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Lyle Zapato

Monorail Collision Aftermath

Lyle Zapato | 2005-11-28.2230 LMT | Monorail Danger | Cascadia | Paraterrestrials

Monorail apologists are claiming that the accident was the fault of pilot error resulting from a 1988 track redesign intended to allow the monorail to dock at the then-new Westlake Center mall, and not caused by design flaws inherent in monorailular transportation.

But I disagree. Having a vehicle straddling a thin track (as opposed to, say, traveling safely inside a tube) increases the possibility for miscalculations in the inter-track distance necessary for bi-directional train clearance. It also invites planners into thinking they can get away with tracks too close together if they just institute passing protocols -- protocols which will eventually fail, as appears to be the current case. Clearly, monorails lead to sloppy engineering, which will lead to mass slaughter.

Meanwhile, the Seattle P.I. has quotes from pedestrians gawking at the stuck Monorail trains, which include this suspicious individual:

"It's an accident waiting to happen. Those tracks are too close together," said a man carrying a pet ferret.

Innocent, if overly obvious, observation from a man out walking his weasel or something more sinister? I reported previously on the Monorail-Paraterrestrial connection in Las Vegas. Now it seems that the Seattle Monorail collision has attracted even less savory paraterrestrial attention. It's highly likely that the above ferret owner is actually under the control of Ferretoids.

The Ferretoids -- pseudomammalian paraterrestrials from chilly Planet X somewhere in the Oort Cloud who operate on Earth from underground bases in Antarctica -- have been remotely infiltrating Seattle for over a decade via Starbucks franchises, which they use as fronts to infect would-be sycophants with mind-controlling brainworms that feed off of alkaloids found in coffee, particularly caffeine, to nurish their biopsychotronic organs. It is through these psychosycophants that the Ferretoids try to influence Earth affairs, since the planet is much too warm for them to venture out on their own.

The Ferretoids have long been trying to sabotage the activities of other paraterrestrials on Earth, not necessarily with any goal in mind, but just because they're a bunch of obnoxious jerks. If they learned that other paraterrestrials were involved in the spread of monorails, it would be entirely in character for them to send a lackey to the crash scene to bad-mouth monorails to the press.

While I agree with the statement about monorails being an accident waiting to happen, I must emphasize that I and Zapato Productions intradimensional are in no way supportive of Ferretoids or their agenda, whatever it may be. The Ferretoids are merely belligerent opportunists and would support monorails if they thought it would be annoying to other paraterrestrials.

End of post.