The biannual Human physical feats gathering called "WINTER OLYMPICS" is being held in CASCADIA in the Human nesting grounds of VANCOUVER in the year 2010 H.C.!!!
As I have heard howl, in these "OLYMPICS" the Humans perform meager physical feats -- such as STRAPPING STICKS on their small feet and SLIDING DOWN SNOW -- for the amusement of other Humans. They then give themselves SHINY BAUBLES as rewards for SLIDING THE FASTEST!!! Humans who get the most SHINY BAUBLES go on to entertain Human cubs by sliding around on ice pretending to be DISNEY CHARACTERS!!! The Humans who don't get the most are SHUNNED BY THEIR PACK and forced to live in obscurity on the outskirts of Human society for the rest of their short lives -- typically MUCH LESS than 100 YEARS!!!
(There is also a quadrennial "SUMMER OLYMPICS" where they RUN and JUMP and THROW SHARP TWIGS AND VERY TINY BOULDERS VERY SHORT DISTANCES!!! These "OLYMPICS" are NOT named after the mountain range where I live, which is also called "OLYMPICS" in Human squeak -- HUMAN SQUEAK-RANGE IS VERY LIMITED SO THEY NEED TO REUSE NAMES ALL THE TIME!!!)
Quatchi is a young sasquatch who comes from the mysterious forests of Canada. Quatchi is shy, but loves to explore new places and meet new friends. Although Quatchi loves all winter sports, he's especially fond of hockey*. He dreams of becoming a world-famous goalie.
Because of his large size, he can be a little clumsy. But no one can question his passion. He knows that if he works hard and always does his best, he might one day achieve his dream. Quatchi is always encouraging his friends to join him on journeys across Canada. He is also often recruiting others to play hockey -- or at least to take shots at him!
(*"HOCKEY" is yet another Human activity that involves sliding around on frozen water! WHAT IS THE HUMANS' OBSESSION WITH SLIDING!?! And why would a young Sasquatch be interested in such a thing instead of STOMPER!?!)
I'm sure the Humans thought they were being VERY NICE to Cascadia's Hominoid community by making their mascot a Sasquatch, even if his interests are INAUTHENTIC!!! BUT, there is one major problem:
SASQUATCH ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PARTICIPATE IN "OLYMPICS"!!!
NOT THAT WE FEEL WE ARE MISSING OUT!!! We are not as obsessed with SLIDING or SHINY BAUBLES as Humans are! But using us as mascots while you DISCRIMINATE AGAINST US is UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Just like with SQUATCH -- the Human in a Sasquatch costume who is the mascot for the Human handball team "SUPER SONACKS" -- QUATCHI is a PROPAGANDA MASCOT that promotes the ANTI-HOMINOID AGENDA under a THIN PRETENSE of friendly Human-Sasquatch relations!
Besides his unnatural interest in a Human SLIDING GAME, they describe QUATCHI as "CLUMSY" because of his NORMAL SASQUATCH SIZE -- this is PROPAGANDA to make Humans feel better about their puniness! Also note how QUATCHI recruits Humans to "TAKE SHOTS AT HIM" -- this is PROPAGANDA to encourage Humans to believe that Sasquatch actually ENJOY BEING SHOT WITH GUNS!!! (For the record, WE DON'T... It STINGS!!!) I don't think it's a coincidence that one of the physical feats the Humans perform -- called "BIATHLON"!!! -- involves SLIDING along the forest snow and SHOOTING A TARGET; it is PRACTICE FOR HUNTING SASQUATCH!!!
HUMANS OF THE "OLYMPICS", HEAR MY HOWL: Either stop using this PROPAGANDISTIC mascot OR let Sasquatch participate in your physical feats gathering as fellow Cascadians! We will even consent to SLIDING, if that will make you feel LESS THREATENED!!!