supreme Court sided with the U.S. Navy in a dispute over the training use of sonar that ecologists claim is damaging the hearing of whales, causing them to die in mass strandings. The majority opinion, while acknowledging the "ecological, scientific and recreational interests" of protecting whales, nevertheless concluded that the public interest unquestionably lies in preparing for war in order to secure peace, and that whales are expendable.

But in a recent editorial in the Hattiesburg American titled "Squid supremacy must not rule seas", Dorothy Rose Myers of Hollywood, California, exposed the true national security threat at stake:

Whales are the only natural enemy of large squid. Squid will eat anything in the ocean, multiply by the millions and usually inhabit the depths of the ocean where whales like to feed. Without whales, squid will devour everything in the ocean and there will be a world famine.

... When the squid have eaten everything at the bottom of the ocean they will begin to rise and devour everything in each successive layer until they are supreme in the ocean. Squid supremacy trumps military supremacy. And squid will inherit the earth.

Surely the U.S. Navy must be aware of this threat. How could they not have noticed the increase in giant squid sightings in recent years? Or the swarms of aggressively predatory Humboldt squid (known in their traditional waters as Diablo Rojo -- "Red Devil") moving ever Northward? Or the now-common squid attacks on racing yachts? This suggests an ominous possibility: Could the U.S. Navy be in league with squid kind? Could the Navy's sonar technology actually have been intended to be cetacidal in order to eliminate their decapodal ally's natural enemy: the whale?

Before you dismiss this theory of a coming "Squidpocalypse" made possible by the (intentional?) actions of the U.S. Navy, consider that Ms. Myers is no mere armchair conspiracy theorist. She came to understand the mind-set of the upper echelons of the U.S. military while serving as a Pentagon employee during the Eisenhower administration.

President Dwight D. Eisenhower is, of course, famous in paranoid circles for his 1961 farewell address to the Nation, where he warned of the danger of the acquisition of unwarranted influence by the Military-Industrial Complex. Little did Eisenhower know that his fears would not only be realized, but now compounded in the form of a Military-Industrial-Squid Complex.

Lyle Zapato

AFDBs Potentially Subject To Patents?

Lyle Zapato | 2008-12-05.9140 LMT | Mind Control | Paraterrestrials | Aluminum | Technology

Yutaka Yoshinouchi has filed a Japanese patent application (JP2008038574) that at first glance appears to cover both Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies (AFDBs) and Aluminum-Shielded Enclosures (ASEs), but there are some key differences that should allay fears of lawsuits against AFDB/ASE builders and advocates. Here is the official English translation of the abstract:

INVENTION FOR ANSWER COPING WITH MIND CONTROL

PROBLEM TO BE SOLVED: To solve a problem wherein an answer coping with mind control by aliens from the sky is desired because mind control by a vicious Gray Orion interfering with free mind of human beings should never be allowed, and leaving as it is leads to the satisfaction of the aliens watching vigilantly for a chance of earth invasion.

SOLUTION: Indoor defense is carried out by using an irregularly reflecting material for a wall, using a radio wave absorber/lead, and disturbing signal pulses by laser or the like to disturb Tesla wave pulses. Outdoor defense is carried out by wearing a helmet covered with the irregularly reflecting material, a helmet with laser spread around, or a helmet covered with the radio wave absorber/lead. On the other hand, defense is carried out by rotating laser horizontally and obliquely upward from high-rise buildings, parks, facilities, and the like in each area.


Fig. 2: Helmet configurations.

First of all, note the scope of the mind-control protection claims only applies to the primitive radio-based technology used by the vicious Gray Orions (who are not related to the psychotronics-using Reticulans, a.k.a. "Greys", whose center of civilization is in the Zeta Reticuli system). The Gray Orions are one of a multitude of Paraterrestrial Entity Factions (PEFs) seeking influence in the Sol system. They are a little-heard-of PEF precisely because of their backwards mind-control technology, which is easily overwhelmed by the psychotronic smog of the Earth's noosphere. Mr. Yoshinouchi must have had some run-in with an agent of the Gray Orions and made a personal enemy to even bother with developing paranoid technology to counter them.


Fig. 3: Tesla-wave-pulse disrupting laser configurations.

Next note that Mr. Yoshinouchi's invention goes beyond passive deflective shielding and incorporates lasers. As I understand it, the lasers are integral to the anti-mind-control system that he is patenting, meaning that AFDBs/ASEs on their own would not be covered. To the best of my knowledge, no paranoid researcher has thought to use AFDB-mounted lasers to counter Tesla-wave pulses. This truly is an innovative development, even if it will only work on Gray Orion radio signals (and will undoubtedly reveal your paranoid status to government spy satellites).

Finally, note that the patent application specifically calls for "radio wave absorber/lead", not psychotronically deflective aluminum. This obviously exempts AFDBs/ASEs, although lead- or Velostat-based derivative technologies, if used in conjunction with lasers, might fall under the patent's scope.

Unfortunately only the abstract was translated into English. The text of the full description and claims is in image format so I can't machine translate it easily. I would be very interested in a full translation, both to see the details of his unique design and perhaps learn a bit of Mr. Yoshinouchi's history with the Gray Orions.

The Monorailist

The Dream Of Being A Monorail Train

The Monorailist | 2008-12-01.5675 LMT | Monorail Danger

The lure of the Monorail is so enticing that some of us wish to transcend mere ridership and become one with Monorailularity. Such was the case this morning on the Blue Train track of the Seattle Monorail, as reported in the Seattle P.I.:

Seattle's monorail was temporarily shut down Monday after a man was seen walking, and at times lying, on the track near Westlake Center, police reported.

Police negotiators were called to the scene. The man first was reported walking on the tracks about 10 a.m., police spokeswoman Renee Witt. And at about 10:19 a.m., the man apparently surrendered to police and firefighters who walked onto the rails to negotiate with him.

Witnesses said the man, who is deaf, took off chasing the train as it left Westlake Center. Police were able to coax him back to Westlake Center by negotiating him through sign language.

The man was unhurt, but transported to Harborview Medical Center for evaluation.

According to local television station King 5, it was "not immediately clear why the man jumped onto the tracks." Well, perhaps it was not clear to the banal minds of the MSM -- the Monorail Sabotaging Media, who were instrumental in the downfall of the Seattle Monorail Project through their treasonous campaign of disinformation against the Seattle Popular Monorail Authority -- but to those of us with the clarity of vision and basic Humanity to understand our species' Monorail Destiny, the man's motive was heart-achingly clear: he wanted to be a monorail train.

Much like when Primitive Man first looked up at the birds and wished that he too had wings, Sophisticated Man -- that is to say, Monorail Man (Homo unilongurius) -- now looks monorailward in longing. A desire for pure monorailism, unfettered by the locomotive limitations of the primordial meat-sticks that we call our limbs, is the defining dream of those who have obtained Monorail Consciousness; a dream to not just move with the Monorail -- seated passively, however luxurious the ride may be -- but to move as the Monorail, to be fully engaged in the motive will of monorailular movement. It is, in short, a dream to become the Monorail Train itself.

Often, I too dream of being a monorail train: to glide along that singular rail in the same whooshing efficiency; to know intimately the feeling of pulling into the loving embrace of a monorail station; to experience wholly the singularity of purpose, the surety of direction, that the Monorail embodies. I know that I am not alone in these yearnings; if you are capable of honest self-evaluation, you will gladly admit to them too. This desire is so powerful, so primal, that it even manifests in some subsentient species:

Monorail Cat

Man seems almost hopelessly imperfect when measured against the sublime perfection of the Monorail. It is therefore no wonder that we should strive against all reason to attain even the smallest modicum of that perfection, however beyond our reach it may seem. This is, ultimately, the true nature of the Monorail: it beckons us to go beyond our assumed limits, and then to go even further, and after that, yet further still! The Monorail takes us along a never-ending, never-diverting track forever accelerating toward transcension; our next stop: Eternity. Could God Himself be Monorailular? I think this is a Truth without serious objection. How else does one explain the truism: to lie naked on a monorail track is to experience a touch of the Divine?

So, I say to the unnamed man who today walked where monorail trains glide and laid down there dreaming of taking his place among them: Keep the dream alive! (Just please don't interrupt the monorail service again. I depend on it for all my travel.)

The Philatelist

Stamp Nook: Rove & Roosevelt, Contrasting Philatelists

The Philatelist | 2008-11-26.4890 LMT | Philately | Polydactylism | Politics

Welcome again to Stamp Nook! Today we spotlight two powerful, yet very different, philatelists: Karl Rove and Franklin D. Roosevelt.

It's hardly a secret that philatelists run much of the world. Philately is, after all, an elite pastime that appeals to those accustomed to luxury and ultimate wealth, so of course those who reach the pinnacles of power are privileged to partake in it. But beyond that, there is a natural affinity between the collecting of stamps from various nations and the collecting of various nations themselves that appeals to the Imperial-minded. (Interesting fact: World War I was orchestrated as part of a gentleman's agreement among philatelist leaders of the Allied and Central Powers for no other purpose than to create a pretext for the independence of more nations from which new stamps could be issued.)

Kings and queens, presidents and prime ministers, heads of state and potentates -- philatelists all! Those who aspire to power would do well to start a stamp collection, if for no other reason than to have something to chat about while hobnobbing at Bilderberg conferences.

Given philately's ubiquity among the world's ruling class, it's no wonder that Karl Rove -- the Republican strategist who, unable to acquire the power he desperately desires through conventional means, has instead ingratiated himself into the company of the elite as a sort of modern-day Kingmaker -- all-too-readily admitted to being a 'practicing philatelist' last year at a Radio-Television Correspondents' Association dinner. However, when asked if he had any rare stamps in his collection, he conceded that he did not.

That's probably for the best as he's wont to use items from his collection for actual postal transactions, as was the case when he mailed a note to the owner of a soap-box derby car named in his honour, plastering the envelope with a 'hodgepodge of vintage stamps from his collection, including an eight-center with a stylized image of a bobsled, commemorating the Sapporo Olympics, in 1972' (Scott #1461).

In a recent New York Times interview, Rove acknowledged his predilection for using his stamps to humourous effect:

Are you going to send [US President-Elect Barack Obama] a little note congratulating him?
I already have. I sent it to his office. I sent him a handwritten note with funny stamps on the outside.

What kind of funny stamps?
Stamps.

To Rove's boorish mind, stamps themselves are funny. His unsophisticated use of stamps to express messages, apparently often of a trite nature, is more akin to the Language of Stamps once used by novice philatelists than to true philatelic steganography as practiced by those elite philatelists who fully embody their positions of power -- philatelists whom Rove unconvincingly emulates. For an example of the latter, we need only look to FDR.

Unlike Rove's irreverent, if not dilettantish, take on philately, US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt was a serious philatelist who took great pride in his collection and interest in the philatelic arts at all levels. While President, he was very active in the design process for new stamps, exercising veto power over proofs that didn't meet with his exacting standards. He even sketched original designs for several issues, including a Mother's Day stamp (#737) intended to encourage Americans to write their mums.

Some have suggested that the only reason FDR ran for president was so he could create new material for his collection. He certainly was unabashed at using the power of his office to further his philatelic goals, going so far as to have the Post Office Department create a commemorative Polar Stamp (#733 -- his own design, naturally) and establish a post office at Admiral Byrd's expedition base in Antarctica just so he could have for his own collection a cover with a special postmark from 'Little America'. Now that's a dedicated philatelist.

Roosevelt's love of stamps was of such international renown that it became the subject of a 1947 stamp from Monaco (#C16). Besides commemorating the tenacity with which he pursued philately, this stamp was the only depiction of a physical abnormality FDR possessed that was kept hidden from the public. I am of course referring to the extra finger he had on his left hand:

Monaco, Scott #C16

Not wishing to alarm a nation already made nervous by Depression and War with the possibility suggested by his sinister sixth digit of a physio-transformative morphogenic awakening -- a 'New Deal' for human physiology, if you will -- brought on by the sympathetic gravity of unfolding historical events, Roosevelt insisted that his extra finger be airbrushed out of all official photos (a technique suggested to him by Stalin, who often used it to erase sore thumbs). He even took to pretending to have suffered from polio in order to distract attention away from his hand, such was the level of secrecy surrounding his asymmetric polydactylism.

But being a philatelist to the end -- his last phone call, less than an hour before his death, was with his Postmaster General, Frank C. Walker, about the first day ceremonies for a United Nations stamp -- Roosevelt made certain his secret would be revealed only to his fellow stamp collectors, whom he knew could be trusted with the information. Thus a seemingly innocuous airmail stamp from a seemingly innocuous Monaco was used to reveal his secret from beyond the grave.

The stamp was issued to commemorate the principality's participation in the Centenary International Philatelic Exhibition. Obviously this rarefied subject would garner the attention of the philatelic elite more than that of the non-stamp-collecting hoi polloi. Notice the details of the design: FDR seems to be using his magnifying glass on a stamp from his collection, but there is something amiss that only a true philatelist would note... he is not using philatelic tongs! A dedicated practitioner of philately such as FDR would never risk exposing his precious stamps to finger grease, making it clear to the philatelist that the magnifying glass is actually a prompt to use one's own glass to examine FDR's hand more closely, allowing his polydactyl secret to be known.

To this day FDR's condition is denied to the public; but we philatelists, who carefully study the signals and hidden messages delivered through stamps by our compatriots in positions of power throughout the world's governments, know the truth -- about this and many more important things I shan't divulge in mixed company.

So until next time, keep studying your stamps for further instructions and happy philateling!

Lyle Zapato

To Boldly Go Where Lord Kelvin Already Went

Lyle Zapato | 2008-11-19.1990 LMT | Kelviniana | Entertainment

Speaking of J.J. Abrams and trivial entertainment news with minor connections to subjects on my site... Perhaps in acknowledgement of his service in the War of the Worlds, Lord Kelvin has been honored with a starship in his name in Abrams' upcoming Star Trek reboot.

USS Kelvin

The USS Kelvin (designation NCC-0514) was, according to one fan site's calculation, constructed in the 2220s -- predating both the USS Enterprise and James T. Kirk. George Kirk, James' father, apparently served as first officer on the Kelvin before it was destroyed by Romulans:

USS Kelvin blowing up

While the plot of the movie is closely guarded, might we suspect Kirk's father died in that explosion? Could this be the event that prompted Kirk to give up his misspent youth of driving Corvettes off of cliffs to follow in his father's footsteps by joining Star Fleet, thus setting him on the path to become the greatest Starship Captain in the history of the Federation, if not the Alpha-Quadrant, and save countless lives from a quadro-triticale famine on Sherman's Planet by averting the Tribble Menace? Sure, why not.

Obviously this ship is even more important than the Enterprise to the history of Star Trek. How fitting that it should named in Lord Kelvin's honor.

Lyle Zapato

A Quantum Of Polydactylism

Lyle Zapato | 2008-11-14.8608 LMT | Polydactylism | Entertainment | Mysterious Doodads | Site

The manifested Jungian archetype of polydactylism pokes its many fingers further into the doughy belly of popular culture.

Gemma Arterton's hands

Gemma Arterton, the new "Bond Girl" in the latest 007 film, A Quantum of Solace, was born with 12 fingers. Unfortunately, her two extra digits were removed shortly after birth by the Medical Establishment -- dogmatic proponents of physiological uniformity who would rather butcher healthy mutants than have to spend valuable golf-time learning the names of new body parts. But try as they might, Establishment doctors are on the losing side our evolutionary destiny:

"My dad had them [extra fingers], and my granddad," Arterton told Esquire magazine. "I feel like we're one step ahead -- a sign of things to come. ... We could do more stuff if we had extra fingers -- faster texting, faster emailing, better guitar-playing."

Also of note in the entertainment world, the new FOX series Fringe features a six-fingered hand-print both on its marketing posters and on bumpers before the commercials:

Fringe hand

Besides documenting the mysterious Observers and the menace of giant floating place-names, Fringe follows investigators searching for the truth about "the Pattern" -- an emergence of strange scientific phenomena and experiments that may signal a tipping point in Humanity's patience with J.J. Abrams. But could the show actually be on to something? Could there be a "the Pattern" in real life? And if so, is it not logical to surmise that "the Pattern" is the Handlebrot set -- a single, yet infinitely complicated, unifying pattern of our existence that has been for eons guiding our development into the polydactyl super-beings that Gemma Arterton foresees?

dactyl fractal

Undoubtedly, yes.

On a less momentous note, a while back I moved my Dactyl Fractal Zoom toy from the wallpaper subdirectory (where I haphazardly put it after I originally created it) to a proper subdirectory of its own. This broke the link from Stumble Upon, a popular random-link site which was the source for most of the traffic to the toy. Well, now some Stumble Upon user has found the new location and re-stumbled it, which has resulted in the Dactyl Fractal Zoom getting around 40,000 hits just today. Egads! Anyway, I added a few links to the containing page, so hopefully all those people won't just stumble past the rest of my site. My apologies to those who preferred the starker, link-free version.

Lyle Zapato

$2-Billion Mind-Control Lawsuit

Lyle Zapato | 2008-11-12.8290 LMT | Mind Control | Cascadia | Belgian Conspiracy | General Paranoia

A Cascadian man, Jerry Rose, is suing Wal-Mart, Microsoft, Telus, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and others for $2-billion over allegations of mind-control, satanic rituals, and witchcraft:

Rose's claim states "that he has been subject to invasive brain computer interface technology, research, experiments, field studies and surgery" and also named the University of B.C. and the B.C. College of Physicians and Surgeons as defendants.

B.C. judge Fraser Wilson bravely broke with his Federalist handlers and refused the defendants' call to have the case summarily thrown out, citing CIA-sponsored experiments at the McGill University hospital in Montreal in the 1950-60s -- in which people were given LSD without their consent in an attempt to wipe out their sense of "self" and rebuild their identities to CIA specifications -- as reason to give Rose's claims a fair hearing. The lawyer for Microsoft however called Rose's case "nothing short of bizarre" and a "nuisance lawsuit", arguing that there is "no scientific evidence to prove brain control is a possibility" -- which is exactly what lawyers for brain-controllers would say.

While searching for additional information on Jerry Rose to flesh out this post beyond my merely quoting and rephrasing some news article like so many other lazy bloggers (I couldn't find any), I came across this blog post by Matt Beal: "bizarre mind-control atrocity exposed, part 1". Beal mentions a different Jerry Rose who is a retired professor of Sociology from SUNY Fredonia, New York, and former publisher of the JFK assassination research journals The Third Decade and The Fourth Decade.

What makes this noteworthy is that Beal's post is largely about conspiratorial onomatology, or "the science of names", a theory that unusual synchronicities of names can be found around various conspiracies, particularly Masonic ones. These synchronicities are orchestrated by those behind conspiracies to taunt targets and researchers, which Beal has experienced first-hand:

This was a way for the Illuminati to reveal to me that I had been targeted by a mind-control program without coming right out and telling me. In other words, it was designed to be plausibly deniable, but at the same time, to leave no doubt in my mind what was going on and who was behind the program. Arrogance is one of the Illuminati's weaknesses. They are so proud of themselves and so anxious to demonstrate how powerful they are, that they leave their fingerprints all over the place.

[....]

I can give hundreds of examples of how the science of names connects my life to the JFK assassination, ritual abuse, mind control, satanic cults, Nazi Germany, the Philadelphia Experiment, the Montauk Project, extraterrestrials and other strange phenomena.

As far as I can determine, the pattern of placing people around me whose names are identical or similar to the names of people involved in these subjects started in 1965, the year I turned 10 years old. But it reached its peak in 1998, the year I took a job on the metro desk of the Daily Southtown in Tinley Park, Ill.

[He goes on to list numerous examples.]

And the name of the blog where this was posted? Brussell Sprout! Supposedly named in honor of conspiracy researcher Mae Brussell, yet sounding like a certain vegetable promoted by an organization I have been vocal in fighting against, the Belgian Conspiracy. Coincidence? To quote Jerry Rose (the one from New York, not the one from Cascadia):

"The question, as always, is that of the point at which the reasonable mind rebels at accepting a host of coincidences and begins to demand that we look for the conspiratorial agency behind all these 'coincidental' happenings."

Hopefully Jerry Rose (the one from Cascadia, not the one from New York) will be able to use the mind-controllers' weakness -- their arrogant need to plant hidden name-references -- against them when his case comes to trial. Hint to Mr. Rose the former: Microsoft hired Jerry Seinfeld as a spokescelebrity. Seinfeld's previous major project was a movie about CGI bees. Bees like flowers. A Rose is a flower! The rest of your case writes itself.

Lyle Zapato

The Ultimate In Baby Mind-Control Protection

Lyle Zapato | 2008-10-31.8875 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control

Unlike the two others mentioned here recently, this is one pod you'll actually want:

Pramulator

This aluminal womb on wheels is the Pramulator by John Knott of Bent Fabrication. It's made from hand-shaped aluminum panels and an antique baby stroller. Its ovoid geometry will ensure maximum psychotronic deflection, keeping baby free of the subconscious influences of nefarious agents of evil. Just make sure to opt for the model with a hatch on top to keep the orbital rays out.

Lyle Zapato

Y.R. Tap Comic #7

Lyle Zapato | 2008-10-24.6160 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots | Art | Politics